"This is kinda of wild, man! A mate? Jesus fuckin' christ on a stick, who the fuck would have ever thought you'd get a mate!?"
"Colorful"
"I mean, come on. David? You, the man who acts as our cool and fearless leader, maybe. Gettin' on a bit right dude? Grey in the hair? Thought you'd be first, for sure...if it ever happened, I mean. I never thought it would. I thought this was kinda bullshit Dracula crap. Never believed in it but out of us four? I'd have pegged you, ole'Dave for sure.."
"Don't ever call me Dave again"
"Not you? Thought you'd be all over this, Casanova"
"Psh! Fuck that noise. I want sex, mates are for penguins. No fuckin' offense to the big dude or nothin'"
"What happened to that swear jar we had going on? You need to drop a twenty for calling me Dave"
"It didn't last long, he filled it already"
"Tell you who's gonna be fillin' stuff! Dwayne! Filling his mate up with his-"
A snort, "-you're braver than me"
"I think you're smarter than him, Marko. It's not bravery"
"Yeah, sheer stupidity. I don't disagree"
"Cute. Stop suckin' each other's dicks already. He's not even listenin' to us! Hey, Dwayne! Dwaynie boy? See. Come on already, he's out to space, this is so cool!"
"It's interesting, that's for sure"
"Interesting? Dude you are such a pussy. It's fuckin' awesome. I can't wait to meet her, this is the fuckin' best day ever. It's fuckin' great!"
"It's selfish, is what it is"
Silence.
For a moment, an almost unbelievable silence fell upon the speakers.
She couldn't really feel anything else but she could feel that.
Tension, a sudden and almost palpable tension.
Elizabeth didn't know where she was, she didn't know what was happening and she blinked, trying to clear the scene before her, trying to understand.
It was Paul, Marko and David. She could hear them, she could hear their conversation but it was weird, it was like...it was like she was there but not really.
She felt a little disoriented, confused and she shook her head, or at least, she tried to.
She was trying hard to see through the haze of darkness, too.
She could see flickering fires, hazy orange glows and she assumed she was in the cave. She felt enclosed, encompassed but comfortable. With the voices surrounding her, she had no idea where else she could be.
It had to be the cave.
It just felt right.
The thing was, while she thought she knew where she was, darkness aside...she didn't feel anything else.
She didn't feel hot, she didn't feel cold, she couldn't feel the floor she knew she was stood on, she couldn't even feel the clothes she assumed she was wearing.
It was so odd.
Odd but not scary.
"You don't say a word to us for weeks and that's what you break your silence with? I don't get you girl. I fuckin' don't get you at all"
"I know you don't"
"You know what? Maybe this isn't the best time to break your little vow of silence?"
"And maybe this isn't the topic you should choose to speak on?"
She had never heard Paul sound so...did he sound snide?
She wasn't sure.
And Marko? His voice was cold, ice cold and it was so weird.
Ice cold was David but there was no denying that is was Marko who had spoken.
"Maybe I don't want an innocent girl robbed of her mortality? Maybe this is exactly what I should be speaking up about?"
The scene was still dark and dim and Elizabeth frowned downwards, trying to find her hands.
She felt like a spirit, like an entity with thoughts and nothing else.
That was Star, wasn't it?
"Did that upset you?"
"What? Star?"
"Mhmm"
"No"
Elizabeth tried to turn her body, feeling oddly frustrated. She didn't know where her body was and everything was still kind of dark, still hazy. She was shrouded in a thick fog, the voices the only thing she could discern with total clarity.
It was David and Dwayne.
She knew the cold timbre of David's voice and Dwayne? How could she not recognize him?
The scene had changed, too, she was sure of it.
The two men were alone and those comforting, flickering, orange glows she had been able to make out had vanished.
She felt like a headless entity but of those thing, she was fully aware.
"You left the cave"
"I don't have patience for Star herself. Her words meant nothing to me"
"I thought perhaps-"
A snort of derision, "-don't insult me, man. She can talk about innocence and mortality for as long as she wants, I don't care"
"Fine, fine"
Elizabeth jumped, wondering how it was that she jumped when she couldn't even feel her body, as she saw a sudden spark of orange.
David. He was lighting a cigarette.
"I am concerned for you though"
"Why?"
"You have a mate. She's coming. This is a big change"
"At this rate, Paul will be the only one of you guys I'm hanging with, you realize that?"
"Bold words. You don't feel different, though? Don't you want to talk about this?"
"Apparently I have a mate. That's all it is. Stop treating me like a fragile new born, it's insulting. There's nothing to talk about, man. She's coming at some point, we'll have a new recruit. I don't see an issue"
"No issue but this is serious. I would understand if you felt stressed but taking the Paul route? Dismissing it? That's strange to me. You don't feel different?"
"I feel like a change is coming but so what?"
"You're not-"
"-I'm curious but I'm not busting my balls"
Dwayne sounded so confident, so sure of himself.
Strong, in control.
He was so, so positive in his words. He sounded so matter of fact, like he knew his mate was coming but that it wasn't a big deal.
It just was.
"I don't think this will be easy Dwayne and I am worried about you. I'm not going to hide my concerns from you, I have too much respect for you to do that"
Another spark of orange but this time from just behind her, just to her right.
Was...was she she stood in front of Dwayne?
"Thank you but it's a mate. It's not the end of days. I feel fine. You and Marko are going to suffocate me. Take a leaf out of Paul's book, would you?"
"Are you telling me to loosen up?"
"Yeah"
"Never"
Blinking, still not knowing how she was doing it and feeling disoriented by the sudden, almost whooshing change that had washed over her, Elizabeth gasped.
For a second, everything was white.
Blinding, bright, white.
