Harry Potter and the Room of Things no one Knows About

Chapter 4

What if Gilderoy Lockhart was forced to use Obliviate more often?

By

Jason Richard

Hermione stood in line at Flourish and Blotts. Not that there was a line for every single one of her school books. Only one very important book had a like, and that was Magical Me by Gilderoy Lockhart. He was an amazing man with many accomplishments and tons of knowledge. Or at least she and the rest of the wizarding world thought.

The truth about Lockhart was that he often used memory spells on wizards who actually did amazing things and then claimed their discoveries and accomplishments for his own. He was a con man through and through, but that didn't stop him from smiling for Witch Weekly's most charming smile award with no real accomplishments and not a hint of shame.

Truth be told there were second year Hogwarts students with more knowledge and accomplishments than him, and one such young lady now stood in line for his book.

When Hermione came up to get a signed copy of the book Lockhart flashed her his most charming smile as he signed.

"Hello young lady," said Gilderoy. "Here for a copy of Magical Me? Of course you are, it's only natural."

"Oh yes," said Hermione. "I've read all your other works. Did you really defeat the Bandon Banshee with a laughing potion? That was amazing!"

"Of course," said Gilderoy. "And it wasn't easy. I had to round up all the ingredients from scratch. Finding the five knarl quill's was especially difficult."

Hermione, "Um...Mr. Lockhart, a laughing potion requires exactly three knarl quills."

Lockhart blinked in confusion and said, "What?"

"It needs three knarl quills," said Hermione. "No more no less. Even forgetting that you supposedly defeated a banshee by making that potion from scratch, shouldn't a man of your reputation know that?"

Lockhart, "Obliviate!"

As Hermione blinked in confusion, the last couple of seconds gone from her memory, Lockhart was grateful no one had been looking as he put his wand away.

"Of course I defeated the Bandon Banshee with a laughing potion," said Gilderoy. "And it wasn't easy. I had to round up all the ingredients from scratch. Finding the...ahem...three knarl quill's was especially difficult."

"Of course," said Hermione. "A man of your reputation would know the exact ingredients of the potion needed to defeat a banshee. I just know you were amazing doing it!"

"Of course you do," said Lockhart, smiling, "It's only natural."

"Tell me," said Hermione. "Did you really get captured by trolls when you disappeared for three weeks?"

"Indeed I was young lady," said Lockhart. "And it was a daring escape from them, let me tell you, surviving out in the wilderness with nothing to eat but wild baneberries…"

"You ate nothing but poison berries?" asked Hermione. "Surely a man of your reputation would know that baneberries…"

"Obliviate!" said Lockhart, blessing his luck that no one was looking again. As Hermione blinked in confusion, Lockhart smiled and kept talking.

"Yes," said Lockhart. "I survived on nothing but wild...Blueberries...and barely escaped those flesh hungry trolls with my life."

"Amazing," said Hermione. "Amazing. And the way you defeated that vampire! Just how did you charm it so that it could only eat lettuce instead of blood?"

"Well it was tricky," said Lockhart. "I first had to capture it, and that meant getting together the usual vampire weaknesses. Silver, magic water, onion…"

Hermione, "Don't you mean garlic? I mean come on, even muggles know that!"

Lockhart, "Obliviate!"

As Hermione shook her head in confusion Lockhart sighed shaking his head in frustration.

Lockhart, "This is so embarrassing."

Hermione, "What is so embarrassing?"

"Oh," said Lockhart, realizing his mistake. "Um...I'm not sure how to spell your name my dear."

"Really?" asked Hermione, disappointed. "I suppose it might be that common a name, but I figured a man of your reputation would surely know something like that."

Lockharts nails raked against the wood of his desk as he grinned through his supreme irritation, his once charming smile now strained and forced.

"Indeed," said Lockhart. "A man of my reputation know a lot of things. Including memory spells."

And he raised his wand one final time, not caring how much of this girls memory he erased.

…

Hermione sat in Borgin and Burkes feeling very disoriented. She remembered talking to Gilderoy Lockhart, but most of the conversation was a bit of a blur. She couldn't help but think that her encounter with such a legendary man was disappointing, but for the life of her she couldn't figure out why.

Harry Potter, at that moment, came up to say hi, but quickly saw her disoriented look.

"Hey," said Harry, quickly frowning. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," said Hermione. "I just...feel like I've forgotten something."

"Hermione Granger forget something?" asked Harry in mock surprise. "Impossible!"

Hermione, "Hey...how do you know my name?"

Harry, "Hermione it's me...Harry...you're friend."

Hermione, "I have friends!?"