Hey guys! Sorry this took forever, I promise I was really busy with midterms and all of the writing I managed to do wasn't what I wanted, so much deleting and rewriting later, I'm finally back! In my defense the last two were hella long, and this was not as fun to write as the interviews…

Review shout outs to Nameless, mnbvcxz-xx, delovlies, canifindtheone, Miss Kaydence and assorted guests: Bree, Guest 12! Special shout out to bibliophile609 (x2) the former fivesauce 'n' YAbooks for generally being awesome, rereading Selected Twins for me, and helping me with ideas (most of which didn't make it into this chapter, sorry love!)

There is stuff from Selected Twins mentioned in this chapter, hopefully I explained it enough! Also important clarification for some that asked, Joseph is Wesley's valet which is basically like his manservant/ladies-maid-but-not-for-a-lady-idk, not his driver, which I see can be confusing if you haven't seen Downton Abbey, which is where I base all my servant related stuff from.

(Guest12—So sorry I can't PM you, asking for clarification on Vera, what are her loyalties, to the rebels or monarchy? Which side did she fight for? Which side held her captive? Any extra information would be appreciated! Love her!)

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It hadn't been the best of days for Lissa, and now she just wanted it to be over. Unfortunately, that wasn't happening, as for now, she was still a governess, and she had duties.

At the moment, though the reception for the Selected was over, Evie and Sophie were fiends, keyed up from all the excitement despite it being hours after their bedtime. Christine had given the nannies the night off, so Lissa's duty had been extended until the queen could come and tuck her daughters into bed. It wasn't that she minded, she adored the girls, and this was her job after all—and after what happened, she was lucky to still have it.

"I think Lady Lillian is the beautifulist!" Evie declared to her sister, giggling as she jumped onto her bed. The little princess bounced onto her knees, and then flopped backwards, her blonde curls fanning out around her.

"Evie, honey, you know you're not supposed to jump on your bed," Lissa said as she helped Sophie out of her party dress and into her pajamas. Sophie bolted out of her reach, hyped on sugar from the raspberry cream layer cake that had been served for dessert.

"Yeah?" the brunette twin challenged, jumping up beside her sister, "Well I thought Lady Eleanor was the beautifulist!"

Lissa sighed as the two girls argued over their favorite Selected, and set to work putting away their dresses from earlier to keep herself busy. They were absolutely enamored with the whole idea, and even though they were princesses themselves, they were obsessed with princesses. She knew she should tell them to stop jumping on the bed, but for the moment she didn't care.

The royal nursery had become a sanctuary in the few weeks she had been here, away from the past and the present, where thoughts of Wesley would stay away until she was away. Now, as the night wore away, with the lamps illuminating a warm golden glow and the thought of getting back to her room and taking off her heels and going to bed, it was almost perfect.

But today had been tough, and not even the cozy comfort was helping tonight. Not only had she been forced to watch the arrival of the ladies of the Selection, which had been bad enough, but then she'd witnessed Wesley meeting them and enjoying it, at least it had looked that way from where she had been sitting.

After that, she'd watched his eyes fill with terror as the memories came crashing back, and been mistaken as a dead companion as he lost his grip on reality. All she wanted to do was help, but he wouldn't even talk to her. The only thing he could think to ask her was if she had gone running back to her life as a teenage burlesque dancer. Having nearly lost her job over her attempt to save him from humiliation hadn't exactly been the icing on the cake either, nor had sitting through the rest of the reception trying to be carry out her governess duties as happily as possible.

She couldn't help but be angry, even several hours later. All these years, she had hoped he had at least thought better of her. It didn't help that he had accused of her ruining their relationship by not keeping in contact, because she had. They had corresponded up until they met up in Tammins when he had been stationed there after the rebels had attacked the palace during the Convicting, and everything seemed normal. Then of course the royal family had been taken hostage, and everything went crazy. When things had got semi-normal after the revolution failed and the monarchy reinstated, she had sent letter after letter, but had never had received a response. After about a year, she had mostly given up, except on their shared birthday and at Christmas, and every now and then.

When it came down to it, it was not her fault that their relationship had ended.

