Chapter 34

I stared at Merlin for quite some time - unblinking. I'm not entirely sure how long, but my eyes had begun to sting. Her gaze had slid away from mine at some point, choosing to focus on her drink.

This was a joke. A very poor joke. It had to be. I shook my head, "No. There's no way-"

"I'm telling the truth." She said clearly before she took another sip from her glass, "Though, thankfully, I can say I had nothing to do with the most recent iterations of the drug, I was the one who developed the original."

The drug that killed Meliodas' lover, the drug that had eventually led to the death of Diane's mother, the drug that drove a mob boss to sell off King's sister, the drug that nearly killed Gowther and trapped Escanor and Ban in the middle?

The drug that killed countless people in the city I loved and vowed to protect?

She was the one who'd created it?

She was quite literally the reason I was here.

I felt a sudden rush of rage and heat spread over me as I watched her. How could she sit there drinking after telling me something like that?

"It's alright to be angry. You have every right to be," she hummed, a grin in place, but it's usual charm and mischief didn't reach her eyes as she read my mood without even looking up at me. There was something sad and accepting about her features, "Everyone does…"

The intense heat building under my skin was smothered with those words. Of course - all of the sins had to know about this already. Otherwise they would have never let her join them. That meant each of them had already come to terms with her past and involvement in the drug.

"Why?" was all I managed to get out as I willed the hot emotion away - fury wasn't going to help me understand.

Merlin chuckled again, "Why? That's the easy part." She shrugged as if her next words were obvious, "Because I could."

She took a deep breath, her expression lost in thought, "I wasn't always this altruistic." She rolled the word off her tongue sarcastically - obviously she didn't think she was all that altruistic now either. "Once upon a time, I craved nothing but to be the best. And I was. I was the top of my field - the reigning queen of progress and innovation, and I didn't really care who I stepped on to get there."

I was dumbfounded, though I guess I really shouldn't have been. More than a couple times I felt Merlin wanted so much more from the work she did with the precinct.

"As you might guess, being the best meant that I was the first on a very short list of people approached when the government needed a new super-soldier drug. It was a theory, really - the beginning of something that could have been so much more. I didn't need any more convincing than that. I was about to bring humankind to the next stage of evolution."

I don't know if her goal was to make herself sound like such a zealot, but it worked. I could just imagine a time when Merlin was cut throat and didn't care who was in the way. She still retained some of that in the way she went after the guys we put away. It was the reason I had admired her as much as I had before knowing she was a sin.

I guess… had wasn't the right word. Somewhere deep down… I still admired her. It just took knowing how much of a grey area all this sins business really was to understand that.

But that wasn't the point here.

She'd just given me a huge clue about the drug I was trying to eradicate. "XGEN was supposed to be a super-soldier drug?" I was a little skeptical, and for the first time Merlin's grin held some of her usual spark.

"It's not as far-fetched and sci-fi as you might think. The government is always trying to find ways to artificially beef up their ranks."

"So, what happened?"

Merlin sighed, taking another sip of her wine, "Initial tests were very positive. The drug was supposed to increase the activity and functionality of certain organs to improve the performance of a human subject. Like you might say a steroid does. It wasn't supposed to kill people."

But that's what it had done.

"After the first test subjects started dying, the agency involved with the project pulled the contract and I was, for lack of a better word, fired. All traces of the project were swept under the rug to avoid any major scandals and I was temporarily blacklisted from the industry as a means of keeping me silent."

"Why?" It wasn't like it was her fault that the drug started killing people.

There was a pointed look in the ravenette's eyes as if she were telling me to use my head. "Because rich people with deep pockets don't like when those pockets are threatened."

Ah... right. I hadn't considered that angle. Money was a very powerful motivator for some people. I couldn't count the number of perps I'd seen put behind bars because money was involved in some way.

"Anyway, it was a little while later that I was finally able to get back to work. It was a small time gig. Nothing as prestigious as anything I'd worked on before, but at least I was working again. That was about the time I met Gowther."

"Really?"

She hummed, her grin softening fondly, "Yes, back then, I had to resort to riding the bus into the city and my stop was just by the overpass he stays under."

What were the chances of that?

She chuckled as some memory came flooding back to her, "The boy saved me from being drenched in muddy rain water, and for obvious reasons I grew quite fond of him. I had recognized his disability from the start, but I'd also recognized his intellect. Because of that, I spent quite a bit of time with him after our first meeting."