It left her stunned as darkness covered the area once more, except this time, the darkness wasn't hazy.
It was a dark night. She could see stars, she could see the outline of dimmed and unit cliffs and trees, she could see rolling waves.
Things were becoming clear, things were changing.
She was feeling somewhat in control of herself.
"I hate this"
"How can I help you?"
"I can smell her! Even now, I can smell her. We barely saw her for fuck's sakes"
"Then let's take her. They're in a motel, it won't be difficult. We could do it now, we could go back-"
"-no, we couldn't. I don't want to hurt her. Mother fucker! I don't want to hurt her! Why the fuck don't I want to hurt her?!"
She had never heard Dwayne utter such an expletive, especially one filled with such frustrated rage.
The blinding white light came back and Elizabeth cringed, closing her eyes until it left as suddenly as it had came.
"Look. They'll arrive by tomorrow"
"So?"
"So perhaps having her in Santa Carla will-"
"-help?"
Elizabeth had never heard such derision in Dwayne's voice, either. It was strange, David was being cool and calm, collected. He was trying to find solutions but all Dwayne could see, all he could feel was-
"It won't. It won't help. I need her. I need her, David"
- his need for her.
"It'll get easier with time"
"How the fuck can you say that?"
The only man she'd heard swear this much was Paul, and even then it was only ever in jest.
Dwayne was really hurting.
"She's not even here and I feel like this. How will it get easier? Tell me"
"Because it has to"
"That's. Fuck, that's bullshit. That's some new age bullshit right there. Mother fucker!"
The blinding light returned and Elizabeth once again flinched, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to block out the searing whiteness of it.
How could the two men be so unaffected?
They hadn't mentioned it once.
Darkness fell once more.
"You'll find a way to deal with it. You know you'll be fine"
"Yeah? What if I'm not?"
"You've never not been"
"I hate this"
"It will be alright"
"The fact that you of all people are throwing platitudes at me tells me that this won't be fine"
"It's different. I thought it would be hard but this is..this is stronger than-"
"-that's an understatement"
"You were so sure"
"Fuck you man, fuck you"
"I'm not teasing you, you know that, but this is new to me, too"
"Yeah? You have my sympathies"
Dwayne's words were so bitter.
"It's not what you thought it would be like?"
"No"
"Listen-"
"-how do I control myself around her? What am I supposed to do? I saw her through a fucking window-"
He emphasized the words, drawing them out with disgust, like he was disgusted with himself.
Elizabeth tried to think.
Motel? Window? Arriving in Santa Carla the next day?
They had stayed in an old, tired motel the day before arriving. Lucy herself had been tired, it had been a long drive and the original plan was to push through and drive on straight through the night but she'd been too exhausted, Sammy had been crabby and both she and Michael had been getting steadily annoyed, too. Lucy had wanted to arrive in Santa Carla on a high and so when they pulled into the first motel with the neon, bright available sign shining, everyone had breathed a sigh of relief.
She had shared a room with Lucy, the two of them fitting very comfortably on a queen sized bed and Michael had shared with Sammy, the two of them grumbling about having to double up.
Elizabeth remembered all of that but a window?
A window?
...her heart dropped for a second.
She had played a game of solitaire with Lucy, the two of them and two decks of cards, racing to see who could complete their game first.
They had been sat together in front of the so called feature window...and they'd left the curtains open.
God, they'd turned on all of the lights and lamps, making the worn room somewhat presentable and comfortable and had settled in together, playing right in front of the tattered lace netting.
They would have been visible to the whole world...and apparently, Dwayne, David too.
Had Paul and Marko been there?
The two of them had been drinking diet soda and snacking on an obscene bag of cheese flavor popcorn, playing their game but they'd both showered by that point.
Elizabeth had been sat there with damp hair, no makeup and a pair of old joggers teamed with an old baseball jersey.
It was mortifying.
She imagined Dwayne's first sighting of her to be romantic, where she had been dressed well with her hair and makeup done nicely but apparently not.
"-one god damned time and that's all I can think about. This girl is everywhere. I can smell her, all I can see is her face. I have no control. It's her, it's this fucking girl and she's not even in town? She isn't even here. How the fuck can you think to tell me that it'll be easier when she does get here?"
"Not easier. That was a poor choice of words but it will get better"
"Tell me how!"
Dwayne almost shouted and Elizabeth wanted to step back, away from the conversation.
It was foreign, almost scary.
She was glad she couldn't see their faces, she was glad she could only see the silhouette of cliffs off in the distance.
She didn't want to imagine how his face must look.
He sounded like he hated her, like he hated her for making him feel the way he was feeling.
"You'll learn, Dwayne. You'll learn to control it, I know you will"
"Got a lot of faith in me?"
Dwayne sounded bitter, so bitter.
"Never had more faith in anyone, you know that"
David sounded sure.
"I appreciate that but right now, it's her. She's the one in control"
The bright light came back, a beaming and searing, abrasive flash of white and just as Elizabeth realized that it was the lighthouse, that the two men had been floating high in the sky, the scene changed.
The cave.
She was in the cave.
It was clear, clear as day...but of course, it was night.
Elizabeth felt strange, like she was a passenger, an observer, an audience member simply watching the scenes shown.
The cave was empty but it felt a little warm.
She couldn't feel it but she could tell.
The atmosphere was different.
None of the old oil drums had been lit, instead candles were scattered around the entirety of the cave, casting a soft and almost romantic glow around what was usually a kind of rough around the edges boy's world. Some of the candles flickered and, wanting to step towards them, Elizabeth found that she couldn't.
She was aware but she still couldn't find her body, she still couldn't-
-she tilted her head, hating that she couldn't feel herself do it, but at the breeze...she'd heard wind chimes.