After all, she told herself, it was just stupid puppy love. They had barely been sixteen when they declared their love.

Automatically, she reached for her necklace, but of course it wasn't there anymore. She had let him go, and she hoped he would find love with one of his Selected.

That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Lissa knew she couldn't stay anymore, not after what Queen Francesca had said, and how Wesley had treated her. She would rather leave now then be fired and sent away in disgrace. She never should have come back in the first place, to try to reclaim her heart. Leaving a second time was going to hurt just as bad.

The little girls pulled her back to the reality of leaving.

"Maybe Miss Lissa was the beautifulist tonight," Sophie said, giggling. They had tired of jumping on one of their beds, and were now peering at her over the baseboard, their stuffed animals sprawled all over the vicinity from their jumping.

"You should say 'most beautiful', Soph, since you are a princess," Lissa corrected.

Finding themselves discovered, the girls ducked down behind the baseboard so she couldn't see them, dissolving into giggles, almost making her change her mind. It would be hard to leave these girls, even though she had only been their governess for three weeks, she loved them so much.

Unexpectedly, Lissa blinked back the tears that filled her eyes. It was going to be harder than she thought to do this. But in three short weeks, her whole life had moved here, and staying was only making everything she had worked for fall apart.

She was saved from making it even harder when Christine finally arrived, after putting Aidan to bed, and swapping her evening gown for a very sans-queen outfit of gym shorts and a t-shirt, still with her perfect hair and makeup from the reception.

"Hey Lissa, sorry about that, I should have realized it would have taken longer, I'm sorry you had to stay late," Christine said, as Evie and Sophie attacked her.

Lissa forced a smile, "No problem, I don't mind."

"If it makes it any better, you did an excellent job tonight. I don't think I could have made them behave better. It sure is interesting having kids around for a Selection,"

Lissa nodded, "Yeah, everything seems different when you aren't actually in it, too."

Christine grinned, "Tell me about it. By the way, I know we haven't announced it yet, but next week we're holding a Victory Ball. We haven't finished working out the specifics yet, but obviously these girls," she stopped to ruffle their hair, "-won't be staying up half the night for the whole thing, though you're welcome to even after they go to bed." Christine emphasized the last part, sending the little princesses into more giggles as they dove to their beds.

Lissa tried to work up the courage to give her resignation then, but something stopped her. When she didn't say anything, Christine paused.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Another forced smile and vigorous nod, "Yeah, of course! That sounds amazing! I'll have to ask Gracie to help me find something to wear."

The queen didn't buy it, and her face softened. "Look, I know technically I'm your employer, but listen, I know being back here with Wesley can't be easy for you,"

"Wait, you knew?"

"Lissa, almost everyone knew," Christine said, smirking. "You guys were the most obvious lovesick puppies I have ever seen."

"But it's all so different now. We were just kids, I don't think we had any idea how we felt, it was all so easy back then," She admitted, not realizing what she was saying before she just blurted it out.

Christine put a hand on Lissa's shoulder. "It doesn't have to be easy to be love. It doesn't have to be hard either. It just has to…be love."

Lissa gave a polite smile. "It's just different, and I'm still getting used to it," she said.

They said their goodnights as Evie called her mom over, and Lissa grabbed her bag and slipped out of the nursery and into the hall. She rummaged through the pockets of the bag that contained all her governess things and located her phone, and checked it for messages. There were a few from home, and several from Gracie and one from Nicole asking her if she was okay that she had missed over the course of the evening. A new one popped up from Gracie as Lissa walked down the hall.

Hey, are you still on babysitting duty? Damo and I are about to leave, come say goodbye! We're downstairs!

As usual, it was filled with plenty of hearts and smiley faces. Lissa quickly fired off a reply that she was on her way.

Of course, that was not to be.

Joseph Sheppard, Wesley's valet and the most egotistical servant she had ever met, was coming out of Wesley's room, a scowl on his face.

He saw her immediately, and Lissa groaned inwardly. Though both of them were almost always busy, whenever he did get a chance to talk to her, he seized it and used it to try to sneak in as many pickup lines as possible. So far, she had turned down his offer for a date twice.

