CHAPTER 26

"Yo, Ana-Banana!" Someone calls to me loudly that Monday morning as I get out of my first class for the day. "Wait up!"

I turn and see Jose, who is struggling to push his way through the sea of students to catch up to me in the corridor, both arms full with his textbooks, a beaming wide white smile already on his face.

Ana-Banana though? What the hell?

As he reaches me, he's panting a little from all the effort it took him to get to me. "Hey, thanks for waiting," he murmurs with a shaky exhale.

"No worries, Jose. Ana-Banana though?" I give him a wry smile and his look turns a little embarrassed.

"Anyway, how was your weekend?" We start walking for our next class that we have together, which is English. "Have you completed your assignment that's due today?

After getting home last night, I had crammed it in, doing a few little touch-ups to complete our assignment that's due today. "Yeah, I did luckily," I murmur. "Did you finish yours?"

"Yeah, but only just." He grimaces. "I have no idea if it's right though."

"I guess we'll find out sooner or later, won't we?"

Once we reach our classroom, Jose follows me in, dumping his textbook on the table right next to mine. He pulls his seat back, sitting close to me like he's always done ever since we started this class together. Apparently we're going to be sharing a table again during class, but I honestly don't mind if we do. Since Jose and I have known each other since high school- though not overly personally- it helps to have someone familiar to talk to. Even if it is us just mostly talking about our assignments together, as well as reminiscing on our high school days.

Once class is finished and we hand the teacher our assignments in- with a fresh one that's due in next week- everyone gets to their feet to leave.

"Starting to think I hate this class," Jose grumbles to me as we gather our things. "I never counted on there being so much homework that we have to do. I feel like I'm seriously struggling here."

I take pity on him. "Well, I'd always be more than happy to help, if you want?" Since we both are struggling, I can't see why it would be any problem to help each other out.

"Really? You'd do that?" His eyes twinkle at me as we exit the classroom together. "Hey, I've got an idea. How about maybe we hang out together one afternoon? That way, we could sit down and help each other out?" While the suggestion sounds casual and off-handed, the excitement radiating off Jose is palpable.

"Um, sure, that would be cool. How about one afternoon you come back to my apartment with me and we could sit down and help each other out there?"

"Awesome. How does Wednesday afternoon sound for you?"

"Yeah, that would be great. I'm not doing anything so Wednesday afternoon is good for me."

Awesome. It'll be good to be alone with you, with no other people and no distractions," he says, staring at me intently, something a little strange overcoming his expression. "To study and focus, I mean, of course," he adds quickly with a nervous smile.

We say our goodbyes, and after Jose leaves, it's only after he's gone that I make sense of what he is saying and the significance of it all. OK, so perhaps Kate was right in what she said? Maybe Jose does like me a little bit too much, more than I like him anyway? It never occurred to me, because I am so used to us just talking naturally on a friendly level.

I never assumed it could be anything more to him, but now... thinking it all over, it suddenly sort of makes sense; his eagerness to be around me, his smiles and lingering looks. It isn't just our comradeship over having gone to the same school together previously that has him hanging around me. The awareness, the realization that Kate may be right... my stomach feels a little unsettled at the thought.

I have no interests in Jose other than that of two sort-of friends, of course I don't. And what's developed between me and Christian, well, I think it's sort of stuffed me up, in the meaning that guys my age or slightly older, I have no interest in them whatsoever. They don't appeal to me in anyway; They all seem just like immature little boys- guys that hold no sex appeal to me at all.

There's just Christian.

Simply Christian.

...

Later that night when I get home to the apartment, I discover Kate's not home yet.

I unlock the door, getting inside, switching on all the lights so it isn't so dark inside.

How odd. Kate usually makes it in before me. I press my phone to come on, the screen illuminating up. It's 5.45. Usually she's home already.

Then I remember our conversation about this Craig Richardson that she's really into. She said he asked her out for a bite to eat. And maybe later, they would head back to his place, where... her virginity card may be taken off her. That's where she must be; She must be busy, off with him.

