Morning everyone!
Whoo, it's early on my end of the screen, but busy day as usual so I thought it best to get started now. I sit here with a bagel, my morning cup of coffee, and enjoy the somewhat peaceful morning that I've woken up to. Can't complain because it's the simple things right?
Hope yall have an awesome day, a brilliant and productive week, and enjoy the new chapter!
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The next few days passed by in a blur, some moments dragging on and on, and others flying by. While it had been Petra's original intention to return to active duty and train with her squad as quickly as possible, Levi's condition as well as his literal stack of overdue documents kept her locked away within the depths of the compound, flitting from her bedroom, to the Captain's side, to his office, back to the Captain, then off to lunch or dinner with Hanji to learn the next type of paper she'd be up against. The process would repeat itself endlessly throughout the day until everyone was finally settled in bed. Only when she was certain that the entire squad was asleep would Petra sneak out into the hall and return back to the Captain's office for some late-night, secret number crunching.
True to her word, she had been extremely cautious and made sure that her squad had no idea just how many hours she spent hidden, no one having a clue save for Hanji that she was actually doing Levi's paperwork. She would work and calculate the various statistics, answering the redundant questions late into the night and knowing full well that she'd eventually fall asleep at his desk. Upon waking some hours later with papers stuck to the skin of her arms and forehead, she would drag her exhausted body back to her room for a mere hour or two of sleep, just to do it all over again the following day.
It was grueling and miserable, but she was making progress.
As for Levi, his condition was improving, but slowly. The first day had been bad, but the second had been even worse and nearly broke both of their sanities in attempts to just get through the day's demands. Levi's fever remained stubborn and unbreakable, his appetite had been spotty, and though Levi wasn't trying to be difficult, he wasn't in a pleasant mood and so try as he may to not take his anger out on the woman who was caring for him, on more than one occasion he had gone off on her because everything was irritating and he was miserable and even when he slept all day he didn't feel rested. He was tired of being in bed, tired of her hovering, sick of being sick, and he just wanted to be left the hell alone.
It seemed Petra's patience was also at its limits because Levi had found himself more than once on the receiving end of a well-deserved glare or furious tirade from her after some of his off-color remarks. He'd be irritated by her chiding, but accepted her waspish retorts because they were admittedly deserved. Regardless the tension between them, she was just as diligent in ensuring that he never missed his next dosage and that all his needs were cared for, often times before he felt the need to even ask, and when he wasn't simmering in frustration or anger, he felt impossibly guilty and on edge because she was working herself to the bone for him and he couldn't even muster up a simple thank you.
His cough was persistent and painful; his throat so raw that he continued to cough blood frequently and to such an extent that Petra made sure he always had a damp rag on hand. He would cough into the fabric, and then use whatever section was left unscathed to clean himself up afterward. Though he had never once complained to Petra, it seemed she knew him well as each time he would fall asleep, by the time he woke up the old bloodied rag had been taken away and replaced with a fresh and clean one. He made note to thank her for that, among all the other tasks she did for him each day, however by the end of the second day his voice was long, long gone to where he could only respond with shrugs or head nods, and more notably than that…
By the third day, Petra had been noticeably spotty in terms of her once so frequent appearances.
While Levi's memory was a bit hazy considering he was asleep for a vast majority of the day - his sense of time was admittedly somewhat warped now that multiple days had passed by - he distinctly remembered that all his interactions with Petra were short and to the point, if they happened at all. She would bring his medicine or take his temperature, but she wouldn't linger for conversation, (which was just as well considering he couldn't talk) but her odd behavior continued to bother him more and more as the days passed by.
He knew she was still keeping a watchful eye over him as there were constant signs that she was still around and still very aware of his condition; he just kept missing her. He would wake up and find that she had dropped off a plate of food who knows when, or had refilled his water bottle, sometimes a fresh change of clothes would be set out for him, but more often than not…Petra herself was nowhere to be seen. Granted, it wasn't exactly like he wanted her there beside him at all hours of the day, hovering and fussing about every little thing imaginable, but this quiet, arms distance sort of treatment where she operated from the shadows seemed to be the opposite extreme and brought a sort of anxiousness out of himself that he wasn't sure what to make of. As it already stood, he wasn't much feeling like himself and didn't need the added headache that was this new side of Petra he was being introduced to.