Soft, tittering, musical wind chimes.
They boys didn't have them in the cave, not that she remembered. They had chimes and decorations but nothing so...so delicate, so musical.
"Dwayne?"
That was Star's voice.
Soft, reproachful, delicate.
"I know it's you..."
Hesitant, too.
"I need to talk to you...please?"
Was it Dwayne? The candles had flickered, the chimes had been moved and suddenly Star was calling for him. Did the wind signal his arrival? Elizabeth didn't know.
She felt her self turn and frowned, trying to fight against it.
She wanted to control herself, to move when she wanted to.
It was disconcerting, feeling like a puppet.
As she came to face the girl, Elizabeth felt her chest tighten, the first movement of hers that she could actually feel.
It was Star...it was the cave...but there was a bed, an enclave and net curtains, lace curtains, fabrics swathed upon fabrics. It looked so soft, it looked so delicate and feminine but it was the first time Elizabeth herself had seen it.
She had visited the cave, she had been there and this...the scene she was seeing?
It was new to her.
The bed wasn't there, the curtains weren't there, that area, that whole little section that was so beautifully feminine didn't exist and right then, she knew.
That's where Star had lived.
That's where she had lived and hoped and wished and the boys had taken it down.
Star had left the pack and they had removed any trace of the girl.
"I heard Paul talking. He talks a lot..." she was met with silence and continued, somewhat hesitantly, "the girl isn't what you thought she would be, is she? She's a child. She really is innocent..."
Elizabeth felt herself bristle at being called a child.
"...you don't know what to do, do you? I watch you, you know. I watch all of you. I see you, Dwayne. You're attracted to strong women, women with a sense of purpose. I've seen the women you hook up with. Sexy, strong women who know themselves but now you're trapped with a mate who's barely seventeen. Strong Dwayne, so weak all of a sudden-"
Elizabeth wanted to shout an interruption, hating that Star thought of her as a child. She wasn't barely seventeen and she wasn't a child.
Sure, she wasn't a sexy and strong woman but she was hardly a pre-pubescent scrub.
She had one year to go before she graduated. That wasn't a child.
It stung, she couldn't deny it and she wanted to defend herself.
The girl jumped and Elizabeth could clearly see the shock and fear on her face. The meager amount of bravado she had shown had gone and she blinked up in fear, blinking up towards the space above Elizabeth's head.
That broke her out of her thoughts.
She wanted to look upwards, too.
She wanted to know what had happened, what had made the girl so scared.
"I-I-don't, please. I-I'm sorry..."
Star sounded and looked like a whipped dog but there was some defiance in her eyes, still.
"I don't want to...I'm trying to say that I can help you"
There was a scoff of disgust and disdain and Elizabeth knew it was Dwayne's.
She felt herself move, felt herself pause as the girl shouted a desperate, "I want to leave and you want the girl in. We can make an arrangement...I can get her for you. I know how I can get her...I'll do it for you, I'll bring her to the pack. You'll have her, you'll have what you want...if you listen to me"
"And what do you want, Star?"
"I want my freedom and I want the chance to...I want to be with Michael.."
"Her brother?"
How much had they learned just from observing them for one night in a motel? She was glad for the disgust she heard in Dwayne's voice but she couldn't deny that she heard a shred of intrigue, too.
"I can do it. I know I can"
She felt her body turn, Star moved from view and she fought against it.
She didn't want to move, she wanted to watch the girl, to see what else Star did, what else she said.
She didn't want to move, damnit!
"You'll never get her without my help! I saw her, too. She's pure! She is innocent and you've never dealt with that. Never! You're a monster. You can't get her without my help, I know you can't! You deal with lures and pain and darkness and it'll kill you to do that with her. I know it! Dwayne. Please, please listen to me!"
The girl sounded desperate, as if she knew her chance at being heard was decreasing by the second and Elizabeth wanted to see.
She wanted to know more, to see more and as she fought against the pull, the invisible pull that was moving her body, she found herself moving of her own accord.
She had done it!
She had found control, found a way to control the world she was immersed in and then suddenly, in a sweeping whoosh of colors and lights, the scene changed yet again.
"Nothing like this in Arizona!"
Elizabeth spun on the spot, hearing her own cheerful, almost gleeful voice through the haze of music, laughter, chatter and the trilling of machines. She turned, confused and alone, trying to find out what was going on, trying to figure out where she was but a familiar sight caught her eye.
She had full control of her body, she wasn't a puppet anymore and the man before her?
Face as clear as she had ever known.
It was David.
He was unmissable.
Tall, cold and with hair so platinum it almost glowed under the glittering lights of the boardwalk.
That's where she was!
Unmistakably, it was the boardwalk and it was thrumming with life.
"David?"
There was no answer, in fact, not a single person around her even seemed to acknowledge her voice.
She had found it, she had found her body and her voice but it was as if she was still faceless.
Not a head turned towards her, nobody reacted.
Everyone was continuing on with their business, it was as if she didn't exist.
"David!" she shouted it this time, propelling her body, moving towards him through a crowd that posed no barrier to her.
It was as if she was a ghost.
"She seems to be havin' fun, huh?"
"Well observed"
"Suck my dick"
"Paul? David?"
The two men seemed completely oblivious to her and as she reached out a hand, aiming to hold onto Paul's shoulder and force his attention, she blinked.
Her hand passed right through him.
"Hard pass"
"So what about you, Big D?"
"Don't ever call me Big D"
"Dwayne!"
She had found her voice and she was glad for it.
She felt like herself.
She turned to find that he was there, standing so close behind her. It was almost of as if had been moving with her...or as if she had been moving with him. His face was there but it was hazy, too, as if half shrouded in a cloud.
