Sniffing and blinking Elizabeth followed Marko's extended arm and sat down heavily on the couch.
She was so tired, she didn't even bother to try and be gentle with herself, her body felt heavy and she just wanted to be off her feet. Her muscles ached, her head was sore. She had rage walked all the way to the cave and she couldn't even remember the route she had taken. It was a blur of anger and feelings that she couldn't, that she didn't want to remember or ever feel again.
To not be in control of herself? It was so...she couldn't even articulate it.
Paul had held her in his arms on the floor of the cave, repeating over and over that it was OK. It seemed that it was all he could muster, platitudes and murmurs. Marko had crouched before her, concerned and serious, watchful and tense but silent.
She couldn't really remember Paul helping her to her feet, she couldn't really recall the two of them comforting her but, as she took a shuddering breath, she was just so thankful that she was herself again.
She could feel the cushions sink under her weight a little and as she kicked off her sneakers and tucked her legs up, knees under her chin, she watched as Marko busied himself.
She took another small but shuddering breath.
The first - and last - time she had been in the cave, she had come completely under her own free will and left a quivering, tearful mess. This time, some unknown and unfamiliar force had all but compelled her to stomp her way down, rage building and bubbling until she had been freed from it by Marko...and was, once again, left a quivering, tearful mess.
She felt so exhausted, so drained.
Mentally, physically, emotionally.
She felt like she'd been awake for weeks.
"That's two for two huh, girl?" Paul said, his voice not quite as free and easy as she was used to. It was obvious he was trying but he looked awkward, uncomfortable and she started at his voice, wiping at the residual tears that still dampened her lashes.
She had to agree with him. Two for two indeed.
The sofa dipped as he sat down beside her, leaning back against the arm and tilting his body towards hers, "you want some? Help soften the blow?"
She looked at him in confusion before seeing that there was an old looking and half full bottle of amber liquid held loosely in his hand and he hastened, "I meant figuratively-"
"-shut up" Marko muttered, easily dragging a lightly flaming barrel close to the sofa.
She guessed the youthful looking blonde wasn't happy to have been the one to strike her but she was thankful. She would suffer a thousand slaps if it meant she never had to experience such a traumatic lack of control. Elizabeth felt the warmth of the flames immediately and she was grateful to him for the gesture, giving him a small, tentatively shaky but sincere smile when she spotted the thick, clean looking blanket that he had draped over his arm.
She had called them monsters yet here they both were, kind and caring.
"Sorry, really wasn't tryin' to joke. I'm a fucking mess right now" Paul said, taking a swig from the bottle before holding it out to Elizabeth, "that was so fucked up"
"No, thank you.." she said, shaking her head, "I don't want alcohol or drugs...I just want a clear head..."
She needed a clear head.
There was so much she had to work through.
"Understandable, after all of that" Marko nodded, offering her the blanket. She took it from him, unfolding it as Paul used his free hand to help her along.
"You comin' in?"
"What?" she blinked over at him, seeing the way his arm was extended over the back of the sofa and then she nodded.
She felt ashamed and disgusted with herself, her cheek was feeling kind of heavy from the slap and she knew that she didn't look good. Once again, she was in the cave and she was at her worst. The fact that Marko and Paul were still caring for her, still being nice to her just made her feel utterly wretched.
She'd said the worst things to them...but yet, they may have done terrible things to her brother.
She felt horrible.
Drained, confused, powerless.
She wanted to grill them, to put everything that Star had said to right...but she was just so drained.
She wanted answers but she wanted comfort, too.
It was new feeling of conflict but she gave in to her more base need.
Comfort.
She hadn't been in control of herself and it was such an invasive feeling. She doubted an embrace would make her feel better, but she was willing to try.
Taking a shuddering breath, promising herself that she wasn't going to cry, she scooted over a little and curled her body against Paul's, her back leaning against his side and the blanket covering her lap. As her legs stretched outwards on the free space beside her, Marko sat down on an old but sturdy crate that was clearly used as a coffee table. He carelessly brushed aside some candles, all of them melted down to varying degrees, along with some scattered magazines and trinkets.
As if looking for ways to occupy himself, he reached forward and tugged the blanket down a little, covering her legs and feet completely.
She was warm, sheltered, surrounded by friends but still so lost.
She felt Paul's arm drop down past her shoulder and when he didn't make a joke about her boobs being safe, she shook her head.
She hated to think about what they could have done, she hated to think about what Star had told her but on top of that, she hated that she had spoken to them like she had done.
She'd totally lost all control of herself.
"I'm so, so sorry"
"Hey-"
"-s'OK-"
"-I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean-I don't know why...I'm sorry, so so sorry for what I said, I don't know where it all came from.." she looked at Marko helplessly, "I couldn't control it, it was like..it was like I was myself but I couldn't control the way I felt..but what I felt wasn't even really what I felt, not really..."
Paul's thumb rubbed her shoulder, a gesture of comfort and understanding and while her lip quivered, she didn't cry.
She didn't deserve their kindness, not after the things she had screamed at them. She had no idea she could be so hateful.
Then again, she had no idea they could hurt her brother.
Maybe they didn't deserve her kindness right now?
She just didn't know.
"It wasn't you" Marko assured her lowly and she wondered if he had any idea, any inkling of the turmoil she was currently entangled with.
"But it was me" she protested weakly, hating herself.
She'd been the one to stamp and scream and yell and shout and wish the worst things upon them. She'd been the one to all but fly towards the cave, rage building and bubbling the entire way, wishing pain and suffering upon the people who had betrayed her...but they had never betrayed her...had they?