It didn't escape his notice that in the rare event he did actually see her, she was notably exhausted. Her posture was slack, her steps were weary, and he couldn't help but suspect that all her good intentions were only serving `to get her sick in the end. He was becoming suspicious that her avoiding him was not so much mischance as it was intentional – she knew he didn't approve of her self-sacrifice and as a result, was only attending to him when he was asleep to avoid confrontation. He had made a note to tell her that enough was enough, he didn't need her in the first place and she was only making herself suffer, but each time she made her rounds throughout the week, he was always asleep and missed the chance to confront her about it.
It was finally on the fourth day, Levi was feeling still under the weather but perhaps just a bit on the mend, that he was actually awake at the same moment that Petra came into his room. He had been sitting up against the head of the bed, intentionally fighting off the nagging urge to sleep in hopes that he could stay awake long enough to catch her. Avoiding him or not, she would have to come around sooner or later with his medicine, or food, or something. While he would never admit it to her directly, he was…worried about this quiet and dismissive Petra that had only grown more and more distant with each passing day, and if she was getting sick because of him but was too kind to put her own needs first, damn straight he'd have something to say about it.
So he waited.
It was quiet and there was absolutely nothing to keep him occupied, but he waited all the same. Just when he found himself nodding off and falling asleep against his will, the sound of footsteps nearing his room caught his attention and perked him back up. After a few moments, Petra had peered inside the room, her eyes widening in slight surprise to see the Captain up and awake for once. Petra looked exhausted, dark circles under her eyes suggesting an extreme lack of sleep, but a smile brightened her face – a real smile – Levi noted internally, and he was surprised when a sort of relief came over him.
"Captain, you're awake." Petra stated the obvious, stepping further into his room and handing him his water bottle a moment later, "Looks like some of your color's coming back too - how are you feeling?"
He nodded as he took the water from her, drinking over half of it in one go before setting it down on his bedroom floor. He gave a noncommittal shrug, hoping she would take his body language to be a more or less sort of response. He wasn't ready to get back to his day to day life, but he felt worlds better than he had previously.
Petra nodded and busied herself as she moved around the room, picking up bits of discarded tissues and collecting the dishes that were left over from breakfast. As she moved around the room, Levi grabbed the pad of paper resting on the edge of his dresser, grabbing a pen next and beginning to write.
His actions grabbed Petra's attention and she threw the trash away before wiping her hands on a clean rag, moving toward him curiously as he wrote across the page. The past few days had been rather quiet between them since he had lost his voice a few days ago, and she was actually surprised he hadn't used this approach before. Perhaps he just hadn't had anything important to say until now.
Levi looked up from the paper after finishing and handed the pad of paper toward her silently. She slowly grabbed the object from him in question, a cautiousness to her actions, giving him a concerned and questioning glance before looking down to the paper.
"You're pale."
Petra inhaled in surprise and handed the paper back to him in an instant, an embarrassed hue coming to her face after reading the simple words he had written. She hadn't known he had been observing her so closely - she truly must have looked awful if Levi was saying something about it. She hadn't slept right since the whole being sick fiasco started and it was taking its toll. For the past four days she had been so focused on taking care of him and seeing to his previously missed deadlines that her own self-care had taken a notable back seat. She was only getting a few hours of sleep each night, was eating her meals on the go so that she didn't miss any time with Hanji, she never had time to sit down and relax…hell, she hadn't even taken a shower in three days!
She knew better than to tell any of this to the Captain, as he would undoubtedly march himself right out of bed and work himself to an early grave before intentionally accepting any help from her with regards toward his paperwork – and she decided to try and laugh it off instead in attempts to make light of it, "Am I? Can't be helped I guess. These past few days have kept me pretty busy and it's been hard to find time for myself right now. Hate to say it Captain, but if I look this bad, you can only imagine how haggard and out of sorts you look right now."
She felt the Captain's long stare – it wasn't like her to comment on appearance or outright insult him like that, and she couldn't tell if he was buying her casual explanation or if it had only served to make him more suspicious. He began writing on the word pad again, his expression narrowed as though he were picking his words carefully as he wrote them down one by one.
