So, I'm very sorry I put this on hold for so long. Life got in the way, but now with everything going on in the world right now, I now have a lot more time on my hands. So there's a silver lining to it all, I guess.

I also know last chapter might have been a little confusing, but I hope this clears things up about the Quell, the 74th games, and more. Unfortunately, more sad things to come, but this is more of a bridging chapter to all of that... Don't hate me too much?

When I am finally escorted away they chant my name, but it is more of a cry for vengeance than a cheer. When the Peacekeepers move in to quiet an unruly crowd, it presses back instead of retreating. And I know that there's nothing I could ever do to change this. But I can downplay it. I can refuse to be a part of it. The stupidly naive broken girl who has no idea what she started, or what is happening, but she will end it. One pretty smile at a time.

It is draining. I can't drop the act for one second for fear of what happened in District 4. By the time I reach the Capitol, I am going crazy. I first get the hair removal procedure done. I take a pill for the pain, and then am placed in a tube from the neck down. There is a flash of light and then it's done. I then have someone do my face in small areas and places and then they slather me in a special lotion they tell me with make the redness go away and another to make it so the pain never sets in after the pill wears off.

I then get dressed and start my endless appearances to adoring crowds, and that's the end of the matter. I notice that there is no danger of an uprising here among the privileged, among those whose names are never placed in the reaping balls, whose children never die for the supposed crimes committed generations ago. I don't need to convince anybody in the Capitol of my innocence. I simply smile and laugh and look pretty. I go shopping. I go out to lunch with Effie or my prep team. I go visit Cinna at his store. I make it seem like I want for nothing and I wholeheartedly adore the Capitol for giving me all of it. I pretend not to notice the cameras catching all of it.

I keep hearing bits and pieces of conversation surrounding the Quarter Quell. I find it strange as that isn't until the 75th Games. We're nearing the 74th. And while it would understandably be more exciting to anticipate the sure to be enormous production that will be the Quell, I can't help but be nervous of what it will be if they're hyping it up so much so soon. I make a note of asking Haymitch or Cinna about it later.

The opportunity comes after dinner. I find Haymitch drowning himself in alcohol and I go and stand in front of him. He looks up at me with a bored expression, " Can I help you, Sweetheart?"

I look at him and say without much preamble," Can you tell me why everyone here is so excited about the Quarter Quell?"

He rolls his eyes and says," What did you expect from them? The 74th games is just a somewhat amusing inconvenience keeping them from the real fun."

"So I'm going to be training to be a mentor in a games that bears no real meaning to the Capitol? What about the tributes that will be going?" I demand appalled at the whole thing.

He shrugs," I wouldn't expect many sponsors, but it'll be good practice before I let you do any real work."

I look at him shocked," How can you say that?! They're-"

"They're probably going to end up in a wooden box with most of their remains on the train home before the first day is over," he says with no real remorse, but no real bite either," You got lucky. Don't forget that.

"Just do your job," he says getting up and taking his bottle with him," Look pretty, sing your little heart out, stay safe, and hope this year's tributes get a painless death. Quells are the hardest. You don't know what he'll draw as a rule change, and so you are going to use this year to toughen up before I trust you with anything next year. You got that?"

I glare at him but not sharply and he leaves me to process once more how cruel and thoughtless the Capitol citizen really are when it comes to the people people in the Districts' lives. They can literally see an entire group of 24 children as a warm up to the real entertainment and not even care. It's those same people who wouldn't think twice about buying me for their own entertainment, either.

And on that note I find myself wishing Haymitch hadn't taken his drinks with him.

By the end of the day I am always drained and exhausted. Both physically and mentally. Having to pretend like being among the very same people who were placing bets on whether or not I would make it out alive from something they viewed as entertainment, was taxing on me. There are nights when I wake up seeing their absurd faces clawing at me while they mocked me with their nauseating accent.