"Lissa!" He said in greeting, glancing down at her evening gown. "You look nice,"

"And you look angry," she replied, giving yet another forced smile, hoping to quickly be rid of him and say goodbye to Gracie so she could just go to bed.

Joseph rolled his eyes and jerked his head back towards the direction of Wesley's rooms. "Prince Wesley doesn't see the need for a valet. So even though I'm the head valet, I can't do my job. I swear, every time he sees me, he freaks out."

"He's probably just not used to having a servant, being a solider and all for like five years," Lissa said, shifting her bag to her other arm impatiently.

Joseph shrugged, "Nah, he can't stoop to having a valet, he's got to do everything himself, like a little kid. He's just an egotistical little bastard,"

Lissa's eyes widened, and Joseph laughed at her reaction. "Okay, that last part was probably uncalled for, but only because he's a prince."

Her hand automatically went to her necklace, but once again she found it gone. That would take some getting used to. "Actually, I don't think Wesley is egotistical at all. He's been through a lot—just give him some time to get used to being a prince again,"

Joseph scoffed jokingly, and then had the audacity to wink at her. "Right, sorry. I forget you used to know him, before they kicked you out. What were you, like thirteen?"

Lissa blinked. "Fifteen, actually. Look, Joseph, Gracie's waiting on me and I've had a really long day-"

He leaned against the wall, looming over her in an attempt to be romantic. "Hanging out with the royalty too, are we?" He chuckled.

"Um, Gracie and Damian are not royalty, and even if they were, they're still my friends," Lissa tossed her hair behind her shoulders. "So, is there something you want?"

Smoothly, Joseph leaned in a bit closer. "Actually, yeah. I was wondering if you wanna go get drinks or something? I know this great place downtown."

It was clear he wasn't going to let her go easily. She wrinkled her nose and faked another cheesy smile. "Like I said, it's been a long day and I'm really tired, so can we raincheck?"

He grinned. "Yeah, it's a date!"

She smiled, but it was more of a grimace, "Great. Okay. Great. Well… I'll let you know when I have some time, but yeah. See you later?"

"Night," he called as she made a hasty retreat down the hall, glad she had an excuse to not walk to the fourth floor with him.

Unlike the quiet, kid filled third floor, the second floor was buzzing. Many of the ladies had their doors open and she could hear them laughing and talking as they ran around to each other's rooms or gathering in the hallway sitting area, some of them still in their evening finery and some of them in pajamas.

She couldn't help but smile, remembering her own days as a Selected. Back then, they had all been competing for Ethan, but that was only part of it. It was sort of like the greatest thing that could happen to a girl, like a vacation that paid you to be there, with fancy gowns, amazing food, being on TV, and having anything you could want with all your new best friends.

The first floor was now only occupied by an army of servants cleaning up and preparing for the next day. Lissa waved to Joanna as she supervised the rearranging of the dining room, and headed towards her friends.

Aside from the rooms they had used for the reception, the rest of the first floor was quiet, only occupied by the guards standing silently outside. Two of those said new best friends were waiting for her by the doors.

"Hey, sorry!" Lissa said as she ran up to Nicole and Gracie. "I got ambushed,"

"It's okay, I'll be back tomorrow," Gracie said, hugging her. "Colin's going to Waverly for a few days, so Damian has to go with him, and I don't want to be by myself in the apartment. He was still technically on duty, so he already left with them."

Nicole giggled. "Gracie, you have three dogs and I don't even know how many other pets. You won't be alone!"

Gracie gasped in mock annoyance. "Okay, well technically I am your Lady in Waiting and also now a Selection coordinator, so shouldn't I be here?"

"Ugh, fine, you can stay," Nicole teased.

Gracie playfully rolled her eyes, and turned to Lissa. "Evie and Sophie did the ambushing, I take it?"

"Actually no, one of my coworkers. It's okay, Joanna told me I'm just new fodder for his flirting."

Gracie elbowed her. "So where is he taking you? Somewhere nice, I hope. Damian accidently took me to a really insane nightclub on our first date because he thought it was a nice restaurant."

Lissa shook her head. "I turned him down."