Petra's stomach twisted in knots as the sound of the pen scratching against the paper filled the room, and it seemed like an eternity before he finally finished writing and handed the pad of paper toward her expectantly. She prayed it wasn't something like 'What are you hiding from me?' or 'What's exactly kept you so busy then?'. Had she known of Levi's suspicions she would have thought of an appropriate cover story beforehand because she had always been a terrible liar when put on the spot. If he asked her flat out she knew her explanation would be lousy at best - it wouldn't take long for him to unravel whatever fake story she told him.
She just couldn't risk him finding out about his paperwork – there's no way he would rest properly if he knew what she was trying to take on in his stead.
She looked at the page, all but holding her breath as she read his words.
"Are you getting sick?"
She gave an internal sigh of relief after reading his new question, again handing him his paper and responding in turn with a small laugh, "Getting sick? I doubt it. I've actually been really intentional about washing my hands and such, making sure that whatever germs you have don't leave this room for the most part. It's not just me that could get sick after all; this flu could spread to the whole squad if we aren't careful. I've made sure that all your dishes have been sanitized, kept your laundry separate from the guys, all that, and so far, not a cough or sniffle from anyone. It's touching that you're worried for everyone Captain, but really, we're fine. As for me specifically, I am tired, but definitely not sick."
There was a long pause that followed her words, and it seemed as though Levi was internally debating if he wanted to press the issue further or not.
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, the silence continuing to extend until it was borderline awkward. She didn't want to rush him, but she didn't exactly have the time to just sit and lounge with him while he silently debated whatever it was he wanted to 'say' or not. Furthermore, she didn't want to encourage any suspicious thoughts he may have been harboring by lingering too long. She waited for a few more moments and Levi continued staring into the pad of paper pensively.
She cleared her throat and pointed toward the dishes she had stacked, "Well Captain I'm glad to see you're looking a bit better, but don't push yourself or your progress may slow. You don't want to stay bedridden forever, right? I'll be back in about an hour to bring your next dose of medicine so try to get some sleep between now and then if you can manage."
As she shifted to move away, the fact she was leaving seemed to finally spark something within him, and again he was writing on the paper. She paused in step and was once again waiting for him to finish whatever it was he found important enough to write down after all. She tried not to groan.
His pen tapped softly against the paper and he handed it toward Petra, his expression troubled and serious – an almost urgent degree to his actions. She grabbed the paper from him, her green eyes scanning across the page and her brows furrowing in confusion at the words he had written across the page.
"Are you avoiding me?"
She reread the handwritten question a few times, only confused all the more as she thought it over.
Avoiding me? What the…
Where was this coming from?
She was in and out of his room almost twenty some times a day! Granted he was asleep practically every time she made her rounds, but she was there all the same. There was no way he hadn't noticed – what, like his water bottle mysteriously refilled itself and food magically appeared at every mealtime? His dirty dishes just walked away? How in the world had he gotten the impression that she was going out of her way to avoid him? More than that, why would she? What purpose would that serve? What would that even accomplish?
She had taken time off for the one singular purpose of watching over him and helping him take care of himself in his weakened state – surely he knew her well enough that even in the event she was mad or they got in a fight or whatever, she was still a professional. She wouldn't slack on the job and let him fend for himself while she relaxed aimlessly in her room for days on end just to prove a point.
…His question just didn't make any sense!
She leaned forward slightly toward him to inspect him directly, wondering if perhaps his fever had finally gotten the best of him and was making him delirious. Levi shot her a perturbed look at her sudden closeness, and he almost flinched when she reached forward and pressed her palm against his forehead suspiciously.
Petra made a face at her findings and shook her head quietly. He didn't feel any hotter than he did a few hours ago, and for the most part he wasn't acting all that differently and his eyes were bright and clear. His breathing wasn't as raspy and for the first time in days he actually appeared somewhat well rested for once. While he still looked sick, this was the best she had seen him since he had fallen ill in the first place.
Petra's frown deepened as Levi continued to watch her with wide eyes, and Petra slowly leaned away from him in admitted confusion; certain now that the odd question was not a mere result of his being sick; it was Levi's actual question. For whatever reason, the Captain seemed to legitimately think she was avoiding him, and she was suddenly tempted to sit down at the questions this raised in her mind.
What should she say? It wasn't that she felt the Captain was cold or so distant, but it was hard to wrap her mind around the idea that even if she was avoiding him, that he would for one, notice at all, but for two, it would actually bother him enough to say something about it like this.
The silence extended again as Petra tried to put words to her thoughts. She needed to respond because the silence was extending well past what a normal response would take and that could certainly give the wrong impression, but she was just so surprised that she was rather tongue tied as a result.
