Harry Potter and the What if Scenarios: A Harry Potter Parody

by jtrichard28

What if all of Harry's fame immediately went to his head as a child? What if the Malfoys couldn't tell the difference between a smartphone and magic? What if Severus Snape appeared cruel and scheming, but somehow believed he was helping Harry out?

14. Chapter 14

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stomach Ache

Chapter 14

What if Hagrid got to keep his dragon?

By

Jason Richard

"That's crazy talk!" said Hagrid as Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat sipping tea in Hagrid's hut. "Snape wouldn't be trying to steal the Sorcerer's Stone. He's one of the teachers protecting it. You misunderstood."

"No I didn't," said Harry, seeing a weird, egg-shaped object in the table. "That's weird. Suddenly I don't care about the potential theft of a powerful magic item and just want to know what that weird thing is."

"Oh," said Hagrid proudly. "That's a dragon egg. I've always wanted a dragon of my very own."

"You cannot be serious," said Hermione. "Don't you know how dangerous dragons are? There's a reason they're illegal for anyone but a trained professional to handle."

And now, two opposing viewpoints.

What Hermione actually said:

You can't handle a Dragon. They have razor sharp claws that can tear a man to shreds, fire breath than an incinerate a man in seconds and magically enhanced scales that can deflect spells! How are you going to take care of this thing?

What Hagrid heard:

Blah...Blah...Blah...Dragon...Blah...Blah...blah...razor sharp claws...Blah...Blah...Blah...fire breath...Blah...Blah...Blah...magically enhanced scales...Blah...Blah...Blah…deflect spells...blah...blah...blah...

And now, back in the real world.

Hagrid, "Yes, dragons really are amazing aren't they?"

Hermione, "Oh for goodness sake!"

Hagrid," said Ron. "You can't keep it. My brother Charlie works with dragons. You could get arrested."

Suddenly the door to the cabin opened and Malfoy appeared with professor McGonagall.

"Oh he's going to get arrested alright," said Malfoy smugly. "See! He's got a dragon egg and they're out of bead after hours!"

Hagrid, "Professor McGonagall, you can't possibly…"

McGonagall, "I'm sorry Hagrid. It is my duty to report this."

Suddenly, Dumbledore appeared and said, "What's going on?"

Malfoy, "Hagrid's got a dragon egg and he's going to be arrested!"

Dumbledore, "No he's not."

McGonagall, "Professor Dumbledore! Surely you don't mean him to keep it? Dragon's are dangerous, fire-breathing monsters that eat people."

"Yes," said Dumbledore, "And doesn't that sound fun?"

McGonagall, "No!"

Dumbledore, "Well too bad, because he's keeping it anyway."

Hagrid, "Hooray!"

McGonagall, Hermione, and Ron, "This is going to end in disaster isn't it?"

Harry, "Well alright Hagrid!"

Dumbledore, "Don't start celebrating. You three are still getting detention. You too Malfoy."

All three of them, "What?! Why does Hagrid get a pass and we don't?"

Dumbledore, "Because his disobedience comes with a dragon...and dragons are cool! Also, Malfoy gets extra detention."

Malfoy, "What?! My father could buy you a dragon! My father could buy you ten dragons! He could finance a dragon farm for you! Why should I be the one to get extra detention?! What does Harry Potter have that I don't?!"

Dumbledore, "Likeability."

Malfoy, "Dang it!"