While I'm happy that she seems so excited and happy about this guy and his apparent hotness, I do hope he doesn't end up hurting her.

Which is ironic, really, being concerned this guy may come to hurt my best friend's heart...

When, hello, what about me? The supposed best friend who's happily secretly going off with her father on the weekends, where we get up to all sorts of things, like incredible sex and eating delicious foods? Aren't I such a hypocrite?

Aren't I going to damage her heart more than this Craig guy could ever manage?

...

By the time Kate stumbles through the door, I'm half-asleep and lazing around on the couch with the TV on in the background for some mindless noise. I'm not doing it to snoop, really. I just want to know that she made it home OK and in one piece. She stumbles into the small living room, dumping her bag heavily on the floor while I sleepily sit up on couch, stifling a yawn.

"Hey, stranger," I tease tiredly. "You're home later than usual?"

"Yeah, well. What I told you about last night happened." She doesn't sound happy. Or anything, really. She just sounds exhausted, probably as exhausted as I am for forcing myself to stay up late to check on her.

She comes around the couch, practically falling into the seat next to me. I notice she isn't wearing the same clothes that she had on this morning when we left for our classes. I'm fairly certain she was wearing a nice pair of jeans and a pretty ruffled blouse this morning before we left. Now she's wearing a denim skirt with the blouse.

"I'm pretty sure you never wore that skirt this morning?" I murmur, eyeing her.

"Yeah, you're right. That's because I brought a spare change of clothes in my bag this morning."

"How did everything go?" I'm pleased I sound simply interested and not like I'm forcing her to tell me every detail. "Did you and Craig, um, get that bite to eat?"

"We did, although we weren't there for long."

"Oh?"

"He was pretty desperate to take me back to his room." She grimaces, then sighs. "It all happened really quickly, really. One minute we were eating, then the next, he's like, 'Let's go'. It was all pretty clinical and quick." I think it's the sex part she's referring to as clinical, but I don't want to push her into it if she isn't comfortable speaking about it with me. But then she elaborates in a rush, "It's all literally a blur. And it wasn't really what I expected, you know? I just didn't expect it to be like that at all..." Her voice wavers and catches a little. Uh-oh. Being friends with Kate and knowing her for as long as I have, I've become attuned to knowing when she's on the verge of a breakdown. "It was like, one second we're kissing on his bed. Then the next, he's got the condom on and he's in me. It was... weird. We didn't even kiss much during or afterwards at all."

I'm saddened to think it wasn't what Kate expected, her first time. And it's sad to hear that this Craig wasn't at all loving or romantic with her, which I know is something she has always dreamed of; Finding that one person, experiencing her first time where the guy's all gentle and sweet and loving. Kate's told me this a few times; How her ideal first time would go, what she expects. And by the sounds of it, none of that happened. She doesn't deserve that.

"Oh, Kate. That really sucks," I murmur sadly. "You deserved so much more."

"It didn't even really feel that good. I mean, it hurt a little, and maybe that was because... I wasn't ready or something?" She sighs loudly, making a face. "I don't know. It just wasn't what I was expecting at all. You could tell it was just a quick thing for him. Like, 'Hurry it up. I just want to get off.' He didn't really care whether it hurt at all..."

I can't help thinking of the first time I had my experience, on The Grace. He had made sure and took the time so that I felt completely comfortable. He had gone out of his way to make sure I felt comfortable and not vulnerable in anyway whatsoever. Kate's experience sounds the complete opposite to that, and it isn't fair. She deserved so much better. But then too, I can't help wondering if it's an age thing. Craig just wanted to get himself off, and as soon as humanly possible. He didn't really factor in how Kate would feel at all, with it being her first time and all.

"It was just super disappointing," Kate continues. "And it didn't even feel like I thought it would, you know?" Reaching over, I slide my arm around her neck, pulling her close. I can tell she definitely needs the comfort right now. "Like it was just... weird. It felt weird, like... his body part going into mine? Just... strange, you know?"