It was as if Star's words had settled into her head and grown, spiraled out of all proportion.
"I'm so confused" she whispered.
"What did Star say to you, Elizabeth" Paul inquired quietly, softly.
Where could she even begin?
"She said so much..."
"Was she angry? Upset?"
Elizabeth blinked, thinking. This time Paul sounded serious and she slumped against him a little.
Shrugging, Elizabeth said, "she was nervous, maybe at the start..and then as the conversation progressed..as we talked, yeah..yeah, I think she was angry with me. She was definitely upset.."
"Why?"
"I think..because I wasn't, I wasn't agreeing with her. I think...I think she expected me..I think she wanted me..to react right away-"
"-to reject us?"
She nodded at Marko's interruption. Yes, she thought that's what it was. It felt like Star had expected her to be disgusted and hurt by her words, to understand that the boys were monsters and that immediately cutting herself off from them was the only thing to do. Elizabeth had wanted to be reasonable, to think and work everything out but in the end, that hadn't happened.
"Yes. I think that's what she wanted...but at the end she sort of...she said that we could help each other.."
"How?"
"I don't know" she admitted, "I was upset, too. I kicked her out, I made her leave. I told her she wasn't welcome and then there was this..this crazy burst of wind. It was so, so cold. Icy...I heard the window slam even though it was already shut and then suddenly it was still and quiet and she was gone..."
She felt Paul nod, felt the way his thumb had stilled against her shoulder.
"Please tell me what's happening? What happened to me?"
There was just so much to address.
"I need to know why...why did I go off the rails like that?"
"It really wasn't you. It was Star. She's...she is complex" Marko said, speaking slowly and carefully, "she has power but she can't control it. She doesn't know she has it, she denies that she has it. Her lure is powerful, Liz. Very, very powerful but not..it's not clean, it's not good. You didn't do what she wanted and I think..."
"You're not wrong, bro. It's pretty clear..."
"What?" she asked, not understanding what Marko and Paul clearly did.
"She has a lot of power but she denies it. If she denies it, she can't take ownership over it..she can't control it. She wanted you to reject us, to hate us and so unintentionally, she planted a seed of anger and doubt in your head and it spiraled. She wanted you to react a certain way so her lure made sure it happened"
"She's way more dangerous than I ever thought. This is fucked, dude..."
Ignoring Paul's comment, she asked in a murmur, looking at the fire dancing licking the air, dancing in the drum. "...why do you think it was unintentional?"
"Because she knows what we would do to her if she tried to hurt you or influence you in any way" Paul stated instead of Marko, his voice low but matter of fact, "I'm fuckin' stunned that you even met her, girl"
Elizabeth thought she heard the promise of revenge in his voice.
"...she said it was you guys"
"What?"
Elizabeth took a breath.
She was tired, she was weak. She felt empty but she needed to know.
"She said that you were the ones who were using lures me on me but that you blamed her. She said she would never..that she could never.."
"Elizabeth, we have no reason to use our lures when it comes to you. You understand that, right?"
"You hurt my brother" she said quietly, still staring at the fire.
Silence filled the cave for a moment and Elizabeth knew that if they actually needed to breath, she would have heard two deep and serous sighs. She wondered if they were talking mentally, talking to each other without her being able to listen and as the silence dragged on, she found that she didn't want to look away from the fire.
"You did, didn't you?"
"Elizabeth-"
"-no" she said, still staring hard into the fire, keeping her voice firm, weak though it was, "I...I'm sorry. I'm not..before, that wasn't me. I'm not going to shout, I'm not going to loose it but...but I just want the facts right now. I need them. I don't..." she took a breath and met Marko's eyes, seeing them flicker away from Paul, "...I don't care what the facts are, I just want them"
It wasn't true, not entirely. Not at all. She did care about the facts but she knew that she needed them. Good or bad, she needed to know.
For the first time since Star had paid her a visit, she felt sure in herself.
She needed to know what was true and only from there could she begin to piece everything back together.
"Were you going to kill my family and take me?"
"What?"
"No"
Paul's incredulous reaction, Marko's flat out rejection. It didn't feel insincere...but then again, neither did Star.
"Then why would she say that?"
"I mean...I joked about it but I fuckin' joke about a lot of things. She doesn't have anything on us, so she latched on to one or two fuckin' jokes and-"
"-you joked about killing my family?"
"...Liz..."
She took a breath. Paul joking wasn't a stretch. Paul joking about something so foul wasn't a stretch. But Paul joking about killing her family was horrible.
"You came to Santa Carla and it all but killed Dwayne. Having a mate, needing the mate? It was unfamiliar and I think it was scary for him, Elizabeth. That was hard for us as a pack. Dwayne is the second in command, you may think that David is the strength of the pack but he isn't. He's the leader but..think of Dwayne as the commander, OK?"
"S'all Dwayne, he's our strength, girl"
"So seeing him dealing with this, navigating the intricacies of having a mate? Seeing him feeling frightened? It was hard. We wanted you to come to the pack, we wanted him to meet you, to-"
"-have me?"
"Yes"
She wanted to be affronted by the answer, she wanted to be indignant, angry that they were treating her like property but she knew that it wasn't like that. She wasn't going to fake anger. She was going to be balanced.
She looked at Marko and he carried on, "it wasn't easy to think of a natural way for you two to meet"
"Not like we walk the same paths, you feel? We would never just meet organically, come on, chica..."