She shook her head and looked toward him directly, an apologetic and concerned look across her face as she tried to find her words, "Levi…I don't think I understand. I am here constantly but I don't want to linger because…" she handed the paper back to him and furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to name a proper response, "And even if I had been for whatever reason, I'm surprised that you…"
She sighed as words failed her, finding she was only able to ask a question of her own as a way of response. She looked at him directly and bit her lip, "Captain, is…is everything okay?"
Levi had been watching her curiously for a response, and he blinked at the realization that the focus of the conversation had somehow been redirected back on himself.
While it could have been a result of the fever or something, Petra could swear the base of his neck began to turn red as the silence extended between them. Levi looked not toward her but rather across the room, avoiding her gaze, and the silence continued all the more. He didn't move to grab the pen, didn't shrug or shake his head and gave nothing away that could have been considered a response of any kind. She waited for a few moments but was growing suspicious that Levi would not be responding to her question anytime soon.
She was curious as to what thoughts had led him to that conclusion, but she supposed the best she could do was just reassure him that things were fine and not press him about it. He was sick after all.
She stood up straight and grabbed the dishes, trying to not let her thoughts linger, "I'm sorry Captain, if I've somehow given you that impression. But no. I'm not avoiding you." She stood by the door and turned toward him, a concerned expression still across her face, "Just…try to get some rest, okay? I'll be back soon if you need anything."
Petra disappeared from the room a few moments later and Levi sighed heavily, not really satisfied but not sure what he could have done differently that would have successfully quelled his nagging thoughts. He grabbed the pad of paper again and stared at his previously written words in unresolved question. The room remained perfectly silent, his own handwriting staring back up at him and only continuing to make him feel out of sorts.
Damn.
That hadn't gone as he would have liked. Petra had answered his questions, and yet…it didn't explain anything. It didn't explain why she was hardly talking to him, didn't explain what she was thinking or if he was so troublesome that she was being overworked and despised him for it – he had intended on questioning her until she finally said something – anything – Petra always had something to say until now it seemed, but her answers hadn't shed light on why she was so distant, or why she only spoke of business and never lingered for conversation.
It upset him to a considerable extent, if he were looking at it critically. Petra was clearly going out of her way to care for him, doing more than what could simply be considered a simple favor and asking nothing of him in return. Even when he treated her coldly and took his frustrations from his sickness out on her, she was still there with a smile on her face and a quick comeback at the ready – but with how she was acting now as each day passed, so disengaged and all but skipping out of his room at the first available opportunity…
It was like he had broken something.
She was hardly around, and when she was, it was painfully clear that she had somewhere else she'd rather be. He wasn't sure if it was the aftermath of the bath situation, or if it was something cold he had said in the days that followed, or if he had been slowly grating on her patience and she finally snapped but…
He grabbed the pen in his hand and found himself continuing to write, writing down the words that plagued him, even though they would never be seen now that Petra had left.
'I'm sorry.'
For what exactly, he still couldn't be sure, but he was all the same.
He stared into the words for a long moment and gave another sigh, his thoughts remaining just as conflicted as they were before his 'talk' with Petra. He set the pad of paper back down onto his dresser in defeat and shifted down in his bed until he was laying across the mattress. He rolled onto his side and allowed the promise of sleep to clear his mind, knowing there was nothing he could do because Petra was already gone.
…
...
It was late into the night that Petra had wearily tiptoed back through the compound halls after making one last secret stop in Hanji's office, giving an excited wave toward the Scientist as she walked out of her office.
She had done it.
All the papers, every single one in the Captain's large to do folder had been filled out, officially approved by Hanji, and would all be delivered to their respective places in the morning.
It had taken a full four days of intentional, nonstop grueling work. Gods she was exhausted, but the overwhelming sense of accomplishment put a considerable spring in her step as she carefully made her way back toward where her squad resided within the building.
As she twisted through the various halls, she paused in step as the hall branched off. She could easily turn toward her room and go to sleep – she had certainly earned it – but felt the sudden urge to turn the opposite way to check on the Captain just one more time before she officially retired for the night. She was already up after all; it certainly couldn't hurt. She would see if he needed more water, grab the dirty dishes from dinner and sneak out without disturbing his sleep or even alerting him to her presence.