The day finally comes when I am to perform. It is on the stage before the Training Center with Caesar Flickerman. He still has his hair dyed blue, and his whole outfit matches, of course.

He starts off by introducing me with a flourish," Now ladies and gentlemen, Panem's little darling, The Girl on Fire, Katniss Everdeen!"

I giggle and blow kisses to the audience as I make my way towards Caesar. He greets me with a big hug and kisses my cheeks. I try not to cringe or move away from him. I am, however, thankful when he takes my hand and helps me to my seat. The shoes I was forced into for my performance might help increase my height and stage presence, but they are not the easiest to walk in. I sit down with the lightness of a fairy or wood nymph in my pretty sparkly white dress that looks like starlight and smile prettily," Hello, Caesar, did you miss me?"

He makes a show of holding his hand over his heart and pouting," More than you could ever know, my dear. Right, everyone?"

The audience burst into cheers and agree with him wholeheartedly, and I giggle and chirp," I missed you all so much!"

"And how have you been, Katniss?" he asks kindly and then smiles conspiratorially," I hear you have a little something special for us?"

I make a show of putting a finger to my chin and pretending to think about," Really? I'm sure I don't know what you mean..."

"Oh come now, Katniss," he says patting my hand," The suspense is killing us. Right, everyone?"

"Right!" they agree and start to plead and beg in such a ridiculous manner that I pretend to take pity on them.

"I worked really hard on my talent for everyone," I say looking at everyone through my incredibly heavy eyelashes and pout my pretty pink lips that are slathered with shiny lip gloss," I just hope I can make you all proud."

Caesar waves me off and says," Of course you will, Katniss! I'm sure you'll be wonderful! Now do you want to let us in on what you're doing for us today?"

I pretend to lean in and mock whisper," I'm going to sing..."

"So we've heard, my dear," he says happily," Tell us all about it!"

And I do. I tell him about how much I enjoy singing and how I loved recording all the songs to "share" with everyone who has supported me through everything. I go on and on about how much I love all my new outfits and how amazing the music videos are going to be.

He takes this and playfully nudges me," Does this mean you'll be getting into fashion after this? Does a clothing line seem likely at all?"

I gasp and shake my head playfully," You know that even if it was, I wouldn't be able to say anything. Cinna would never let me hear the end of it!"

"Oh, we wouldn't want that!" The audience and Caesar laugh and he reassures me with his hands up," Your secret is safe with me."

I let out a "relieved" sigh and smile happily,"Oh, thank goodness!"

"What we do want is to hear you sing like the little mockingjay you are!" I freeze, but then he holds out a hand and helps me up to the stage that is all made up, waiting for me," Now we can't stand the suspense any longer, Katniss! Do your best!"

I muster up my best smile and say," Thank you, Caesar!"

I take a deep breath and try and muster up a girl who is suddenly very shy and meek and not a threat to anyone in the Capital, and sneak a look a Haymitch who just gives me his signature smirk and a sarcastic thumb up. For some reason that makes me feel better enough to relax, and then I sing.

I sing knowing that everyone is listening, and I sing knowing that there are some who no longer can. I put my everything into keeping everyone safe for just a little longer. I sound vapid and stupid, but as meek and non threatening as I was hoping. I leave the Valley Song for last. They drag the first two as long as they can. They have me sing, then they break for commentary from some people. They even interview some people from the audience.

It isn't until the last song that I feel a shift. I sing, but I am no longer in the Capitol. I am in the meadow heading towards the forest with my father. We are in the woods, bow and game in hand, and song at the ready. This one I knew by heart since before I could remember. From the moment I was born, I was surrounded by songs and stories and love. Now, that all seems like a distant memory. A memory so far away, I can barely remember what happiness looks like, but I know what it sounds like.

The last note hangs in the air, and I am greeted by silence. I see some people are crying silently and even Caesar is trying to compose himself. I freeze thinking I've done something wrong. Did I miss a note? Did my voice crack? Was it not vapid or silly or repetitive enough for them?