It was confusing and she frowned up at him.
Everything was clear, she could see the faces of people, she could see the lights and she could smell the popcorn, she saw Paul's bright eyes and shit eating grin but Dwayne's features?
Nothing.
She could see him but the set of his face was a mystery to her.
She reached out for him and while he didn't react, her hand didn't pass through him.
As she made contact with his chest, she gasped, jumping back and away.
She had touched him and immediately she had felt it. She couldn't articulate what she had felt, she couldn't pin down every single feeling that had coursed through her but God.
She had felt it.
Everything.
It poured through her, almost crippling her and she stared up in awe as the crowd continued to move around her.
She could feel it. Everything he was feeling.
He was was weak, he was hurting, he was frustrated, he was angry, tense, fearful, disgusted with himself, he was desperate, hungry, he needed to feed and her scent...she could smell it.
She had touched him for that fleeting second and she could smell herself.
God, it was everywhere.
Her smell had been everywhere.
She had touched Dwayne and she...
"Oh my God"
...there was no denying it. She could feel what he was feeling in that moment.
That's why she couldn't see his face clearly. She was experiencing the moment from his perspective. He was a vampire, he didn't have a reflection. He didn't know what his face looked like and again, she gasped.
She understood.
How had she not known before?
This is what Marko had spoken about, this is what she had asked for. She was sleeping, dreaming and witnessing everything from Dwayne's perspective.
"What the fuck..." she whispered to herself, looking down at her hands. She was aware, fully and utterly aware of who she was and where she was. It didn't feel like a dream.
It felt surreal but all the same nothing felt amiss.
At first, she'd felt like she had no control and she could still feel that, despite being in control of her actions, thoughts and words.
It was so weird, so surreal.
It really was a dream world.
"Should you be here?"
Elizabeth tilted her head as David's words met her ears but she still stared up at Dwayne in stifled horror.
She was experiencing his memories. She had been seeing everything from his perspective.
Consciously aware but a passenger, a visitor in his world.
"I have to be here. She's here"
"Yeah but you don't look so good about it, bro"
"Of course I don't look good. How should I look? Her scent is everywhere..." Dwayne's jaw was twitching, she thought that his eyes were narrowed and eyebrows furrowed but it was too hard to make out, "...it's inescapable"
"Yeaaaahhhh, so maybe that's a sign that you should - and I say this politely - fuck off for a bit? I'm down to support you but this is kinda masochistic and I'm not on board with that, not with you. Don't mind a bit of BDSM with a hot, wet girl but you? Not my jive"
"And do what? Where should I go?"
"Do anything" David replied instead of Paul "go anywhere but you should stay away from her"
"I can't. Not yet. I need more time with her, I need to see her"
He sounded like an addict and Elizabeth bit her lip as the seriousness of his words dawned on her.
She had only just arrived in Santa Carla at that point in time but the craving he felt?
God, it had almost crushed her.
She turned away from him, looking to observe the scene, swallowing thickly.
The crowds of the boardwalk seemed to automatically move away from the trio of men, as if some force compelled them to keep their distance. All around her she could see people jostling each other but the three men were immune to the crowd.
It was as if the mortals knew the group were not to be messed with, not to be disturbed.
They were an exclusive group, invitation only and they wouldn't stand to be treated like the rest of the cattle lumbering around.
She hadn't notice it before but here, in his memory and witnessing the scene before her, it was so obvious.
What else had she missed?
She scanned the distance and the crowd but while the area immediately around her was clear, the outer sections, the people and the buildings beyond the people closer to her were just a hazy mist.
Dwayne mustn't have paid much attention to those areas.
"You gotta take it slow, man. Take it from me, it's the same with drugs, dude. Princess Perky is your drug-" Elizabeth scoffed lightly at the nickname, unsurprised by it "-so you gotta be around her in small increments. Build up your tolerance to her"
"Paul is right"
"Holy fuck, say that again. Say it louder David, come on"
"I'll leave. I will but right now I just want more time"
The words were so desperate despite the flat tone of his voice.
"To do what? Fuck man, you look like you might actually shit yourself?"
"I just need to see her. Just one more time"
Hesitantly, Elizabeth moved to touch him again.
As she pressed the palm of her hand flat against his chest, she pulled it back almost instanteansauly.
It was painful.
She could feel it all over her, in almost every part of her being.
The crushing, destroying, all encompassing and unforgiving need.
Her scent was everywhere, invading the entire damn boardwalk and she could feel it.
She could feel that Dwayne craved it and then hated it. She could feel that he hated himself, he saw himself as weak.
She understood, she wasn't offended by the need and then disgust for the need but it upset her to know.
It was so strong, so damn potent. It was like her smell had a power all of its own, a pull that was close to impossible for him to fight. She had felt his strength and now she felt how impotent he felt, how weak and vulnerable his decreased control was making him and she felt oddly guilty.
She was the cause of his pain and suffering and there really was no doubt that he was suffering.
It had hurt her. Just that small touch, that small snippet of his experience had hurt her.
"...what have you been through?" she whispered, staring up at the man she loved as the scene around her began to change and dissolve.
It was quieter, calmer and the smell of sea salt and oil merged together in the air. The wild atmosphere of the boardwalk had lessened, become more subdued and-
"-dinner" Elizabeth said aloud, nodding, observing the scene in the distance.
She knew exactly where they were and exactly what they were going to watch.
She had eaten dinner that night. That's what she was seeing, this really was her first night on the boardwalk.
She had come with Michael and Sammy, they had played games, they had enjoyed dinner together. She'd eaten-
"-ohh yeah, that's it baby girl! Take a big bite, take that burger into your mouth.."