"I know what you mean. It felt weird for me too, the first time," I murmur comfortingly without thinking, hugging her. "But after that, once you do it a few more times, it actually feels so much better. I think the first time is sort of overrated; You put some much expectation into it that you are bound to be disappointed in one way or another, but... you really deserved so much more than how it went tonight, Kate."

Oh, shit. Kate's entire body stiffens next to me on the couch at the careless comments that have escaped my mouth. My eyes clench closed involuntarily as my fingers cease rubbing her arm. I had only meant to say it to comfort her, but... I know I've gone and put my foot into it.

"Ana, what?" I shouldn't be surprised when I hear the note of alarm in Kate's voice. "Are you telling me that you've already done it with someone? And... by the sounds of it, it's happened more than once considering all that you just told me?"

I hold myself completely still, not even totally sure I'm still breathing.

"Since when? When did this happen?" There's a slight note of accusation in her voice.

God. Why am I so stupid?

"Ana?" She wriggles my arm out from her back and I reach down, clasping both hands tightly in my lap anxiously. "You can't just drop a bomb like that into the middle of a conversation and not expect me to ask about it?"

There's no avoiding it, and I've already dug myself into a deep hole. Kate's always been relentless.

Bracing myself, I slowly reopen my eyes to peer over at her cautiously. She's staring at me, her eyes bright with alarm, with interest. On a brighter note, at least she isn't on the verge of an emotional breakdown anymore after her lousy first time experienced tonight.

"Um, I... I've already lost my virginity, Kate." I don't even recognize the sound of my voice as I declare it to her. I sound so frail, so unsteady and weak. Guilty. Actually, my voice matches pretty much how I'm feeling on the inside rather perfectly. I'm quivering.

"What? Since when?" she demands in outrage.

"Since maybe, um, last year. I can't really remember the specific time or date of when it was." Liar, my brain squeals at me. You remember the exact date.

"Right. And with who?" I wish I had the power to fade into goo so that I can properly sink off the couch and hide as a way of avoiding having to answer this. "Who was the lucky guy?"

"Um... just some guy." I can't tell her who it was. Of course, I can't. "Some guy I met that I... I thought was cute enough at the time to do it with." I feel bad, cheapening what I experienced with Christian, obviously, into something casual and not meaningful. But it has to be done. "And it was near my birthday and I... I really wanted the experience as a sort of, gift that I can always take with me and hold onto forever." There, it's only half the truth. But I know it sounds realistic and convincing enough.

"Huh. And do I know who this guy is?"

Shit, how to get out of this? "Um, maybe."

"So who is he? A guy from our school?"

I glance down at my hands that are still folded tightly in my lap. Funny. I realize they are shaking. "Um, maybe. I... I'm sorry but I sort of don't want to go into too much specific detail into his name." It's really the best I can do.

"Well, I have to say I'm feeling a little upset here that you never told me." There it is again. That note of accusation in her voice, combined with betrayal and hurt. "Usually we tell each other everything?"

"And I still do," I get out desperately, wanting to ease her sense of hurt. "I still do tell you everything, Kate. I promise you that I do." No, you don't, that irritating voice in my head speaks up at me again. You aren't telling her everything. Not about last weekend at the Heathman, and not about this upcoming weekend either.

"But not about this? You never told me about this?"

"Yeah, because it's..." I pause, desperately searching for how to explain. "This is something different, Kate. Something personal. Something that I didn't feel comfortable speaking to you about." I glance up at her miserably to check and make sure I've made sense to her.

"Yeah, but I told you? I told you just then about what happened with Craig, didn't I?"

"Well, that's your choice if you want to tell me all the specifics. But as for me, when it comes to that... I just think it would be better if we kept that side of it personal and private."

"Yeah, I don't know." Her voice is flat and twisted, her eyes glinting at me. It's like she's looking at me in a completely new different way, with a new set of eyes. It hurts. "It's like... what else have you kept from me?"

"Nothing," it bursts out of me, hard and desperate. "There's nothing else I've kept from you, Kate! I swear!" Great, now I feel like I'm the one of the verge of an emotional breakdown. The panic settles in as I hold her gaze desperately, my heart pounding. God, if she knew... I know what would happen. Our friendship would end forever. And I don't want that. I can't lose her. "You're my best friend," I get out.