I start to look for Haymitch in the crown when it isn't until a single person starts clapping ominously that I move away from the microphone. President Snow, himself, has graced us with his presence and he is smiling kindly at me in a way that makes me shiver," How lovely that was, Miss Everdeen. Very heartfelt and touching."

I suppress the urge to give into the sudden paralyzing fear that grips me and instead beam," Thank you, President Snow! I'm so happy you think so. I did my very best!"

He smiles and gives a hearty chuckle," I can see that. I look forward to hearing more music from our little...Mockingjay..."

I hope my stupid smile doesn't give me away, and almost sigh in relief when Caesar laughs with him and takes my hand to kiss my knuckles," You and the rest of Panem, I'm sure, President Snow!"

He smiles his typical snake like smile why looking at me menacingly, despite no one else being able to see and merely says," Quite."

...

The second the cameras are off I smile and shake hands with both Caesar and President Snow, and am trying my best to head back over to Haymitch when Snows voice catches me off guard," I suppose I should congratulate your little performances, Miss Everdeen?"

I turn slowly and smile beguilingly," I thought you already did..."

He smiles threateningly," You and I both know what performances I was referring to."

I pause and simply stand there regarding him before answering," I do, but I suppose I should ask you if it was enough?"

He looks at me and the studio that is now slowly emptying. I hold my breath waiting for him to condemn me and my loved ones to death when he simply says," For now..."

I almost fall to the ground in shock when he simply turns around and leaves me there. I stand there frozen until Haymitch comes up to me and shakes me," Sweetheart, what's wrong? What did he say?"

I blink and am brought back to reality and simply let out in a shocked whisper," I did it..."

He looks at me in equal shock," You did?"

I nod silently and he just looks at me before pulling me into a short but surprisingly welcome hug before leading me back to our rooms where we stay until the banquet and then the trip back home.

The banquet goes by in a blur. It is the biggest one I've attended, but that was expected. There's food on hundreds of tables, and more people than I can keep track of. I am trying to enjoy my small victory and doing my best to eat as much as I can. I get to a table with a bunch of cookies. They are decorated with things from each district, or at least things that the Capitol would find pretty from each district.

I pick up one with coal and a flame around it obviously meant for District 12. I look at the design and know instantly that Peeta could have done it better. I miss the cookies he would make every Sunday. If he were here I would at least have someone to talk to. I try and fight back the unexpected bout of homesickness when someone snatches the cookie from my hands with an annoying drawl," Thanks, little one."

I immediately turn around to find myself face to face with none other than Finnick Odair's annoyingly smug face and growl," Don't call me that!"

He smirks at my obvious annoyance," Why it suits you...you're absolutely tiny!"

I frown annoyed at him poking fun at me and he laughs," I remember seeing you in the trees and thinking you were no bigger than a little fairy or wood nymph hiding from the world."

I start to protest when a new person comes up behind me and snarks," Leave the poor girl alone, Finn, not everyone should have to deal with your ugly face."

I turn around and see none other than Johanna Mason coming up behind me. She looks me up and down and I internally cringe thinking of the silver dress Cinna put me in. It sparkles like the eyeshadow used in my silver smokey eyes and leaves a trail of light smoke when I turn. I look every inch the pretty little Capitol puppet they want me to be. She looks the complete opposite. She can a tiny black scrap of fabric that can barely be considered a dress and really high boots. Her makeup is black, and she looks like what they probably assume I could become.

She just looks at me and shakes her head, "Don't worry, sweet cheeks, I don't judge your wardrobe choices. It's not like any of us have a choice in anything anymore."

Finnick fixes her with a pointed frown and starts," Jo, you can't just say-"

"Say what, Finn," she snarls back," the truth? He can't do anything to me anymore, and it's not like she doesn't already knows what I'm talking about. Snow might have made both of us come and play the best of friends with her here for the cameras, but if we're going to be "friends", I'd like for it to be founded on truth."