She turned and observed as Paul and David enjoyed a perfect view of the group, of her and her brothers. They had been stood so close but she'd not noticed, she'd not felt anything amiss.
They really were the perfect hunters...except, looking at them, they didn't seem like it.
Paul was grinning suggestively, his body loping to the side a little as he slung his arm over David's shoulder.
They looked so casual, so easy just hanging out.
Looking at the twosome, Elizabeth would have guessed that Paul really was just a carefree, wild man but knowing what she did...she thought it was partly an act. He was trying to lighten the tension, to keep everything light.
"If you're going to comment on everything she does, you're out. I'm serious. She's a kid eating a burger, how can you sexualize that?"
Did David really think of her as just a kid? Did he feel the same as Star?
What was with her being called a kid? She was hardly a baby.
"Jeeze, I like a girl who can eat, would you get off my dick?"
"Thought you wanted me to suck it?"
Elizabeth frowned as she saw David's dry smile. There was something different about it and she couldn't stop herself, she couldn't help but stare. His smile was so sincere, so honest that he showed his teeth. No smirk, so coldness. Honest and open humor. It was such a departure from the man she personally knew that she took a step back. With his pack, with the people he loved and trusted, David was so different.
He was joking with Paul, sort of laughing.
He looked almost happy.
She felt herself bump into Dwayne's chest and she scuttled away, not ready to experience his feelings.
She wasn't ready for the crushing, crippling pain.
It was a wonder that he was standing himself.
He looked so strong..if she hadn't touched him, if she hadn't felt what he was feeling..she would never have guessed.
"Hey, do you feel like we're being watched or something? I feel like-"
The image of Elizabeth squeaked in surprise and warning, Michael snorted a laugh and Sammy yelped, "my shirt!"
"My shirt!" Elizabeth exclaimed to herself, smiling as she timed it perfectly with her younger brother. It felt like years and years ago that they had been there together as a trio but thinking on it, it really hadn't been that long ago. So much had changed in such a small amount of time.
She hadn't ever thought that Dwayne had been there then. Funny how it was Sammy who felt something amiss.
She'd had no idea.
Her mate, the man who would change her life forever was so close but she'd never even felt it.
"-kay-" Paul held out his fist, grinning as David and - she assumed - Dwayne watched him dispassionately, "-rock, scissors, paper. Winner takes the girl, losers fight it out for the kids"
"Nobody is 'taking the girl'" Dwayne growled as David barked a genuine laugh.
"Not even you?" Paul teased, grin wide as ever, "bend her over, slip her the old-"
Paul was cut off, jumping back as Dwayne made a half hearted lunge for the perky blonde. His body was still angled towards Elizabeth and her brothers, it was clear Paul was more of a distraction than anything else.
"-ahahaha, OK, OK bro!"
Hesitantly, Elizabeth moved to touch Dwayne. This time she extended only her index finger and held it, shakily, towards his arm. As she brushed the cool leather of his jacket - even in the dream she could feel its chill - she blushed, pulling her hand back, crossing her arms under her chest.
She kept her eyes trained on the ground, embarrassed, shy but thrilled, too.
Paul had been crude and crass but that was exactly what Dwayne wanted to do.
"If you stop sniffin' her out, you can shut off for a second and pretend the mayo dripping down her chin is your cu-"
But Paul didn't get a chance to finish.
Elizabeth turned, watching as everything seemed to shift and change, to ripple and merge once more. As the scene before her dissolved, she wondered if Dwayne had scuffled with Paul or merely threatened to do so but she found she didn't care. There was so much more to learn. She looked around her, seeing that, once again, she was on the boardwalk and once again she was standing beside Dwayne and Paul.
Didn't the pack ever split up?
She paused for a moment, feeling guilty for her thought.
She remembered.
Just that night, in her house, while she had been waiting for the water to drain from the tub, Dwayne had told her that he hadn't trusted himself to act alone.
He didn't think he would be able to control himself.
"Sorry..." she whispered to him, wishing that she could see his face, knowing that it was pointless but wanting to apologize.
"What's happening?"
"Nothing"
"Something is happening. Nothing is ever happening. So tell me. What are they doing?"
"Dude, fucking look yourself"
"No"
"Why the fuck not? I'm not your seein' eye dog"
"This is too close as it is"
"It is?"
"Yes"
"Really?"
"Why did David leave me with you?"
The tense and honest frustration was clear in his voice.
"Because he's the only one of us who can feign disinterest with Star. If this is so hard, why didn't you just wait in the cave? Masturbate? Go fuck a girl? Go kill somebody. You're makin' this really not fun"
"I can't be away from her, I can't be too close to her. This isn't exactly fun for me so forgive me if I don't shed any tears over your own personal levels of enjoyment. Tell me what the fuck is happening"
Paul sighed but his brother's words had obviously either tugged on his heartstrings or put a bit of healthy fear into him, "she's wandering kinda aimlessly...girl with big ass tits just walked by...uh...oh! Hah, kid spilled his popcorn. That sucks, that's like eight bucks down the drain-ahhaha good for you, kid. He's scoopin' it back in-"
"-do you really think I won't hurt you?"
"I know you won't, come on. You don't do that. We're bros"
"Then tell me-"
"-shhh, shut up already. Marko's makin' a move"
There was silence between the two men but the boardwalk moved as usual.
Elizabeth didn't know what to do. Her finger was twitching, she was almost itching to touch Dwayne but she was frightened, too.
She didn't know if she wanted to feel what he was feeling.
She wanted to know but it was a terrible experience.
Had she made a mistake in wanting to see Dwayne's memories?
"It's kinda weird, man..."
"How?"
"Dude, you sure you wanna close off like this?"