"Am I though?" It's still there in her voice and I hate it. That flat, suspicious, heartless tone. "If you can't even tell me about something like this?"

"Of course, you are." I'm hyperventilating, it feels like. "Of course, we're still best friends!"

Kate gets up off the couch slowly, reaching down to grab her bag that she dumped on the floor. I can't help feeling like everything is ruined, that she hates me now. Well, maybe she hates me a lot less than she would if she finds out actually who the man was that I've been intimate with. I'm sure she'll hate me officially after all of that...

"Kate, please. Please don't be mad at me."

"God Ana..." She sighs heavily, turning to look at me. "I'm not mad at you. It's just... it's completely different from what I was expecting and I'm really tired right now." She throws her bag over her shoulder. "I'm going to go to bed, OK?"

OK. I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too," she murmurs quietly, but that tone is still there, that tone that hints that she sees me differently now and that she isn't completely sure what to believe of me. "See you tomorrow."

...

"Are you following me now, Jose?"

That Wednesday, Jose ends up coming back to the apartment with me so that we can do some studying together. We sit at the kitchen table, our textbooks and loose paper sprawled out everywhere around us, Jose sitting next to me in his own seat. Every now and then, his warm elbow keeps touching mine and I can't tell if he's doing it on purpose to invade my personal space, but... it's sort of unnerving. And distracting.

Does my explanation make it simpler to understand or do I need to go over it again?" I continue, bringing my eyes over to meet his. It's been slow going and sort of hopeless.

For the past twenty minutes, I have been going over one of the assignments that is due next week on the Monday, explaining to him in hopefully what is an easier, basic way to understand what the question is asking.

But just like before, he blinks at me blankly, clearly distracted. Something's making it hard for him to concentrate because I can tell he keeps zoning off, his dark eyes appearing a little hazy and distant every time I talk. He has an elbow on the table, chin resting in his hand. He strokes a slightly brown-stubble dusted chin with long fingers.

"Gee, I'm sorry, Ana," he huffs out uncomfortably, shifting a little in his seat. "I think you've lost me again. I can't seem to wrap my head around it all."

"OK, well, how about we have a short break?" I suggest, because I could really use one too. I majorly need some coffee. "Can I make you a cup of coffee?"

"Uh, sure. Coffee sounds awesome."

I slide out of my chair, approaching the joined kitchenette to make two cups for us. I flick on the kettle while grabbing two mugs.

"This place is pretty comfy," he says, making conversation, I guess. I turn to find him rising to his feet. He lifts both arms, stretching them above his head, his joints cracking and the bottom of his shirt lifting a little around his belly, exposing tanned skin beneath it. "Are you getting used to living alone?"

"Well, I'm not really living alone exactly. Kate lives here too."

"Right, oh yeah. I forgot about her." His eyes drift off towards the living room, then down the short hallway. "So, where's your room?" He sounds casual and curious about it, but I get the weird impression that he's angling for me to invite him to hang out in it with me.

Tactfully, I ignore his question, asking instead, "How many sugars do you like in your coffee?"

"Oh, just one, thanks." He sounds bad. There is no way I am inviting him into my bedroom. "Anyway, uh, where is your roomy Kate off to?"

"That's the thing. I'm not even sure." Kate hadn't told me she would be away late tonight. Then again, it's really no surprise that she hadn't told me. After our conversation on Monday night, where I admitted I'd already lost my virginity before she had, sadly we haven't been talking much. Her mind has just been... elsewhere. "OK," I murmur brightly after shoving the milk back in the fridge. "Here is our coffees." I grab both our mugs while carefully stepping over towards him, cautious not to spill it on the ground. "Caffeine should wake us up and make us more alert for study."

"Thank you," he mutters gratefully, and his dark eyes remain on mine as he brings his mug up to his mouth. He takes a sip of the coffee, eyes still on me. Then after swallowing, he says, "You know, it's cool that we can hang out more like this."

