Harry Potter and the Poodle of Magic Alcatraz

Chapter 4

What if Draco learned his lesson even less?

By

Jason Richard

Harry, Ron, and Hermione's first class was a new one. Divination. The art of seeing the future. The sat down to class to find a woman in glasses so large they were practically goggles...and it wasn't as if her eyes weren't big enough already.

"Welcome!" she said, exaggerating her words to sound dramatic but really sounding silly! "To Divination class! Here you will learn the arcane arts that allow us to see...INTO THE FUUUUUTUUURE!"

Hermione: "I think you're overselling it a bit."

"NOOOOOOOO!" said the woman, whose name was Professor Trelawney. "I AM SELLING IT JUST ENOOOOUGH!"

Two girls, Lavender Brown and Pavarti Patil, took notice and said, "Oh well if she's selling it this much then divination must be amazing."

Hermione: "Oh good grief!"

They all moved to various divination techniques, such as crystal ball reading, card reading, and finally tea leaf reading. They saw all sorts of different shapes in them, most notably animals. Professor Trewlaney nodded to most of the students.

And then she saw Harry's.

"Gasp!" cried the professor. "My dear boy! You have...the grim! A most horrible omen! In the form of a black spectral dog! It is an omen...of DEATH!"

Everyone in the room gasped!

Harry took one look at his omen of death and frowned.

Harry: "It looks like a poodle."

Trelawney. "Yes..." he leaned in to look Harry in the eye and said, "The evilest form of the grim there is."

For a few moments, the room was silent, and then...

Ron: "Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"

Then he cringed, expecting Hermione to hit him for being disruptive in class, but then he saw her sitting there with a disapproving look directed at Professor Trelawney."

Ron: "Hermione? You're not upset that I did that?"

Hermione: "I don't care if you disrupt the class of this old fraud."

Ron: "Sweet!"

…

As the three went to their next class, Ron was befuddled and said, "But Hermione, ancient runes is at the same time as divination. You mean to tell me that you went to two classes at once?"

Hermione: "Don't be silly Ron. How could anyone be in two places at once?"

Ron: "So...you aren't going to ancient runes?"

Hermione: "Of course I am."

Ron: "But they're at the same time. You'd have to be in two places at once to go to other classes."

Hermione: "Don't be silly Ron, how could anyone be in two places at once?"

Silence.

Ron: "Is this a prank?"

Hermione: "Do I look like Fred or George?"

Ron: "They could use polyjuice potion."

Hermione: "Well, regardless, I'm going to both classes, but I'm not in two different places at once even though the classes take place at the same time."

Ron: "Gee...that's cleared that up."

Harry: "Hermione, he has a point. Just how are you attending both classes at the same time?"

Hermione: "Oh look there's Hagrid with a dangerous beast!"

Harry and Ron gave panicked looks and said, "Where?!" and Hermione breathed a sigh of relief.

As they approached Hagrid's hut, they all noticed Hagrid standing next to a bunch of creatures with the bodies of horses, but the head, wings, and talons of eagles.

"Gather round," said Hagrid. "Gather round for the first lesson of the year! For our very first lesson, I'm here to introduce you to one of the most amazing creatures in the world!"

As if on cue every single student pulled out football helmets and padded jerseys and put them on.

"Okay Hagrid," said Ron. "We're ready for the creature."

Hagrid: "Oh don't be so dramatic. Now come on. These are Hippogriffs. Beautiful aren't they? Now, Hippogriffs are very proud creatures. Never insult a Hippogriff. It might be the last thing you ever do."

The students gave each other looks, pulled out their wands, and transformed the football helmets and padding into steel plate armor.

Hagrid: "Now see here! There's no need for that! Hippogriffs absolutely won't harm you! Unless you insult them...or look at them a way they don't like...or make a noise they find annoying...or ignore them when they want attention...or touch them the wrong way. I mean wow, if you touch them the wrong way they will eviscerate you. But apart from any of that, they absolutely won't harm you. Harry? Why don't you go first."

Harry sighed and said, "Why me?"

So Hagrid had Harry bow to a hippogriff named Buckbeak, and despite a short evil look in the creatures eye it let Harry approach and stroke him. Once the creature warmed up to Harry he was actually quite nice. Harry was still nervous to ride the flying creature, but once he did it wasn't too bad. It was no broom, but it was kind of interesting.

Soon all the students got to pair with a hippogriff, and no one got hurt. Well, no one except for someone stupid.

"Yeah," said Draco, stroking Buckbeak. "You're not dangerous at all are you? You great, big ugly brute."

The next thing Draco knew he was lying on the ground, a Hippogriff's beak was embedded in his arm, and he was screaming like a little girl.

Draco: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

It took Hagrid a few moments to break it up. Most of the students were pretty shaken up, even Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Wow," said Harry as Hagrid watched over Draco. "I never thought I'd feel sorry for Draco Malfoy."

Draco: "Just wait till my father hears about this. You stupid hippo..."

Buckbeak pounced.

Draco: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Hagrid: "Buckbeak!"

Hagrid had to break it up once again. And as he was leading Buckbeak away...

Draco: "You'll pay for that you dirty, filthy little..."

Buckbeak pounced.

Draco: "AAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Hagrid: "Buckbeak!"

Once again Hagrid had to separate them.

Draco: "My arms never going to work again! What is wrong with that retarded..."

Buckbeak pounced.

Draco: "AAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Hagrid: "Buckbeak!"

Harry: "I take it back. I don't feel sorry for him."

Hermione: "Yeah, you'd think he'd have learned his lesson by now."

Ron: "Say, Hermione, can you conjure up some popcorn? This is great!"

Hermione punched in the shoulder and he went, "Ow!"

Draco, meanwhile, had learned his lesson. He wouldn't insult the Hippogriff.

Out loud.

"Stupid bird...horse thingie," he whispered, so as not to be heard.

Buckbeak heard him, and growled, slowly turning around despite Hagrid's attempt to keep him away.

Draco swallowed nervously and said, "I didn't mean it?"

Moments later the heir to the Malfoy household had never run so fast in his life.