Elizabeth nodded, she understood that. She would never have just found Dwayne; they were right, the two walked completely different paths. They were different people, they lived different lives. Paul was right about that, it was true.
"It got tense. It was hard for everyone, especially Dwayne"
"I made jokes about killin' an then just snatchin' you up 'cause that's the easiest way and it's the..well, it's the vampire way.." she tensed for a minute and Paul carried on, "..and it was a joke because we knew Dwayne would never go for it. He would't do anythin' that would hurt you and hurtin' your family would hurt you. You get it?"
"...you joked about kidnapping me and killing my family because..because it was the easiest and most natural solution to your Elizabeth problem?-"
"-but Dwayne had changed and wouldn't be able to do it to you, yeah. It was like, I was just..I was addressin' the situation and addressin' how havin' a mate had changed things for him but I was just keepin' it light. Goofin' off. No harm, I swear"
"That's not light"
"It was never serious and if I knew we'd be havin' this conversation right now, I'd have kept my mouth shut"
"It was not something we considered, Elizabeth. That's the point. Star lied-"
"-it wasn't a lie though. You said it..."
"Elizabeth, she intentionally misled you"
"You did talk about it though"
"As a joke"
"Look, we can prove it, girl. You wanna know for sure, let us prove it"
"What?"
"If you don't-" Marko seemed to pause for a moment and consider his words and when he continued, he started, "if you want proof that we are telling the truth. If that would help you, we can show you"
"...how?"
"We share our memories with you"
"You can do that?"
Marko nodded.
"Does it hurt?"
"No"
"Would it..I don't ever want to feel like that again"
She had lost all sense of herself in a cloud of rage that wasn't hers. She didn't want anyone messing with her head but realizing that they would be willing to actually share their memories with her? It did comfort her. They clearly felt like they had nothing to hide.
"How does it work?" she asked, trying not to distract herself.
"Dunno" Paul said "same as how we can talk to each other without usin' our mouths. We just..show you. We do it"
"So I would see it? In my head?"
"Yes. If you were sleeping, it would be like a vivid, clear dream. If you're awake, it's like...recalling your own memory"
Elizabeth nodded, "you never intended to hurt my family?"
"Never"
"Kidnap me?"
"No"
"Girl, Dwayne wouldn't do that to you. Even back then. He didn't know you but he knew you were his mate..I get that Star has said some shit to you but come on..use your-"
"-don't" Elizabeth snapped, tensing, "tell me to use my brain, Paul. You have no idea what happened this afternoon" she almost pushed her body away from his but not being able to look at him was actually keeping her calm, "I'm hurt and I'm upset. I'm in control of myself now but I am not OK. In no way am I OK. I had no control over myself. It was a horrible feeling. I'm trying to figure out the truth, I'm trying to forget how invasive it was not being in control of my emotions and I'm trying to salvage our friendship so for fuck's sake. Do not patronize me right now"
"Sorry"
"It's fine" she said tersely.
She could understand that Paul thought Star was lying completely but she didn't know what was the truth, not yet.
"Just...I understand that Star must have said some shit to you but.." he trailed off and Elizabeth knew.
Star had lied about them planning to hurt her family. Paul was assuming that Star had lied about everything. She was comforted by Paul's confidence and she trusted that they were telling the truth. The offer of actually showing her was strong testament to that...but there was so much more to talk about.
So much more had been said.
She understood that Paul couldn't believe she would doubt Dwayne but there was so much to go through.
"Look, let's not get hung up on this one point" Marko suggested, "what else did she say? Let's correct some mistakes"
"Yeah. Sorry, I'm sorry. About the joke, I'm...that wasn't OK. I'm not being dismissive now, I just...OK..what do you want to know?" Paul asked her, his thumb resting still against her shoulder.
"I want to know everything about Michael"
"Aw fuck. Girl, I gotta be honest I'm...I'm not so comfortable doin' this without Dwayne"
The difference in his voice was immediate and suddenly she knew that things were going to become more serious.
She had a feeling that this was where she found if Star was being truthful.
"I want to know everything about Michael" she repeated, looking at Marko.
She would have addressed Paul, too if her body wasn't angled awkwardly against his. Again, she thought she should move. Being cuddled up next to him had been nice at first, comforting but she was starting to feel like he didn't appreciate how serious the situation was.
"Alright. What did Star-"
"-no, I want to hear everything from you"
She didn't want to give them time to think, to make a pack decision or whatever it was they did. She didn't want them to go off what Star had said either, she wanted to hear their story.
She wanted the complete and honest truth, told in a complete and honest way.
Marko began speaking immediately, his voice cool and calm and she was glad he could see how serious she was.
"We haven't seen your brother in a long time. When you first came to Santa Carla, we sought you out as a pack. We were curious, we needed to see you. You're a mate, you were the first. It was hard for us to stay away because we were so curious. It was even harder for Dwayne to stay away. Star was sort of with us then and when she saw Michael, she fell in love with him"
"Don't know if it's real love or if she's wishin' or what but she fell for him real fuckin' hard and he fell pretty hard for her, too"
Elizabeth filed that information away in her head. She remembered it. Now that she was thinking clearly, now that she was consciously aware of her brother...she could remember it.
Michael had fallen pretty damn hard.
"She offered to use Michael as a means to introduce you to the pack"
Silence fell again and Elizabeth nodded, "why would she do that?"
"Because she wanted out, chica. Star wanted out and we wanted you in. Guess it was a no brainer for her"
"And you guys, too?"
"Yes" Marko said simply.