Mind easily made up, she moved toward his room and peered inside – because it was dark it was hard to see much of anything at first, but after a few moments, the existing moonlight illuminated his room just enough to where she could finally start to make out Levi's form as her eyes slowly began to adjust to the darkness.
He was laying serenely on top of his blankets, arms stretched out above his head and – Petra squinted in the darkness as something out of place caught her attention, not sure if she was seeing right because it was just so dark but…
Her mouth fell open, realizing in horror that for however long she had been standing there, probably a few minutes at this point, Levi was actually awake and was staring back at her in perfect silence.
Petra coughed nervously, her heart skipping a beat as both surprise and embarrassment washed over her in an instant. She hadn't known he was awake! How long had she just been standing there, staring at him like that? She took a hurried, humiliated step inside the room, her voice a strained whisper, "Captain I…"
She was mortified, beyond mortified as he continued to watch her intentionally, a single eyebrow now raised in question. Surely he didn't think this was a common behavior of hers, right? It wasn't like she had made a habit of sneaking into his bedroom in the dead of night, just to watch him sleep or anything. She was only here on a whim! Just to do one last check on him and leave him alone for the night!
She wasn't like, a creeper or anything.
…Gods, what if he thought she was a creeper?
Levi watched her for a long moment before finally sitting up from his bed and leaning just slightly against the wall as if actually…welcoming her company.
She took that as a good sign, albeit a rather surprising one. She was expecting a suspicious sort of frown, or that he would roll on his side away from her in attempts to communicate that he didn't want any visitors or checkups at such a late hour in the night. Instead, Levi was only further engaging her sudden visit, as if he was perhaps happy she was there? Maybe a little?
One could only hope.
"I'm sorry for the intrusion Captain, I was…I just wanted to make sure you were okay." She stated weakly as she moved into the room, looking him over and trying as best she could to see how he was doing, but with it being so dark it was hard to tell.
Perhaps it was the stillness of the night, Levi's quiet acceptance of her sudden appearance, or the fact that the work she had set out to do was finally done – She wasn't sure why as she really hadn't intended on lingering, but there was a certain calming and peaceful element that soothed her nerves and lulled her to stay, if only for a little while longer. Petra walked further into the room and sat herself down at the foot of his bed.
Levi didn't seem to mind, and even went as far as to pull his legs in to make more room for her.
A comfortable silence formed between them, and Petra couldn't help but marvel at how strangely natural this felt. For all the nonsense and rumors that had been buzzing around them with what sort of relationship they were in, she was surprised that being with him in the dead of night, just the two of them alone in his room like this, didn't bother her as much as she thought it would.
She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there, both taking comfort in each other's presence, but Petra looked toward him, the light illuminating his face more clearly now that her eyes had fully adjusted to the dark. She watched him for a long moment, and finally spoke, "I know you can't really talk much right now..." her voice trailed off and she watched him with a light smile that broke as she gave a long sigh, "I wish you could."
She looked down into her lap, her nerves being stirred from the intensity of his gaze as Levi watched her in silence, and she gave a weak shrug as she looked toward the ground in admission, "It would be nice to know how you were feeling, or just hear your thoughts in general. It's been a few days, and even if you're normally a quiet guy, this just isn't like you and I guess some part of me misses the way things used to be."
Levi didn't attempt to respond, and Petra hadn't expected him to.
She rolled her neck and gave a contented sigh as she looked across his room, "It's weird. I mean, I've technically been around you nonstop these past four days, but it's like I haven't really had the chance to really spend any time with you. What with you sleeping so much and all the things that I've had to do on my end." As she spoke, she noticed a sudden spark of interest from the Captain as he drew his eyebrows together as though outright studying her, and even without him saying a word, it was obvious he was waiting for an explanation as to what had kept her so busy.
She had been caught off guard earlier, but she was finally ready to give him an explanation that would placate him, for now at least. Now that the work was done and he was on the mend, it was only a matter of time until he found out all of the details on his own. She quirked an eyebrow, choosing to feed him a half truth, "I've been pretty busy, you know. These past four days have been challenging; keeping the squad in line, running around for what you need, and something else that's been a bit of a surprise - keeping people off your back each day."