"He mentioned that he was the one you took to Escanor before the doctor joined the sins. Was he taking drugs when you first met him?"

She looked at me with a raised brow but something close to understanding crossed her face, "That's right. Gowther relied on the drugs he'd been given too much. With my help he was able to stop taking them." Her confidence faltered for a moment, "At least for a while."

If he'd been able to get clean, why had she sought out Escanor… and at gunpoint no less?

"What happened?"

Merlin's eyes met mine and not for the first time tonight they looked… guilt ridden. "I was approached one night in my lab at the company I worked for."

In all the stories I'd heard, there was a moment, a shift, something in their stories that seemed to pivot them towards the path they ultimately walked down. For Meliodas, it had been the strange interrogation that led him to believe there was more to Liz's case that would eventually lead him to investigating it himself.

By the way Merlin's gaze shifted, something told me that this was hers. I was almost afraid to ask. "For what?"

"To continue my work on XGEN."

Somehow, I should have seen this development coming. But I didn't, and it still made me reel back in confusion, "But you said that-"

"I know what I said, dear, but think about it - if the drug had actually been destroyed back then, do you think we'd be speaking right now?"

No, of course not. I closed my mouth, waving for her to continue.

A small tug at the corner of her lips told me she wasn't upset at my interruption, "I was just as shocked as you, trust me. I'd been witness to the destruction of my work on the drug - hell, I practically over-saw it."

She shook her head, as if still trying to piece the mystery together, "But, late one night while I was working a man shows up, somehow holding copies of all of my notes and research. Things that should have been destroyed when the project was abandoned. Even a sample of the first iteration. But there were also added notes. Someone had picked up the project and made modifications along the way."

"Who was the man?"

Her eyes darted up to mine before darting away, with a quick shake of her head, "I don't know. I never saw him again after that."

Though, based on the look on her face, I felt it probably wasn't for lack of trying. Obviously this stranger was of interest to her as well.

"You agreed," I guessed, receiving a confirming nod from the scientist, but I couldn't quite guess the motivation behind her decision, "But, why? You knew the drug was dangerous. Why did you agree to work on it again?"

I steeled myself for the answer I was least fond of - the one that would make her sound like a zealot.

What I wasn't expecting was the soft shrug and tender expression, "Because for the first time in my life, I cared about someone other than myself."

Gowther…

"He threatened you."

Merlin nodded solemnly. "Not in so many words, but the intent was there. I can't completely say that I wasn't intrigued, though. In what this stranger's true goal was. What they wanted with a drug like that. I had spent some time developing the drug to begin with - obviously there would always be a part of me that would be… curious... if it could be salvaged."

Maybe there was a part of her that was still curious. Maybe that was why she was experimenting with making the counter drug. But, I didn't like the sour taste that thought left in my mouth.

"Did you ever figure it out?" I asked, trying to focus elsewhere, "what they wanted with it, I mean?"

"Eventually, yes. Initially, this group was interested in it for the same reason the government had been. But when the possibility for it to be used recreationally as a new addictive substance came up, that's what they ended up pursuing."

So that's why it started making its rounds through the major gangs in the city. And why it first started growing in popularity in rounds internationally.

I fidgeted slightly behind the bar. This was exactly the information I needed… but… I wanted more. I'd heard all of their stories, but I wanted to know their motivations. I wanted to understand them individually.

A sentiment that not only surprised me… but terrified me.

"You went to go work for this group then?" I offered, trying to coax Merlin into the next part of her story.

Merlin chuckled, but the sound was hollow and humorless, "I wouldn't exactly call it 'working for them' as I would 'forced to comply'. I was uprooted from my home, forced to live and work under the watchful eyes of the very gang I'd agreed to work with.

"It wasn't so bad the first month or so. They rarely bothered me and I was given relatively comfortable lodgings while I worked. Even had a nice view of the city." She shrugged, as if to say 'I couldn't really complain', but then her mood shifted again, that same guilt that looked so strange on her face returned. "I had assumed in the beginning that they just wanted the drug for what it was meant to be. Some faceless government agency trying to get the finished product to sell for times of war.

"But, the longer I worked, diving into the changes that had been made to the drug's formula in my absence, the more I found that it had morphed into something else entirely. Earlier versions of this new drug, which then was being called XGEN, had already started to make an appearance on the streets, being sold as an energy enhancement to military personnel for training and combat."

