Spencer stared at his and Jade's entwined fingers. He lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her hand. They had spent the last hour alternating between making out and just holding one another in Jade's bed.

"Lizzie is going to have a field day when she finds out," she said with soft chuckle.

"I have a feeling it'll be much the same when Garcia and Morgan find out," he replied.

"I guess they saw what we tried not to see."

They laid quietly playing with one another's hands as they let the gravity of their recent confession settle over them.

"I hope I didn't offend you by saying I never expected this," Spencer said as he watched their fingers tangling and untangling.

"No, I mean at first when I misunderstood, but I know what you meant now," she said. "I certainly wasn't looking for a relationship either. I felt a lot like you did. I didn't want to make friends, but something about you just drew me in. I guess it's true that we don't really choose who we love."

Spencer nodded.

"That being said, I couldn't be happier that of all the people in this world, I found you," she said blushing.

A smile spread across his face, as Spencer leaned forward and peppered her lips with kisses. A few moments more of playful, teasing kissing before Spencer pulled back to look at her.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course, anything," she said as she ran her hand along his stubbled cheek.

"It's … well … it's kinda hard to say and … I'm afraid to admit it," he said as he diverted his eyes to the bed sheet.

"Spencer, you can trust me. I promise," Jade said sincerely.

Spencer glanced up through his lashes to see her watching him with kind eyes. It only made him feel more ashamed, but he felt this overwhelming urge to share it with her.

"The day I met you … well … I guess first I should tell you about something in my past," he said as he rolled on to his back.

He couldn't face her when he admitted what he had done. He actually was beginning to regret this. What if she left him because of it? As he debated it, Jade suddenly sat up, crossed her legs in front of her, and held tightly onto his hand.

"It's ok Spencer. I'm not going anywhere," she assured him.

He sighed at this and closed his eyes.

"Five years ago, while on a case in Georgia, I was kidnapped and held hostage by a very sick man suffering from dissociative identity disorder. J.J. and I had gone to interview him, thinking he may have crossed paths the unsub, not realizing he was the actual unsub.

Anyway, the two of us stupidly separated and I was knocked unconscious and taken to some abandoned shed in a cemetery where I was tortured for days. There were three identities. Charles was the Bible-thumping radical who beat me and insisted I pay for my sins. Raphael believed he was doing God's will and would make me choose what random person was murdered for their so-called sins.

Then there was Tobias. Tobias was the man trapped inside this horrible nightmare of a brain. He only wanted to help me the best way he knew how. At first, I begged him not to, but by the end … it's all I wanted."

He glanced up at Jade, who was watching him with despair in her eyes. He saw no judgment, just empathy for what he'd been through.

"Tobias … he would give me … Dilaudid. I didn't want to like it … I didn't want to need it … but after it was over, I couldn't stop. I liked the oblivion it put me in. I liked not feeling the pain anymore. I knew I had a problem, but I didn't want to stop. I nearly lost my job because of it."

"Oh Spencer," Jade said softly as she squeezed his hand against her chest, cradling it as though that would protect him.

"I don't do it anymore. I've been clean for four and half years. I got help eventually and I never touched it again. I don't want you to worry about that," he assured her.

"I never thought otherwise," she said with a half-smile.

"But the thing is …" he sat up and covered his face with his hands. "The day I met you … when I walked outside and you were chasing Ms. Kavanaugh off …"

"You were going to get some?" she asked.

Spencer nodded.

"Spencer, I don't know if you are afraid I'm going to be upset with you or what you expect, but I understand why you wanted to ease the pain."

"Yea, but I wasn't just going to get Dilaudid," he looked up at her with red eyes and tears lining the rim. "Jade, I planned on taking my life that night. I was going to buy enough Dilaudid to overdose. I didn't want to live anymore. I couldn't bear it anymore. I was so tired of dealing with so much heartache."

Tears dripped from his eyes as he wiped at his nose with the back of his hand.

"I wanted to die and then … and then you were there, and I have no idea why but I suddenly didn't want to anymore. I have no clue what happened but meeting you saved my life. Getting to know you and Lizzie healed what I thought was irreparably damaged. I know this is probably a horrible thing to say to you, but I needed to tell you. I needed to tell you the truth."

By now, Jade was openly crying as she ran her hand along his arm.

"Oh God Spencer, I don't know what to say other than I am so grateful you didn't go through with your plan. To think that I may never have gotten the chance to love you … that is beyond words. I just … I just hope that I don't let you down."

"You could never let me down," he said as he pulled her toward his lap. "I've started talking to a counselor at work. My happiness and well-being is not on your shoulders. I just wanted you to know that I am so thankful that I met you and that now I get to love you as well. I never thought I'd feel this way again."

His hands tangled in her hair as their foreheads pressed together.

"There's so much you don't know about me," Jade sobbed as she held tightly to his wrists.

"There's nothing you could say that would make me not love you," Spencer said as he pulled her tightly against his chest.

She buried her face against his navy-blue dress shirt. His smell calming her as she held him and let herself believe that what he said was true. It had to be. Spencer was different and everything would be better now that she had him.

"Stay with me, please," she begged. "Just hold me."

With that, Spencer leaned back into the pillows and pulled Jade as close to his body as possible. Her face pressed against his chest as he leaned against the top of her head.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise," he whispered.

(xxxxx)

Jade's eyes popped open when she heard a shriek. She felt Spencer startle beside her as she tried to catch her bearings. When her eyes finally adjusted, she saw the culprit of the noise. Standing in the doorway, beaming, was Lizzie.

(J) You scared me.

(L) It worked! It worked!

(J) What worked?

(L) Every night I wished on the brightest star that Spencer would save us and now he will!

Jade's eyes grew large as Lizzie shook her head.

(L) I mean save me from not having a dad. Will you? Will you be my dad?

Spencer had rolled out of bed and was trying to clear his eyesight. The contacts he stupidly fell asleep with were burning horribly.

(J) One step at a time, Lizzie. Spencer and I just … its complicated.

Lizzie made raspberries and waved her hand in a dismissal.

(L) Grownups always try to make things complicated. You like him, he likes you, that's all I need to know.

With that, she skipped out of the room happily.

"I'm sorry about that," Jade sighed as she turned to look at Spencer.

"It's ok. I should probably go home and clean up," he said as he tried not rub his sore eyes.

"Oh, ok. Sure," she said feeling slighted.

"Why don't I make breakfast for everyone?" he offered.

"You don't have to do –"

"I know, but I want to. Give me an hour?"

Jade smiled. "Ok."

As Spencer passed her, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She felt herself blush and she felt giddy like a school girl. She followed him out into the living room and watched as he crossed the hall. He stopped to flash her an adorable grin before closing his door. Yeah, she was head over heels for him. She just needed to find time now to tell him the truth.

(xxxxx)

A/N: thank you for the review! I so look forward to reading those! I hope you like this chapter. It was kind of dark, but necessary. All of it will tie together in the end and be worth it. Thanks for reading! xoxo