Harry Potter and the Room of Things no one Knows About

What if Harry had to defeat the basilisk without any help?

Chapter 19

By

Jason Richard

Harry stumbled into a large chamber, supported by columns shaped like snakes. There was also a statue in the back shaped like an old man with a suspiciously basilisk sized hole where the mouth should be. Harry didn't notice that, however, as he saw Ginny lying down on the floor, unconscious. Harry ran to her and kneeled down, taking her hand.

"Ginny?!" He asked urgently. "Ginny?! Can you hear me?!"

She didn't move aside from her eyes, which shifted underneath her eyelids. Poor Ginny, Harry thought. What fresh nightmares must she be experiencing in this state?"

Meanwhile, in Ginny's dreams:

Harry stretched out his hand, wearing a white Tuxedo, and said, "May I have this dance, from the most beautiful girl in the world?"

Ginny: "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

Back in the real world:

Harry looked up at the sound of footsteps. Harry looked up to see none other than Tom Riddle himself, in the flesh. There was a strange shimmer to him that Harry noticed, no doubt because he was a memory in a diary.

"Harry Potter," said Riddle. "So nice to…huh. Ginny was right. Your eyes really are as green as a fresh pickled toad."

Harry: "What?"

"Nothing!" said Riddle, a little flustered. "Just…just here."

Riddle scooped up Harry's wand, which Harry hadn't even realized he'd dropped.

Harry: "Hey! Give that back!"

"Nope!" said Tom. "It's mine now!"

Harry: "Jerk move Riddle! Jerk move!"

"Hey," said Riddle, shrugging. "That's par for the course for the heir of Slytherin and the guy who'd become the dark lord. And believe me, I may just be a memory stored in a diary, but I'm as good as the real thing now. How the greatest sorcerer in the world lost to a baby like you I'll never know."

Harry thought about that, then said, "Voldemort. As a seventeen-year-old."

"You…" said Riddle. "You don't seem very scared."

"Well," said Harry. "You were a lot more frightening as a face on the back of some dude's head. This is like when Darth Vader became Anakin. Taking a powerful dark lord and turning them into a whiny teenager just isn't scary."

"The dark lord is not whiney!" cried Riddle.

Harry: "Waaaaah! I'm a powerful dark lord and losing to a baby's no fair! Waaaaah!"

Riddle: "That does it. BASILISK!"

The giant snake slithered out from the mouth of the statue in the basilisk and raised its head up next to its master.

"Alright," said the snake unhappily. "What should I do to this one? Petrify him with a vanity mirror? A window? Do you have the ghost of Steve Irwin to petrify him and humiliate me completely?"

"Nope," said Riddle. "The boy's snake chow."

Basilisk: "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"

Harry ran, the basilisk at his back, and shouted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Albus Dumbledore is the greatest sorcerer in the world! Here I am, asking for help…exactly as I said! Surely some help is going to come right out of nowhere and save the day! Right?!"

…

Fawkes sat in Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore himself stood there, trying to coax the bird off of his perch.

"Oh come now Fawkes," said Dumbledore. "Don't be like that. I'm sure the author of this fanfic didn't mean to forget writing you into the Dumbledore's office scene. He's so focused on jokes that he sometimes forgets certain things. Naturally, he couldn't forget to write the scene where you save the day. Isn't the cool part of your role in the story way more important?"

The orange and red bird, who had been sulking in the corner, cheered up upon hearing this. The phoenix spread his wings, ready to take flight…

"Dumbledore!" cried Fudge. "What are you doing here?! You were dismissed as headmaster!"

Dumbledore: "Haven't you heard? An eleven-year-old thinks I am the greatest sorcerer in the world!"

Fudge, distracted by how strange that sentence was, got his bearings and said, "I'm facilitating the arrival of a new headmaster. Get out of here before he sees you! And take that silly bird with you!"

Fawkes the phoenix flew out the window, making a sound somewhere between a sob and a squawk.

Dumbledore: "Oh now look what you've done. You've upset him! Now he's too distraught to help an eleven-year-old defeat a giant snake and a memory kept in a diary with a tiny little sword."

