Nothing was going to plan anymore. Georgia Sorrel watched the dark slowly turn to the gray of pre-dawn on the terrace, failing once again to quit smoking. A disgusting habit, and one that no matter how hard she tried to stop, she always came back to. Mornings were the hardest for her, after working out. She pretty much managed to control herself for the rest of the day. She could wash off all the evidence in the shower and then do her makeup and hair and get dressed and no one would ever know, not even her.

The only good thing that had come out of her habit was that she had gotten Prince Wesley to trust her, meeting him out here to offer him a cigarette and to make small talk. But more than that, Georgia had decided that she liked the guy. He was endearing, in his own goofy way, and she didn't want to hurt him.

But all the same, she was running out of time. Yesterday had definitely not been part of the plan. Vera and Wesley and Captain Entrinken had nearly been the victims of a rogue attack on their very lives that were protesting the reintegration of the northern provinces into the country. The same group of dissenters, soldiers mostly from the border states, were calling for her, Lady Fallon, and Lady Vera to be kicked out of the Selection. And now, more than ever, Georgia knew she was running out of time. It wouldn't have been so hard if Jason Trevelyne had actually told her sooner, but she had learned long ago she couldn't depend on him. She had entered the Selection with the impression that Wesley didn't care at all about it, and he wasn't invested in it either. But several girls had asked to leave, and all of the sudden he had winnowed them down to the Elite with little more than a date or two each and a couple of parties Georgia had avoided because she had more important things to do.

She had never been very popular with anyone, she knew. Former secessionists hated her because she exploited her position in their society to work for the monarchy, and the monarchists hated her because of that position in the rebel society. It didn't matter what she truly had done. Georgia only ever had had one loyalty in her life, and that was to her country. She served the realm, and she was going to serve it by any means possible. She kept telling herself that everything else was just a distraction, but yet, here she was. From what little news had been published about the attack yesterday, even people who disagreed with the attack were starting to call for at least her dismissal. Lady Fallon was also highly unpopular with most of the country, but she was a huge contender in the eyes of the northern provinces for her association with the Berlin family. Some people were demanding her to be the princess (without any say from Wesley), and some were demanding her immediate dismissal. Only Lady Vera's time in the king's army was saving her from the media scrounge that Georgia had read about herself and Fallon, but there were still people dredging up not so good parts of her record.

She finished her cigarette, and her resolve was at least strong enough to not have another, though her tired brain was telling her to. The gardens were still in shadows, but the gray sky was turning pink.

Once Georgia Sorrel was a hero. But everything had changed since then and she had lost the best thing that had ever happened to her. Now she lived in a web of lies and glamour and hazy cigarette smoke as she clung to her former glory. It was too hard to be the same girl down here that she had been in the north.

That girl had been a lie too.

…

"It was this weird faction," Wesley said, his lungs feeling like they were stuffed in his throat. "They support the monarchy except they hate us for trying to rebuild the country like it was. They think we let the rebels and the provinces that seceded get off way too easily. That's it in a nutshell."

He was babbling a mile a minute, his voice too loud, but that's all he could really do, sitting on the hard chair next to Elvira's bed. If possible, she looked even worse than she had yesterday when she had been bleeding out in the car. It was almost twenty- four hours later, but she was alive and that was all that mattered. She had been surgery pretty much all night, and she had only woken up an hour ago, but Wesley had been in the hospital all day despite Andrew's strict order that the palace was on lockdown. Lucky for Wesley, Nick had been transferred as his new bodyguard overnight and was down with sneaking out.

"Why can't they just be happy we won?" Elvira grumbled, her voice hoarse and weak. Every time Wesley looked at her, he felt awful.

It was better than hiding in the palace all day, where nothing was happening, and he couldn't sleep no matter how tired he was. Passing out on Vera's balcony for a few hours didn't count, because he woke up at dawn cold, miserable, and alone. Vera had left him and retreated to her bedroom because she was heartless, obviously.

"Guess not. I fought for unity, but I guess not everyone did." He thought of the meeting this morning that shed new light on the situation. "They're demanding I eliminate the three girls from the north and that we punish the leaders who are still alive, like the Berlins and the military generals and some spies. We have some of them in prison but it's not enough. They want their own justice."

"Don't," Elvira shook her head but winced at the action. "I didn't get shot for that. Remind me never to do it again."

"It would have been me if it wasn't you. I don't know how to thank you." Wesley said, looking at his lap to not see his friend, almost as pale as the white sheets that covered her. "I could never come close. But thank you."

"Your welcome. But it is my job," Elvira said. "I'd like to say I was happy to do so but getting shot sucks. I feel like I got hit by a truck twice." She smiled a pained smile, but her blue eyes were twinkling just enough to reassure Wesley.

"I was so scared you were going to die. I couldn't handle that again." Wesley told her, still not able to look up. "I'm sorry I was so useless. I am such a coward."

Elvira reached over to touch his hand lightly and her hand was cold and white. "Hey, you were trained as a pilot, not a soldier. You're a prince, you were never supposed to see combat."

"Yeah," Wesley mumbled. Tell that his dead and almost-dead friends.