Both of her friends gave her a look, and Lissa instinctively reached for her necklace.

"Lissa," Nicole began, "I'm so sorry, I should have warned you about the Selection when we hired you,"

"Did you at least talk to him?" Gracie asked.

"I tried…" Lissa looked at the floor, only remembering the shame as he asked her about what she had been doing since they last saw each other. "It doesn't matter anyway, I'm not staying

The words tumbled out before she could stop them, and the look turned into something else altogether.

"What? No! You just got here!" Gracie hugged her again, squeezing her tighter as if that would keep Lissa from leaving. "You can't leave!"

"I've already made up my mind," Lissa shrugged, blinking back unbidden tears.

"Is it Wesley? Because I can talk to him if he was a jerk to you, I am his sister-in-law," Nicole said protectively.

"No, it's okay, it…" Lissa couldn't even come up with an excuse, because the tears were really coming now. "I just…I should never have come back, I don't know what I was thinking. It's just such a mess…"

She wanted to tell them that she still loved him and he didn't love her, but somehow, seeing her two best friends in front of her and knowing that both were in serious relationships with the men they had met during Ethan's Selection, while hers was in a puddle of nothing, she couldn't.

Christine had told her it didn't have to be hard or easy, it just had to be love, but Lissa wasn't so sure. Maybe some mountains were just too hard to climb.

"You don't need him," Nicole said, also hugging her. "If you meant what you said about being kids back then, then don't let him get to you. You can move on from this."

Gracie gave a vigorous nod. "You're going to be amazing whatever you do, with or without Wesley Shreave."

"Thanks guys," Lissa said, and decided she was getting really good at the fake smiles.

They were right, of course. And it was probably her fault, getting so angry and giving him back the necklace like that. It had all seemed possible there for a moment, with her helping him out into the hallway and Wesley staring at her and talking to her—until he had to ask that question that made her want to crawl out of her skin.

He didn't care about her. Maybe it was time to let Wesley go.

She said goodbye to Gracie and Nicole, feigning exhaustion and having to get up early the next morning. In reality, she just wanted to be alone for a bit before going back to her room. The rest of the staff ignored her as walked down the whole Main Hall and stepped out into the gardens. They were mostly dark by this time of the night, as it neared midnight. Aside from the inconspicuous presence of the guards by the glass doors who had only nodded to her, they were deserted.

Lissa slipped off her blazer and tucked it over her arm as she wandered down one of the closest paths. The evening was warm, though most of the stars were obscured by clouds. It was nice to be alone and outside, she hadn't been out of the palace in a while, unless it was with Evie and Sophie.

But as she turned the corner through a patch of immaculate rosebushes, she wished she had never come out here.

She sat down at the bench beneath a pale pink rosebush, remembering the last time she had been here.

It was the night of the masquerade celebrating Wesley's birthday during Ethan's Selection. Coincidently, it had also been hers, so they had had a joint celebration. He had asked her to follow him out to the gardens, and she had done so. Out on this bench, he had given her one of the roses, the same color as her gown. They had been seconds away from kissing when the rebels had set off their bomb that exploded in the Great Room and sent them on a fight for their lives. Wesley had tackled one of the rebels threatening them, and been shot in his side so she could run to the safety of the woods surrounding the grounds of the palace. It had been the night he had told her loved her.

Lissa jumped up, and walked as quickly as she could back the way she had come.

No, she wasn't doing this again. She had to forget about him, because if she couldn't do that, she would have to leave and give up everything. Just put him out of your mind, do your job, and be the best you can be, she told herself as she hurried back inside.

But the memories would never fly too far away, would they?

Maybe it was just because Lady Eleanor was from Tammins, the same province as Lissa, or maybe it was the fact that she was still dressed up form earlier and downstairs by herself this late, but when Lissa saw her walking down the Main Hall towards the Great Room, of all places, she ducked out of side across the way in one of the side hallways of the offices of the West Wing.

"Wesley? What are you doing in here?" Came Eleanor's voice, peppy and cheerful and accompanied by a cute little giggle that made Lissa's stomach tighten into knots. She snuck closer so she could see better. One of the massive doors leading into the Great Room was ajar, though the lights were off, and there were too figures inside, both with their backs to her, their voices echoing in the cavernous ballroom.