She saw his expression change, a sort of alarm crossing his face, and Petra continued quickly, not wanting him to grow too concerned at the small bit of information that was divulged to him, "Oh don't worry Captain - it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Whenever people came around looking for you, before they could get a word in edgewise I reminded them that you were off duty with approval from the Commander himself, so if they had a problem with it they would have to take it up with Erwin directly."
Petra suddenly smirked, a dark sort of satisfaction evident in her tone as she watched him, "Granted, I may have worded things a little more, eh... threatening at the time, but they seemed to take the hint well enough. And what's more, I haven't heard any complaints from Erwin so far, so all's well that ends well on that one."
At her explanation, there was a harsh sort of snort or exhale from Levi, a rattled kind of wheezing perhaps, but there was a hint of a smirk on his face and a slight bounce to his shoulders that suggested he wasn't battling off a sudden coughing fit. While alarmed at first, Petra could only assume that awful hissing, gargley sound had been the sad results of his attempting to chuckle. She couldn't help the mirthful giggle that escaped her throat, and her laugh only intensified as Levi's expression fell – realizing that his subordinate's sudden amusement was completely at his expense.
She continued laughing, unable to control the small wave of laughter that renewed itself with each scathing glare the Captain sent her, though after a few moments passed by, her laugh finally died down. She gave a sigh and looked toward him in amusement.
"Sorry Captain, but you sound ridiculous." Petra confirmed with an apologetic smile, not intimidated by his glowering stare. She gave another chuckle as her smile mellowed out into something less mischievous and a little more reflective. She paused in thought and looked toward him, her voice more gentle as she spoke in a soft whisper that matched the calmness of the night, "And to be honest, I kinda needed that. I know it's not your fault, but it's been really weird seeing you like this, you know? It's had me…" She shook her head back and forth as she struggled to find the right words, "I don't know, up tight. On edge. Nervous, I guess? Pick whatever term you want but it's really been difficult to watch. You're always so strong and certain, and I never once thought about someone like you getting sick before. I guess…I guess that's pretty silly, huh?"
She looked away from him then, feeling a sort of shift in the atmosphere as she continued to speak her mind, "I know it means that I have you on an unrealistic pedestal, and I'm sorry for that, but this really threw me for a loop, you know? You weren't yourself and it made it hard for me to know what to do or where I stood with you. I care about you Levi, and I don't like to watch you suffer. Earlier today when you asked me if I was avoiding you…I responded truthfully. I really don't think I've been intentionally avoiding you, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if…if maybe…"
She looked at him and frowned, "Maybe some part of me has been, because it's easier to not see you like this. It's easier if I just…" She paused and blinked as she heard her own words, giving an empty laugh and shaking her head, "Sorry, that…Look, I don't know what I'm saying, I sound like a complete asshole."
She looked toward Levi apologetically, wondering if her words were making any sense or if he was starting to get tired of her sudden and extended stay – and blinking at the odd way he was pressed back against the wall. He had shifted so he was sitting even straighter, resting his head back against the wall and looking straight upward, his chin tilted away from her and toward the ceiling, almost…panting. He gave a slight sigh as he breathed deeply, and Petra noticed his hair was starting to get somewhat plastered against his forehead.
She crawled over toward him in question, finding his behavior rather odd; sitting up on her knees so she would be tall enough to see him correctly. His eyes went wide as Petra reappeared a mere three inches from his face, though he lost all train of thought when she pressed her palm against his forehead.
He closed his eyes and gave a sigh of relief, her cool touch feeling wonderful against his suddenly extremely hot and flushed skin.
"Levi, you're sweating…" Petra stated with a quiet whisper, and he nodded once in agreement, not surprised by her words. He had been listening to Petra explain her thoughts, but then it suddenly got hot as hell. He had been fine a moment ago, but in the short span of two minutes, it had become unbearably warm. His skin was itchy and the air was far too stagnant for his liking. He had moved up against the wall and relaxed his head back against the cool surface, but it just kept getting hotter.
"I think…" she continued, her voice light and showing signs of underlying excitement, "I think your fever's breaking, Captain."
Her other hand moved to his cheek, and some internal, unchecked and impulsive part of him leaned into her touch, eyes closed as he sought after the relief her actions provided. He wanted to press his own hands against hers to keep them there, plaint and gentle against his face for as long as possible. Her touch was so light and sedating and he wanted nothing more than to feel her cool fingertips brush over his skin until the sudden overwhelming heat wave passed, but even in his unbearable state, he had enough self-control to keep his hands at his sides.
