Chapter 11: School Improvement
So, let's check the TO-DO list: Do something about Quirrel, convince the Weasley Twins to give me the map, destroy Voldemort, find the remaining Horcruxes, maybe collect the Hallows, explain to Hermione why I thought she'd be more easily capable of acting normal in Defence class if I didn't tell her about Quirrel, apologise and promise that I won't keep her out of the loop any more, break that promise by not telling her about Horcruxes because that's not something an 11 year old should have to deal with, realise that I'm an awful human being, get back on track, finish my Potions essay, do something to improve the quality of History class…
That might be something I could do. Okay, goal: Replace Binns with a decent teacher.
Available resources: Public support, everyone in Ravenclaw wants to get rid of Binns, my fame as Boy-Who-Lived, a somewhat wealthy adoptive father with a cleared criminal record, an invisibility cloak - no, The Cloak Of Invisibility -, a decent repertoire of spells mostly first year with a few advanced ones thrown in, basic physics and chemistry knowledge and a little talent for wandless levitation.
Most of that probably won't help much. I could sneak up on Binns and try to attack him, but I don't actually know if it's even possible to attack a ghost. Let's try the official route, convince Dumbledore to replace him with a decent teacher.
Many other students have already tried that, so I need something that nobody else has… I got an idea.
-HP-HP-HP-
Dinner in the Great Hall. Pretty much everyone is present. Perfect opportunity. Here goes nothing.
I stood up and walked over to the teacher's table.
"Excuse me, Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore. I have a small question about the school. How do I transfer to Ilvermorny?"
The look on Dumbledore's face… golden. "Why would you want to do that?"
"Well, I considered Beauxbatons but my French is awful, and while I do happen to know German I heavily dislike Durmstrang's policies. As for Hogwarts, well, I'd love to stay but frankly, the quality of education here is miserable."
McGonagall seemed quite shocked. "What do you mean, miserable?"
"Well, for once, the percentage of students for whom History class is more naptime than learning time is way too high. Binns is just too boring. While it's decent for Ravenclaws, Potions class is absolutely awful for Gryffindors, and I do have some friends in that house. Astronomy class doesn't teach the right planets. You can't understand anything in Defence class because Professor Quirrel stutters so much, and from what I heard the previous Defence teachers were even worse. The caretaker makes it no secret that he doesn't like being around children. From what I hear from the upper year students, it's not much better there. The Divination professor has a track record of just one true prophecy, thank you very much for that by the way. Muggle studies is at least four decades out of date, there is no equivalent to teach students who grew up muggle about the magical world. Let's face it, the teachers are completely overworked with only one teacher per subject teaching the entire school, student complaints are completely ignored, there's rarely anyone in the common rooms to supervise and the brooms used for flying lessons are in such a bad condition it's a small miracle there hasn't been a serious accident yet. Did I forget anything? Oh yeah, the corridor of very painful death. Very appropriate for a school to have something like that."
-HP-HP-HP-
Well, you can imagine the result. Pretty much everyone stared at me in disbelief. Snape, Quirrel and Sinistra looked pretty angry. Dumbledore asked me to discuss it further in private, and here we were, in his office.
"Harry, what was that supposed to be?"
"Well, sir, it is as I said, there are some serious deficiencies here. I'd like a decent education, so I want to transfer."
"I'm sorry Harry, I'm afraid I can't let you do that. You're too important and you'd be in too much danger elsewhere. There are some very important things about you that I can't tell you yet. You'll understand later, I promise."
"Well, as far as I know I'm the Boy-Who-Lived, pretty important figure in Britain… I'd very much prefer to stay here, but if there's no improvement I'd be forced to leave, and since I announced it in the Great Hall it wouldn't take long until the people found out why, the Daily Prophet would have a field day, Rita Skeeter would write some inflammatory articles, the public outrage would be pretty high and you might get replaced as Headmaster with someone who isn't juggling two other full time jobs. Is that the important thing I'd understand later?"
Dumbledore looked shocked. "Harry, are you trying to blackmail me into improving Hogwarts?"
"Honestly, all I'm trying to do is to get Binns replaced. I tried a normal complaint, it didn't go anywhere just like the ones filed by other students, so I'm trying something nobody else has done before. It's nothing personal, I really did forgive you for the Dursleys."
