Hey guys!

Happy, happy Easter! We've dyed our Easter eggs, I've got my kid's easter basket ready to go, hidden the eggs - whole nine! On a separate note, I've got to give a big thank you to those who shared their thoughts last week – yall always spoil me as a writer and I know I've got a lot of you who are here week after week and have been for…seriously like what, seven plus months now? Longer? That's amazing! Hats off to you, because I LOVE seeing your take week by week. It fills my heart with all the feels because my writing community is the best and no one will convince me otherwise.

Either way, last week was critical in terms of making a rather large plot shift, I'm just so thrilled to bring out the new material because (if I do say so myself) this is where the fun really takes off. I LOVED seeing people reference previous moments in the plot, how they are seeing how the character development has all started to click into place and…

I dunno, last week was just a really big week and yall have been so supportive as we head through this plot line piece by piece. I know that Covid still is a thing at that a lot of places around the globe are still shut down, so I'm glad that at least on Sundays there's still something you can look forward to. I wish I had the ability to update a bit more just because I'd love to do my part for the quarantine and spoil yall with content, but I'm afraid I can't write that fast so… Sorry :( But rest assured I am still writing multiple times a week and that I am producing QUALITY material that will be worth the wait.

We'll have to stick with Sundays. But none the less, I hope yall have an awesome Easter and please, enjoy this chapter!

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Levi closed the door behind himself, blinking in surprise at how far down the hallway she was, because for being in a cast, she was surprisingly quick. He caught up with her after a number of considerably large strides, placing a hand on her shoulder as he attempted to stop her, but before he could so much as even open his mouth, her voice came out in a venomous hiss and she continued down the hall undaunted, pulling her shoulder out from his grasp with a forceful tug, "You read them? Why would you ever do such a thing?"

Levi couldn't help the sigh that left his lips, pausing in place at her scathing words, and he shook his head and again walked after her pointedly, "Petra, I had no choice! It's my job!"

Hearing his words, she gave a sarcastic snort, glaring at the path ahead as she retorted hotly, "Oh you had a choice alright, and you chose to keep me in the dark – probably laughed at me the whole time. Well joke's on you – I made it all up, so there!"

As she walked down the hall, she looked over toward him, her lips tightening in a scowl as she watched him walk beside her step for step and she all but growled, "Why are you – ugh, Levi, stop following me!"

He returned her venomous glare with an irritated expression of his own, certain that her walking down the hall at this breakneck speed was far from what the doctor had intended when he cleared her to walk without her crutches last week, and he tried to keep his rising frustrations in check, "Petra, will you just listen to me?"

She actually snorted at him, giving a rough shake of her head as though finding his request to be utterly ridiculous, "No! You've got two legs that aren't broken, right? How about you put them to good use and get out of my sight! Humanity's Strongest, ha. More like Humanity's most insensitive, backstabbing, arrogant-"

Petra's words were cut off midsentence, because Levi had grabbed her arm fiercely and with a tug, pulled her toward him and pressed his lips against hers without hesitation. His hold on her was firm, and he felt her stiffen in obvious surprise as he kissed her without warning.

In truth, Levi wasn't sure what he was expecting, what he hoped to accomplish by kissing her when she was so obviously infuriated with him, and yet, he simply couldn't deny the impulse, because he had known. He had gotten to read her words that weren't marred by her putting on a brave face or skewed by the professionalism they were required to carry themselves with on the daily as they completed their tasks. What she had written, the words she wanted her father to know about him…he didn't even know what he could say in response to her unguarded, tender words of confession and praise, and so he simply responded in the only way he knew how, in the only way that ever could capture his own feelings toward her in return.

As much as he enjoyed the moment – he was quite certain that he hadn't kissed her, hadn't touched her, hadn't had even an ounce of intimacy with the woman in well over a month due to their opposing schedules - it didn't escape his notice that Petra's lips remained still and unmoving against his, stubborn to her core as she tried to make a point of her anger because she was truly that unhappy with him. Levi tried to deepen his kiss, to weaken her resolve and chip away at her stubborn defiance because he knew full well she missed him and wanted his time and attention, which he would gladly provide to her if she would so much as let him, but it was then that Petra turned her head to one side to break his kiss, and with a sudden angered huff, she pressed her hands into his chest, right beneath his shoulders and actually shoved him back with a level of fierceness that surprised him.