How could they ever, ever think about an exchange?
She would enter the pack and Star would leave and...get her brother?
It was sick.
People weren't prizes.
"Anyway, we didn't dislike the dude but he's not one of us. He isn't meant to be one of us and we don't mix with people, you dig? We have our pack, we have hookups, we have our kills. I got a regular drug dude but him aside we don't mix, girl. It's not us, it's not normal for us and Mikey is so unlike us..we didn't dislike him but we didn't like hangin' with him so much" Paul gave her shoulder a brief squeeze. She wasn't comforted by the gesture, "I'm not proud to tell you this 'cause I don't wanna hurt you but we played a few pranks on him, we encouraged his foray into the life of a rebel-"
Elizabeth felt a tear drop and she clenched her jaw. She was not going to cry, "-you're not..'not proud' because of what you did to him?"
Paul only felt bad because of her reaction? He didn't care about Michael's feelings?
Marko had assured her that they had dark sides and now she knew. She had assured Dwayne that she loved him no matter what, that she would accept him no matter what and, as she nodded into the fire, she realized that this was a turning point for her. If she really was going to accept them, this was something she needed to come to terms with.
They were dark. They did do bad things and they liked it.
"I'm sad that it's hurt you" Paul affirmed quietly and Elizabeth pursed her lips, swallowing thickly, "tell me the truth"
"I don't have any feelings about your brother but I really do hate that it cuts you up. I could lie and say I wanna apologize to him but..."
"..yeah. That would be a lie" she said, nodding before glancing at Marko, "go on"
"It was just a game to us. We were just letting off steam, goofing around. We played some mind games-"
Interrupting him, remembering Star's words, Elizabeth asked, "what mind games?"
"Sounds pretty juvenile but we just made him think that rice was filled with maggots, noodles were worms. We did it the once and even then it was to get a rise out of Star more than anything else"
They made him think he was eating maggots?
Star hadn't lied.
Poor Michael, he must have been so hurt.
"Wh..was he OK?"
"Yeah, kind of a champ about it all" Paul conceded, "I don't-I'm sorry 'cause I know you care about him but he took it well. Was upset for a bit but then he kinda bucked himself up. Strapped on his balls"
Elizabeth nodded again. So far, that part of their story matched with Star's and she was glad that Michael hadn't cried, hadn't fled. It sounded like he'd been strong enough to deal with the boys. She hated that Star had told the truth but she trusted that if any discrepancies in the story did come up, it would be the boys who were being honest.
She didn't know if her trust was misplaced but it just felt right and then she herself felt horrible.
She was hearing it first hard, hearing the things they had done to her older brother but still...she found that she trusted them.
She hated herself.
"What happened after that?"
"Well, you did. You were kinda with us after that" Paul told her, "we didn't need him so we stopped seein' him. Star, too. She spent all her time with him-"
"-he was coming home in the early hours" Elizabeth told them, wondering yet again if she should push her body away from Paul's, "he was sleeping late into the day, he was dressing like..." like a poor imitation of the boys, "..like you..he had his ear pierced-"
"-not us"
She looked at Marko and he nodded, confirming Paul's denial.
"We had nothing to do with him after a point"
"So why was he doing all of that?"
"Trying to impress Star? Assuming, because of us, that that was her aesthetic or something? He was spending all his time with her...at first it was kinda fun, corrupting-" Paul paused, "-sorry...he was so green, it was fun to see him drink but we stayed away from him. We didn't need him, there was no reason for us to interact with him. I swear, we backed off. We had you...we didn't need them..I know that doesn't sound nice and I'm sorry but..."
"I haven't seen him in the longest time" Elizabeth whispered, "why not? Did you make me forget him? Tell me the truth"
"Of course not. Why would we?"
"Because you didn't want me finding out what you had done"
Marko shook his head, "Elizabeth, I know that this is difficult for you because he's your brother but in the grand scheme of things, we didn't hurt him-"
She opened her mouth to protest and Marko hastened, "-I know what we did wasn't nice but we caused him no physical pain, no lasting damage. He wouldn't even remember the maggots. We don't feel proud telling you what we did but we would never try to erase him from your memory to prevent you from knowing. Ask us anything, we'll tell you"
"You didn't make me forget him?"
"Never"
"..what happened next?"
"What do you mean?"
"You didn't need him, you backed off. And then?"
"...well, that's it?" Paul said and her body moved with his shrug.
"Dwayne told us about a fight that you, Sam and Michael had and I went to speak with him, to tell him to sort his act out. That was the last time I saw him"
"Or Star" Paul added.
"What do you mean?"
"She got herself a motel. Looks like Michael stayed with her, too and I guess the lure she denies having started to have an effect"
"She said that Michael was leaving town"
"Looks like they both are. Apparently your brother has a job lined up"
"How could I not know any of this?"
"Star wanted Michael to herself, she must have known that you and Sam were giving him a hard time and she couldn't have that. She used the lure of hers, unintentionally, I'm sure, but she used it. Your brother dropped it, too, right?"
"Huh?"
"All his complaints about Mikey?" Paul clarified and Elizabeth nodded, "she made you forget"
"She said it was you guys"
"Not us, we have - had - no reason to do that to you"
Elizabeth didn't doubt them. She trusted that they were telling the truth.
Everything else aside, they didn't consider what they had done to her brother to be that big of a deal. Disgusting though it was, it wasn't something they felt they needed to hide. It just wasn't a big deal to them.
Again, she felt wretched that she trusted them.
She bit her lip and took a breath.
