Harry Potter and the Goblin of Fire Ants

Chapter Five

What if Dumbledore got a lot of angry letters from parents?

By

Jason Richard

"The Tri-Wizard tournament," said Dumbledore. "Is an ancient tradition that was put on hold because of the astronomical amount of letters from angry parents."

"Why were there angry letters?" asked one of students.

Dumbledore: "Due to the astronomical death toll of students."

Student: "But…it was only stopped because of angry letters."

Dumbledore. "Yes."

Awkward pause.

Student: "Don't you think you'll get angry letters now?"

Dumbledore: "Oh no, not this time. We're limiting it to people who've turned seventeen and come of age, meaning we don't need parent's permission and their beef is with their child. It will be fine."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. That meant he wasn't eligible for the dangerous tournament.

"Harry," Well, looks like I lucked out…

Ron and Hermione: "DON'T JINX IT!"

Dumbledore: "Those who wish to enter the tournament will put their names into the goblet of fire."

Dumbledore pointed at a crystal goblet filled with fire.

Dumbledore: "The goblet will select three champions, one from each participating house. The other two will be along shortly, then submissions can begin. Kind of a shame we can't use the old system."

Student: "Old system?"

"Yes," said Dumbledore. "We used to use a creature called the goblin of fire ants. People would submit their names and goblin's pet ants would bite those he chose. We had a few casualties here and there. One year the student who one only did so because the others went unconscious from ant poisoning. Actually, now that I'm talking about it, it sounds kind of fun…"

Everyone else: "NO!"

Dumbledore: "Alright, then. Now, for our next order of business, let me introduce you to our next defense against the dark arts teacher. Allow me to introduce you to Professor Moody."

And a man stepped forward, one of the strangest men Harry had ever seen. He was a gruff, sturdy-looking wizard with a wooden leg and an eye that rotated around everywhere. He gazed around the room with a suspicious expression, as if students were going to attack him at any moment.

"Hello," he said. "I'm Professor Moody, and I'm here to prepare you for the various dangers that might befall a wizard. Those who are unprepared will face death, dismemberment, incineration, decapitation, and evisceration, so I'm here to prepare you. Constant Vigilance!"

And he sat down.

First-year student: "I'm Scared!"

Moody: "Good!"

"Well, isn't that nice." Said Dumbledore. "Now, on to other business!"

…

The next day the mail came in, and a suspiciously large pile was delivered to his office.

A suspiciously large pile of howlers that is.

Soon afterward, screaming began coming from there. Apparently parents of students were, indeed, upset with the Tri-Wizard tournament endangering children. Many of them apparently hadn't heard of the only seventeen rule, but even so. The things they said were vicious. The screaming echoed throughout the entire castle, and the children felt chills go down their spines at some of the things that were said.

"Geez," said Fred and George together. "The tournament seems like nothing compared to this.

And soon, Dumbledore stumbled out of his office, broken and defeated. He leaned on a railing overlooking the stairs, and Professor McGonagall came up next to him, feeling sympathetic.

"I'm sure you've just gone through a terrible ordeal," said McGonagall.

"Indeed," said Dumbledore. "The things that were sent to me, the words I've been forced to read."

He sighed.

And then he held up a letter.

Dumbledore: "Every flavor beans just added the motor oil flavor! They need to be stopped!"

McGonagall was confused.

McGonagall. "What about the howlers?"

Dumbledore: "What about them?"

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Message from the Author:

Hey, just wanted to say thanks for all the positive feedback. I really appreciate it, and thanks for reading!

Jason.