Harry Potter and the Poodle of Magic Alcatraz
Epilogues
By
Jason Richard
Epilogue 1: Pettigrew meets his master.
Peter Pettigrew walked along through the forest, taking deep breaths. He'd finally outrun his Ex-Wife, and the price was sore legs and shortness of breath. It was worth it, though. He had no idea what he'd seen in that woman in the first place.
Things were still bad for him, though. Now people knew he was alive. He'd be hunted down now. The ministry would chase him to the ends of the earth. He had to go to the only refuge possible. He had to go to heim who must not be named, the man who held the wizarding world in terror, the man who killed hundreds of the strongest wizards in the world when at the height of his power.
Maybe it wasn't too late to go groveling to his ex.
Too late. He'd followed the signs and now stood at the entrance to the cave where Voldemort's spirit was hiding. Pettigrew swallowed nervously.
He very slowly walked into the cave, trying to swallow his fear. He knew that Voldemort was to be feared, but what choice did he have? He who must not be named would not accept a minion to whimpered and cried. Peter would hold his head up high and walk in without fear.
Peter heard a moan from down the cave and he immediately whimpered.
Moonlight streamed in from the holes in the roof of the cave, and something within moved, making shadows on the walls. Whatever it was, it was big.
Had Voldemort taken a new shape? What had Voldemort become now? What hideous form did the most dangerous wizard of all time now take? What horrors awaited Peter Pettigrew within this cave? Peter whimpered, even as he stepped around the corner to take in…
A tabby cat with a face on its head, exactly as Voldemort's face appeared on Quirrel once. Apparently Voldemort's spirit had merged with a cat...one who's shadow made it look bigger than it was.
Peter felt father embarrassed, especially since it was banging the back of its head against the cave wall.
Wham! Wham! "You stupid…" Wham! "Stop banging me…" Wham! "Why can't you be like Quirrrel…" Wham!"
Apparently the possession wasn't going well.
Finally, Voldemort left the cat, which ran away. Voldemort's spirit, a misty face hovering in the air, shook in frustration, then turned his eyes to Peter Pettigrew.
"And who are you?" asked Voldemort.
"P...p...Peter Pettigrew, sir...I mean my lord...I mean your Majesty...I mean…"
Voldemort: "Master."
Pettigrew, "Yes, Master, I knew it was something like that."
Voldemort: "SILENCE!"
And there was silence in the cave for a moment as the spirit of Voldemort tried to remember where he's seen this little man.
"Oh yes," said Voldemort. "You were the person who sold out Lily, and James Potter...which led directly to me getting a curse rebounded by a baby. In a way, you're kind of responsible for this."
Pettigrew: "But you told me to…"
Voldemort: "SILENCE."
And Pettigrew whimpered.
"Well," said Voldemort. "You're not much, but I suppose you'll do."
"And…" said Pettigrew. "And I even brought a spell. It won't restore you to full power, but it will give you a body...well...more like a dwarf's body...one that will need to be carried."
He got silent for a moment.
"Well," said Voldemort. "That's better than nothing. I will make you my henchman if you answer one question for me. Are you afraid of...piranha puppies?"
"Of course not," said Pettigrew. "Those aren't real."
"Oh, thank darkness!" said Voldemort in relief. "I'd have gone insane if you said you were. You see my last henchmen..."
Pettigrew: "Just don't summon any barracuda kittens…"
Vodlemort: "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
…
Epilogue part 2: Lupin's Boggart.
So the boggart that Voldemort had left at Hogwarts to scare off defense against the dark arts teachers was getting really frustrated. This was the third year in a row the defense against the dark arts teacher had been sent away from Hogwarts for other reasons. The poor creature was starting to feel like his existence didn't matter. It was really depressing. Still, the boggart didn't have time for an existential crisis. He had a former professor to scare, and he was going to scare the pants off this Professor Lupin.
Professor Lupin, meanwhile, got off the Hogwarts Express at the London exit and walked down the platform. He felt disappointed at everything that had happened but was hopeful that Hogwarts was in good hands with Dumbledore.
He wandered into a corner of the train station by himself, whistling while he went, when he suddenly found himself surrounded by a silver glow. He looked around, and saw his greatest fear, the last thing he wanted to see.
A full moon, and the sight of his worst fear...annoyed him.
"Oh come off it!" said Lupin. "I had a bad night last night, and I'm not in the mood for this nonsense. I know you aren't the real full moon. One, that was last night. Two, you're not in the sky, but floating inside a train station. Three, if you were the full moon I'd be turning into a werewolf right now, but I'm not, so you're not. You're a boggart. I'd riddikulus you to death, but I don't even have the energy to do that after what happened to me last night, so shoo." He did the shooing motion with his hand. "Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!"
And the Boggart Shooed.
At a boggart bar, or pub for British accuracy, the creature decided to drink away his woes...with cream soda. Apparently cream soda made boggarts drunk. Who knew?
The boggart, still in the form of the moon, sighed heavily, feeling depressed as he used a few clouds of mists for hands to hold his soda. He really was feeling useless. In between feeling sorry for himself, he had to avoid eye contact with the other boggarts. If they did, they would turn into his greatest fear, and he had no desire to be faced with an orangutan.
He won't say why that's this greatest fear, so don't ask.
He was surrounded by a colorful cast of characters, fears from around the world. From furry monsters to fanged clowns, vampires, zombies, bugs, and all sorts of things.
Also there was a pair of warm, woolen socks with teeth in the corner. That was weird.
"Bad day?" asked the bartender in the form of a zombie.
"Yeah," said Voldemort's boggart. "I just don't seem to scare people like I used to. I used to scare professors, men of intellect. Now I scare scam artists and hobo werewolves."
"Sound rough," said the bartender.
"Yeah."
"Well, don't get too discouraged," said the bartender. "I'm sure things will get better for you in no time."
"Well thanks, I…"
They made eye contact.
Boggarts: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
And they fled from each other, one of them as an orangutan.
Voldemort's boggart rested in an alley, out of breath, and feeling depressed again. Just as the bartender was trying to cheer him up, this happened. Surely this was a sign. He really was worthless. He was…
He saw his reflection, noticing for the first time what form he'd taken and what the bartender was afraid of.
Boggart: "He's afraid of a freakin garden hose? What a weirdo."