I look at her sharply," Excuse me?! He did what?"

"Oh calm down, Sweetie," she says waving me off," Our dear President Snow just wants the districts to know their little darling is playing nice with her new friends...which is us."

"But why?" I ask her and she shrugs.

I turn to Finnick, and he looks almost pained," You need to be one of us, or you could get in big trouble, little one. We're trying to help you."

I look at them and then just ask one question," So that's what you wanted when I was in 4."

He looks at me and almost smiles," Yes and no."

"Then what the hell was that all about?" I demand more confused than before.

"You'll find out soon enough," Johanna says shoving a piece of cake into my hands with a staged smile," You really need to try this cake, though! It's to die for!"

It's then that I see the cameras zeroed in on our little group and I force a smile as I make a show of nodding and taking a tentative bite. I then pull off astounded wonder at this cake, that while very good, was not as good as the ones from Peeta's family's bakery. It was too rich to really be able to enjoy unless you were used to so much chocolate at once. I realize then that everyone else at this party would be used to it if the food I'd seen at all the tables was to go by.

Still I played my part and finished it, happily proclaiming it," To die for!"

Finnick laughs easily at my reaction to the cake and easily holds out his arms to both of us, and together we set off to try everything we can manage without getting sick.

By the 10th table, I can't eat anymore, and say as much to Finnick and Johanna. They are about to respond when my prep team appears and Octavia exclaims," Why aren't you eating?"

"I have been, but I can't hold another bite," I say. This makes them burst into laughter as if that's the silliest thing they've ever heard.

"No one lets that stop them!" says Flavius. They lead me over to a table that holds tiny stemmed wine glasses filled with clear liquid. "Drink this!"

I pick one up to take a sip and they lose it.

"Not here!" shrieks Octavia.

"You have to do it in there," says Venia, pointing to doors that lead to the toilets. "Or you'll get it all over the floor!"

I look at the glass again and put it together. "You mean this will make me throw everything up?"

My prep team laughs hysterically. "Of course, so you can keep eating," says Octavia. "I've been in there twice already. Everyone does it, or else how would you have any fun at a feast?

I'm don't know what to say to that, staring at the pretty little glasses and all they imply. Finnick takes the wine glass out of my hand with surprising care and simply says, "Come on, Katniss, let's dance."

The music is light and airy for a bit, but the second I step onto the dance floor one of my songs fills the room. People shriek in excitement, and I try not to cringe. I simply smile and let Finnick lead me in a simple dance. It is surprisingly simple enough and he stays a respectable distance for once. I am grateful to Effie's dancing lessons and my training for my music debut. Otherwise, I don't think I would have been able to keep up. We're quiet for a while. Then Finnick speaks in a sarcastic voice.

"You go along, thinking that you can finally immerse yourself into their world, and not care, and then they remind you just who you're dealing with, and then you-" He stops and doesn't continue.

All I can think of are the people in District 12 who are struggling to get by. The food off of one of these tables would be enough to feed the entire Seam. My mother has to diagnose malnourished child after malnourished child and can only offer one remedy. More food. The one thing they can't give.

Now that we're rich, she'll send some home with them. But often in the old days, there was nothing to give and the child was past saving, anyway. And here in the Capitol they're vomiting for the pleasure of filling their bellies again and again. Just because they can.

My family only did as well as we did because I was able to hunt, but I still had to take out tesserae. And that was barely enough to support the 3 of us. What about the families who were not able to hunt. As far as I know, only Gale and I are equipped to go out into the woods. I grew up in the woods because of my father and I was armed. What about the families who don't have that kind of luck? The families with more children? Everything considered, at the age of 15, I had my name in there 16 times. It was no wonder I was reaped.

"I suppose you never get used to this, right?" I say pushing everything out of my mind so as to not have it reflect on my face.

