Chapter 3

Simply One Hell of a Butler

Tsuna was demoted from the ship's crew members to a lost child the moment they landed shore. But at least it wasn't just him, the whole crew decided to spontaneously disband, especially since their captain abandoned ship the moment they reached Germany. They had learned with donning horror that the captain had ransacked the ship and claimed its ownership, going so far as changing it arbitrarily. The poor vassal was robbed in its maiden voyage- and was subsequently remodelled from a marine ship to that of a pirate ship.

If the french navy was around the port, they'd definitely aim straight at their foreheads if they realized what the barbarians did to her.

The crew scuttled out in such a hurry that you'd think that it would capsize at any moment, following Jack in his decision- in the now topsy turvy world where the cap' abandoned ship first.

Tsuna sighed in the streets, "I thought Jack didn't fly a jolly roger to fool the navy... Now that the guy made off with a hijacked ship, I dunno if I can get him to let me catch another ride... if I can find him first, that is."

He was waddling around to the general direction of the crowd when he saw a notice board with a bunch of notices asking for the same thing- Recruits for the Veckenschtein family. The newer ones were making the deal sweeter than the older ones.

'These guys must be pretty desperate for new hires... ' and his thoughts were validated when a person who saw him staring at the new poster ran towards him and said,

"Hey kid! You must be a traveller searching for a job right?" she said with fervour as she quickly judged him with his rags and strange outfit that didn't match their country's norms. "There ain't no job easier than what's right in front of you. Your eyes judged right! It's easy money. It's practically a crime if you pass up on this once in a lifetime opportunity! So, you'd definitely take it, won't you?!"

She was more ragged out with the sales pitch than a featherless, headless turkey. She gripped his hands tightly and didn't let him get a word in edge as she started dragging them towards the new destination.

The crowd gave the sad sucker a look of farewell.

"You're up for it?! That's just what I'd expect of you, you godsend sonny boy! I'm Olivia, by the way, and I'm your new employer- the head maid of the mansion you'll be a butler off!

The young master doesn't care for any of us, so you don't have to worry your pretty little bird's nest for any troubles. If you have any bit of common sense, you'd be right at home here- and you as the epitome of plain Jim will have no trouble, no siree! Hahahahaha."

Tsuna looked at how she was dragging him to his new workplace and thought, 'If you're going to lead me there one way or the other, couldn't you give me a piggyback ride -or at least a princess carry?'

When the two reached the mansion- an abandoned villa that looked as creepy as they made Victoria mansions in horror films these days. But when looking at the maids and the butlers who were callously hanging their underwear and other clothes over the balcony like it was nobody's business- he could truly understand what would happen to horror media if its actors couldn't read the mood.

There was a girl at the stakeout, who had a flashlight in her clutches. As Tsuna stared at her, ignoring the head maids' sales pitches, his wait was rewarded with the girl waving the light suddenly. It was followed by the languid maids and butlers aborting their sunbathing and other forms of relaxation and hiding immediately to create the ghost mansion along with that disquieting atmosphere in its full glory. He himself was tucked away(shoved into a nearby tree) as the head maid backed away into the shadows before resuming.

The boogeyman that they were scared off enough to play a flash game of red light and green light, was a teen who looked extremely moody. Appearance-wise, he looked slightly strange- he wasn't conventionally handsome - looking slightly like an elf or a goblin.

He instantly felt one of the Arcobaleno pacifiers he packed away pulse when his eyes followed the noble. It was the one which resonated in extreme- the one with his flame, the sky pacifier. It seems it was this person that the thing judged as his owner.

'Well, I am not going to reunite you with your long lost soulmate! You're going to be stuck with me.'

"Listen here kid, you see that guy. He's your master. But, you aren't to come near him, nor breathe his same air, nor stand in his shadow or even enter his field of vision.

He dislikes any form of company."

"How am I supposed to be his butler then? Butlers are to tend to every of the master's wishes and daily needs, right?"

"You do it when he's not in his room, like how tooth fairies take teeth and replace them with gifts, or Santa gives presents. They do it in secret without any notice.

It's a thankless job."

"If he hates any sign of presence, then wouldn't serving him, or having the proof that things have been taken care of make him even angrier?"

"Hush now, no need for any of that sophistry. Also, remember, not a single word of his appearance. It's a sore topic."

Tsuna looked aback at Kawahira's memories of Asian dynasties where the royalty and nobles had the ability to whack their servants and even take their lives if they endangered the noble's way of living or incurred their distaste. It would be safe to extend that logic here.

'fifty lashes or even beheading or even giving them silk cloth to take their own lives or even assassination huh? Guess I gotta be careful to cater to his every whim if I wanna avoid any hassle...'

The house itself was a bit strange. It's every room had an overhead lamp- in a mockery of chandeliers. It highlighted the centers and darkened corners.

'I thought it was the servants who had to walk in the shadows to avoid the sights of the young master.' but then he noticed how the master himself preferred the corners- honestly, it was like the entire lot of them were light fearing vampires.