Silence, and then…

Fudge: "I…I have no idea if you're joking or not."

…

For some reason, Harry got the sinking feeling that he was utterly alone in this fight.

He ran into a side passage, the basilisk at his heels. He darted back and forth and managed to lose the basilisk by hiding in a corner, letting the thing slither past him. He then ran back to the main passage, seeing Riddle standing over Ginny. Harry needed a way to get his wand back, so he snuck up on him, and then…

Harry: "DUMBLEDORE HELP!"

Riddle: "DUMBLEDORE WHERE?!"

Harry snatched his sand and ran off, saying, "Haha! It's mine again!"

And Riddle's eye twitched.

At that moment the Basilisk slithered in, but Harry was way ahead of him. Looking at the reflection of the water on the floor Harry shouted the spell, "duct tapeicus!" that put pieces of duct tape over the snake's eyes. The giant snake started thrashing violently.

Harry: "Hah! Now, what' are you going to do?!"

The snake heard him, then opened his mouth and went CHOMP!

As Harry found himself inside the mouth of the snake, struggling to keep from being swallowed he realized he should have seen this coming. He struggled to keep from getting swallowed, but apart from being really gross, the saliva soaking his robes was really slippery. He thought of every spell he could think of, but couldn't think of one that would get him out of this. Unless he knew one that could make the basilisk gag…actually…there was one…

No…thought Harry. No…I can't…it's too gross…it's…sigh…no grosser than the position I'm already in.

So Harry reluctantly pointed his wand down the basilisk's throat and shouted at the top of his lungs, "EAT SLUGS!"

The basilisk's eyes grew wide, and then…

SPLAT!

For a moment the giant pile of slugs just lay there, squirming and secreting slime as the basilisk rushed off to throw up slugs somewhere else. Moments later a very, very, very upset Harry, with one of the basilisk's fangs stuck in his arm, crawled out of the slugs and got up, walking over to Riddle covered in slime.

"Well," said Riddle. "That was gross."

Harry: "I hate you."

Riddle: "Too bad. You're going to die soon anyway. You've got the poisonous fang of an ancient magical creature sticking out of your arm."

"Gee," said Harry furiously. "Is that what that excruciating pain is? I never would have guessed."

Harry pulled the fang out then kneeled down next to the diary, which lay next to the unconscious Ginny.

"Hah!" cried Riddle. "You can't destroy the diary like that. It's actually a rare magical artifact that cannot be destroyed, except by the rarest of magic, and the chances of you getting your hands on magic that rare before the basilisk poison kills you are pretty much zero."

Harry looked up, held the basilisk fang over the diary, and said, "Is basilisk venom rare enough magic?"

Riddle frowned.

"So," said Harry. "Let me get this straight. You have this incredibly powerful magical item that can only be destroyed by rare, hard to find magic, you just happened to have one of those types of magic at your disposal, and your plan was to put the item and the magic that can destroy it in the same room?"

As Harry waved the basilisk fang over the now vulnerable diary, Riddle frowned deeper and said, "Well anything will sound stupid if you say it with that attitude."

Harry: "Tell you what. You describe doing this in a way that doesn't sound stupid then I won't stab this diary."

Riddle thought about it carefully.

"Well," said Riddle. "I obviously brought you here so the basilisk would kill you. Obviously, if the real me couldn't kill you then a basilisk…actually no. There's nothing more likely to kill you than Voldemort so I would have stood a better chance doing it myself. Huh."

Riddle thought some more.

Then, to the side, they heard the basilisk throw up another pile of slugs.

Riddle: "Okay yeah, this was a stupid move."

Harry, "Thank you!"

So Harry stabbed the book, and Tom Riddle went POOF!

Harry took a deep breath, glad this was over.

Suddenly Ginny sat up and said, "YES HARRY I DO!"

Ginny, realizing that she was in a dark, cold chamber, looked over at Harry. He looked at Ginny in confusion and Ginny looked at him with embarrassment.

Harry: "Yes Harry you do what?"

Ginny: "Nothing."

Dumbledore showed up and said: "Nothing what?"

Harry and Ginny: "Ah!"