"It wasn't..I didn't forget Michael. I know that that's the easiest word to use, but it wasn't like that. Not exactly. He's my brother, I could never forget him..."
"What was it like?"
"..weird" she admitted, "like...like he just...like he wasn't in my conscious thought..like...like, I didn't forget him but that I just wasn't thinking about him..he wasn't...he wasn't on my radar at all. I didn't forget him he just..he kind of didn't exist? It's hard to describe, difficult to explain..."
"And now?"
"Clear head" she murmured, "as soon as I saw her, it was like...business as usual with Michael. I was remembering and talking and thinking...I can't believe you did those things to him..."
She frowned.
He must have been terrified. Eating maggots? Not knowing what was going on?
Had they laughed at his expense?
As the fire popped, Elizabeth curled under the blanket a little, letting it cover her chest and tucking her arms under it, "..you said you don't know if it's real"
"What? Their feelings?"
She nodded, knowing that she was kind of jumping around. She couldn't help it, her thoughts were so jumbled and confused.
"Well, Star's are real" Marko said, "she believes they are, anyway"
"But you don't know if my brother's are?"
"We can't be sure"
"What do you think?"
"...I think that Michael was definitely attracted to Star, he was into her from the beginning. There's no doubt about that. Would he drop out and start a job to be with her without the effects of a lure? That's up for debate"
"No way" Elizabeth said, shaking her head. There was noting to debate. That wasn't Michael, he was family oriented, kind, smart. He would never drop out of school, he would never leave home. He didn't have money. He wasn't a stupid guy, "that's not him"
As the two men said nothing, Elizabeth pushed herself away from Paul, "that's it? You're...we realize my brother is under some spell and you have nothing to say?"
"It'll be over in a few months, Elizabeth" Marko said, his voice serious, "the effects of the lure - if there is one - will be gone. Michael will have enough time to find out his true feelings-"
"-in a few months?!-"
"-and make his own, completely independent decisions"
"It's gonna be OK" Paul said, "he's got a few months to make it with Star and then when it's over, he-"
"-he misses out on school, Paul. His family. His life! This is his life we're talking about"
"-he can rejoin. Girl, I swear this is Santa Carla. Kids drop out, enroll, drop out, re-enroll all the fuckin' time"
"But we're talking about my brother's life, here. He's not some kid. He's not in control of himself. This isn't OK, in no way is this OK"
"What do you want us to do?"
She looked at Paul. Such a simple question and she blinked, "I-I want you to make it right. I want you to-to..." she waved her hand and Paul nodded, "you want us to break the lure?"
"Yes!"
"It's not that easy"
"You slapped me and I was fine" Elizabeth told Marko, shaking her head, "why would it be any different for Michael?"
"Girl.."
"No!" she looked at Paul, "I'm sorry but no. He's my brother and he's not himself, you and Star got him into this, you can damn well get him out of it"
She wasn't shouting, she wasn't hysterical but she was firm and for a fleeting moment, she was proud of how she was handling herself. There was so much that she wanted to say, so much that she wanted to find out but she was looking out of Michael first and foremost.
He needed her.
He was on his own with Star, there was nobody fighting his corner.
"Elizabeth, Star's lure wasn't a good one. I told you, she won't admit that she's doing it. She doesn't have control over it. It's a sloppy lure, that's why you were so hysterical. When you're under the effects of a real lure, you don't know it. Everything feels natural, it feels fine. If I wanted to make you angry, if I wanted to make you hate us..." Marko shook his head, "it would be a completely different experience. If I wanted you to forget Michael, you wouldn't have a brother. Period. What Star does, what's she's doing? It's influencing, nothing more"
"...you said she has a lure"
"She does and it's powerful but it's like you said. You said forget but you really meant you just didn't consciously think. Lure is just the easier term here"
"OK, but I definitely wasn't myself"
"You weren't. But it's not a real lure" Paul insisted.
"But I wasn't myself"
"If it was a lure, you wouldn't know" Marko told her, "you never know. Nothing feels amiss, nothing is noticeably off, everything feels fine. All you feel is hungry, then you eat something and you even forget that feeling. Star didn't use a real lure on you, alright?"
"Fine. OK, fine. She's sloppy, but all it took was a slap-"
"-Liz, it's a shitty lure. An influence...like...it's not good. Star came to see you and she didn't even say his name, right? Just seeing her by association, you remembered him. Lure - influence - broken. Shit, if we had mentioned his name you earlier you probably would have remembered there and then..we probably could've avoided all of this...look, we're tellin' you a real lure is nothing like that. You would have no idea. All we needed to do was clear your head, a slap was all it took. Jesus, people have been slappin' hysterical women for centuries"
"So slap Michael"
"Mikey's been-"
"-stop calling him that, would you?-"
"-with her" Paul held up his hands in apology, taking a swig from his drink. Marko continued for him, "Michael has been with her, literally with her twenty four seven. He's probably in deeper. If he is, that is. Whatever the case, it would take more than a slap"
"Punch him then"
"Elizabeth, you're forgetting that he does like Star. There was a base, real emotion there at the start. He was attracted to her, he was very much into her. It's different with him"
"...but that's been twisted now. We don't know that he isn't desperately unhappy deep down, we don't know that he doesn't want out, that he doesn't want to go home, to be with his family"
"Yeah, but we don't know that is isn't happy, either. Liz, he could be lovin' life with Star"
"But it's not real!"
