Harry Potter and the Room of Things no one Knows About

Just how would Harry and Ron get out of the Spider's lair without the car?

Chapter 16

By

Jason Richard

Luckily enough there was a line of tiny little spiders leaving Hagrid's hut, so Harry and Ron followed them, much to Ron's displeasure. Deep into the dark forest they went, the woods getting dark and darker as the darkness enveloped them...in this very dark forest.

"Wow," said Harry. "It's dark in here."

"I wanna go home," said Ron.

Harry, "Hogwarts or the burrow?"

Ron, "Pick one!"

Deeper and deeper into the forest they went, creeping along slowly. They'd go a little faster if Ron didn't keep turning around and walking the other way, Harry lamented, but he made sure Ron soldiered on. Finally, they started following some larger spiders. Then larger, and larger, until finally many of the creatures were larger than a St. Bernard.

Ron: "Harry..."

Harry: "Don't you dare barf!"

Ron: "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh..."

Finally, they came to a grove filled with lots of giant spiders, each the size of a large dog. Ron had to fight not to...well you know. In the center of this clearing was the largest Spider Harry had ever seen, bigger than even a car. Even Harry was getting sick just looking at it.

"Who is that?" asked the giant spider wearily. "Hagrid? Is that you?"

"No," said Harry. "But we're friends of Hagrid. We're here to ask you about the chamber of secrets. Were you the monster from that chamber?"

"If I was," said the giant Spider. "I would be hiding there, not here in the forest."

Harry: "Oh...I guess that makes sense."

"I am Aragog," said Aragog the spider. "And the creature from the chamber is an ancient monster we spiders fear above all others. We dare not even speak its name"

"Oh," said Harry. "So it's the giant spider equivalent of Voldemort?"

Aragog: "WE DON'T SPEAK OF HIM EITHER!"

"Sorry," said Harry, cringing. "Anyway, if you're not the monster, we'll just go."

"Oh no," said Aragog. "You're spider chow now."

Harry and Ron, "What?! But we're friends of Hagrid."

"Hey," said Aragog. "You agreed to be spider chow when you entered this forest."

"I did no such thing!" protested Harry.

"Hey," said Aragog. "If you didn't want to be spider chow you should have read the fine print."

"What fine print?" asked Harry. "I never signed anything. What is there fine print on the trees?"

Aragog: "Yes."

Harry, curiously, went over to a tree and looked. Sure enough, he saw the words, in very tiny print, "All those who enter this forest agree to be spider chow."

"Huh," said Harry.

"Harry," said Ron, whimpering. "What do we do?"

"Nothing," said one of the giant Spiders. "We're going to wrap you up in webs."

"Are you about to say what I think you're going to say?" asked Harry.

Spider: "Inject you with our enzymes."

Ron: "Hrk!"

Harry: "Oh no please don't do that."

Spider: "let it liquefy your insides."

Ron: "Hrk!"

Harry: "Please, please, please stop talking..."

Spider: "And suck it all out with a straw."

The spider held up a straw, Ron made more gagging noises, and Harry sighed as he said, "And here we go."

...

Later, throughout the forest, Spiders ran as fast as they could. Those who could see what they were running from went mad with fear, while those wise enough to run only knew the terror they felt through the Spider's words.

"Run!" cried the Spiders. "It's the vomitpocalypse!"

...

Later Harry and Ron walked through the forest in stunned silence. They went like this for a while, and finally one of them spoke.

"Harry," said Ron. "About what just happened...let's never speak of that again."

"Agreed," said Harry. He thought about it, and found he did have one question. "Just how much did you eat today anyway?"

Ron: "I'm a growing boy okay!?"