"And you snapped out of it pretty quick and you were calm enough to stay in the car with Vera and save your skin. You could have panicked and bolted."

Wesley shrugged, and his throat was so tight he could barely breathe. "That's what happened to Drake. That could have happened to you."

Elvira was out of comforting words, and Wesley remembered what her delirious mind had spoken out loud in the silence of the car. No matter how hard he tried, he also remembered what Drake had told him in the silence of the snowy forest in Ottaro. He pushed that away.

"I should probably get going, or the doctors are going to join the faction too," Wesley scooted the chair back. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Wesley," Elvira's voice stopped him. "I know Drake fought for the crown too. He fought for unity, just like us. And like me, that meant dying for you. You can't let this faction win. For him."

Wesley nodded, rubbing his hands on his thighs to try to get them to stop sweating. "For you too."

"I'm not dead yet," she reminded him. "And I don't plan on it anytime soon."

He was a special kind of idiot, and he fully acknowledged that. It didn't stop him from asking the next question.

"When I was with you, yesterday, you were so out of it. You talked about him."

Elvira's eyes flitted away, and she laid her head back on the pillow. "It was bound to happen sooner or later."

"You said you didn't tell him. And you didn't say goodbye."

"I was the one who gave you guys the order. You shouldn't have been flying anywhere near the front lines," Elvira said quietly.

"I just thought you should know what he said before he died. I never told you because I didn't know who it was about. I know now."

She looked back at him, eyes wide.

"He made me promise to, um, to tell the girl I talked about when I was drunk that I loved her and to do something about it," he mumbled the words together and then cleared his throat. "Because he never told the girl he loved. I think he was talking about you."

Elvira blinked and Wesley saw her swallow hard. She nodded, and it took a minute to speak.

"Thanks for telling me."

"Sorry I didn't sooner." He picked up her hand on the bed and squeezed it. "And sorry he…"

"Don't," Elvira ordered him in her captain's voice. "Don't apologize for that."

"It was my-" Wesley started, but Elvira silenced him with a look.

"You can't blame yourself for everything that ever happens, Wesley. Ethan did the same thing and it almost wrecked him. And you should."

"Should what?"

"Tell the girl." She looked at him and Wesley had no doubt she knew. His face heated up under her scrutiny.

He stood up. "I should get going and you need to rest. Nick's my new bodyguard so you have nothing to worry about."

Elvira rolled her eyes. "Then I'll have to get better really fast."

"He saved my ass yesterday!" Wesley protested. "But seriously, I wasn't even supposed to leave the palace."

"Then I order you to get back there, as your captain," Elvira smirked, teasing him, but Wesley could still see the pain in her eyes. There was a new kind of healing there too. He hugged her as gently as he could.

"Everything is going to get put back together," she whispered in his ear. "It will all work out."

Wesley kept telling himself that the rest of the day. He was exhausted, but he knew if he went to sleep, he would only reply the day yesterday in far more gruesome details and if he was lucky it might be stuff from the war instead. There had been a council meeting this morning but by the time he got back everything was calm again and the palace was oddly quiet in the wake of all the stress and activity. Lucky for him it was easy to sneak in without getting caught. Dinner would be soon, so he smoked a cigarette on his balcony before he changed for it.

Lissa would be getting off work right about now. He could very well go at least talk to her. He just didn't know what he would say, and he was supposed to leave her alone and everything. Yeah, she may have been the girl that Drake and Elvira were talking about then, but was she now? He could tell her things he wouldn't tell anyone else and when he had seen her with Joseph something inside of him went insane. She was also his first love and he had been closer to her during Ethan's Selection than anyone ever before, and that time could never be changed, no matter how much time had passed. Something still bothered him, something stuck inside his brain since this had started—they had promised each other when Ethan had sent her home that that wouldn't be their end, but it was. They had written a few letters to each other until the monarchy collapsed and he and his family were exiled, where of course they couldn't keep in contact, but after that…nothing. When everything had kind of gotten back to normal, Wesley had waited and waited to hear from her, but he never did. That was part of the reason why he had joined the army. They were both different people now. It was never going to be the same.

But yet…

The smell of cigarette smoke was still clinging to him and he was going to be late for dinner, but Wesley found himself out in the third-floor hallway anyway. And as fate or luck or whatever would have it, Lissa was leaving Evie and Sophie in their nursery. She wasn't the same as it was when they were both sixteen—she had the world under her belt, and she believed in herself and she was smart and strong and sure of herself, and her hair was shorter and blonder. But she still wore pastel pink nail polish and bright lipstick and flowers on her clothing and little braids hiding in her hair and winged eyeliner and heels that were too tall for her. Wesley watched her for a moment, like a creepy stalker, as she hugged his niece's goodbye. He couldn't help it. He remembered what Joseph had said to him before he rage-quit. You know she's been in love with you for a long time. After that, he had made a fool of himself and then Lissa had said she didn't want Wesley around because he admitted there was always going to be something between them.

Aaaand she caught him staring.

Wesley jerked back to the present and debated on pretending like he had a reason to be loitering outside his door. He couldn't come up with one, so he just stood there like a dumbass and waved. Lissa looked back at the nursery door she had just closed behind her like she was nervous. He watched her paste a smile on her face and tug at the sleeves of her pink blazer as she walked towards him.