Both men nodded and Elizabeth balled her fist into the blanket. They agreed that it might not be real! It was so frustrating, "so go and break the influence he's under. Find him and find out! If he's happy, he's happy. If he isn't, then he comes home"
"We will"
"Go! Do it now, don't just sit there. You-"
"-it's not that simple, girl"
"He's my brother. It is that simple"
"Elizabeth, please give us some time. A few months, that's all we're asking for"
"That's all you're asking for?" she repeated, frowning at Marko, "he's my brother. You hurt him, you played games with him..." she looked at Paul, "hearing you and David in my head? It was...it was so terrifying. I've never felt fear like that before..not having control just then? I-it was gross...and you did it to Michael, too but you made him...God, you made him think he was eating maggots? Maggots? Now he's giving his life to a girl and it may not even be what he wants to do?"
"Liz..." Paul trailed off and she shook her head sadly. She could feel the fight leave her. Biting her lip, she bitterly told them to, "say it..I know what you want to say, so just...do it. Say it. It's what you do, right? You guys are brutal and dark and mean and you enjoy that side of yourself..."
She rubbed her hands over her face.
The fire popped again and Elizabeth shook her head.
She hated Star.
In that moment, she truly hated the girl but was that fair?
Were the pack blameless?
Of course not.
She'd never felt more conflicted in her life.
She had been loving her time with the pack, loving her time with Dwayne. She had listened to their assurances that they were dark creatures, assured them that she wasn't that nice, that she would accept and love them no matter and and now...now she was being forced to confront everything.
They were dark. They played with people, they fucked with people and they liked doing it.
It was literally fun and games for them and the worse thing about it was that Marko had said it wasn't that bad. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't that bad...they had messed with her brother's head but they hadn't physically hurt him, nor caused any lasting damage.
She knew that they were capable of so much more.
Star had forced her to see the truth. The truth she had accepted but not really considered.
They were vampires.
They were dark.
No matter how fun and care free they lived, no matter how good they were to her..."you thrive on it, don't you? Suffering...?"
"We did tell you" Paul murmured and she looked up from behind her hands.
She wanted to cry.
She'd been patient, strong and firm but now she just wanted to cry.
She loved them all so much, she loved Dwayne with every fiber of her being.
"What can we do for you?"
Elizabeth shook her head, feeling helpless.
She wasn't angry, not any more.
She was just sad.
Trying to think back to Michael rather than the things the boys did, she took a breath.
"Tell me..." she shrugged, shaking her head, "tell me why..why does Star hate you all so much? Why does she want me to hate you?"
She saw how Paul and Marko glanced at each other, "just tell me the truth, please"
She hated the weak sound of defeat in her voice.
"We didn't have a good relationship with her. We tried, in the beginning"
"I tried real fuckin' hard"
"But Star didn't like our life style. She wasn't prepared to live like a vampire. She wasn't prepared to be one"
"She didn't want to hurt people, you mean? She couldn't do the things you love to do?"
Marko winced for a second before shaking his head, "we never tried to force her to do what we do. If she didn't want to kill painfully, she didn't have to. I explained this to you, Elizabeth and I wasn't lying. We all have our own styles and we respect them. I didn't make a kill for a long time, David is usually very cut and dry when he hunts...we never tried to make Star like us. We just tried to make her embrace what she is"
Elizabeth felt a little guilty for her comment.
They were being open and honest, after all. She didn't like what she was hearing but they weren't misleading her. Even though she was hurt and sad, she knew it wasn't good or fair of her to make comments like that.
"I'm sorry"
"S'OK" Paul said, not looking at her, "but the thing was, she didn't wanna feed at all. She didn't wanna be a vampire. Not makin' a kill is one thing, takin' no blood at all is somethin' else entirely"
"She was miserable. She refused to feed, she wouldn't even accept the blood that we gave her. She wanted out but it's not easy. When you're half, you're half in. Out doesn't factor into it"
"Then why did you turn her?"
"What?"
Elizabeth blinked, sitting back a little at as both men spoke at the same time.
Marko looked mildly disgusted, Paul downright affronted.
"I..I just? If she didn't want to be a vampire then why did you make her one...? Why did you do that to her? It's so cruel"
"You think we turned her?"
"Well...I.." she fumbled.
"Liz, seriously? You think we would force someone who didn't want to be one of us...to be one of us? Jesus, you know our stories. David and Dwayne found each other, Dwayne found Marko-" Elizabeth hadn't known that, "-they all found me, we found you. There's a...we're drawn to each other, that's what makes our pack. We're fated to be together. You think we would just grab whoever? Turn them for a laugh? Don't you get it? Don't you get us?"
Paul sounded so disgusted.
"It's just...she said that she..she said that she was one of you and...you said...it's...she was in your pack..."
"Right" Paul nodded, "no...no, you're good. Spot on. We're total monsters, so it makes sense. We've been real terrible to you, real cruel so I bet this is all slottin' into place for you now. All that pain we've caused you? The horrible ways we've tortured you recently? That's just what we do. Yeah. Nah, you hit the nail right on the head. Regular fuckin' Sherlock-"
"-no, wait-"
"-you cracked it. We found a girl on the beach and we scooped her up for a laugh and then we turned her into a half just for the shit of it"
"Paul.." Elizabeth said, hurt.
She hadn't meant that, it's just...they admitted she was in the pack, Star said she was one of them. What else was she supposed to think? Paul had been wonderful to her, Marko and Dwayne, too. She hated his sarcasm, she hated that he sounded so hurt.
