Alec and Magnus are together when he realizes that his parabatai rune is bleeding. Jace is grieving over Clary.
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"Don't stop," Alec begs Magnus.
He doesn't. Magnus kisses down his boyfriends neck to his chest, trailing his hands down his body. Alec starts arching toward him, wanting him when something is uncomfortable. He tries to ignore it as Magnus pulls his shirt off. But the feeling just gets worse.
Then there is pain. Real pain.
He tries to ignore that too when Magnus puts his hands on his pants, as if he's going to kiss away the reaction. But the pain is stronger now. Magnus gasps as his kiss trail stops just before the good part. He looks up at Alec with concern and touches his side.
"What?" he asks.
"Alexander," he says in shock, staring at his hand that is now dripping in scarlet red.
"What is that?" Alec begs, grunting in pain. He looks down to see what Magnus was so concerned about.
His parabatai rune was bleeding.
"By the angel," Alec says in shock, touching it and feeling excruciating pain zip through his entire body. It is enough that he is shaking all over in complete confusion.
"What is happening?" he asks himself. He can feel Jace's pain but it's more than that. There is a different kind of pain that is making this whole thing more unbearable. He can't pinpoint what exactly is wrong with him. He doesn't know what kind of pain he is in.
"Something's wrong with Jace," Alec says, looking to Magnus with confusion.
"Maybe you should call him, Alexander. It looks pretty serious," he says. Both men move slowly, almost in shock. Alec grabs his phone and calls Jace but there is no answer. He calls again while Magnus presses some gauze over his rune.
"Ah! Stop!" he shouts in so much pain, even the slightest touch bothers him now. He grabs Magnus's hand. He takes it away, squeezing his fingers and waiting for Jace to answer.
No answer. One more time as Magnus gathers his clothes and hands them over. No answer.
"Damn it!" Alec shouts, clearly terrified for his parabatai and maybe even for himself.
They run together as fast as they can toward the institute. Alec calls Izzy on the way there but there is no answer. He has to remind himself that it is late at night. He and Magnus were in the middle of something but if something is really wrong with Jace, they have to solve it right away. Alec knew that something like this was going to happen. He knew that being able to feel him would make things harder, not easier for them.
But he never would have guessed that this would happen. His rune has already bled through his shirt after the first block of running. When he gets Izzy on the phone, he is practically crying with relief.
"Where are you?" he asks.
"Alec, what are you doing? Are you running? Is something wrong?" she asks, never listening to what Alec needs before she satisfies her own questions. Alec tries not to become angry but his bond to Jace feels different somehow, hurting.
"I need you to find Jace right now," he demands.
"What?"
"Find JACE! NOW ISABELLE!"
He feels Magnus put his hand on him but it does him almost no comfort. He needs someone to pull him out of this fear and that has to be Jace. No one else can help fix their bond.
"Alec, I need you to calm down," Magnus begs. But Alec can barely hear him. He is running toward his best friend, the one person that he physically cannot live without. Finally, he hears something on the other side from Isabelle.
"He's not in his room," she says. "He's not in the music room either. I don't know where else to look. No one is working except for the guards. I can't find him, Alec."
"I called him. He didn't answer."
"What's wrong with him? I mean, did you feel something?" she asks. Alec doesn't want to tell her. He doesn't want to scare her more than she already is. But he has to tell her the truth so she can help find their brother. He swallows hard, continuing to run and trying not to sound terrified or shaken, though he is both.
"My parabatai run is bleeding," he says.
"By the angel, Alec," she says.
"I know."
"I'll keep looking for him."
"See you soon."
Alec tries to find comfort in the fact that Magnus is with him, that he is not alone but it doesn't work. It doesn't matter. They run together until they reach the institute. He enters, pushing people out of his way and screaming for Jace. No one answers him. No one responds to him. No one knows where he is.
"The roof," Alec says. "Where's my sister?"
He doesn't ask anyone in particular. He asks everyone. He hopes that by doing this he might get an answer.
"Looking for Jace. I don't know where."
Alec nods, running upstairs and out onto the roof. Of course he would be up here. He always hides up here.
He finds Jace staring out into the night with a bleeding knife by his side. He is swaying, staring and not looking the least bit afraid. Alec walks cautiously toward him, feeling Magnus behind him. He walks until he reaches Jace where he puts his hand on his parabatai. He can feel electricity shoot down his body. But it is not the good kind. No. This is the kind that sends him to his knees.
"Jace. What?"
He is unable to form a sentence that makes sense.
"Jace," Alec begs.
"Alexander? What's going on?"
He can feel Magnus getting closer to him, scared for his boyfriend. He stands up, touching his run and realizing that it is still bleeding. Bleeding. The knife. Jace is bleeding? But why would that make Alec bleed?
He turns Jace around. He has blood covering his side, by his rune. Alec puts his hand on it, lifting his shirt and grazing his hands over the mangled flesh.
"What? What is this?" Alec asks. "Jace, what happened?"
Jace has tears on his face, blood on his body and a knife in his hand. There is not just blood on the knife. It is skin too. Flesh. What happened? Why would Jace try to put the knife to his parabatai rune? No. There is no way. He would never do that.
"Did you try to cut off our rune?" he demands, tears in his own voice. Everyone knows that Jace doesn't cry often, only when something is so bad he can't control his own body. But Alec? Has anyone ever seen Alec cry? No. Because when Alec cries, his heart is broken. When Alec, cries it is alone, sad in his bed, never in front of another. Maybe once with Jace but even then, it was never spoken about again.
Right now, Alec feels like his heart is breaking.
"Jace! Answer me! Did you try to cut out our rune?" he asks again, tears choking his voice and anger pushing through his entire body. That's why it hurt so bad. That's why he's bleeding.
"Jace! Answer!"
He grabs Jace's shoulders and shakes him, making him look at his parabatai. Jace presses his shaking lips together and nods his head. Alec feels like his heart is falling out of his body. He turns around, not able to look at anyone. He can feel Magnus get closer but never touch him. He knows that it won't help him.
"Why?" Alec asks, letting his body cry but wiping his face away before he turns back around, never letting anyone else know.
"I'm sorry," he says.
"No! You don't get to say sorry! Why the hell would you do that? You know you can't just cut it off, Jace? It's a bond forged forever no matter what you do to it! I can still feel it!"
Alec lifts his shirt up for Jace to see his bleeding wound.
"Jace, why would you hurt us?" he asks.
"I…I didn't want you to…I didn't want you to feel what I feel," he says. "For once, I knew that if I hurt it, just for a little bit, you wouldn't have to feel what I feel."
"Jace, why?"
"It was too much. You deserve to be happy and I knew that if you felt what I was, you couldn't be. It would be…excruciating."
Alec doesn't know what to do but then he looks to Jace, who has his arms laying down by his sides, his parabatai wound bleeding and his body hunched over.
He wasn't trying to cut it off. He was trying to damage it so they couldn't feel each other? That doesn't make sense but Jace was upset. Maybe he wasn't thinking straight and he really thought he would be sparing Alec. Alec looks to Jace.
"Sparing me from your pain?" Alec asks.
"I thought so," Jace says. "I didn't think you would—"
Alec rushes over to him, wrapping his arms around Jace. The brothers stand there for a long time, hugging, even crying and feeling nothing but love for the other one.
"I will not let you hurt alone," Alec says. "Don't ever do anything like that again."
"I'm sorry, Alec. I'm so sorry."