Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stomach Ache

Chapter 13

What if Voldemort tried one last method to reach Snape while at Hogwarts?

By

Jason Richard

The three finally found a book on Nicholas Flamel, after hours and hours of searching through the library.

"It's right here," said Hermione excitedly. "Nicholas Flamel is the creator of the Philosopher's Stone...or Sorcerer's stone depending on who you ask. It can turn base metals into gold and is a key ingredient in the elixir of life, a potion that grants immortality. Apparently, he created it while trying to find a potion to cure stomach ache's."

Ron, "Wow. He tried to cure stomach aches and ended up curing death. Go figure."

Harry, "But now we know what's Snape's after. He wants the Sorcerer's Stone for himself. Well, we can't have that. The Boy Who Lived will not stand for such greed! I will fight Severus Snape beginning today!

"At Quidditch, where he is going to referee, I will give him no reason to call foul on me!"

…

Snape, "Foul! Harry Potter!"

Harry, "Doggone it!"

They still won the game with Harry catching the snitch at an awesome dive bomb, but the really strict refereeing from Snape had made the Gryffindor's game much more difficult. Snape, naturally, saw nothing wrong with this.

"I will keep an eye on Harry to stop Quirrell from jinxing his broom," said Snape to himself as he flew above the stadium watching like a hawk. "But it mustn't look like I'm playing favorites with Harry. I'll just be really tough on him and his team. No one will suspect any funny business from me!"

Meanwhile, Harry complained to Hermione and Ron, "Snape clearly played favorites with the Slytherins out there. There's some funny business with that guy!"

Later, after the game, Harry saw Snape dragging Quirrell by the scruff of the neck into the forbidden forest. It was time to investigate, so he got on his broom and very slowly flew towards them, careful not to make a sound as he hid in the trees above them.

"You don't want me as your enemy Quirrell," said Snape. "You should really think about where your loyalties lie."

Quirrell, meanwhile, babbled in terror, unable to form a coherent word. It was Voldemort, still hiding under the turban, who ended up trying to communicate with Snape.

Alright, thought Voldemort, we're out here in the middle of nowhere with no one to see us. This might be my last chance at contacting one of my most loyal servants. Speaking to him didn't work, so it's time to use Telepathy one more time. Here goes nothing…

Unfortunately for Snape he tended to think things that the Dark Lord wouldn't like, such as him serenading Lily Evans under the moonlight (he tried to suppress thinking of her as Lily Potter), rowing Lily Evans in a romantic boat, getting her flowers, and other such romantic things. Even as Snape was roughing up Quirrell such things passed through his mind.

And it was in such a state that Voldemort said under the turban, "Legilimens!"

In Snape's mind:

"Oh Lily Evans," said Snape, kneeling before his beloved with an engagement ring. "It would make me the happiest man alive, if you…"

"Severus," said Voldemort, not pleased. "Just what do you think you are...well...thinking about?"

"Uh," said Snape nervously under the watchful gaze of his former master's mind. "I'm imagining having Lily under the imperious curse?" Unfortunately, this all being in his head, he couldn't help but say, "I'm sorry Lily...I'm sorry Lily...I'm sorry Lily...I'm sorry Lily...I'm sorry Lily...I'm sorry Lily...I'm sorry Lily...I…"

Voldemort, "I heard that."

Snape, "Doggone it! Uh...I mean...I meant for you to hear that...to show just how well I can alter my mind so that even a Legilimens can't read it...because of course, Dumbledore would use a Legilimens to verify my loyalty." and he couldn't help but add, "Please don't notice I'm lying...Please don't notice I'm lying...Please don't notice I'm lying...Please don't notice I'm lying...Please don't notice I'm lying...Please don't notice I'm lying…"

"Wow," said Voldemort in awe. "It must be good. It's even fooling me!"

Snape, "Yeah I actually didn't expect you to be stupid enough...I mean yes! It's fooling even you! Who is unfoolable! That's how dedicated I am to serving you!"

Voldemort, "I don't think unfoolable is a real word, but it's complimenting me so if it isn't' I'll make it one when I rule the world."

And he started doing the evil laugh. Snape joined in as well.

Meanwhile, back in the real world:

Quirrell had been standing there awkwardly as Snape still looked him in the eye. Quirrell rather suspected that Snape had stopped paying attention to him, but Quirrell was too terrified to run. He regretted not doing that when Snape and Voldemort started the evil laugh.

Quirrell, "They're going to kill me, aren't they? Wait, maybe I shout evil laugh too! That might stop it!"

Harry, watching, didn't get the entire conversation, but saw Snape evil laughing.

Harry, "I knew he was evil! It's so obvious!"

Then he noticed Quirrell's turban, also evil laughing, as well as Quirrell himself.

Harry, "An evil laughing turban? While he's evil laughing himself? Wow. Professor Quirrell sure is eccentric isn't he?"