"You know what? I'm gonna go out for a smoke" he said, lifting himself off the sofa, "don't wanna blow tobacco in your face. Fuck, maybe I do. Monster, right?"
"Paul-" she said again, shaking her head but the blonde was already at the bottom of the entrance, "-good luck, bro"
And with that, he was gone.
He hadn't even bothered to address her, just Marko.
She wanted to cry all over again.
She wasn't wrong, she wasn't in the wrong. She didn't mean to upset Paul, she hadn't wanted that but...she covered her face with her hands.
She just felt wretched and again, she found herself hating Star, feeling guilty for doing so.
"...Paul tried hard to make Star happy" Marko said, turning his eyes away from the high entrance to the cave.
She took a breath and looked up, meeting his eyes. He wasn't smiling, he wasn't trying to comfort her but he wasn't being harsh, either.
He was just stating facts, "..David found her on the beach one night. She was alone, clearly in a bad spot. She was a half vampire when he found her. She asked him for help and he took her in. Vampires aren't welcome in Santa Carla, Elizabeth. This is our territory. Star should have been killed. David put it to a vote and it was two against two. Paul and David voted to let her join us, to give her a chance"
"..you and Dwayne..."
"We voted to kill but we supported their decision. We welcomed her to the pack but it was clear she was miserable. It had nothing to do with us; she hated what she was. There is no coming back from that. Dwayne and I quickly realized that she would never become one of us and so we kept our distance. We knew she could be dangerous but Paul...he tried. He spent hours with her. Whole nights. He did everything to try and make her happy, to help her feed. He lifted blood from a hospital storage room..David was furious, it was a bold move but Paul was adamant he did the right thing. Star threw it to the ground when he gave it to her.."
Elizabeth felt horrible.
"...it took Paul a while but Star began to resent him, too and by that point it was her versus the pack. He'd given up. He tried hard for her but he has a limit. She hated us because of what we were. We love being vampires, she hated being half. Not exactly a match made in heaven"
"Is Paul.."
"He's gone" Marko shrugged but he wasn't meeting her eyes anymore, "don't worry. He'll be fine, he's just sensitive about it. He won't admit it but it hurts him that Star can't see all the good he tried to do for her. I imagine he's insulted that you can't see it, either. He know's he's not an angel but he does have some good points. He doesn't go all out to help very often and he's hurt you would assume that we turned Star. He's never forced a woman to do anything, not once during his whole existence"
"I'm sorry" she whispered.
"You didn't know"
"I just...she said and you said that she was part of the pack and I just thought...I didn't think, I just assumed..."
"That we turned her?"
Elizabeth nodded.
"Despite everything you know about how we came to be a pack?"
She said nothing, feeling ashamed of herself.
"We were all drawn together. You, too. It's almost sacred, Elizabeth. Our pack? It's our family, we were all fated to be together"
Elizabeth understood what he didn't say. They were fated to be a pack, to be together and she knew it...but still assumed they would drag an unwilling stranger to be one of them.
That's why Paul was hurt.
"I'm sorry.."
"You shouldn't have assumed" Marko said, meeting her eyes finally, "...but I understand why you did"
She knew that in that moment, she certainly didn't deserve his reaction. He would have been well within his rights to grill her and chastise her but he seemed to understand that she was feeling wretched, that she saw her mistake.
And to think she had called them monsters...
"Why did she do it, Marko?" she asked weakly, unable to meet his eyes.
Why would Star actively chose to be a vampire, to make the steps if she didn't want to? If she couldn't do it?
"She had a hard life. I didn't care to find out the details but from living with her, I can tell you that it was bad, filled with the worst kinds of abuse. She ran away from her home, she ended up here with nothing. Santa Carla's a magnet for people like her. She was vulnerable, she was at the lowest point she could reach and she saw a chance. She was given a chance. The promise of a fresh start by someone who was as lonely as she was. No pain, no suffering. She was promised family, eternal happiness..."
"But it was a lie?"
Star had been promised happiness but it wasn't real?
She had been tricked into immortality.
"Packs are formed naturally, Elizabeth. Like I said, they're designed, they're fated to become a pack..."
He paused for a moment and she knew he was emphasizing what she should have already understood.
He gave her a rueful glanced as he continued, "Lone vampires? A vampire without a pack? Nothing good is going on, there is something fundamentally wrong with a vampire who isn't part of one. You can't just pluck people together and form a pack, it doesn't work but that's what the vampire was doing. Trying to force a family, force a pack. Star fell for it and like her mortal life, it seems her immortal life went bad fast, too"
For a moment, she felt a flash of pity for Star.
It was fleeting but undeniable.
The girl had envied her life, her room, her family. She hated what had happened, she hated that Star had told her the truth in such a devastating way and she didn't believe her intentions were all the innocent but still.
For a moment, she understood Star's actions.
"None of you..."
"We didn't turn Star, no"
There was a hardness in Marko's voice and she nodded, hastening to ask, "do you know who did?"
"Yes"
"...a lone vampire?"
Marko nodded.
"Why did you..you said that you and Dwayne knew she could be dangerous? What did you mean?" she asked, feeling ashamed that she had hurt Paul, that Marko was close to losing his patience, too.
She knew that it wasn't even about Star or the things she had said. She knew Marko was also frustrated if not hurt that she didn't seem to understand the special nature of the pack.
Not everything Star had said was true. The boys didn't mess with her memories of Michael, Star did. Elizabeth had been stupid to assume that they had turned her, to forget that everyone was drawn to each other.
"Half vampires who refuse to feed are dangerous. There are no two ways about it and we saw that she had no intention to turn"
"Why are they dangerous?"