It was as Levi caught his footing, having stumbled back a few steps from her show of force, that he watched her with wide eyes as Petra shot him an ugly expression and slowly brought her hand up to her face, wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand as though intentionally wiping away his touch from off of her lips. Her actions surprised him all the more as she held his gaze with a still present fire in her eyes, because Petra had never…rejected his actions so vehemently before, as though thoroughly and completely disgusted by him.

Her lips were pressed together into a barely contained snarl and she watched him with a hateful glare, "How dare you."

"Petra, listen."

"Don't you 'Petra, listen' me, Captain! You listen!" she suddenly demanded, her volume drastically increasing from her previous mumbling, "You can't just do that, lie to my face for months, get to know my heart and thoughts with no risk of ever putting yourself out there in return, then act like it's no big deal or that you can just settle it with something like that. What, you think that one fucking kiss from you just makes it all better because you're so damn cool and I'm just so lucky to have you? Just because it's not a big deal to you Levi, does not mean it's not a big deal to me. In case you haven't figured it out, it's a huge deal to me. You went behind my back, lied to me by omission, betrayed my trust, and just now tried to dismiss it all and play it off with a single kiss."

Petra gave an exasperated huff, and Levi felt admittedly small under her furious glare, her words making him rather uncomfortable because he truly didn't know what to do or say to try to make it right between them. A slight silence fell over them, and Petra continued just the same, "I don't care what Erwin told you to do, and I get it was your job or whatever, but I'm furious and I have every right to be and you will not take that away from me or dismiss my frustration by brushing it off like that."

Petra looked into the floor then, her expression unreadable as she seemed to debate with herself what more she wanted to say, or perhaps if she even wanted to say anything further at all, and Levi found himself taking a few steps back toward her in uncertainty, standing toe to toe with her again as he watched her in question. He knew he had to do something to make it right, but at a moment like this where she was focusing all her anger on him specifically, Levi couldn't deny she was difficult to read. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to be present in her anger so she could address the situation head on, or if she just wanted to be left alone because he had unintentionally hurt her yet again.

He understood her anger and knew that, like she had said, she had every right to her emotions, but some part of him couldn't help but try to justify the situation in his mind because it wasn't as bad as she seemed to think; it wasn't like he had intentionally betrayed her or went behind her back deliberately. Erwin had told him to read over each of her letters that came in, because he was so certain that Petra – unconsciously - knew more about the situation and that as she had time to think and dwell over matters as the months went by, she might recall some conversation, some long lost memory, that would give them clues as to where it all started from. Erwin had wanted his take on the situation to see if anything seemed out of character or if there was something specific that jumped out at him.

Though it had placed him in a rather uncomfortable spot, Levi could only agree, because it would stand to reason that Petra had some unknown insight – but with each new letter that came in, it seemed Petra spent more and more time writing less about the situation at hand, and more about her growing feelings toward himself, as her husband specifically. He wasn't a fool, he knew full well that they were words Petra was not comfortable with him knowing, knew they were words she intentionally did not share with him, and even still he supposed he had…enjoyed knowing, to some extent.

He never had to ask what she thought, or if she was happy or if he was doing anything right by her, because her letters were so resoundingly clear, each one filled to the brim with her praise, her contentment, her hope for the future and the fact that she wanted nothing more than to just stand by his side – which was good, as he had no idea if there was anything more he could ever give her than just himself alone, and at times, even that was a stretch.

"Do you know why I wrote all of that to my father?" Petra asked hesitantly, a sudden meekness to her voice that made him feel guilty all the more, because job or not, he knew this had more than tested the boundaries of her trust. He had dragged her words into the light, forced a conversation she wasn't prepared for, and even if he had reveled in her words and found great encouragement in them during a time where he only saw her in passing once every few days, going weeks on end without having any sort of interactions with her at all - under the weight of her embarrassment and true despair, Levi couldn't seem to justify his actions so easily anymore. Yes, Erwin had given the order, but he hadn't even tried to push back, not once.

Truth be told, he hadn't even thought to do so because the reality was…he hadn't wanted to.

"Because Captain. One day, and with all this vacation time at my disposal, perhaps it will be a day that comes very soon, but one day I will have to face my father and I'll need to address all the hurt and bitterness between us. We all know that the sooner my father and I see eye to eye, the less trouble he will cause for us in the future, but it seems the Commander and I have different ideas of how to get there. I get that he wants to be in a place where we are guarded and keeping my father in the dark so he can't use any newly gained information against us but…I suppose that I just needed to write my dad to let him know that I was okay."

