Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stomach Ache

Chapter 9

What if Fluffy was a little different?

By

Jason Richard

Harry and Ron snuck out of the Gryffindor dormitories and through the common room. They, naturally, had to meet up with Malfoy for the duel. As they were sneaking out someone snuck up behind them.

"What do you think you're doing?" demanded Hermione, following them angrily. "Do you want to get expelled?"

"Oh we'll be fine," said Malfoy. "In the trophy room and out leaving behind a hexed Malfoy before you can say peeves the poltergeist."

"Do you want to get expelled?" asked Hermione. "Or perhaps I'll teach you a lesson like yesterday."

Both Harry and Ron looked confused.

"Don't you remember?" she asked. "When I blasted you both with a stunning spell and you yelled that we didn't even know that spell in this book…actually, that last part was a little odd now that I think about it."

"Oh," said Ron. "That's what you were thinking. You kind of zoned out yesterday. I kept waving my hand in front of your blank staring face."

"Oh that's a likely story," said Hermione. "You'd rather make up such a ridiculous lie than admit I got the drop on you? Is that so unbelievable?"

"No," said Harry. "What's unbelievable is you hexing us at all."

Hermione, "Why's that unbelievable?"

Harry, "It's against school rules.

Hermione, "Oh...wow you're right, I'd never do that."

"Except now," said Ron.

Hermione, "What?"

Ron, "You just followed us a little too far."

And it was at that moment the painting shut, trapping them outside with no fat lady to let them in.

Ron, "Congratulations, you're outside the dormitories after curfew."

Hermione looked on in horror, shaking her head and saying, "No. No! I can't be expelled! I've got six and a half more years of education left! You can't take this away from me!"

And she started beating her fists on the painting, "Caput Draconis! CapUt Draconis! Let me in! We're supposed to learn calming charms tomorrow!"

Ron, "Yeah, you look like you need one."

Hermione, "SHUT UP!"

Harry, cracking his knuckles, "Well, not that this isn't interesting, but The Boy Who Lived has a duel to win."

Ron, "Are you going to call yourself that all year?"

Harry, "Yeah."

After an awkward pause, Ron said, "Okay."

And the two of them walked off. Suddenly, Hermione said, "Wait, Don't leave me alone! I don't want to get expelled alone!"

"Alright," said Harry mischievously. "You can come with us if you promise to cheer for me."

Hermione thought about it, a grimace on her face. Finally, she said, "I'll cheer against Malfoy."

Harry, "That'll do. Come on."

And they went to the trophy room. Or at least what they thought was the trophy room. They ended up taking a wrong turn to a room marked...The Third Floor Corridor!

Harry, "Sh! There's something coming."

And something did step out of the shadows at that moment. A creature, unlike anything the three of them had ever seen. An abomination of nature that only magic could bring to life. It was a sharp clawed, absolutely gigantic three headed dogs.

That was also a puppy.

All three kids, "AWWWWWWWWW!"

They started talking about how the giant three headed puppy was so cute. Its cute little eyes, cute little ears, and cute little noses. Slowly they walked forward, enthralled to the cute. It was Harry who realized something was up...at least for a moment.

Harry, "Uh...I know it's cute and all, but should we really be walking towards a creature that size? Oh, who am I kidding, look at those little noses!"

They walked forward slowly, mesmerized. It was Hermione who figured it out.

"Hey," she said dreamily, still unable to tear her eyes away from the cuteness. "I think that's a three headed mesmer puppy. It uses its enchanted cuteness to lure in its victims."

"Ugh," said Ron just as dreamily. "Do you have to ruin this with more of your boring stuff?"

Hermione, "You mean our school work?"

Ron, "Yeah that."

Harry, just as dreamily, "Uh guys, maybe we shouldn't be arguing…"

"I can't believe you," said Hermione, starting to get a little more lucid as she got angry. "This school work might save our life if I can remember how to deal with these!"

Ron started to get just as angry, "Oh sure, look at me I'm little Miss Hermione and I know everything!"

Hermione, "You'd know everything too if you ever studied!"

Harry, "I don't think it's possible to actually know everything."

Ron, "Sure doesn't stop her from trying."

Hermione, "And it should stop you either!"

The three headed puppy tried to bark cutely to get their attention.

All three of them, "SHUT UP!"

And the puppy whimpered and backed away.

Hermione, "You are so insufferable!"

Ron, "Insufferable? I'm insufferable?"

Hermione scowled and pulled out her wand.

Ron, "Oh come on. Even if I did believe you were angry enough to use magic on another student, what spell could you possibly know in your first year that could hurt me?"

Minutes later Ron ran screaming through the castle corridors with his rear end on fire shouting, "Hermione knows fire spells! Hermione knows fire spells!"

As he fled from Hermione, fire spouting from her wand, she laughed gleefully. Harry chased her, trying to calm her down.

"Hermione stop!" he shouted, then he put on an air of authority and said. "The Boy Who Lived commands you to stop!"

Hermione, "So help me Harry if you keep calling yourself that the boy who lived won't be living any longer!"

And Harry shut up.