"There's only so long that a half can fight the urge to feed. Eventually, the urge wins out and it's guaranteed to be very unpleasant when it does. There would be a lot of damage control"
"Marko, she's around my brother" Elizabeth said, eyebrows furrowing, "please-"
"-he'll be fine. Star is stronger than she gives herself credit for but she won't be a danger at all in a few months. I swear, Elizabeth. Your brother will be fine"
She nodded, swallowing.
"Why a few months, Marko?"
"The only way to give a half vampire mortality is to kill the vampire that turned it"
Elizabeth frowned, listening to his words.
"The vampire that turned Star is challenging, established though new. It's not going to be easy. We need time, we're going to-"
"-stop"
Marko frowned at her but silenced himself right away.
"I don't..I think I don't want to know"
"Why?"
She wasn't one of them. She wasn't in the pack, she didn't have any strengths. Star had manipulated her easily and it turned out that she was just a half vampire who didn't even have a real lure, "I'm not one of you, Marko" she said quietly, "I'm not..I'm not an asset. Tonight has been terrible, I was terrible-"
"-because Star-"
"-got into my head. Exactly. I know that...it's best if I don't know..."
"Are you sure?"
She thought it was better, safer if she wasn't in the loop.
This time, she wanted to be left out.
"Thank you for telling me the truth. Thank you for..." she felt a lone tear drop down her cheek, "..thank you for being clear with me. I trust you. I trust all of you"
"I'm sorry about your brother, Elizabeth. If we had known you, we would never have done it but-"
"-it's who you are. It's your nature"
He nodded and she did, too.
She was going to have to come to terms with a lot of things.
"You'll stay away from my family?"
"Of course"
"...Marko..."
"Yes?"
"Star really hates you all"
"I know"
"Do you think..is it repairable?"
"At this stage, the feeling is more than mutual. I can't guarantee she'll live much longer"
So that was a hard no, "oh...but...you can't just kill her.."
"Why?"
The tone of his voice told her that that was exactly what was going to happen.
"Because then what happens to Michael?"
"We'll make her disappear"
"...he would look for her though, wouldn't he?"
Marko clenched his jaw for a second and she realized just how much he wanted her dead.
"Then she doesn't die now"
"But you'll never be friends?"
He shook his head, "of course not. Why would you even ask that question?"
"...just...what if Michael does choose to stay with her? At the end of the day, when it's all finished, when it's all said and done..when she's not a half.."
"At the very least, she will make a wonderful trophy wife..though I doubt she'll live long as a mortal"
"But...she knows what you are" Elizabeth shook her head, "she hates you, she wants me to hate you and Michael wouldn't just...forget it if she disappeared..."
Marko shook his head, "then we make him forget"
She looked at the floor, "I don't want Michael to be influenced or anything anymore..."
Marko opened his mouth but then seemed to think better of it.
As he stayed silent, Elizabeth took a breath, "but..if she stays with Michael, she's going to be with my family..."
"And she will do anything to make them like her. If you don't want us to kill her, then you have to accept that she may well become an Emerson one day. Besides, she thinks she loves Michael. She sees a future and happiness with him. She will do everything she can to make him happy, she'll do whatever to be accepted into your family"
"No, Marko. You don't understand..."
"You're right. I don't know where this is going...just tell me"
"She'll do whatever she can to stop me joining you, won't she?"
He stared at her, "you still-"
"-I love Dwayne" she cut him off, shaking her head, feeling the material of his jacket on her back.
She had tried not to think about it, she had wanted to be clear cut and balanced but it was inescapable.
She loved him.
She felt guilty, so, so guilty. They had a monstrous side but she was still going to join them. She felt like the worst person in the world, like a terrible human. They had hurt her brother but still, she was going to stay with them.
It was hard for her to think about, "nothing will ever change how I feel about him"
"OK" Marko said simply, seemingly understanding how fraught she was.
He sat up from the makeshift coffee table and sat beside Elizabeth, "let's take a breather for now. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, Elizabeth"
She nodded. That sounded like a mighty good idea.
"Elizabeth, being one of us won't change who you are-"
"-Elizabeth?"
Both Elizabeth and Marko looked to the entrance of the cave. Marko seemed surprised, he must have been so focused and invested in their conversation that he didn't sense neither Dwayne nor David approaching.
As both men jumped to the floor, Dwayne asked, his voice serious and worried, "what happened? What's going on?"
He was staring at her and she looked away, hating the concern on his face.
Hating that she knew what he had done.
Her poor brother.
She loved him but it still hurt.
"Star paid Elizabeth a visit" Marko supplied, rising to his feet.
"Tell us everything" David commanded straight away and Elizabeth looked at him. She couldn't help it, his voice was so commanding.
It still hurt to know that he had accepted Star but wouldn't do the same for her. She didn't want to meet his eyes and so she looked down at the floor, shaking her head.
She was tired.
She was drained.
She didn't want to talk about it anymore.
She could feel Marko staring down at her and she was glad that he didn't make a move to fill the silence.
She didn't want to hear it again, either.
It was enough, she was done for the night.
She had learned that Marko had the skill to show everyone what happened with his mind tricks, so he could do just that.
She was finished.
"Elizabeth, what happened? What's going on?" Dwayne asked, looking between her and Marko. He crouched down before her, obviously looking for answers but in that moment all she could do was murmur, "please take me home, Dwayne"
She knew that Marko would fill David in but all she wanted was to leave it behind her for a moment.