Barely.
All too soon Petra dropped her hands and was crawling away from him, and he opened his eyes in unspoken protest, but she was already walking toward the door. "Hang on for just a bit Captain, I'll be right back."
He heard her leave his room and he frowned at the loss of contact. He could still feel the parts of his face that she had touched, the last lingering coolness from her fingertips all but evaporating off of him in a mere moment. Levi sighed in frustration, somewhat wishing that he had indeed pressed his hands against hers, if only to keep her there for a moment longer.
He repositioned against the wall, brooding because Petra disappeared yet again, and just when she had actually been helpful in making him feel better in the moment. Some part of him knew he was being childish, sulking when he didn't get his way, but she didn't have to leave for whatever errand.
What business did she suddenly have to see to at two fucking A.M?
She could have sat there beside him and pushed the hair out of his face, run her fingers through his hair in a manner that made his mind blank, have him rest his head against her slender neck, perhaps she would rub his back again like she had a few times previously when his cough got out of control – Levi blinked a few times, surprising himself with the odd direction his thoughts had taken him, because he was…craving her touch, apparently.
His thoughts weren't wrong per say; there was nothing inappropriate at play that made him feel shame or embarrassment and yet… Levi shook his head dismissively, mentally closing that door before his thoughts could run away with him. He really must have been sick if he was entertaining such strange thoughts about her.
Fuck.
These past few days really had been messing with his head - hell, even these past few weeks. At the very least, his strength was returning; he could feel with every hour that he was just a little bit more himself. His thoughts were more clear, his balance was returning, he was eating something at almost every meal time again - things would go back to normal soon, he just had to last till then.
Although…
Levi sighed again and turned his head the other way, the wall also being cool to the touch, but…
He still would have preferred Petra.
She returned a few minutes later with a large pot of water and a few washcloths that she had draped over her shoulder. By the time she stepped back into the room, Levi had kicked all his blankets off to the foot of his bed, taken off his shirt, and was using it as a makeshift sweat rag.
She said nothing to this, merely walked carefully into the room, having to take cautious steps as her eyes readjusted to the darkness again to ensure she didn't trip and spill the water everywhere. Finally, she sat down on the floor near the head of his bed, cautiously setting the bucket of water down beside her and taking a breath of preparation.
She set both rags into the water and pulled out the first one, wringing out the extra water and folding the cloth absently while she spoke in a whisper, "I know it's pretty miserable Captain, but you really should lay back down and try to sleep. You've lost enough sleep as it is with my being here, and the last thing I want is for your fever to come back now that it's finally broken. I've got these two washcloths and cold water; I figured I could swap them out from time to time to help keep you a little more comfortable so that you actually have a shot of falling asleep again. You know, try to keep you feeling cool while you sweat out your fever."
Levi looked down toward where she was sitting, giving her a long stare. He liked the idea of the cold water, he liked that idea very much, but he disliked the idea of Petra watching him sleep, and disliked even more the fact that she would be sacrificing her own sleep in the process. She had done enough as it was, and more than that, he didn't want to encourage any more weird thoughts about her. He pulled his eyebrows together and watched her apprehensively, wishing he could speak to convey his thoughts, but was hesitant considering first and foremost, he didn't know the status of his voice and the last noise he made resulted in Petra laughing at him for a solid five minutes.
She gave a large yawn, "I don't know if this is what you're thinking or not, but try not to worry about me too much. You're the sick one. Besides, I can doze off and on here if that's okay with you – one night's sleep on the floor isn't going to kill me after all."
Levi continued to watch her cautiously from his spot against the wall, hesitant to relax against his bed, and Petra merely sat up a little straighter and pushed downward on his shoulder insistently, "Come on Captain, don't make it difficult. I'm too tired to deal with your stubbornness right now so just lay back down and try to get some sleep. I promise I won't tell the guys if you snore or something."
At her last comment he gave her a miffed and offended glare, and Petra gave a small chuckle, gently grabbing the wadded-up shirt out of his hands and again continued to nudge his shoulder repetitively with her palm, to the extent he was tempted to slap her hand away in irritation. Even though he was absolutely worn out after being sick for so many days, he couldn't imagine getting even an ounce of sleep while Petra was a mere foot away from him like this. Still though, he knew Petra would not just walk away so easily, so after a useless staring contest, he gave a long sort of sigh and slowly placed himself back down across the mattress while eyeing her warily, silently wondering if she would be staring at him all night.