"Hi," she said. Wesley thought she might just keep walking, but she didn't. She slowed to a stop, losing her balance in her heels for a second and tottering a bit.

"You still wear heels that are too tall, don't you?" he blurted. He expected her to be offended or irritated, but her lips pressed together in a lazy smile and she exhaled out of her nose a laugh.

"You remember everything," she said, half a question half a statement.

Wesley shrugged. "I remember running into you when I first met you and you fell because of that. It's just part of my charm."

Lissa rolled her eyes in a drawn-out manner that emphasized her sarcasm. "What charm? I remember you insulted me and called me dude."

"No, I didn't!" Wesley insisted and she was smiling and giggling and correcting the record how she remembered it but he didn't even hear what she was saying because he could smell her perfume and see the few specks of mascara or some makeup on the corner of her eye and his palms were all sweaty and his mouth went dry and he was staring again.

"We seem to always physically run into each other, don't we?" Wesley said.

"Yeah." Her eyes lingered on his face for a moment before she looked down at her heels, crossing one leg over the other like she intended to stay. For once in his life, he couldn't come up with anything to say.

Lissa looked up again. "How are you?" she asked, her forehead creased with concern. Her gaze skimmed over his gross stitches and the equally if not more gross band-aid he had slapped over the scrape on his chin.

"I'm alive, Vera's alive, and it looks like Elvira is going to pull through. I talked to her earlier," he shrugged again, knowing how much pain his friend was in. He forced himself to keep talking about her. Elvira was neutral territory, unlike his charm and lack thereof. "Still hate it she had to get shot for me, but I'm thankful beyond words."

Lissa nodded her head and Wesley selfishly found himself wondering if she was thinking about when he had done the same for her at their sixteenth birthday party masquerade ball. If she did, she didn't indicate it.

"I'm glad," she said. "I was so worried when we found out what was going on." She wrapped her arms over her torso, studying the hallway around them. "Lady Vera was very brave for doing what she did. She would make a great princess." Her eyes were dark and sparkling and Wesley didn't have a chance to say a thing in response before she touched him lightly on the arm. "I should go," she smiled such a polite, fake smile that Wesley's heart cracked a little.

He didn't think, he just did as she started to walk away. It was because he was an idiot that he was dashing after her and stopping her with a hand on her shoulder.

"Lissa, wait." She turned at the sound of her name, wobbling just a little in her heels like she always did. Both times he had met her, literally colliding with her, once when they were sixteen, once a few months ago, she had done that. It jarred his heart like he thought was never going to be possible.

"I've been thinking about what you said," he began, the words coming out in a rush of nerves. Lissa started to shake her head and Wesley continued before he lost his courage. "About leaving you alone and not letting me break your heart again. And I'm not down with it."

"Wes," her voice cut him off sharply. "I meant what I said."

Wesley opened his mouth again, but the words his brain had mixed up in a rush didn't matter anymore.

"I'm not yours to toy with anymore," she looked right at him, but the words were forced out of her throat. "You need to forget about me and focus on your Selection. Or don't," she held out her arms in a shrug. "It's not for me to decide. But we have got to stop doing this to each other. Whatever this was," she looked away and Wesley tricked himself into thinking there were tears in her eyes. "It's over. We end here."

His heart cracked a little more. Okay, a lot more. He had no idea what had possessed him to make him think this was a good idea. He said the only thing in his empty head. She deserved to hear it.

"I told you, I don't regret you. I never will," he took a step back away from her. "I don't care this how it ended. I remember how it began and how happy it made me. I won't ever regret you, Lis." By this time, his back was against his door and he swallowed hard. "I just have one question."

She sighed, her whole-body drooping. She pushed her hair back from her forehead. "What, Wes? There's nothing left to say."

"Why did you stop to talk to me? You could have just kept walking, or…" he trailed off.

Lissa looked down at those stupid shoes. "I don't know," she breathed.

He had said the same thing to her the other night. He supposed he deserved that answer. He swore the air was sucked out of the hallway or he was having heart failure, or his eardrums were exploding.

Wesley looked at Lissa and Lissa looked at him, but neither of them said anything. Lissa was right. There was nothing more to say. They stayed facing each other for another heartbeat. Maybe there really were tears in her eyes, maybe he was kidding himself.

"Well, good talk," Wesley said. His voice only cracked a little.

Lissa nodded, her arms crossed over her body. "Yeah." She touched the skin below her collarbones. She used to do that all the time, except she would touch the necklace he had given her. Her smile was fake and forced and blurry through his eyes.

"I'll, uh…see you around."

…

END OF PART I OF HEART

…

I KNOW this is me writing in more circles but we moving on from that now that I've finally got everything else figured out for the second half of this story (which may not be as long idk yet). There will be a small time jump in the next chapter. I admit I've been struggling with this story so shout out to like all four of you still reading! RunawayGirl8125, Virtue01, mnbvcxz-xx, and delovlies! My goal right now is to post the next chapter very soon but STAY TUNED BECAUSE IT MAY NOT HAPPEN!