Magnus and Alec have loving sex after the ordeal with Jace's emotional episodes and Clary's supposed death. Yes, Rated M. Yes, Lovey. Enjoy!
"Magnus?" Alec asks. He is standing not far from the candles he lit outside. He thought that it would be over for him but his grief is clearly deeper than Alec had thought. He puts his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. Magnus turns around with a small, sad expression. He puts his hand on his chest like he usually does but this time, he's shaking.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"Nothing to bother yourself with," he says.
He tries to walk away but Alec grabs his hand, pulling him back. Magnus nods, looking to Alec when he is pulled toward his boyfriend again. They both stand there, waiting for the other to say something and staring in complete fear.
"It's about tonight…about Clary," he admits.
"Talk to me," Alec begs.
Magnus nods and pulls him outside, holding his hand so tight, Alec wonders if Magnus might break without the support. When he turns to him, Magnus looks as if he is hardly holding himself together. Alec tries to touch his face but the older man holds his hand instead.
"Talk to me," Alec insists again.
He nods.
"She's gone. I had a bond with that little girl when she was young. I was her friend. I was her protecter, though I didn't always want to be and I knew her well. I know she didn't deserve this," he says.
Alec nods.
"I know. It's awful. I can feel Jace's grief all the time. It's always there. I can feel him hurting. I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be able to help him. When I was there for him today, I know he felt it. He was better but it'll never be the same," Alec says.
Magnus realizes that the tone has changed to Jace, which is exactly what he wanted to talk about…sort of. But he doesn't know how to bring it up. So instead of bringing it right up, he leans closer, putting his hand on the side of Alec's face.
"You have to give him time. Remember to help him. Never let him be alone, Alec. It's good that your parabatai rune is so much stronger right now. You'll want to be able to feel him if he falls into the darkness," he says.
"Darkness?"
"If you lost me…could you imagine what you would be thinking?" he asks. Alec shakes his head. A cold shiver goes down his spine. His hands shake. He squeezes Magnus closer to him, not even realizing how terrifying that thought really is.
"By the angel, Jace must feel like he's dying," Alec mutters, almost to himself. Magnus nods, looking just as sad as his counterpart.
"Worse, Alec. There are fates worse than death."
They are both silent for a few moments before Magnus realties that he cannot keep this inside forever. He has to talk to him about it. If he is going to tell anyone, it has to be Alec. He feels so empty, so lost, so wrong without his magic. He doesn't even know who he is anymore. This doesn't even feel like Magnus.
"Alexander," he says in a controlled tone that is not lost on his boyfriend. "I feel like I'm floating in a new body. Everything is different. You'll have to be patient with me as I'm finding myself again."
"You were patient with me when I found myself," Alec says with a smile. It doesn't make Magnus smile but it is enough to lighten to the mood. Alec puts his hands around his neck, pulling him so that their chests press against each other as they stare. "I will help you."
"I trust that," Magnus says. "But you should know…I don't remember what it's like to be without magic. I've never really been without it. I don't know how to function like a normal person, anymore. I don't know how I'll act or who I'll be."
"That's okay. I know. You'll be Magnus Bane, a powerful, kind man with a heart of gold."
"I am not powerful anymore, Alexander. I gave up all of that," he says, turning around to face the wall. Alec moves so that he can turn his boyfriend around but he doesn't want to. He puts his hand on the shorter man's shoulder without moving anything else.
"You had no choice," Alec says, trying to make sense of the confusion that is running through both of them.
"I did actually. I could keep my magic and let Jace die with his demon, or I could save Jace and get rid of everything I have ever known, everything that made me who I was." Alec doesn't understand why he is suddenly upset about it, almost as if blaming. Magnus turns around with an expression of frustration. They stare at each other in pain for the other. "I did it for you, Alec."
"What?"
He looks bewildered. He had never expected this. This changes a lot in his mind all at once.
"I gave up my magic for two reasons: one, I could be with you completely without having to feel as if I was ever going to lose you for anything related to me being a warlock. But the most important one was simple." He takes a deep breath, almost as if this will be hard to say. "If I didn't give up my magic, Jace would've died, and if Jace would've died…you would have too."
Magnus turns back to the room. He walks through the living room and into the bedroom. Alec doesn't follow him. His brain is hurting. If Jace died, Alec would have been hurting, part of him would have died, part of him would have been gone forever, but he can't ask Magnus to give that away for someone that he doesn't like.
"Wait!" Alec shouts, following Magnus into the bedroom. He finds his boyfriend sitting in nothing but long purple and blue pants on the edge of their silk bed. Alec kneels in front of him, putting his hands on his boyfriend's and making him look at him.
"You didn't have to give that up for me," Alec says.
"Yes, I did," he says.
"Why?"
"I saw you when Jace died. I felt your pain. I watched you scream, I watched you fall. You were in complete agony. Your fear…it was like something was dying inside of you, Alexander. I couldn't let you live like that," he says.
"It wasn't your choice, Magnus. I never would have asked you to do that," Alec says.
"I know. That's why I did it. I need all of you, Alexander. If that means, giving up a part of me, I would be okay with that. I won't let you sacrifice your health, your best friend, your brother for my magic."
"I love you," Alec says.
Magnus smiles at him. Neither of them are going to get anything done here.
"I love you too."
Magnus leans close to him, trying to kiss him. Alec lets him. They kiss, bringing the other close for several seconds. Then Alec stands, pulling his shirt off.
"I want to be with you," Alec says.
Magnus kisses Alec's lower stomach. He pulls his pants down and then his underwear, kissing around his stomach before following that perfect v shape to his member.
"Are you sure Jace can't feel what you're feeling?" Magnus asks.
"No," Alec says. "But I don't really care right now. I just want you, Magnus."
Magnus takes him in his mouth, licking and sucking for just a few seconds. It is enough to drive Alec crazy. He grabs his boyfriend's hair, pulling it as he sucks him. He calls out after just a few seconds. He pushes him away and rids himself of his clothes completely, taking them off of Magnus so fast, it is a blur.
Magnus smiles.
"I kind of like having to take clothes off the manual way," Magnus says with a smile. It makes Alec grin back.
"It's sexy watching you," he admits.
Alec grabs Magnus and pushes him down onto the bed on his stomach. He kisses along his neck before holding onto his hand and inserting himself. They move together, groaning and moaning until Alec reaches around to touch Magnus.
"Keep going," Magnus begs.
It is clear he is already close. He pumps his hand on his boyfriend, moving him as fast and hard as he can until he is pushing his hips erratically into his parter.
"Magnus!" Alec shouts.
"Harder, Alexander."
At their highest level of pleasure, neither man denies themselves the needs that they require. Finally, Alec cannot hold back his orgasm. He scratches his partners back as he thrusts, calling out and gasping. Magnus is not far behind him. Though Alec's movements are strange, they are still fast and hard.
Just before he finishes, he calls out, "Alexander."
The men turn to each other, smiling, feeling elated, high and as if they are flying when Magnus laughs.
"What is it?" Alec asks.
"I do like being able to clean my sheets with magic."