Petra relaxed her position to where she wasn't sitting on her heels and ran the washcloth over his neck and forehead gently, wiping any sweat away before pressing his hair back out of his face with a tender brush of her cool fingertips. Under any other circumstance, Levi would have been irritated or self-conscious about someone intentionally touching him so brazenly, but after all the strange events that had occurred between them the last few days, as well as the fact that the cold water (and definitely not her cool, gentle fingers) felt wonderful against his heated and clammy skin, he found that while it wasn't without some discomfort, Petra's tender and repetitive touch was…tolerable.
Maybe a little nice even, but Levi was certain he only felt that way because of how miserable he was.
Petra put the washcloth back into the bucket and began wringing out the second fresh one, the sound of the water dripping into the bucket somewhat reminiscent of heavy rain. She again folded the rag and rested it across the expanse of his forehead, leaving it there intentionally and pressing the fabric against his skin and hairline with a light caress.
"There. Feel good?"
Levi looked at her just slightly, not wanting to move his head too much so that the washcloth didn't slip away. He gave a single nod to answer her question, but he knew that she couldn't possibly understand the full extent of just how relaxing and calming the small gesture was.
He didn't get sick very often, hardly ever, and the last time someone had taken care of him to such an extent like this – well that had been a lifetime ago, back when he was still in the Underground and his doting mother was still healthy and not bed ridden. Back when she was still alive.
His internal thoughts again took him by surprise - he hadn't thought of his mother in years - though he supposed it was only natural that memories of her would flit back to him at the strangest of times, like this, when his mental defenses were somewhat lax and his mind had time to wander.
He didn't have a large number of childhood memories that involved her, but he knew instinctively that she was loving and kind. From some of the few memories he did have, he knew that she had a hard time reasoning with him. Even as a child, he was strong willed, and he had more than one memory of them fighting about some menial squabble.
If she were alive today, he was certain that she would have gotten a kick out of a midget like Petra besting him, shouting at him and telling him what to do and openly laughing in his face, unable to take him seriously for she knew him too well. It was strange, but he knew with complete confidence that his mom would have liked her, a lot in fact.
A quietness fell back over the room and Levi relaxed into his bed, looking over toward Petra from the corner of his eye. He had been expecting to see her bright green eyes staring back at him, but noticed instead she was leaning against the edge of his bed, her arms crossed and cradling her head, eyes closed and her breathing more even and relaxed.
There was no way she was actually asleep, it had only been a few minutes at most since she put the rag on him, but it seemed she was serious about at least trying to doze off and on – he was relieved. It was still a bit unnerving, knowing that Petra was less than a foot away and that she would be keeping watch over him throughout the night, but it couldn't be helped. Even if he didn't want the attention, this wasn't a battle worth fighting as Petra would undoubtedly come out on top one way or another.
She always did.
He readjusted himself slightly and attempted to clear his mind, intending to at least try and fall back asleep. It was still hot, far too hot, but the cool damp rag was a significant help. He snuck one last peek toward the peaceful ginger, wondering if perhaps she actually was asleep, before closing his eyes and focusing on the sound of Petra's breathing. He could only hope that the morning came quickly, for both of them.
...
End Of Chapter
...
And that wraps it up for this week as well!
I keep looking at the word count and realize that man oh man have I been getting long winded. Rest assured there ARE chapters that are only four thousand some words because that's around the length I shoot for when preparing a newish section. (I think there's one singular chapter that is on the admittedly short side, just about three thousand something, but that's a rare thing.)
And yes, I know I say it every chapter, but GAH. I love this chapter so much! While I have a general idea before writing each chapter what's going to happen, I don't necessarily have all the details figured out and sometimes my characters take up a mind of their own and take a different path than I would have thought. Rest assured; it wasn't just Levi who was surprised when Kuchel crossed his mind. It was such a tender moment, and I enjoyed having a reflective Levi who's been stuck in his room for days and as a result his mind is becoming restless.
I enjoy this chapter so much because even though it's a result of the situation, we can finally see some of the results of Petra's kindness, Levi's familiarity, the trust they share – you will notice that my favorite chapters tend to highlight the character development that I work so hard for and this chapter was a big one!
Thanks for your support! Till next week!