"Wait… military personnel?" It couldn't be a coincidence, could it? Was this how Liz had gotten hold of the drug? Had she started taking it?

I wasn't sure anymore. Meliodas had been so adamant that Liz wasn't taking anything before she'd been found dead. And out of the dozens of times I'd heard that very statement, I wanted nothing more than to believe it now.

So, how did a soldier with a near-perfect service record get herself caught up in all of this and end up over-dosing on a failed super-soldier drug?

"Unfortunately, that's all I know about that. I never did get a chance to learn much more about the spread of the drug back then. If I'd been as smart as I thought I was - if I'd known what I do now, maybe I would have made myself more useful… indispensable."

A frown worked it's way on to my face. Indispensable? She was the original creator. I couldn't imagine anyone more vital than that to the development of a drug.

"I'd made a reputation for myself, Elizabeth. My work… My advances in science and medicine helped millions of people all over the world. But none of that mattered anymore. People were dying because of a drug I'd helped to create and for every life snuffed out… I felt a piece of me die with them."

There was so much weight and grief to her words and as she said them, I could practically feel the pressure bearing down on her like a two-ton block strapped to her back. "Eventually, the guilt drove me mad. I couldn't take it. And I stopped working. The one thing that made me useful, and I denied them."

Now, I understood. And I hated where this was going. One thing I knew for certain about working for the criminal underworld - there was no room for someone who wasn't useful.

"So, they got rid of me. I was no longer useful, so there was no sense in keeping around dead-weight. But, obviously, they couldn't just let me go. I knew too much. About the drug and about those who kept me captive. And the sudden, and dare I say violent, appearance of my conscience made me a liability." She shook her head, "I really should have seen it from the start. It wasn't like they made any efforts to conceal their identities."

I wanted so bad to ask what she meant by "violent appearance" but I kept my mouth shut as she continued.

"Perhaps it was lucky that that pig took such a strange liking to me. He saw more profit in selling me off than he did in killing me." She all but hissed, venom practically dripping from her words, and from her reaction I was almost afraid to bring up the pig she seemed to have so much contempt for. Luckily for me, Merlin could read the question in my expression.

"I'm sure by now you've heard the name Gloxinia?"

I nodded quickly. That was the leader of that gang; the one who wanted King to succeed him.

But that's all she said on the matter, confirming that the pig in question was Gloxinia, but nothing more as to the relationship there. Instead, she sighed again, eyes hazing over as she stared into the past, focusing on continuing instead of filling in the blanks, "I don't have many clear memories of the following months - most of which I was either too drugged out to remember anything, or I've repressed them as much as possible. But… I…"

She paused, and I thought I saw an involuntary shiver, "I remember…" her words caught in her throat, her golden gaze darkening as she started intently at her wine glass as her hands clenched on the bar so tight that I could see her nails digging into the skin of her palm.

"They did terrible things to the women in those basements, Elizabeth." She finally said, shaking herself of what I could only imagine was haunting memories. They had to be for someone like Merlin to look as shaken as she did. "I won't say that I didn't feel like I deserved it on some level for my involvement in all of this… Karma punishing me for the lives I helped destroy."

She swallowed, regaining some semblance of control of herself, a pitying expression on her face, "but those other women… Elaine…" She shook her head, the intent of her words clear.

I reached out quickly and placed a tentative hand on Merlin's, not surprised to find it shaking slightly and gave it a gentle squeeze.

I was trying to digest everything she'd thrown at me. Even the fact that she'd met Elaine in the same place King had said they'd found her. Which meant… This was where she'd met the others.

But it was clear to me that there was nothing I could say or do to make any of this any easier on her. Just like the rest of them… she still had open wounds she was trying to heal. Old grudges she was still trying to put to bed.

But there was something more.

I could see it now. And I hated that it had taken me this long to understand. That I had held so much contempt for her when I found out she was a sin. Just like with all the others, that puzzle piece clicked into place, allowing me to see the person - not the sin - in front of me.

"You joined the sins to make up for what you thought you caused, didn't you?" I asked softly, watching her eyes go wide then softening on me.

She chuckled, "You really are quite the detective, aren't you?"

The irony was that I didn't need to be a detective to understand her motives. Just... human. "You said that each life taken by the drug you helped create, took a little bit of you. That bit about karma punishing you… of course you jumped at a chance of redemption when given the opportunity."