"How?"
Elizabeth blinked up at Paul, watching as he frowned over towards where she knew herself to be stood.
Dwayne was uncharacteristically curt and she didn't need to touch him to know.
It was hard for him. Too hard for him to be this close.
"She's not goin' for Marko...like, at all. She's kinda like...I dunno? She doesn't get why he's talkin' to her...but..dude, I dunno if this is gonna work"
"Marko's lure has never failed"
"None of ours have"
"Marko is strong"
"Yeah but this ain't...this is...dude, I swear she's kinda off...OK, she's kinda under..."
"Kind of under?"
"Yeah, like...I dunno...this is weird"
"Use your words"
"Dude I'm fuckin' trying! She's-" Paul turned his body away, "she wants to meet us..she's not convinced, not one hundred percent but he's got her..I think? She's kinda hard to read and Marko's shut off"
"What do you mean, shut off?"
"Think he's givin' this his all. See what I mean about weird? He's totally focused on her, that's not right"
"Talk to him"
"I tried, he's blocked everything off, he's blockin' me out...he's tryin' real fuckin' hard"
Elizabeth moved to touch Paul but her hand passed straight through him, the same as before.
She couldn't remember it at all, she couldn't remember the lure, she couldn't remember anything aside from meeting Marko briefly. She tried to scan the crowd herself, tried to catch a glimpse of Marko, tried to see what she had looked like, what the whole situation had been like but she couldn't.
It was hazy, unclear.
Dwayne had been turned away from it himself and she tutted in frustrated annoyance, knowing that if Dwayne hadn't seen it, she wouldn't be able to see it, either.
"He's in though. He's got her and he's...OK, so he's workin' for it. I'm listening and he keeps repeatin' himself but it seems to be-oh mother fucker!"
"What?"
Bells rang out, suddenly, loudly and Paul swore in anger.
It was as if he had acted without thinking for Dwayne turned, just for a second but that was all Elizabeth needed.
She could see, too.
She was stood close to Marko, closer than one would stand to a new acquaintance and she was looking up at him with polite confusion, her eyes wide and bright. She looked happy, she looked pleased if not somewhat confused but her skin? She looked pale, pale but flushed. She looked sweaty, too, with beads of sweat glistening on her hairline. She looked fine but rattled and it didn't suit her. She looked strange. Elizabeth almost didn't recognize herself and as Marko separated himself from her, merging into the crowd away from both memory Elizabeth and Dwayne and Paul, she turned her body back to her mate.
Without hesitation, she touched him, crying out her own oath as his emotions almost overcame her.
"This was a mistake"
"Dwayne-"
"-I have to leave. Now"
Regret.
Regret and anger that had had broken, regret that he had looked at his mate, anger that he didn't have the strength, the will power to keep his back to her. Frustration that he had shut himself down mentally, had blocked out her thoughts, had tried to block her scent but had then succumbed at the last moment and looked at her. Need, the all encompassing need washing over him. The sound of his mate's blood pumping through the air, the fast thudding of her heartbeat sounding louder than all the music, jingles and people of the boardwalk. Hunger. Hatred, pure and hot. He hated that he was weak. He hated that a mortal girl could have such control over him, he hated that he wasn't with her. She was a stranger to him and it killed him, hurt him, tore him up. He was frustrated, angry that Marko's lure had failed. He was at a loss, feeling crushed. Marko had felt like the only chance. He didn't know how to meet her, how to be around her.
He hated himself.
He was angry, angry with himself, angry with his pack-mates, angry with the girl, the one he loved but didn't even know.
He was-
"-shit!"
Elizabeth cried out as she pulled her hand away from him, clutching it towards her chest as if burned.
Nobody should ever feel such a fast, crushing array of emotions and she cried out, "I don't want to see this!"
The scene changed suddenly.
It was different, shocking and almost abrasive. Before she had felt an almost gentle, hazy change, as if the scenes she was seeing were merging gently. It was difficult to describe but it was almost as if a curtain was being raised slowly. This time, however, she had cried out in frustration, not wanting to see and the result was harsh, as if the curtain had just suddenly dropped.
The boardwalk was gone, the sights and sounds and flashing lights.
It was dark and she knew that she was floating. At least, she wasn't on solid ground.
"Jesus..." she whispered to herself, trying to take it all in.
She had found how to control her movements, she thought she understood the limitations of what she could see and she thought that perhaps she could skip scenes?
It was so weird.
She didn't know what level of control she actually had and she was beginning to regret her foray into his memories.
With a shuddering breath, she looked around, blinking, frozen when she saw the familiar brick and woodwork of her Grandpa's house.
"Oh...oh shit..." she whispered, mildly realizing that spending such time with Paul actually had kind of rubbed off on her. She was comfortable with cursing, that was for sure...but she knew where she was.
She was outside her window.
She was, no..it was Dwayne.
He was outside of her window.
He was hanging from the roof with one hand casually digging into the tiles, though it was obvious that he was actually floating. His forehead was half resting on his arm and she wondered on the set of his face. Was he brooding? Frowning? Whatever he was doing, she doubted he was smiling.
"I can't believe you didn't get her, bud…when the fuck has that not worked?"
"I got her...I had her...she was coming, man..." it was Marko. He was angry, the words were kind of dim and Elizabeth guessed that Dwayne had been listening but not really paying attention, "that fucking booth rat"
Booth rat? What did that mean?
She looked up at the roof but it wasn't clear.
Whoever was up there, Marko and Paul for sure, Dwayne didn't care.
She could hear the men speaking again but she wondered what Dwayne was doing.
Why didn't he care about his friends? Why wasn't he involving himself in the conversation? Taking a breath, not needing to but doing it out of comfort, she was careful not to touch him as she peered into room, in through the window he had draped himself in front of.
