Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stomach Ache

Chapter 15

What if Harry Noticed Something About Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest?

By

Jason Richard

"So," said Ron hesitantly as they walked outside the castle at night. "Our punishment is going into the forbidden forest?"

"Yes," said Filch happily, holding a lantern as he led Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco there.

"The forbidden forest," said Ron. "The forest that's off limits to students?"

"That's the one," said Filch.

"Some...like my brother...would call that a reward," said Ron. "Going into a place that's normally off limits."

"Well it's not," said Filch. "There are werewolves and ghouls and goblins and spiders," (Ron Gulped at that one) "And boggarts and all sorts of nasty things."

Ron, "Fred and George would still consider that a reward. You...you didn't have this be one of their detentions did you?"

Filch, "Shut up!"

And Ron shut up. Malfoy, however, decided to try something.

Malfoy, "If I get my father to pay you a small fortune, will you let me off the hook and not tell anyone?"

Filch, "No, because that would be one less child suffering. Shut up!"

And Draco shut up. Harry, however, got a little curious about one thing.

Harry, "Mr. Filch?"

Filch, "What?"

Harry hesitated, then asked, "Why are you using a lantern and not your wand?"

Filch, "SHUT UP!"

And Harry shut up, making Hermione the only one smart enough to not ask Filch questions.

They reached Hagrid at the edge of the forbidden forest who told them their objective. A unicorn had been wounded in the woods and they were going to look for it. They divided up into two teams, Hagrid with Ron and Hermione, and Harry with Hagrid's dog fang and Draco. Harry and Draco were not pleased with this arrangement and spent most of their time in the woods glaring at each other.

Meanwhile, the one who had hurt the unicorn now stood over the poor creature and licked his lips hungrily. The figure in a dark cloak grinned as it prepared to drink the silver blood. Unfortunately, his attempt to do so was rather awkward as it was Voldemort, still on the back of Quirrell's head, that intended to drink. As Quirrell lay back so the back of his head could reach down and drink he had to hold himself up with his arms so as not to smother the dark lord in the wounded unicorn's flesh, which proved to be rather uncomfortable.

"Master," protested Quirrell. "My arms hurt."

Voldemort, "Put your back into it servant!"

Quirrell, "But my back hurts too!"

Voldemort, "Silence and let me drink fool!"

And Quirrell whimpered.

A few moments later and unsuspecting Harry and Malfoy walked up, still glaring at each other. Voldemort noticed immediately. Harry, out here with Voldemort, a faithful servant, and the son of a faithful servant? This was an incredible opportunity, as the dog wouldn't be a problem.

"Quirrell," said Voldemort softly. "Stand up."

Quirrell, relieved, did so, and Voldemort spoke softly, confident that they wouldn't see Quirrell under this hooded cloak.

Voldemort, "Hello boys, I…"

Draco, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" And the blonde boy ran off, Fang at his heels.

"Apparently Lucius raised a coward," Voldemort whispered to himself, then he turned back to Harry and said, "Well well well, what have we…"

It was then that Harry started sniggering.

Voldemort, "What? What's so funny? I'm a man in a dark cloak who just spent the last few minutes drinking blood from a unicorn. How can that be funny?"

Harry pointed and said, "I can see your hands...and the heels poking out from under that cloak. You're head's on backward.'

Because of course, Quirrell was facing backward so Voldemort could face Harry. It was understandable that Harry would get that impression.

"Well isn't that scary?" said Voldemort with as much intimidation as possible? "Isn't that a frightening, misshapen monster?"

Harry, "Why would I be afraid of that? A monster that has to run backwards to chase someone. I wouldn't recommend you do that. Actually, please do, I'm sure that would be hilarious."

Voldemort, "Why you little…"

Draco, "AAAAAAAAAAA!"

And Draco Malfoy ran between them, still screaming his head off before disappearing into the woods again.

Voldemort, "So Lucius raised a moron as well as a coward. Lovely."

Harry shrugged, "Yeah I almost would have preferred a smarter school nemesis. Looking smarter than him seems too easy."

Voldemort, "Well back to me being scary."

Harry sniggered.

Voldemort, "Shut up!"

Harry, "Seriously mister, if I kick you between the legs I know I'll miss your groin but I'll still be kicking your butt."

Voldemort, "That's you, I'm going to…"

Draco, "AAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Voldemort, "Oh for goodness sake!"

For, of course, Draco ran between them.

Voldemort, "After him! The boy needs a lesson in how not to be an idiot!"

And Quirrell ran after him. Of course, Quirrell couldn't see with his face covered by the cloak so he kept running into branches, and all Harry could see was a man with his head on backward banging the back of his head as he ran.

Voldemort, "This isn't the (thump) end Harry Potter! I (thump) will be back. We will finish (thump) we will finish (thump) OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE YOU FOOL WILL YOU TAKE OFF THIS HOOD AND WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"

And it was that moment that the cloaked figure disappeared, Leaving Harry quite amused by the situation.

And then a centaur showed up.

Centaur, "Hello, I'm Firenze."

Harry, "I'm Harry. Are you a centaur?"

Firenze, "Yes."

Harry, "Cool."

Firenze. "Thank you. Oh by the way that cloaked figure was actually Voldemort."

Harry, "AAAAAAAAAAAA!" and he ran off into the night, leaving Firenze alone.

Firenze then rubbed his hand together gleefully and said, "Alright, time to do centaur stuff."

And by centaur stuff, Firenze meant break karaoke, where he sang:

"Never gonna give...you...up!

Never gonna let...you...down…

never gonna run around and...desert you!"

Other centaurs, "THAT'S NOT CENTAUR STUFF!"