Petra shook her head, picking her words carefully as she thought over the true nature of her father's convictions, "My father's biggest concern, at the root of it all, is that I'm going to waste my life here in the military and die too soon. Of course, I don't know how long I'm going to live, but in terms of wasting my life or being unhappy…I wanted to write him and let him see for himself that I'm doing okay, and I'm living life just like anyone else. I think he'll ease up a little when he understands that I'm not missing out, and that I'm relatively happy and still enjoying experiences that a traditional civilian would. I thought that if I wrote him about the wedding, talked about our interactions and how things were changing between us, that maybe he'd feel a little bit better about my life here."

She took a breath and a sudden sad smile came to her face as she stared into the ground with a thoughtful expression, "Some of it was that I wasn't really sure if you and him would ever meet. In truth, I always kind of doubted it because for the most part there's no logical reason that you would ever need to visit him – at least, not under pleasant circumstances, and so the reality was that he may not meet you for some time, if ever. And so...I wanted him to know about the man that I was suddenly married to. It wasn't a lie Captain, everything I wrote was…"

Petra took a staggering breath and looked up toward him, her cheeks a slight shade of pink and her eyes glassy with unfallen tears as she forced herself to speak to the situation head on, "Well, true. Every word. You already know I think the world of you, you already know that things have changed, where neither of us can really pretend anymore that we've got this all under control or that we're just using each other simply because it's convenient to do so. Granted I don't always know how you feel Captain, and I don't think you feel that way, that I'm just convenient to use - at least, I mean, I certainly hope you don't…but when it comes to my father…"

She took a breath and shrugged, "I wanted him to know about my thoughts towards you and that they were real and genuine. I wanted him to understand that, sure, I got married for perhaps the worst reason in the world, but that even though it was stupid, and short sighted…that you are just…awesome. And fun. And challenging and," she gave a sad smile at her words, now refusing to look at him as she focused into the ground timidly, "Just everything a girl could want in a husband, I suppose."

Levi gave a sigh at her admission, her account as for why her father had been the recipient of such words, and for a long moment he stared at her, uncertain of what to say. Under any other circumstances, he would have pulled her against him – wrapped his arms around her and tried to comfort her with his presence, but considering his last attempt at consoling her with his touch hadn't gone well, he found himself stalling in place and whispering instead, his voice gentle.

"Petra if you felt that way, why didn't you just say something – to me, directly?"

She looked up at him then, a dangerous, threatening mix of offense and anger in her narrowed eyes, and Levi knew instantly that his words were apparently the wrong thing to have said to her.

"Oh, why didn't I say anything to you directly? Because Captain." She stated sharply in a tense whisper, tears still brimming in her eyes as she stared at him in obvious offense, "You need to understand that I'm a selfish girl, far more selfish than you seem to think, and I'm terrible because even with all the things I said, all the good that I reported to my father; things a father would need to hear regarding the man that his daughter married…" she shook her head miserably and gave a bitter, pained smile, "With such high praise you'd think that I'd be content, or that I'd be the happiest girl in the world, but I'm not, Levi. I'm just not."

Levi was taken aback at her words, some part of him shocked and hurt because in her writings, Petra had made a point to say how happy she was with him, that even though their arrangement was unorthodox, it pleased her to stand by his side. He could feel his eyes narrow as he studied her, mind racing as he tried to figure out what she meant, where he had gone wrong, and Petra continued just as fiercely.

"You once proposed to me under the base agreement and understanding that it – your offer, the marriage, and our life to follow as husband and wife - meant nothing. It wasn't personal; you told me flat out you weren't interested in being with me, and I accepted it because I felt the same and only cared about staying in the military through whatever means necessary. In some ways, the fact it was just business made it easier to accept, considering you weren't expecting me to play the role as your doting wife or whatever. I didn't know then that I could have possibly grown to…grown so close to you and when you are already doing so much more for me than what you ever agreed to…"

Her lip trembled and she shook her head as she dared to look at him, a single tear falling down her face as she locked her veridian orbs onto him with a broken, dejected shrug, "If you already do so much for me, so much more than you ever agreed to then… then how could I ever tell you to your face that I wanted even more? You want to know why I didn't tell you, Captain? Well here goes: How do you feel when I tell you that I take it all back – I want to be with you and I hate our previous arrangement because it's just not how I feel anymore. I want to be with you, as your wife, and partner. I want you to care about me, as more than just your subordinate. I want you to chase after me, and be enthralled with me, and…I want a future with you, Captain. I don't even know what I mean by that, but I want it none the less, like…" she shook her head and looked around as though trying to find an example, and she pointed to her leg with a tearful exhale, "Like I want this stupid cast off my foot, because the longer its all like this, it just becomes more and more suffocating and unnatural and I'm sick of it!"