I swallow down my own mouthful of coffee with a moan in agreement.

"I know it's probably always been obvious, but... I've always really liked you, Ana. I think you are probably the most coolest, prettiest girl compared to everyone else."

Oh, god. I almost choke.

"Um, that's really nice of you to say, Jose, but very untrue." I laugh weakly.

"Untrue?" He arches his eyebrows at me, looking determined for some reason. "Well, believe me, it's not untrue to me. I really do think you are the prettiest and most coolest girl, Ana."

"Oh, um. Thanks." I smile at him weakly while pulling my chair back. "But how about we get back into doing this study now?" The disappointment radiates off him as I sit back down, placing my mug on the table. Clearly he wasn't expecting me to shut the conversation down. I pull the sheets of paper towards me, clearing my throat, forcing myself to get stuck back into it. "We've got a lot to still go through so it's probably going to take us a while?"

"Hold up a second," Jose murmurs urgently, sliding back into his seat next to me. He plops his own mug down near his textbook carefully. "There's just something I've been meaning to talk to you about, Ana. And I really didn't want to do it during class or where there's, you know, noisy distractions."

Distantly, I think I hear the front door to the apartment open. There's a little bit of movement and I had left the door unlocked obviously, so Kate could let herself in. Pretty sure it's her arriving home from wherever it is she's been out to.

"So, um, Ana, I..." It dawns onto me then, what's happening, as I register how hoarse and nervous his voice sounds. "I've been meaning to tell you...em, that is, if you haven't worked it out already." He laughs shakily.

He yanks his chair a little closer so that our faces are inches away from each other, the legs scraping loudly on the linoleum floor. He winces at the sound and I wince as well, though more so at the close proximity he's placed with our faces. He looks a little anxious and sweaty, if the slight sheen the light throws off on his tanned face is anything to go by.

Oh, God. This is awkward. I think I realize what's coming. And I really wish he wouldn't.

I don't like him in that way whatsoever. There's only one man, only one person who has my complete and utter heart and attention.

"So I, uh... I'm not very good at this, but I just, um, want you to know that I" He pauses while breathing heavily, his dark eyes on my lips. Oh god. Is he going to make a move? Kiss me? Hell no!

"Uh, Jose, I just invited you here to study as friends. I think maybe you've completely misread everything that I-" I get out hastily, but he speaks over me in a low, spaced-out kind of voice.

"I really, really-" he moves in, shiny eyes cast downward to my lips. And then-

BANG, BANG.

There's a thick, loud knock twice on the plaster wall behind us, coming from near the hallway. We both startle at the unexpected sound of it, Jose jumping in his seat and luckily head moving back and further away, me gasping frightfully- yet deep down, major gratefully- as my head whips towards the source of the noise.

My heart sinks deep into my chest as a burn spreads across my cheeks at the sight of the person standing there, glancing between us, having interrupted and- fortunately for me- saved the day from Jose's attempt at making the move on me. Oh wow.

It's Christian, of all people. Christian's here!

Christian stands there, hand frozen midair and curled into a fist from knocking on the wall to interrupt us and grab our attention, his expression unreadable and yet, there's the slightest hint of something bright and heated in those eyes of his. His eyes pass between Jose's face, to mine again intently.

It takes me a belated moment for it to fully sink in. It was him entering the apartment without even knocking, not Kate like I had first suspected. Which means- Oh shit.

He heard everything then. Jose's attempts, how I'm apparently 'so cool and pretty' to him. And how he was just about to move in and go straight for the kill.

"Hello Anastasia," he finally speaks, stepping a few paces forward, closer to us in the room. "And.. friend."

It's impossible to know how he's feeling over what he witnessed. His voice is cool and composed, completely one-level without any hint of what he is feeling seeping through the surface. And now that he isn't half-hidden behind the wall in the entryway, I see that he's holding a gorgeous bouquet of red roses tucked under one arm, wrapped in pink cellophane with a card.

How did he know roses were my favorite flowers, the ones I liked best? And is it really smart of him, bringing flowers when Kate's here?