'If we're all on the same page in hating and avoiding light, why can't we just turn them all off!?' in his exasperation, he switched off the lights of the rooms he was working in. Surprisingly enough, Bermuda started inching towards the rooms he was working in from then on- in a show of approval of his decision.

The maids and butlers approached him for that asking him, "Wasn't it scary in the dark? I heard that all you'd hear would be the breathing of the master. But you wouldn't even know where he'd be there right?! Why did you even turn off all the lights when you tried working?! When I saw you doing that at first, I thought I'd see you fired right then and there! I was so shocked that you're still my colleague."

Well, Tsuna didn't really talk that much and he didn't really need to breathe, so if he just tiptoed around the guy wouldn't even realize that he was present, so it was the same as not being present together at all, right?

'I never realized that if you caught his ire, you'd be torched... Looks like the witch hunt's ways are being adopted into the mainstream... Looks like Europeans have harsher punishments than Eastern nobility, huh?'

The other strange thing about the mansion was that the young master holed himself mostly in the library and that nobody from the family lived in the large house. The head butler and the maid busied themselves in maintaining the order and house hygiene.

Also, people from the house would go missing. It didn't matter how good they were at their job. But, it did matter if they were bad at their job because the master would stake at the place until someone replaced the monstrosity created from a clumsy worker.

'I can bet that the ones who go missing were the ones who got spotted by the master.' the brunette thought as he tagged the objects that looked particularly ugly, misshapen, or broken with tiny notes to try to prevent more of his colleagues that he had been making connections with, from disappearing.

'If the nobles are always fickle, regardless of their geographical location, then I need bonds with people working here to either bail me out or keep me informed on what's happening.' then his notes stack disappeared, only for pages to appear in other parts of the house.

'Huh, so someone else is trying to adopt my method. But, they could have just asked me to get some.'

Two months later, the whole mansion was shrouded in darkness- no, literally, since it seemed like the young master preferred the unlit house.

The head butler looked pretty pleased with himself, "Looks like Olivia nabbed herself a good one. We don't have to forcibly nab people to work for the master now! Hahaha...

What on earth did you pull, anyway? He seems rather fond of you."

"Huh? But we haven't even talked until now?"

"Maybe it's a camaraderie or brothership that got formed. That's quite great, to have a bond strong enough to not need any words, hoho~

But you don't have to pretend, lad. Don't you share notes-"

'What?! It was the young master who keeps stealing from his stash of post-its?!'

"Don't you both communicate over debates over the goods and artefacts, along with discussions regarding decor? I hear that they're quite detailed- going to topics over history, origin, and quality, to name a few."

'Was that what it was?! He saw some angry rants on how some of the decors weren't even the original. I thought that the young master was particular about authenticity and such so he wanted his surroundings in the best quality as possible. Wasn't that a note to the servants to take care of his complaints immediately?

I thought it made sense with the bourgeoise personality and high ego of the young master that he would only want the best... that's why I made critiques of other material too...' the brunette was getting paler with each twist that the butler was making.

"You don't have to look so pale. It's not like you're his hidden mistress. But if you were a lass, I'd prefer it if you were one...

That child looks awfully lonely, so it'd be nice if he made company, even if it's the form of a friend...

You must be quite considerate of his character. I finally see that there was another side to your actions of switching off all the lights... So that the young master doesn't have to hold back to indulge in your company." the butler's eyes glittered at him.

'What?! That wasn't the servants?! I thought it was strange that I was never alone in a room, but that was because I thought everyone was to take care of rooms in groups...'

"I won't spurn you for trying to make friends with him. So, this time, you can be as friendly as you want with him.

He has invited you to a tea party."

'How am I supposed to be friends with a guy I thought never communicated with me until now.' the confused brunette was rushed off to his room to get dressed for the party.

When he reached the mansion's gazebo which was filled with nightshades, he looked slightly miffed at the sight of the plants used for poison, and he muttered,

"Well, if you're going to rear nightshades, you might as well go all the way and get oleanders, poison ivy, belladonna and wolf's bane..."

He saw the noble silently nod at that before he jotted down a request and placed it on the table. Tsuna sweatdropped at that.

The brunette feeling awkward at just standing there, reached for the chair- but paused when he heard a tsk.

"I hoped that two months here would ingrain basic etiquettes into your skull, but it seems like the head butler was just sitting around twiddling his thumbs."

'Ahhh... I knew that this whole thing was just the old guy's misunderstanding. Best leave before I make things even worse.'

But his hasty exit was blocked off by a cough, as the other coldly spoke, "Are you going to abandon your duties? Who shall serve me my tea?"

"Ah.. Ok. I'll be right there, young master." 'Wasn't this guy pretty self-sufficient last time I observed?'

When he poured over one cup's worth, the other looked at him imploringly. But seeing that the kid had no clue, he spoke irritatedly, "Surely you can't be expecting me to drink that? What if it's got poison?"

But when he saw the confused brunette reach for the tea, he clicked his tongue again and said, "That's my cup. Lay off."