Levi watched her, eyes wide as his mind ran a million miles a minute, struggling to keep up with all she was saying to him, at the implications of her words and the fierceness she watched him with. She took a collecting breath and brought her hands to her face, giving a sniffle and wiping her eyes as she tried to bring a control over her emotional state. Her expression sobered and she cleared her throat as she watched him with a suddenly cold expression, "So tell me Levi, what you're going to do about all of that. Are you going to try to adjust your life plans, try to make space for myself and the military? How will you balance that? What, maybe build a house and try to live out your life with me at your side as we take the war on side by side? Is that what you want? Do you think that either one of us would even know how to settle down? What if I retired after my term? Would you still want me around, or would you put me away; send me back to my father's house so you can keep focused on your role as Humanity's Strongest and just wish me all the best, maybe visit every few years to check in as a mere formality? What, a few passionate nights, a handful of letters over the years, and a vague kiss goodbye and an 'until next time'? Is that what you envision when you think of me? Can a girl like me even make someone like you happy, Captain?"

Levi felt a sort of knot in his throat as she shot him question after question, and as Petra watched him with a heavy, narrowed gaze as though expecting him to answer then and there, Levi cleared his throat forcefully and found himself stammering a few broken syllables to no avail. It was obvious to both of them that he had no idea how to respond to her valid concerns they had both been avoiding for so long, and eventually Levi gave a long sigh and allowed himself to fall perfectly silent again because…he didn't know.

He still didn't know.

Watching the Captain's lacking response, Petra shook her head with a broken smile and crossed her arms, "I'm sure it was great getting to read all those things, you know? It would be all too perfect and easy to think that you could just sit back and do everything the same at no cost or risk to yourself and still have it all without having to lift a finger, but the fact of the matter is Captain, you should know that I'd never be content with that. I don't want to be your mistress, or your dirty little secret, or the girl you visit because you're lonely and want some easy company."

Levi intentionally fought to speak then, his voice a hushed, defensive whisper as he tried desperately to find some footing in the conversation. Regardless his unsorted thoughts, he found that Petra's words bothered him because her accusation, her assumption of his motives when he had gone considerably out of his way time after time to prove to her that it wasn't like that, to prove that he wasn't going to simply use her to such an end only to throw her away, just wasn't fair. His eyes narrowed at her words, at her mere implications, and he spoke tensely, "Mistress? When have I ever said anything like that?"

Petra actually laughed and shook her head at the sheer irony of his response, clearly fighting off tears as she responded indignantly. "That's a fair question, Captain. You tell me - when have you ever said anything about our relationship, at all?"

At yet another question he couldn't answer, Levi closed his mouth with a remorseful exhale, and Petra continued, "You know as well as I do that things have been changing – apparently you've known for months now that I care for you Levi. A lot. You know that I want more and that I'm hoping for something real and special with you, so in knowing all that, when were you planning to talk to me about it? When have you ever taken the time to sit down and redefine our boundaries, or tell me your thoughts and what you are or aren't comfortable with? Yes, you've never said you wanted me as a mistress or anything like that, because you've never even tried to communicate such things with me since day one. Did you just plan to string me along, turn a blind eye and hope that you never really had to put any real work into the relationship? That I would be content, watching you from afar?"

She paused then, watching the Captain for a long moment as a thick, uncomfortable and heavy silence fell between them. Levi had yet to find his words, though his eyes were locked onto hers, his blue orbs a storm of guilt and wanting and uncertainty, and she took a breath.

"Tell me Captain," Petra stated calmly with a knowing expression, "Erwin had you read the letters, right? At any point in time, did he tell you that you had to hide it from me, or that you couldn't discuss what you were reading in each letter with me later? Did he force you to keep that a secret from me too?"

When Levi watched her with a hesitant stare, the previous fire leaving his eyes at her cunning question, there was a soft, gentle smile from Petra, and she gave a long exhale because again, Levi didn't have an answer for her.

As she opened her mouth to speak, she reached her hand toward him, her palm coming to rest on the side of his cheek and over his jawline with a gentle caress, and Levi had to fight off the impulse to lean into her touch, because gods he missed her, he hated upsetting her, he hated being flighty and unpredictable, he hated to hear that she wasn't happy, and what was worse, her unhappiness, her sorrow and her uncertainty…it wasn't without good reason.

He was…hurting her.

And he had been, for some time.