But what is he doing here right now? Not that I'm not happy to see him now, of course, instead of having to wait a few more unbearable days until we meet again Friday at the Heathman.

My heart is racing furiously in my chest as I look from Christian's face, to the gorgeous flowers under his arm several times. He stares back at me, his jaw tightening, his lips thinning and compressing into a tight line.

I open my mouth to speak, to ask him why he's here, and yet... it fails me. Speech fails me. But then apparently Jose is having no trouble finding his.

"Uh, um... Ana, who is this dude and, uh, how come he just came into your apartment without knocking?" Jose splutters in confusion.

Christian looks at Jose briefly at his question, then meets my gaze again while arching his brows and shaking his head at me, a silent expression there that seems to say, "Really? This boy?"

"This dude, as you so eloquently put it is Katherine's father," he explains dryly for me, seeing as my voice has literally up and left the building. I'm speechless. I cannot even think properly right now. "I thought I'd drop in and see how you girls were settling in with the new apartment, but apparently I'm interrupting something." He glances away from the pair of us, instead turning his eyes to his surroundings; the kitchen set-up and where our rooms are.

He hasn't visited the house yet to see what it looks like.

But as the true meaning of his off-handed comment hits me and the panic settles in for him to understand, finally, my voice seems to recover as I mentally heal from the shock of his sudden unexpected arrival here.

"Um, Christian, Jose and I are studying for an assignment that's due to Monday," I breathe weakly, hoping he gets what I'm saying between the lines, my secret explanation and reassurance that this means nothing, that we're simply here for study, not any personal reasons despite what he has evidently overheard and walked into. Then gathering my bearings, I add, "Uh, Jose, this is Christian Grey, Kate's father. Mr Grey, Christian, this is Jose, a friend from school." I stress the friend part, hoping it's subtle but clear enough for him.

Jose stands abruptly and awkwardly from the chair, extending his hand out to Christian. "Uh, hi, Kate's father," he mutters uncertainly, and Christian reaches over, accepting his handshake.

"Jose," Christian nods once, appraising him, and for once, finally I get a sense of how he's feeling as his tone gives him away. It's cold, slightly curt.

Yeah, I don't think he's appreciating Jose being here at all.

"Where's Katherine, Anastasia?" Christian asks, turning to look at me after releasing Jose's hand swiftly. I notice he wipes the back of his hand absently down the front of his trousers before shoving it into his pocket deeply. "Is she even here?" He glances towards the two doors that are our bedrooms. "In her bedroom perhaps?"

As he goes to step towards the doors, I stall him nervously, "Actually, uh, no, she hasn't gotten home yet," I explain. "I'm not sure where she is right now, but she'll probably be home soon." Remembering my manners and trying to not let the hint of desperation I feel for him show, I add, "But why don't you stay here for a while until she shows? Take a seat and I can make you a cup of coffee?"

I reach around the table, pulling an empty seat open for him. I don't know if anyone else notices it, but I see my hand is trembling in all my desperation.

"Kate shouldn't be too long, Mr Grey. And since you are already here, you may as well stay for a while."

I meet his gaze as he turns back around to look at me, and his head cocks to the side, as if he's debating whether to go or not. I try to communicate, through my eyes, to his alone, Please, don't go. I'd hate it if you go. I need you to stay.

"Are you sure I'm not interrupting anything?" He shoots a meaningful look into Jose's direction, and for a second there, I had completely forgotten about Jose's presence in the room.

"Uh, I can actually go if you want?" Jose speaks up, sounding hesitant. "We can always do more of this later at school, huh, Ana?"

"I open my mouth, about to answer, but Christian beats me to it. "Yes, I think that would be a very good idea, Jose."

I'm stunned, stunned by his behavior and the way he says it. He doesn't bother hiding the unhappiness in his tone, his disapproval for Jose being here. Wow, he isn't very happy at all. And if I'm not mistaken, I think he's feeling a little threatened. Christian sinks into the empty kitchen chair I'd pulled out for him, and he lays the bouquet of gorgeous flowers on the table. Good, well. At least he's staying for a while then. That's one thing settled for now.