He realizes this, too, and pulls his face up into a seductive smirk," No, you never get used to being with me."

I manage to giggle and try to ignore the cameras taking pictures and filming everything," I'm really happy I got to know you and Johanna! I'm sure it'll never be boring with you two around!"

"You don't know the half of it," he says charmingly, and the song is over.

Johanna immediately takes my hand and pulls me over to a table, hands me a glass. I look at her sharply and she waves me away saying," Relax, Katniss, it's just champagne. I wouldn't want you to puke all over me."

Surprisingly, that doesn't make me feel better, and I start to put it down when she stops me," Trust me, you'll need it.

"If not now, in the very near future, and I'd rather you have someone like me with you than someone like our dear Uncle Haymitch," she said pointing to said Haymitch obviously having the time of his life with people I didn't know.

And then I look at her with a raised eyebrow," Uncle Haymitch?"

She laughs as she downs her glass and reaches for another one," He absolutely hates it, but he's rarely coherent enough to remember to care.

"You might have more luck, though, seeing as you guys are friendly neighbors now!"

I laugh and sniff the pretty looking drink," Is this good?"

"The best," she says looking giddier by the second making me doubt that is her 2nd drink," This is the good stuff. The only good reason to come out here to this thing."

I frown and take a tentative sip and grimace at the slightly sour taste and burn," Why would you drink this?"

She shrugs," It's an acquired taste, I guess. And you'll acquire it. All the fancy events like this have it, and if you want to fit in like you don't have a care in the world. Alcohol is your new best friend."

I look at her incredulously when she just laughs and says," Hurry up and drink it, I want to go dance now, and you're coming with me."

I try and do what she says being mindful not to show my distaste for the drink on my face when I stop and ask her," Dance? With me? Don't you need a partner for that here?"

"Oh please," she says as soon as I finish my drink and the second one she hands me right after," Haven't you ever danced with your girlfriends?"

I laugh drily," I don't exactly have many friends, especially girls."

She frowns," Because of this?"

I laugh," Oh, no, I'm just not the little ray of sunshine I pretend to be here. Dancing isn't really my thing."

"But your talent was singing," she says trying to figure it all out," How can you not dance? Even I used to do it from time to time...before all of this."

"Then I'm sorry for you," I said and shrugged," but I can't really miss what I've never done."

"Well now we have to dance," she says with sudden determination and as soon as an upbeat song comes on she drags me to the dance floor and starts jumping up and down and dancing. I have no idea what I'm doing but eventually the champagne kicks in enough to let me relax and somewhat enjoy myself.

Other people join us and I almost forget where I am until someone clinks a glass and we all turn to President Snow who is smiling at everyone and raises the glass," What a wonderful party for our dear little Mockingjay. I can't express how thrilled we are to have her with us here today. May she continue to delight Panem with her talent!"

Everyone raises a glass in my direction and I smile prettily and raise a glass someone handed me, as well. With that he wishes everyone to continue to enjoy the party and he wanders off.

Finnick joins us on the dancefloor after that and it is around midnight when Effie comes up to me and trills,"Time to say thank you and farewell!"

I am grateful for her presence for once, and say goodbye to Finnick and Johanna. Johanna throws herself at me in a clearly inebriated hug which I find myself laughing at. And Finnick sneaks in a forehead kiss. Effie huffs at both of them, but says nothing as she ushers me out.

"Don't we have to thank President Snow?" I ask confused," Won't it seem rude?"

"Oh no, dear," she says, "I've already arranged for the necessary notes and gift to be sent to be sent to him tomorrow. Now we really do need to find Hay-there you are!"

We then see two Capitol attendant carrying an inebriated Haymitch towards us. Effie shakes her head and motions for them to take him with up to the car. Cinna and Portia and my prep team follow us out and into a different car than us. We make it to the train right on time for it to leave for District 12, and I am just relieved to be going home.

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