Merlin remained quiet, but nodded.

My heart twisted painfully as I watched hope fill her usually guarded gaze. This is why she'd not only joined the sins, but started working with the police department. It wasn't some scheme to get the sins out of trouble - though it certainly came in handy, I was sure. It wasn't even about revenge. It was to do as much good as she possibly could. Just like King.

That's why she and Escanor were working on a counter-drug.

Without warning or thought, I felt myself leaning over the counter to wrap a stunned, stiff Merlin in a hug. Pulling her close as I felt tears stinging my eyes and threatening to fall.

The last piece of the sins puzzle finally clicked into place. I could finally see the bigger picture for what it was.

Everyone was here for their own reason and yet… somehow they seemed to be here for each other just as much. For more than just their little ragtag group of vigilantes. They wanted to help people because of what they themselves had experienced.

Ban wanted to help his best friend. To keep the drug off the streets that had twisted into the woman he had come to love being sold into the underworld.

Gowther may not have the same emotional drive as others, but I was sure the sins gave him a purpose. A familiar setting he could return to when he needed it. A home.

Diane had a strong sense of purpose. First it was justice for her mother. And now to get the drug that got her killed, eradicated.

King... Well he seemed to be here more for the sake of the others than his own at this point. He stayed because it was where he was needed. It gave him hope of bettering himself.

Merlin felt responsible for everything that happened. She created the drug after all and wanted it desperately to be gone.

And Meliodas. He started off with so much vengeance in his heart over Liz's death and somehow brought all these people with different backgrounds and skills together to create one of the most feared gangs in the city. All of it a ruse so they could operate how they wanted to get answers.

The sins truly weren't what I had thought. Never in a million years would I have guessed the extent of each of their stories. Their stake in the outcome of their task.

I finally pulled away from Merlin, realizing how brash I was being. "I…" My mouth fished for words unsuccessfully.

"It's alright." Merlin answered tearsly. A hand rubbed her shoulder absentmindedly before redirecting itself to the drink on the bar. She finished it before addressing me again. "I was lost for awhile then. What does one do after escaping hell? They brought me back here with them per Elaine's insistence."

Merlin glanced around the room, an odd expression on her face.

"Meliodas was surprisingly accepting of my presence compared to the others."

"Really? I mean I can see Ban giving you a hard time but-"

"King was the problem, actually." She smiled smugly.

I blinked in surprise.

Merlin chuckled. "A bit of our history overlaps, you see. He was wary of me and I was determined not to trust him. Each of us had our reasons for it, of course, but the two of us weren't able to work together for quite some time. Especially after Elaine stopped staying here."

My lips pursed. "Why?"

"Unimportant," she waved me off, her normal demeanour returning the longer she talked. "Point is that we got over it… eventually." She laughed lightly. "Both of us are quite good at holding a grudge."

King hadn't mentioned anything about Merlin and his, from what it sounded like, rough start. But I supposed that he couldn't without giving away Merlin's part in the story. I only now realized that he had come very close to letting a bit of it slip when he talked about rescuing Eliane. He said them at the time and while it's true that it could have easily been pushed off at saving other women, he had meant Elaine and Merlin.

"It's really not something to dwell on, Elizabeth." Merlin frowned, eyes scanning my face. "Really. It's no longer an issue. Hasn't been for years." She paused for a few minutes letting me think about it before continuing. "One of the first things I did when I got back was attempt to find Gowther. He… hadn't fared well in my absence."

"And you brought him to Escanor."

She nodded. "When I found him he was in dire need of medical attention. I couldn't very well bring him to a normal clinic. They'd ask too many questions. In the time I had been here - before I found him - I had heard the team talk of a 'blind doc'. It seemed like a good place to go."

Merlin pointed towards the wine bottle I'd left on the counter next to me and I handed it to her, allowing her a moment to refill her glass.

"Everything fell into place rather quickly after that. I'm still not entirely sure how he managed it, but Meliodas convinced us all to tell our stories after…" her thin lips pulled into a tight scowl. "After something went very wrong. It was maybe the fifth time we'd tried to use all of our skills together and it ended — well poorly would be a vast understatement." She smiled without humor.

I bit the inside of my lip. Ideas popping in my head, left and right at what she could be avoiding. Given each of their histories it could be any number of things.

