Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stomach Ache
Chapter 4
What if some Wizards Mistook Muggle Technology for Magic?
By
Jason Richard
Harry spent the rest of the afternoon with Hagrid in Diagon Alley, buying books, potion, ingredients, and a snowy owl that Harry named Hedwig. As he did Harry got a lot of looks from people who recognized him. Apparently being the only person to survive an attack from a dark lord made one famous, but Harry tried to ignore the staring.
Soon he only had two things left, the first of which was easily the most important thing a wizard or witch could have. Really, if you could only buy one thing as a wizard, this was it. You simply couldn't do magic without it. No charms, no transfigurations, no hexes, nothing. Without it, you might as well not even call yourself a wizard.
It was, of course, a wand.
So Harry walked into a shop called Ollivanders and walked out saying, "Well that was easy."
After that trip, he went to Madam Malkin's for school robes. As he was waiting to be fitted he found himself standing to an arrogant looking blonde boy who looked like he's worn wizard robes his entire life.
Which is why Harry was quite surprised to see him using a Muggle smartphone.
"Huh," said Harry. "I didn't know wizards used Muggle technology in addition to magic.
The other boy looked offended and said, "What? Me? Draco Malfoy using Muggle technology? I wouldn't be caught dead using something made by grubby muggles "
Harry, "But that phone was made by muggles."
Draco, "How would muggles make a magical item?"
Harry, "A smartphone isn't magic."
Draco, "Of course it's. It lights up doesn't it?"
It took a moment for Harry to follow that logic.
"Plenty of Muggle things light up," said Harry.
"Sure," said Draco dismissively, scrolling through something on the phone. "By setting their things on fire."
Harry took a moment to think that through, but couldn't wrap his mind around it, "What?"
"Yeah," said Draco, still scrolling. "Light things on fire, beat things with clubs, grunt a lot..."
Harry, "That's not muggles it's cavemen."
Draco, "You say that like there's a difference."
Once again Harry was rendered speechless, and before he could regain his senses Madam Malkin strolled in.
"Alright we're ready to get start..." she said. It was then that the seamstress witch noticed Malfoy's device and grew alarmed. "What are you doing with Muggle technology here? I'm sure it's fine at home but at Diagon Alley with spells cast by hundreds of wizards? All that magic in the air is going to make it…"
KABOOM!
As Draco Malfoy now held a smoldering ruin in his hand and a shocked expression on his face, Madam Malkin said with a weary sigh, "Explode."
"I…" Draco stammered in absolute horror as he looked at the destroyed phone. "I used a muggle thing."
"Yeah," said Harry. "As I said."
Draco, "I...I used a muggle thing."
Harry, "Yes we've established that."
The next thing Harry knew Draco Malfoy was stooping down, lying on the floor in the fetal position hugging his knees and rocking back and forth.
"I used a Muggle thing," Draco whimpered. "I used a Muggle thing...I used a Muggle thing...I used a Muggle thing...I used a muggle thing…"
"Okay," said Madam Malkin nervously, "Why don't you go to the fitting room?" she told Harry.
Harry obliged, and Madam Malkin wondered what she was going to do with this emotionally shattered boy on the floor of her shop.
And at that moment the boy's father, Lucius Malfoy, strolled in. When he saw Draco his eyes bulged out.
"What did you do to my son?" he demanded.
"Nothing," said Madam Malkin, offended. "He was using Muggle technology and it exploded, as they are want to do in such a magical area."
It was then that Lucius Malfoy noticed what his son was saying over and over again as well as the smoldering phone on the ground.
"No," said Lucius, flabbergasted. "No, it cannot be. The salesman promised me it was enchanted. He gave me his word."
"A Muggle promised you it was magic?" asked Madam Malkin.
"He wasn't a muggle," said Lucius. "He didn't wear leopard skin or hold a club or anything."
"Oh that pureblood myth," said Malkin under her breath. "Tell me, Mr. Lucious, what exactly did this...um...wizard salesman say to you?"
"As I said," replied Lucius. "He told me, in no uncertain terms, that using his product would be a magical experience."
And Madam Malkin just shook her head.
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Message from the author.
Okay, so something interesting happened while I was writing this. I've started using the basic edition of Grammarly to help with my grammar. I am fully aware that I could have used something like this a lot sooner, and maybe I'll find the time to use it to edit the hundreds of chapters on my other stories. :( But every chapter I do from now on will use it.
Anyway the interesting thing that happened was that it wanted to change a sentence above from, "this emotionally shattered boy on the floor," to "this emotionally shattered body on the floor."
Make of that what you will.
Jason.