Harry Potter and the Poodle of Magic Alcatraz

Chapter 7

What was going through Snape's mind during the Werewolf lessons?

By

Jason Richard

"Ah!" said Harry cheerfully, waltzing into the defense against the dark arts class. "Time for class with my new favorite teacher!"

He opened the door and saw Snape where Lupin should have been.

Harry: "Oh no! My least favorite teacher!"

Snape, upon hearing this, thought it not unreasonable for him to be Harry's least favorite teacher. Snape was partially responsible for the Lily Potter's fate. This prompted him to start thinking: I must not tear up in front of Harry! I must not tear up in front of Harry! I must not tear up in front of Harry!...

"Welcome Mr. Potter," said Snape, hiding his misery about Lily's death behind his disdain for Harry's father. "How nice of you to join us."

"Where's Professor Lupin?" asked Harry.

"He is indisposed," said Snape. "Please take your seat and turn to page 394."

Harry grumpily did so and was surprised to find that the page in question talked about werewolves. They weren't due to talk about those until later that year. Of course what Harry didn't know is that Professor Snape had a specific reason for bringing this up. You see professor Lupin was actually a werewolf, and Snape while was forbidden from bringing this up, he wasn't forbidden from teaching about werewolves whenever he covered for Lupin after a full moon.

Surely Harry would get the hint.

"Now," said Snape. "The first thing you'll want to know about werewolves is how to recognize them. The first obvious sign will be that they tend to disappear mysteriously on nights with a full moon."

Ron: "Huh. Lupin's just disappeared, and it was a full moon last night. What an amazing coincidence!"

Harry, on the other hand, wasn't paying attention, but sulking that Snape was his teacher right now. Snape, meanwhile, figured he needed to spell it out for them just a bit more.

"Werewolves," said Snape dramatically, looking every student in the eye. "Are also very wary of clothing. You see when a full moon comes the transformation tends to happen without warning. Another potential sign that one is a werewolf, is that they were ragged, inexpensive, used clothing."

"Huh," said Ron. "Professor Lupin wears ragged, cheap, used clothing. What an amazing coincidence!"

Harry: "How do you know his clothes are used and cheap?"

"I saw one of his receipts," said Ron sulkily. "My family shops at the same store."

Harry didn't seem to be getting the hints. Poor Harry, thought Snape. Trying to think the best of people. If only he knew the truth that it was better to think the worst of people. Like I do. Still, I can't give up yet.

"And furthermore," said Snape. "Those who are secretly werewolves always have cravings for rare steak."

Silence.

Right, Snape thought, teachers don't share their dietary habits with students. Oh well. I'm sure he'll figure it out eventually.

…

Harry got ready for the Quidditch game against Hufflepuff, and their seeker Cedric Diggory, a tall, handsome student who was totally not a better seeker than Harry, or so Harry insisted to himself. This would be a difficult match for everyone as it was pouring rain outside. Visibility would be low, their clothes would get wet, it would be terribly cold, and there'd be lightning.

But that was better than losing at sports.

The game started and Harry immediately began looking for the snitch, hoping to end this game as soon as possible. He and Cedric Diggory flew around the stadium, trying to find it, but nothing came up.

For a moment he looked down at the ground and saw a black poodle. He would have been startled if he'd been in any way afraid. Despite Trelawney's insistence that a black dog was an ill omen, he didn't find it at all frightening. The dog did disappear surprisingly quickly, however, making him wonder what was going on.

As he flew, Harry suddenly felt colder than he had been a moment ago. Then he looked down and saw dementors floating down below, and nearly fell off his broom.

Harry: "No...no...no...no...no...no...no...no...no...no...no! Don't make me see..."

Harry blacked out and saw:

Draco: "So a muggle and Harry Potter walk into a bar, and the bartender says they're not welcome because they don't serve muggles or half mudbloods...because they're stupid. HA! HA! HA!"

In the real world:

Harry: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

…

Harry woke up in the hospital, feeling groggy and disoriented. There was a crowd of people standing over him, and he could just make out Ron, Hermione, and the entire Gryffindor team.

"So who won?" asked Harry.

Hermione: "Harry, you've just blacked out and fell from several hundred feet in the air, and now you're asking who won the game?"

Ron: "Good. He's got his priorities straight."

Hermione punched Ron in the arm.

"Well," said Fred. "Cedric got the snitch and...your expensive nimbus 2000 broomstick flew into the walloping willow and got smashed to a thousand pieces."

Just outside the hospital room, Draco Malfoy started laughing hysterically.

Hermione: "Malfoy! I'll hex you into next week!"

And she rushed outside. Soon all of them heard someone screaming like a girl, and it wasn't Hermione.

Ron: "Well she has her priorities straight."

Harry: "This almost makes up for me losing my broom. Almost."