Forcing my eyes from him, I smile over at Jose ruefully. "Sorry, Jose," I murmur, helping him gather all his work quickly. "We can do this at school tomorrow during break, if you want?"

"Ah, thanks, that's cool." Grabbing his heavy textbook, Jose hurries towards the front door and I follow after him, being polite, showing him out. He pauses by the door frame, turning around to smile at me apprehensively. "I think I understand most of it now."

"OK, cool," I breathe. "See you tomorrow then."

"Bye."

As he leaves, I yank the front door closed securely, then take a moment to breathe in deeply, recover. Christian coming here, it's so unexpected. Yet, here he is. And talk about horrible timing too; Turning up on the one night Jose was over, while I helped him with his assignment. And not to mention, him attempting to lay the moves on me. I cringe at the memory.

Now to face the waiting beast...

Clasping my hands together, I straighten my shoulders before forcing myself to head back into the kitchen alone with him, facing him head on. Christian still sits there silently where I left him, bouquet on the table. The instance I enter, he turns his head to gaze up at me while leaning back in the chair, stretching his arm along the empty one beside him. Oh gee. What is he doing here?

""So, how about that cup of coffee then?" I manage breathlessly, unsure of what else to really say. My voice comes out weirdly small and guilty, as if I have something to be ashamed of.

It's like I'm a kid and he's caught me doing something naughty, and now he's here to punish me. But why should I feel that way? What have I even done wrong? I cannot help that Jose apparently wanted to make the moves on me, I can't control his actions.

The way he stares at me without answering my question, the way he runs his tongue along the side of his cheek inside of his mouth while looking right at me, his eyes narrowing... It makes me feel oddly small and like I should be shouting apologies to him left, right and center. He hasn't made me feel this way before; Like he's truly a parent, and I've done something bad. Usually, when we're together, I feel equal, like I'm his equal and that we're on an even keel. Now, it's a little hard to feel that way.

"Um, you didn't tell me you were planning to come around?" I whisper out, changing tactic seeing as he ignored me with my coffee-offering.

"I didn't," he says simply, shortly. "I didn't tell Katherine either."

"Well, maybe you should have so that she would have known to be here earlier so that you could see her?"

"Perhaps I wanted it to be a surprise?"

""Well, you've succeeded." Maybe I'm doing it to make myself feel better, but I try to lighten the situation, "You definitely surprised me."

I dart a look at his face again, then have to avert my eyes. Usually he isn't so cold. Usually, he's so open and welcoming and inviting, and he smiles. But now... now, he's the complete opposite of that. He's cold and closed off, and I'm not entirely sure why. And it's honestly a little hard to handle.

""You brought flowers," I mutter beneath my breath, just to break the weird tension there. I step forward, reaching down for them. I bring the bouquet up to my nose, inhaling in the fresh, beautifully sweet fragrance of the roses. "Mmm. They smell beautiful." I steal another glance at his face, finding him watching me attentively as I breathe them in. Why won't he tell me what he's feeling? Why is he punishing me with his silence and closed-off demeanor?

"Yes. I remembered you saying that roses were your favorite type of thing to smell. Those, and Chinese food." That frosty, cold demeanor defrosts a little with the comment.

My heart swells that he bothered to remember that. How sweet. And to go out of his way to get them... "You have really good memory," I murmur, sniffing them again.

"He nods once. "They're for both you and Katherine. I couldn't exclude Katherine, obviously."

""Of course, thank you." I move around the kitchen to hunt for something resembling a vase. A long old glass bottle is the closest I can find. "Should I wait until Kate gets here to open and read the card?"

"If you like."

Awkward. I remove the flowers carefully from the cellophane, placing them into the vase. His aloofness, it's so stressful./p

"How are you?" I ask, desperate to make him loosen up. After filling the glass up with enough water, I turn to place it carefully on the table while laying the unopened card down next to it.

"I've been fine, thank you." There it is again. He's being so short with me, so cold. It's aggravating.