Tsuna could only pour himself another cup, utterly bewildered by the situation. "So... how was it?"

"It's uh, not poisoned."

"Is that the most you could say about that tea? It looks like they can't even brew one drink properly."

"No, no. It's real swell. It's pretty mellow and makes you appreciate the scenario even better."

Strangely enough, it was a tea party of some sort.

"I want the library refreshed with new books. I'm tired of reading the same contents over and over again. But since those guys have no taste, you shall have to take it upon yourself to put ones that would be interesting to satisfy one's mind."

'Was... he asking me to suggest some good books to read?' "Sure..."

"Also, give me your name. I find it irritating that I have to waste so many words just to address you for getting my wishes attended to."

'Wait, did I not give my name to that maid and the butler? Well, damn, I guess I didn't. I thought that this routine would be temporary given how temperamental the house's lord was.'

"Right. My name's Tsunayoshi."

"Japanese? Have you gotten separated from your family in the bustle of the ship's docking?"

"Well, kinda. "

"I thought that would be the case, so I brought someone here familiar with the sea to get you back in touch with your lost ones."

"Bermuda~ Imma enter. I'm sick of waitin' 'round for yer special guest. He'd jus hafta get used to me mug... AH! It's you!" Jack looked at the brunette, utterly shocked

"Ah!? What're you doing here?! " he shrieked out before giving another shriek when he spotted a purple pacifier peeking from the captain's pouch.

'This guy must have pilfered it from me when I was cleaning up the ship's booze stack!' (To be fair, the pacifier was the least of what the brunette could have offered the other, given what the clean up did to that stash. The hardened pirate almost whined at the smashed bottles and the drenched floorboards from Tsuna's brash method of polishing bottles)

"What, if you knew my lackey, then it makes the story much simpler. I suppose the family you're looking for is this louch's?

Jack. You got to take responsibility for your flings."

The captain looked at the boy with bugged-out eyes, as Tsuna shuddered at the notion of the sorry excuse of a man becoming his father figure, let alone actual blood relatives.

Omake 1:

Bermuda looked at the pacifiers lying in front of him when he entered the brunette's room in search for the wayward kid. Said kid left the empty carton just to verify that the contraption was indeed stolen, before rushing to get his stuff back somehow (fyi, finders keepers, so Jack would have the suckling device).

He clicked his tongue at the prospect of the captain getting a gift(?), but given the two's friendship(?), he didn't get any gifts from the child.

So he casually took the orange pacifier and pocketed it.

After all, he deserved it more than his unfortunate acquaintance. Naturally, he wouldn't do anything as uncouth as hiding a present away.

When Tsuna returned to the mansion, he saw Bermuda wearing the pacifier around a classy chain. The butlers and maids looked at him like he was the one with the really bad taste of collecting and gifting baby sucklers to others.

Tsuna himself was in a dilemma of wondering if his contract and job as a butler would be compromised severely if he was to ask for the suckler back from his master- now that it was his possession- gift or not.

'I'd hate to think of the rumours those guys would conjure up if we were to get into a fight over the pacifier...'

Jack himself childishly squabbled over the ownership when he saw that Bermuda was allowed to keep it, but he apparently had to give it back to the brunette.

'They're honestly worse than kids' Tsuna exasperatedly thought, feeling like a mother- despite being a child of the opposite gender.

Omake 2:

Bermuda tagged along to Tsuna's bartending side job when he found about it. He certainly wasn't quiet about it.

"It certainly makes me wonder why you would work amongst these drunkards with all the noise they make. I'm sure we don't pay so poorly that our employees have to suffer like this."

The captain was taking full advantage of the brunette's position as a bartender to get as many free drinks as he could. He was drunkenly singing out of tune in another corner of the bar. Tsuna predicted that in five minutes, the captain would get into a bar fight with the ticked off patron near him.

"The bar's a great source of information. Besides, you wouldn't appreciate it fully until you become an adult. I'm sure cap'n over there would agree."

'They tip good and sing out some really good stuff when they're drunk as a bat.'

"What do you mean? You know of my stature, what would they dare not serve me?"

"Well... I do know what they'd serve you, if not anythin else." he said smiling teasingly as he poured out a glass of milk for the noble.

The other looked slightly shell shocked at the drink in front of him, before glaring at him.

"What? It's white- pure and innocent as a kid. It suits you to a T. It'll even help you get taller and stronger enough to have the good stuff." he snickered.

Just then, a table clamoured as it flipped over as the patron's fuse popped as he tried to stuff the nuisance up. Said nuisance took the opportunity to rob the other blind, before socking him. He then proceeded to make the guy into a seat as he attempted to woo the man's companions.

Bermuda raised an eyebrow as he got shot down, gesturing at what good the good stuff brought him.

Tsuna shrugged his shoulders. 'You shouldn't be asking me. I'm as underaged as you are, but they're the ones ordering a drink and paying the bills from someone who hasn't even tasted the stuff...'