It was her.
He was watching her.
She wasn't visible, she was buried underneath her blankets, completely hidden.
Had she known she was being watched? Had she felt it, subconsciously?
There was nothing to see, she was just a lump, a round mass curled up under her blankets.
What could he possibly be so invested in?
With trepidation, she touched him. She curled her hand over his arm, bracing herself for a crushing, suffocating experience filled with anger and hatred and frustration and loathing but instead...she felt none of those things.
Dwayne was feeling none of those things.
"Oh..." she whispered, "oh..Dwayne..."
Love. A soft, tender kind of love for the woman before him. He was hesitant, unsure, hating that he felt such a powerful emotion for a girl he'd not even met but he couldn't deny the feeling. She was his, she was made for him and he knew it. He couldn't fight it, he couldn't deny it.
Most of all, he wasn't trying to deny it.
He had a mate.
He was content to be with her in that moment, everything else aside.
He couldn't see her but he could sense her and right then, it was perfect. He could smell her but she was sleeping deeply, she wasn't thinking or interacting with the room around her. She was just there, it was easier for him to watch her than before. There were no distractions and while the healthy, steady thumping of her pulse was calling him, pulling him, he found that he could fight it.
His pack was close and he took comfort in it. He knew that if he failed himself, if he broke his resolve that they would be there to stop him.
Elizabeth released his arm, finding that she just wanted to cry.
How could he feel such a gentle love like that when they'd not even met?
Feeling it herself made her feel warm, blissfully warm and thankful but guilty, too. She loved Dwayne, with all of her heart she loved him but his experience had been so different. He hadn't wanted a mate, he hadn't needed one but it had been thrust upon him. He had dated her, he had courted her. He had been gentle, kind, fun. He had treated her like a queen, had shown her the best of himself, brought out the best in her.
He had been nothing but loving and she thought she had reciprocated that. She had been honest and open in her feelings but the thing was, she hadn't felt pain.
She hadn't felt the urge, the need that Dwayne had.
That first time she had touched him? It had almost crippled her.
How could it be that she was living a blissful dream with the man she was meant to be with...but for him, it was such a bitter sweet experience, a time of love tinged with anger and hurt and pain.
It wasn't fair.
He had hurt so much.
He should have hated her. She almost hated herself, seeing everything from his eyes. She knew it wasn't her fault, she knew it wasn't his fault either but she would have understood it.
If he loathed her, if he had accepted her but hated her...she would have understood.
Yet here he was.
Star was wrong.
He was a vampire but he was no monster.
"Dwayne?"
Elizabeth watched the blurred face of her mate.
"Dwayne?"
David's voice was a little sharper and as Dwayne reluctantly pushed himself away from the window, moving upwards to the roof with speed that was natural despite being supernatural and impossible to really register, his voice was kinder, "you need to feed. You don't want to be here and hungry"
"I don't want to see this" Elizabeth said loudly into the night, closing her eyes as she did. She didn't want to see Dwayne feed, she didn't want to see him at all, not really.
She felt sad. She felt sad for him.
"If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it"
Sexy, sultry, slightly teasing.
Elizabeth opened her eyes. The boardwalk was busy but there, off into the distance she could see Star and her brother. She could hear the words clearly despite the distance and she grimaced.
"I don't want to see this, either!" Elizabeth said aloud, blinking as she saw her brother surrounded by bikes, holding onto Star's hand loosely, "nor this!"
She didn't want to see the buildup, she just wanted - "show me the cave, the-the maggots"
That was it. That was all she wanted to know, that was all she wanted to see. Everything after meant nothing. Jesus, everything before meant nothing. It should have meant nothing to her, she should never have asked to see it. She had wanted to know the truth about Michael, about what they had done to him but here she was, experiencing absolutely everything.
Dwayne had bared his heart, his soul to her.
She had been so blessed, so lucky in having him as a mate and she felt horribly selfish, seeing how he had suffered.
She didn't doubt there was joy in his memories, too.
She didn't doubt there was happiness, elation and contentment but the hurt and the pain...it was wrong.
She'd had it so easy and here she was, easily witnessing his suffering.
She wished she could hold him.
She took a breath and wrapped her arms around herself, observing where she was...observing where her brother had been taunted by the pack.
She was in the cave and it was warm, toasty almost with oil barrels lit brightly and candles everywhere. She'd never seen so many candles in the cave and she didn't know why. Were they Star's contribution? Did the boys just not care since she had left? The only thing they really added was ambience, the fire drums were more than enough to brighten the room, so perhaps that was it.
She watched, her eyes focusing on her brother.
He looked...
"God..."
He looked like Michael. Her brother, the guy who had embraced her and accepted her into his family unflinchingly.
Handsome, wholesome with expressive eyes and she realized how much she actually missed him.
"So uh, how long have you guys lived here?"
He sounded confident, confident if not a little quiet, but she knew her brother. He was feeling uncomfortable. She could tell, just from the way he was sitting, holding onto a tub of takeout rice. He was holding it tightly and despite being slouched forward, his shoulders were tense. He was speaking through a mouthful of food and Elizabeth couldn't help the ghost of a grin pass over her face.
He always sniped at Sammy for talking with his mouth full, yet here he was.
Paul's laugh bloomed around them and she noted that it was genuine, "hundreds of years"
The other boys laughed with him and Michael did too.
Elizabeth hated to see that.
She knew why the boys were laughing, she knew that Paul's joke wasn't a joke.
They were laughing at Michael, they were laughing at his innocence and ignorance.