Dumbledore sighed. "Well, Harry, I'll see what I can do. I tried replacing Binns in the past, but I couldn't find anyone suitable. But it is imperative that you stay at Hogwarts, not because of the public relations issue, but because the fate of the world might depend on it. You see, there's something I did not wish to burden you with until you were older. I did not place you with the Dursleys because your safety might be endangered by rogue Death Eaters. No, I have reason to believe that Voldemort himself might still be alive. And because of that you have to stay at the safest school."
"Now that's fascinating, the last time we talked about my safety you mentioned that my precautions seemed paranoid. Well, there's a very solid reason for the paranoia. It's got to do something with how my parents defied Voldemort at least three times, and with my birthday. Don't look surprised, you told my parents about the prophecy, they told Sirius because of course they did, and he told me."
Actually, I knew beforehand and made a really good guess to prompt him to tell me what he knew.
"You see, Professor, I've known for years that one day I'd have to face Voldemort, and since I really want to survive that day, my entire strategy so far has been to prepare myself as best as I can, to learn anything that might be useful. For example, Wingardium Leviosa!"
A book on his desk started floating.
"You're casting levitation without your wand?"
I nodded. "Took forever to learn, but it's pretty useful. One of many small powers I learned that Voldemort wouldn't expect. I spent the past two years learning like crazy. It's a start, but if I really want to have a chance against the most powerful dark wizard of the century I need far more than making a book fly. That's why I'm rather frustrated by the teaching quality here."
"Harry, what do you expect me to do? I know that the state of Defence class leaves much to be desired, but there just aren't any decent teachers any more. Believe it or not, I am doing my best."
"Well, I don't expect you to turn Hogwarts into a school for teaching eleven year olds how to defeat dark wizards. But I do have a few suggestions. From what I've seen the teachers seem to have a massive workload teaching four houses of seven years, with only one teacher for each subject. If I was in charge, I'd hire teaching assistants for all the core subjects.
"In Defence, the assistant could be the real specialist so that if the actual teacher changes each year, the education still stays consistent.
"In History, it'd be great to keep Binns for his unmatched expertise and still get someone who can make class interesting.
"In Potions, the assistant could teach the basics to the first few years so that Professor Snape can teach the advanced classes. From what I can tell he's hopelessly overqualified to teach first years how to stir a cauldron properly, he's not enjoying it and the result is that nobody likes his class.
"I know it seems like a bit much, asking you to expand the staff, but I really think it'd help massively to improve the learning experience for everyone, Professor Dumbledore. Consider it."
"Harry, that's a good idea, but it's not that simple. The school does have a limited budget, and your suggestion would have to get approved by the board of governors."
"Well, if you need help convincing them you can tell them that they really don't want to become famous for being the reason Britain is without it's national hero, as additional motivation."
-HP-HP-HP-
About an hour of discussing the details of how to run a school and potential improvements later, I returned to Ravenclaw Tower. I went to a side corner of the common room, where a group of students eagerly awaited my return.
"What happened?", Anthony Goldstein inquired.
I sat down. "Mission Accomplished."
"Yesss!"
"How did it go?", asked Lisa Turpin, who had done the math on how many hours each Professor had to work. Definitely too many, even if they had access to pocket time machines.
"He agreed to hire full time assistants for Potions, Defence, History, Charms, Transfiguration and Herbology, part time for the electives. I didn't get the new brooms, sorry Cho."
"Did you use my idea?", asked Terry Boot, who'd come up with the blackmailing thing. Halfblood and more ruthless and cunning than anyone in Slytherin. I nodded.
"I'm still saying that was way too risky, Harry. You could've been expelled!"
"Calm down, Hermione. There was no way they'd expel the Boy-Who-Lived. Way too famous." William Jackson from second year had grown up with Harry Potter storybooks and was a bit of a fan, but not too annoying.
He was right though, there was no way Dumbledore would've expelled me, although less because of my celebrity status and more because of the whole having to fight Voldemort thing. Not that he knew about that.
Word spread around the common room and soon a small party had started amongst the Ravenclaws.
"We are getting a decent education
We are getting a decent education
We are getting a decent education
Nooow, good teachers!"
I honestly can't remember which year the Macarena is from, I hope it's already released or it won't happen for a few years, otherwise people might wonder from where I got the melody.