"And how has work been?" I try again while neatening up the table around him. I close the vacant chair that Jose was previously sitting in, then grab our old- and hardly finished- mugs of coffee, pouring them out into the sink.

"Fine."

Oh, really? So this is how it's going to be now, is it?

Biting down on my bottom lip and suppressing my impulse to sigh loudly in annoyance, I move around the table, nabbing the chair next to him that his arm is still resting around. I stiffen when, very deliberately, he drops his arm and moves it away from the back of the chair. "What? So he doesn't want to touch me now? He doesn't even want his arm merely hanging around the back of the chair I'm sitting in?

"What's up with you?" I finally bring myself to ask, although I manage to sound casual about it.

"Christian turns his head to look me straight-on in the eye. Considering how much in a mood he obviously is right now, it's a little disturbing. Plus maybe I shouldn't have sat in the chair right next to him, because that look, it's piercing. He shrugs once, eyes on nothing else but mine, "Nothing."

""Sure." I snort out loud, unable to help myself. "Says the man that is suddenly uncharacteristically speaking in monosyllables." Just to see what he'll do, and maybe, hoping to get a reaction out of him, I lean over while stretching my arm that's closest to him.

All he does is keep his eyes on mine, blinking slowly, as I put our faces closer while trying to reach around him fully. It's a bit awkward and obviously, my arms aren't as long as his is, but I manage to place it over the back of the kitchen chair, doing what he did earlier before I sat down there. The length of his upper back presses into it.

"What?" I tease him, eyeing him carefully, waiting for it. "No moving now that my arm is around you?"

He doesn't take the bait like I was hoping. He doesn't smile or laugh. No spine-tingling chuckle is earned. He simply stares at me, not doing or saying anything. I wish he was back again- that other man that I've gotten used to. I'm not totally sure how to deal with this one, but it's obvious I've done something wrong to make him mad with me- even if he dares to deny anything is up.

"You are mad at me, aren't you?" I whisper knowingly, trying to hold his gaze. It feels like some weird staring contest. Or maybe it isn't, but I'm just doing it on purpose to try to get a rise out of him. "I could tell something was up the second you made yourself known in the apartment?"

I know that's it. I know it.

"You haven't smiled or laughed yet. And you feel really cold too." Mockingly, I reach up with my hand, placing it against his forehead, feeling his warm skin. I hear him swallow audibly at my touch, his grey eyes fluttering closed momentarily. As I move my hand back and away from him, he reopens them slowly, focusing on me again with his unusual, no-nonsense stare. "But not cold temperature wise?"

His eyes soften a little, and the corners of his mouth twitch.

"I don't like it," he mutters at last.

And yes! Finally! Finally I'm breaking through him due to my silly antics!

"Like it? Like what? What's 'it'?"

"I think you know what. The way I felt just then the instance I walked into the room and found you two."

I open my mouth, about to ask for more of an explanation. Only the front door opens, and it's too late. The chance is over. Kate's home.

She's surprised to see her father here- clearly just as surprised as I am. Just like that, in front of his daughter, Christian becomes his usual warm self, rising to his feet to give Kate a hug and a smile. It's only when they've sat back down at the table that he explains why he's here for her.

"I hadn't seen the apartment for you girls yet, so I thought I might surprise you."

"Well, yeah, you've definitely surprised me, Dad. Um, speaking of surprises... have you, ah, heard yet?"

I glance between them, noticing Kate's entire demeanor change. She looks suddenly nervous, like she's fearful of upsetting or offended him.

"Actually, honey, I have. She asked me to call her last weekend to give the news."

"The news?"

It's only a moment later Christian fills me in and I properly understand then. "Katherine's mother wanted me to call her. Apparently her new partner proposed."

"Yeah, that's why I was so late tonight. I had dinner with Shane and her. Apparently he proposed to her in New Zealand and he wants me to be Mom's bridesmaid."

I wonder how Christian feels about it, but right now, with his daughter in the room, he doesn't give much away. Considering how he told me once that he would never remarry, isn't the news that his ex his supposedly remarrying to her new partner Shane, as good old Frank puts it in one of his songs, a kick in the head?