"We'd come back to the bar that night and quickly spiraled into chaos. Until Meliodas stepped in and demanded that we share."

My brows pulled together at the odd transition. How did sharing their stories combat the chaos of whatever they'd done that night?

Merlin, again, could read the racing thoughts in my head and answered, "You see, he had the most complete picture, but even he didn't have all the details on all of us." She laughed dryly. "A few of us weren't so apt to share certain chunks of our story."

"You and King?"

"Us and Meliodas himself."

"Well explains why you two couldn't trust each other."

"Ah, why all of us couldn't trust each other. Meliodas knew the most but he didn't know everything. Everyone else barely knew anything about any given member of our little group." Merlin sipped at her glass. "He claimed the lack of trust is what got us into the mess we were in."

"And?"

"He was right, of course."

Silence hung in the air. Heavy at her words.

"So he gave us all a drink, sans Gowther, and told us why he was there." Merlin recalled the event. "The others followed his lead, one by one, confessing their sins. I was… reluctant to share and so was King. But a few bats of Diane's eyelashes and he caved too. Unwilling to be the only one, I also gave in."

The image of the sins, sitting around the bar and sharing their dark pasts consumed my mind. Tormented faces of the teller and probably a sympathetic audience. Each of them had something in common. That's why they were here.

"After I dropped my bomb. It was quiet." Merlin's voice was soft. "Until Gowther, of all people, spoke up. He was still unused to everyone's presence all at once, but he found enough of himself to tell us who we were."

"The Seven Deadly Sins." I whispered in surprise. I never would have guessed Gowther picked it. Or even the correlation through most of the stories.

Merlin smiled proudly. "It was brilliant." She waved a hand around to express her sudden joy at the topic. "The seven of us followed a path that somehow fit what Gowther suggested so smoothly."

I opened and closed my mouth several times. My mind hadn't even gone that direction when hearing the stories. But now that an explanation came from Merlin's exquisite mind, I couldn't help but see it. How could I have been so blind?

"Now, knowing all this, Elizabeth, what will you do?"

"Huh?" I blinked up at her, confused, torn from the intricacies of the thought process behind their stories and trying desperately to keep up with her. "What do you mean?"

Her head tilted inquisitively. "Surely Meliodas didn't have us tell you all this without reason. He must have told you something. Be planning something."

"I… I don't know."

And I didn't. Meliodas had said that I would have to choose. That once I heard their stories I wouldn't be able to stay where I was. I'd either have to turn them in or…

I nibbled my lip.

Or I'd have to join them.

Dom: WOOOOOO! HAPPY DOUBLE POSTING DAY!

Luv: *pops the champagne* We did it! *pours champagne into two glasses and hands one to Dom* How's it feel to be like those authors who really have their shit together and can post twice in one day?

Dom: *Clinks glasses with her* Pretty damn good. Except, you and I both know this is literally 3 years in the making so…. yeah.

Luv: * cringes behind her glass* Eh… there's that too… I guess… BUT! Speaking of 3 years! You know what we weren't put together enough to hit?

Dom: *Sighs dejectedly* Our anniversary?

Luv: OUR ANNIVERSARY!

Dom: Yeah. No. We were very much not put together enough for that. But! But… valid excuses can be made. I think? Maybe?

Luv *nods sagely* Oh yes. Valid excuses can always be made. If you know what you're doing. *wink, wink. Nudge, nudge*

Dom: Well, here's a toast - To not taking another 3 years to finish the rest of this story and to great plots!

Luv: Here here! *clinks glass together* Now… I think we should probably do that preview thingy.

Dom: *Finishes off her glass* Next Time on Don't Trust Me: The puzzle pieces lay before her, Elizabeth has a choice to make. Will she give in to the growing affection she has for the Sins or will she return to the job that's always meant so much to her?

Luv: *sps champagne, deep in thought* Speaking of plot… you know what I'm itching to write?

Dom: Oh? What's that?

Luv: *leans into whisper* Well, it has to do with this little universe we've created and some certain characters —

Dom: OH - HO! I know EXACTLY what you're talking about! Well, we should get to writing that, shouldn't we?

Luv: *throws on a monocle and nods wisely* indeed. Shall we get started now? So it doesn't take us another 3 years?

Dom: Yes, quite right! Off we go! Toodles, readers! See you next time!