Karigan clicked her door shut softly behind her. She fingered the patch over her eye, nerves making her fingers shake a little.

"Stupid," she muttered and dropped her fingers. She tugged on her short coat and started walking.

"Heading to dinner?"

Karigan jerked at Mara's sudden appearance. "Yes."

Mara looked her up and down with a grin.

"What, Mara?"

"You look nervous."

Karigan sighed and stuffed her fingers into her pockets. She wasn't sure of what to say to Mara, wasn't sure if she should say anything to Mara.

Mara chuckled softly next to her. "You also look happy and if you don't think I know where you're going…" she continued in a whisper, "you're a bit dim."

Karigan cut her eyes over to the red head but couldn't hold her glare. Despite her nerves, despite her unease, despite not really knowing what she was doing…she felt lighter and happier than Karigan had in a long time. "Yes," she breathed.

"So, why are you nervous hm?"

Karigan kept her gaze forward while they walked. She didn't know how to say what made her nervous, was pretty sure she didn't want to. Instead she kept walking, waited until Mara chuckled at her again and left without any more questions.

Karigan followed the corridors to the royal suites, noting the Weapons in their hiding spots. Faston caught her eye as she approached the king's private study. He quirked his lips at her and Karigan resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him. He opened the door for her and Karigan slipped inside. Zachary was standing near the fire dipping and bouncing in a gentle rhythm. A soft baby cooing brought her attention of a wrapped bundle nestled between pillows on the couch. Karigan peeked over the back of the couch and down at the cooing bundle.

"Isn't he a talker?"

Karigan looked up at Zachary, face alight with that joy. "Yes, he is." Karigan leaned down and ran her finger down the baby's pink cheeks. He already had a head full of blond hair curling around his ears. His eyes were still the newborn blue, but they had the Hillander shape and she knew they would be mirror images of his father's eyes once the color came.

An ache started in the back of her throat as she looked at this baby with his father's face and his mother's hair, but she looked up at Zachary with a smile held firmly in place. "He looks just like you."

Zachary beamed and tilted the sleeping bundle in his arms to Karigan. Her breath caught in her throat and she had to remember to smile. Whereas the babbling boy was a mirror of Zachary, this little girl was her mother. The slightest hint of Hillander eyes was the only thing in her face. "Ooh," Karigan breathed. "She'll be a trouble maker when she's older. You'll have every boy in the castle after her."

Zachary chuckled and nodded down at his sleeping daughter. "She's going to be a beauty." He looked up at her and held the sleeping girl out to her.

Karigan shook her head. "No, I…no. Thank you."

The children were adorable, beautiful babies. But they weren't hers and the looked so much like Estora the hurt was a little too fresh.

"I'm sorry."

Karigan smiled sadly at him. "Some day, but…"

"I understand."

Karigan was relieved at his understanding, not that she hadn't expected it. "Do you have names?"

Zachary looked down at the still babbling boy. "I thought F'ryan."

Karigan watched him with wide eyes and felt more pride for him. "That is very kind of you."

"I thought it owed. It felt right. I'm still thinking of a name for this wee one. I know so many brave women, I can't seem to settle on one that fits."

A soft knock came, followed by a quiet walking nurse. She dipped in a curtsey and started gathering up F'ryan, who had finally fallen asleep.

"I'm sure you'll think of something."

Zachary handed the slumbering girl to the nurse and turned to Karigan once they were alone in the room again. "Dinner?"

Karigan nodded and followed Zachary across and down the hall to his small dining room.

"How is your shoulder?" she asked as he pulled the chair out for her.

"Feels like someone slide it open yesterday," he said drily. "But nothing worse than that."

Karigan nodded. "Good."

"And your back?"

Karigan shrugged a shoulder and reached for the glass of brandy he offered her. "Stiff, sore. Healing."

Zachary watched her before moving to kneel next to her. "No more damage was done yesterday?"

Karigan shifted in her seat to better look at him. "I'm not sure more damage could be done," she said bitterly.

"Kari-"

She waved away his words. "No. Just a bruise."

Zachary wrapped his hand around hers, where it rested on the arm of her chair. "What has Ben said?"

Karigan turned her hand over and gripped his. "He is…optimistic," her voice was bitter with held back tears. "I am…realistic. I do not expect much more than this. I will be happy that I can walk without much pain, that I can ride Condor, that I can-that I may be able to work back to some level of swordsmanship."

Zachary squeezed her hand.

"It's fine…I'm fine." Karigan pulled her hand free when the servants arrived and began laying out plates of food. Karigan stared at the plates of food, mostly ignoring it. "I'm sorry I still…all this is still very sensitive. I don't know how to talk about…any of that yet."

"A lot has happened to you. To us. So much more than we ever thought. So much more than either deserve."

Karigan laughed and the sound was choked out by her tears. She felt his hand land on her shoulder, gently, then it was on the back of her neck and she was covering her mouth as the sobs broke through. He pulled her toward him and Karigan leaned into his chest. Karigan heard Zachary's own shuttered breathing and felt tears fall onto her hair.

"Look at the pair of us," she muttered into his neck and tried to slow her tears. They didn't have time for tears; the luxury.

Zachary pulled back far enough to press his lips to her forehead. Karigan pulled him down by a hand on the back of his neck and pressed her lips to his. His hands cradled her jaw, his fingers combing into her hair and Karigan hummed into the kiss; at the contentment she felt there.

She pulled back and looked into his almond Hillander eyes, his children's eyes. "I want to badly to be happy." She placed her hand on his cheek, held it there while staying close. "I think I was, for a time, with…in the future. But he is not here and I would not go back if I could. I want to be happy now."

Zachary started smiling but Karigan interrupted him before he could speak. "Be smart. Be smart with the lords. If you can do that and this. Then…"

Zachary kissed her again and there was a pressure and need behind it, like what they shared in the snow. When he pulled back from her, he was smiling. Karigan smiled and felt a laugh building behind her smile.

"I can do that."

Karigan giggled and nodded. "Good. Now eat. Or the food will be cold."

Zachary laughed, but stood and moved back to his seat. They ate and talked, mostly about his children and Karigan found the more they talked the less it hurt; how could it, when it made him beam with such joy. She didn't remember what she had ate, what anything had tasted like or whether or not it had indeed been cold. As she walked back to her room she couldn't stop smiling. They hadn't talked any more about that they were doing, and that was fine with Karigan. The evening was spent simply being, no duties or roles, pressures or fears shadowing them.

Karigan turned the corner that would take her to her room and caugh Mara standing in the shadows.

"Well?" she asked.

Karigan smiled at her, and continued to her room. This was hers and hers alone for a moment longer. Mara would have to wait.

This was meant to be fluff and feel good but they didn't want to do that it seems.

Also, hope ya'll aren't looking for plot. My own work has me focused far too much on plot and schemes to do so here.