She could see her brother shake his head at the joke, grinning as the laughter surrounded him. His own laugh was short and she realized that was why he had grinned instead. Their own laughs far outlasted his. Elizabeth thought that he knew he was an outsider and it sucked to see but she was proud of him, too. He was doing well, he was holding himself well.
Off to the side a little, Elizabeth saw Star shift in her seat and annoyance coursed through her.
Star was there. Why wasn't she helping, defending Michael. Why was she allowing this to happen to him?
"You sure you don't want some?" Michael offered the girl, holding out his carton to her in a gentlemanly way.
That made Elizabeth feel proud. He was trying so hard to blend in with his leather jacket, his attempt to pierce his ear...though she knew that would come later...but he wasn't losing himself. The boys he was sitting with were crude and despite being hosts, they were being clearly unwelcoming but there Michael was. He was staying true to himself, still thinking about the girl he liked.
She bit her lip and reached out to touch Dwayne.
He was sitting closest to Paul but furthest away from her brother, shrouded in shadows. His face was still a blur and she wished she could see it. With a sad smile, she cupped his cheek, frowning as she immersed herself in his thoughts and emotions.
There was disdain for the mortal man sat before him, there was no denying that. No hatred, no..well..Elizabeth paused.
She wished she could say there was no feeling of malice, but there was. Dwayne was enjoying it, he was basking quietly and subtly in the anticipation of what was to come. It wasn't a raging excitement but there was pleasure and there was a malicious cruelty in it.
She wished she could say it wasn't true, but it was.
Just like Marko had told her.
They were dark.
Dwayne was dark.
She took a breath and focused. He was feeling some hatred, but Elizabeth found brief comfort in feeling that Dwayne didn't hate Michael because he was Michael. It was a...
"You're jealous" she said aloud, feeling it herself.
Dwayne didn't hate mortals. Dwayne didn't hate Michael because he was mortal...Dwayne was jealous.
That disdain, that hatred...that was jealousy.
The enjoyment, the subtle malice was real but the hatred? That wasn't.
Elizabeth's scent was all over Michael, Dwayne could read all of his memories and emotions, the times of laughter and joy they'd shared and while they were siblings, they weren't biological siblings.
To Dwayne, Michael stank, reeked, screamed competition.
He was a threat.
Dwayne hated Michael for that.
He hated Michael's connection to Elizabeth and he hated Michael for the way he was feeling.
He knew they were siblings, he knew that Michael felt nothing beyond brotherly love for her and it enraged him because he could rationalize everything but could still not escape the feeling of pure, hot jealousy.
Dwayne was jealous, he felt weak and impotent because of it and it was killing him.
"You're sweet, Michael" Star demurred with a smile "but I'm OK. Really"
"She told you, she doesn't like Chinese food" Dwayne spoke, his voice low and pleased. He added thoughtfully, though it was clearly an act, "or maybe it's the maggots?"
Elizabeth watched as Michael did a double take towards Dwayne, knowing that her brother wouldn't have been able to see him clearly, sat in the shadows as he was.
She could feel the smug sense of satisfaction Dwayne was feeling, then the self loathing that followed straight after.
He hated himself more than he hated Michael.
He had no control.
Dwayne didn't hate mortals, she could feel that he really was was ambivalent to them. She could feel the lack of control was crushing him.
Seeing Michael falter, it made him happy and he hated it.
"What?"
"Maggots" David supplied, his voice filled with cold happiness.
Elizabeth could hear as Marko scoffed a laugh and she watched as Michael tilted his head.
He clearly wasn't comprehending.
"Maggots, Michael!" David said, the cold glee in his voice utterly unmistakeable. He was thrilled to be spelling it out for the boy, "you're eating maggots, how do they taste?"
Michael paused, frozen. Elizabeth pulled her hand away from Dwayne's face, briefly feeling his glee and then self hatred as she watched Michael fling his container to the floor.
Her brother was desperately spitting out kernels of rice from his mouth.
The laughter of all the boys surrounded him and Elizabeth felt hot, then cold.
She turned away from her brother and once again reached out to touch Dwayne.
She could hear him laughing but, as her hand made contact with his cheek she could feel that it was hollow.
Dwayne had wanted to see Michael humiliated, to see him whipped and hurt, to see him punished. It was fitting, the mortal was with his mate, he had wanted to see him suffer because he was jealous but right then, all he felt was hatred for himself.
He felt petty, small.
He felt like a childhood bully, weak and ineffectual.
He was strong, he was powerful but he had been reduced to this?
He was weak, weak, weak-
- "stop!"
Elizabeth took a step back, shaking her head, wishing that she could shake her mate, stop him from hating himself.
She wanted him to see reason, to accept that he wasn't in control of himself, not fully.
He was being driven...driven by his need for her.
He wasn't weak.
He was everything. He was flawed but to her, he was perfect.
She was so focused on Dwayne that she hadn't even been paying attention to her brother, she hadn't noticed that the laughter had subsided, that the boys were beginning to apologize and offer him noodles.
She was finished.
She was finished, she was done.
She wanted Dwayne.
"I want to wake up!" she shouted at the figure of her mate, watching as he brooded in the shadows. She knew what he was thinking, how he was feeling. The hatred, the self loathing, the petty need for revenge that was killing him, the foreign feeling of guilt and weakness. She hated it, she hated knowing, "I don't want to see anymore! I'm done!"
Nothing happened.
"I want to wake up! I don't want to see this! Cut the scene, end it!" she heard her voice crack, "I want to wake up!"
She moved to pinch herself, tugging at the skin of her arms.
She felt nothing.
All she could feel was Dwayne's pain.
"I want to wake up already" she cried, shaking her head, "I just want to wake up...I hate this...please let me wake up..."
The scene slowly faded to black.