"You look good," J.J. said as she placed her hand's on Spencer's freshly shaved cheeks.
It had been 8 weeks since Maeve's life had been taken and that long since she had last seen Spencer. Her mind instantly flashed back to that night. She watched helplessly as Spencer begged Diane to take his life over Maeve's. And as selfish as it was, she internally prayed that deal wouldn't be accepted. However, she never hoped for Maeve's death.
She could still hear the gunfire and feel the cold run through her skin as she saw the life leave Maeve's body. She watched in stunned silence as Spencer collapsed in a heap of anguish. His sobs could be heard echoing throughout the building.
No one knew what to do or say. Even Hotch, who had experienced a similar tragedy, was left speechless. He and Morgan had to drag the distressed Spencer from the building. That was the last she saw of him. He wouldn't answer her calls. He didn't let her in when she came by to check on him. It wasn't personal, she knew that. He was avoiding everyone.
Finally, to her great relief, he had responded to her offer of breakfast. She had been asking him almost daily for the past 8 weeks and until now, they had gone unanswered. So, it was a surprise when she sent the message and almost immediately received a response of 'ok.'
"Thank you," Spencer replied as he threw on his sweater.
"Is Cherry's alright?" she asked as she reached for the doorknob.
"That's fine."
J.J. opened the door and jumped back startled. A little pig-tailed brunette stood staring back at her with confusion in her eyes.
"Oh, you scared me," J.J. laughed as she placed her hand on her heart. "Spence, I think you have a visitor."
Spencer appeared behind J.J. and smiled.
"Good morning Lizzie. You're up early," he said.
(L) I'm always up early. I'm just not supposed to leave the house before 10. Jade says it's rude.
Lizzie glanced at J.J.
(L) Who is she?
"Lizzie, this is my friend, J.J. J.J., this is Lizzie."
"Hi Lizzie," J.J. said with only a wave.
Lizzie waved back politely.
"She is the friend who has Henry," Spencer explained.
Lizzie's face instantly lit up and she began signing feverishly at Spencer making him laugh.
"Whoa, whoa! Calm down!"
J.J. looked at him questioningly. She didn't know enough sign language to understand what was happening. Spencer seemed to realize this as he turned to her with a smile.
"Lizzie has been asking me for a while now if we could set up a playdate for her and Henry. She knows he will need help talking to her, but she would like to try," he said.
"Oh, um, yes. I don't see why not," J.J. said taken back by this strange conversation.
"We'll make plans today and I'll let you know later, ok?" Spencer said as the girl clapped and bounced up and down excitedly.
Lizzie said something to Spencer before waving and running into the apartment across the hall. That explained where she came from.
"What in the world have I missed?" J.J. said playfully.
"That's my neighbor's daughter. She doesn't have any friends yet, so she stops by to talk to me once in a while."
"Hmm, how did you meet?"
"Her mom was chasing Ms. Kavanaugh away from my apartment. Apparently, she was helping herself to the baskets that you and Garcia kept dropping off."
"I thought some of them were missing. I told Garcia that maybe you took in a few you really liked," J.J. said as they stepped out into the street.
"I got most of them. Thank you. I'm sorry I was so –"
"Spence, no. You don't need to apologize," J.J. interrupted.
He nodded his thanks and understanding.
"I'm glad you had someone to talk to. We've all been very worried about you."
"I know," he said softly. "The thing is, with Lizzie … I think she needs me and … I dunno, I don't have to really talk when I'm with her."
"You don't have to explain. I'm not offended, Spence."
He looked at her to confirm her words. She smiled and reached for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"As long as you are safe, that's all I care about. It's all any of us care about."
Spencer lifted J.J.'s hand to his lips and gave the back of it a soft kiss. The rest of the walk was J.J. updating him on the happenings of work. This kept them occupied all the way up to delivery of their breakfast. While Spencer was pouring syrup on his pancakes, J.J. took the opportunity to ask more questions about this new neighbor.
"So, you mentioned that you think your neighbor needs you. Why is that?"
Spencer shrugged as he chewed his first bite.
"Nothing particular. It's just little things I've noticed. I guess, she reminds me a little of myself. She's very smart, but she has no friends," he said.
J.J. stopped cutting into her eggs and looked at him dumbfounded. It suddenly clicked with Spencer and he shook his head.
"No, no. I mean, as a kid. She just has the same sort of sad look I had growing up. It's just her and her mom. She doesn't hear, which is a disadvantage right off the bat for her. She's homeschooled, so she has no socialization with kids her own age. I just feel like she needs a friend … like I wish I had growing up," he explained.
J.J. nodded her understanding.
"What about her mom?"
"What about her?"
"Does she need your help too?"
Spencer stared at his breakfast for a moment, then continued eating as normal.
"I don't know. I don't think so, but I don't really know her that well. We don't talk a lot when we are together. Most of the time it's just Lizzie and me."
"Does she know anything about you?"
Spencer shook his head.
"I told you, I don't talk much. It's mostly one sided and most of the time, it's silence. She seems to understand I don't want to socialize," he said.
She could feel his irritation with the topic of conversation.
"Ok, I was just wondering –"
"I'm not trying to replace Maeve, if that's what you're fishing for. I have no desire to ever get involved with anyone –"
"Spence, I wasn't trying to –"
"Good, then let's stop talking about her, shall we?"
J.J. nodded and went back to her breakfast. The rest of the meal was in awkward silence. On the walk home, she found the words she wanted to say, hoping he would listen to her fully.
"I didn't mean anything by all my questions," she began.
His silence encouraged her to continue.
"Look, what happened to you … I feel like if I had been more involved … if I had been a better friend to you, maybe you would have told me what was going on with Maeve. Maybe I would've been able to help and none of this would've happened."
That stopped Spencer in his tracks. He looked at her with sad eyes and a slightly opened mouth.
"Spence, I let you down. I wasn't there for you and because of that you lost someone you loved deeply. I can't take that back or fix it, but I can try to prevent that from happening again," she said as tears welled up in her blue eyes.
"J.J.," was all Spencer could manage before reaching out and pulling her into a hug.
The two held one another for a few moments in the busy streets, until finally Spencer seemed to find the courage to talk.
"No one let me down, especially not you. You are my best friend and I know you would do anything for me. So, please, don't do that to yourself."
J.J. groaned as she lightly slapped his shoulder.
"This was not supposed to be a crying visit," she said wiping her eyes.
"It's ok. I forgive you," he teased.
J.J. laughed as they continued their walk back to Spencer's apartment.