"Hello?" came Wesley's voice, slurred and croaky and absolutely drunk. "Who're you?" he mumbled.

"Don't you remember me? We met earlier. I'm Eleanor. I'm from Tammins," the brunette explained. Her voice was slightly strained, and Lissa could tell she was nervous even though she faked her confidence.

"No you're …" Wesley managed, and Lissa could see he still held a glass. "Lissa's from Tammins…"

Eleanor laughed again, though this one sounded a bit more forced. "I'm in your Selection, silly!" She reminded him. "I'm just trying to figure out what you're doing in there all by yourself!"

Lissa gritted her teeth. Eleanor seemed very nice and all, but she was starting to hate for no reason at all.

Back in the Great Room, Wesley looked at Eleanor, and then laughed in a very, well, drunken manner. "I don't know," he actually giggled. He took a step towards her, and ended up losing his balance and tumbling into Eleanor.

They both ended up on the floor, laughing hysterically, with the contents of Wesley's drink spilled everywhere.

"Well if you're going to knock me over like that, I think I at least deserve a date!" Eleanor teased between laughs as she sat up. Wesley was still sprawled on the floor, giggling in a way that reminded Lissa inexplicably of his nephew Aidan.

"Iris, Reese and Isabella all said they have dates with you tomorrow, and I was just wondering if you maybe have time for me too?" Eleanor simpered, standing up. Wesley finally stopped laughing, and Lissa ducked back out of sight in case he looked at the doors.

"What did you say your name was again?" He said in all seriousness.

Even though she couldn't see, it didn't seem like the response Eleanor was hoping for.

"Elean-" she began, but Wesley cut her off.

"Because you really look like Ebony and that girl scared the crap out of me…"

It was true, even though Lissa hadn't known the extra added member of Ethan's Selection and Elite long, Eleanor did look like Ebony.

"Oh," Eleanor said softly. "She was the girl they added from Yukon, wasn't she? I remember watching her on the Report."

"She died." Wesley said, his voice getting softer too. "She died…when they took us up to Yukon. She was with Mitch. Ethan didn't want to get out, because…." He trailed off, and it sounded like he was getting up. "Mitch killed her, I think. I wasn't there. He almost killed me too." Wesley's voice was dark now, nothing was funny anymore. Lissa's heart ached for him, and she couldn't tell it to stop. She hadn't been there then, and not much information about it had ever been published.

Maybe she could have helped Wesley.

"Oh, this fell out of your pocket." Eleanor's calm voice brought Lissa back. She risked a peek back into the Great Room, and could see her holding out the unmistakable pendent of a necklace.

Her necklace.

"I gave that to…" Wesley mumbled, now standing. "Never mind. You know what? I had it so I could give it to you!"

Eleanor giggled again, and she was so perfect it made Lissa physically sick. "How did you know I'd be here, hmm?" she purred sweetly.

Lissa didn't wait for Wesley's response of the rest of their conversation or anything else they might deign to do in that room. She spun around and retreated to the stairs as fast as she could, not caring if they heard her heels. You don't need him, you don't need him, YOU DON'T NEED HIM she practically screamed at herself. She ran up the stairs to the fourth floor, and down the hall to her room, flinging her blazer and purse on the bed and slamming the door, slumping against it.

You. Don't. Need. Him.

But it didn't change the fact that she still wanted him.

She pulled the stupid hairpins out of her stupid bun and flung them across her stupid room, not knowing quite what she was doing. She went into the bathroom and dug through her makeup until she found some dark lipstick and swiped it across her lips before fixing the rest of her makeup and adding more than a governess should wear.

But only an on-duty governess.

Then she marched out of her room, head held high, and found herself standing before a room down the hall, knocking.

Joseph Sheppard answered the door, looking entirely different just from missing his jacket and tie, shirt untucked. He looked surprised to see her.

"Uh, hi?"

Lissa gave her sultriest smirk, since according to Wesley that was all she'd ever be good at.

"Is your offer of drinks downtown still good?"

…