"I want all of you Levi, and at this point I may as well just tell you straight to your face because you forced my hand. For the record, I want a relationship with you, Captain. I want your heart, the good and the bad and everything in between. I want to be with you, because I care for you, so much – and you see, that right there - the expression on your face right now, is exactly why I didn't tell you."

She paused and watched him seriously, motioning toward him with a single nod, "You aren't ready, Captain."

At that, she tapped the side of his face with her hand, a mix between a pat and a weak hearted slap, and though the action hardly hurt on a physical front, some part of him was impacted on an unexpectedly deep emotional level and Levi had to take a sharp breath, because the air had left him at once and he was somewhat frozen in place at all she had said.

His throated tightened all the more as Petra watched him in what seemed like disappointment, a sudden tightness expanding across his chest that carried a bulky, oppressive weight, and Petra's expression softened at the way his eyes searched hers as though in a panic; the color leaving his face and the words still not coming to his lips even now, regardless the fact he was obviously still trying to come up with something to say to her.

Petra allowed a gentle, forced smile to come to her lips and she cleared her throat intentionally as she watched him with a calm and acceptance she didn't feel. It was time for her to back off, because she had more than said her peace, and as much as it had clearly hurt him to hear, she wasn't wrong in that he simply wasn't ready for this conversation.

And that…was okay.

Even if the waiting hurt her, even if she wanted to demand he answer her questions then and there and beg him to say all the right words that would restore her heart and calm her agitation, she cared about him too much to force him into a false confession or make hasty promises just to appease her.

Levi was a guarded man; she knew he harbored deep scars and that this unique area of his life was rather raw – unsorted, and unkempt, messy and uncertain because he had devoted his life to the military and whatever was between them had been more of an unexpected accident – perhaps even a mere side effect of all they had been forced to endure together.

The truth was, perhaps Levi would never grow to care for her in the same manner that she wanted. It was possible that what they had now, something more than friends but something less than true intimate lovers that connected and had soul level intimacy, perhaps that would be all that they ever had, and if so…

Petra smiled sadly to herself as she looked at her Captain fondly, his blue eyes still a heartbreaking mix of pain and longing because even if he hadn't found the words, his actions were screaming of guilt and remorse and he was begging her to understand, begging her to tell him how he could make it right between them.

She would if she could, but he was the one who had broken her trust, and she was out of ideas.

"Listen, Captain. I've got work to get done, and you do too, as usual. I was kind of thinking – it's probably not a bad idea for me to go home for a bit and just…clear my head and try to patch things up with my Dad. I'm not comfortable with the idea of being gone away from you all for four weeks, but someone's got to talk some sense into my old man, and I am his daughter after all. Either way, I've got a pretty big trip to pack for, so I should…I should probably get started on that. I know you're pretty busy still, so I'm not sure if I'll run into you before I leave. I guess I'll…see you around, Captain."

She gave a polite smile and nodded toward him simply, turning down the hall and walking away numbly.

If this was it, if this was all they ever had…it would be enough.

Better stated, it would have to be enough, because even if she wanted more, even if there was always a whisper of hope that maybe things might change for the better between them, she knew full well that Levi was so above her and some part of her knew she was asking the impossible of him.

And for that reason...

Even if it left a hollow ache in her chest that hurt so damn bad…she knew simply that she was too far in to walk away now, and so she would gladly take whatever he was willing to give her, because….how could she not? She simply cared too much.

For her Captain.

For Levi.

…

End Of Chapter

…

*sighs and falls back into the couch*

I legit don't even know what to say. I have literally read this chapter seriously about twenty times this week, and this one happens to be up there with my favorites. Top ten for sure. I know it's not /actually/ a happy chapter because…there's some heavy stuff in there and some really hard moments, and yet my writer's heart just loves it so much because even if it wasn't supposed to happen this way, it did, and Petra had the balls to say to Levi face to face what she's thinking, what she wants, and even though SHE is the one that got drug into the light by Erwin and Levi, she manages to wals out with her head held high because she was finally able to be honest to herself and Levi, meanwhile Levi is left at odds even though by all accounts he should have been the most prepared.

It's a VERY powerful moment, and some part of me gets chills from it because I too, get inspired by our fiery hellion. So proud of Petra here.

Either way yall, I'll keep my ramblings short, because though I love telling you my own thoughts over the chapters, I don't want my opinions at the 'author' to shape your interpretations. Yall are welcome to think whatever you want about the characters or the chapters, who's right and who's wrong - that's the point of all this! Choice is a powerful thing. Till next week guys! Stay safe and again, have an awesome Easter!

~Mid