Hogwarts was looking so festive. The preparations for the Yule Ball were in full swing, not that we were going. We weren't in fourth year and had not been invited by anyone in fourth year so… no Ball for us, not that we cared.

We would be going home for Christmas. I could not imagine anything I was looking forward to less. Even being splinched in apparition lessons sounded more pleasant.

But I had whined enough about my home life. Others had it far worse. My father loved me I had a pretty good older brother. My grandparents didn't even live with me. And I don't want or need another cat food coupon anyway. I wouldn't want Amata eating any cheap cat food they would give me a coupon for.

The Great Hall was being decorated. Hagrid was hauling in twelve huge Christmas trees there were jars and jars of live fairies.

I was moping around looking at things when Hagrid saw me. "Wotcher there Lilliana. Happy Christmas!"

"Oh. Hi Hagrid." I replied, somewhat watery. "Happy Christmas."

"Well, that's the most miserable Christmas wish I have heard in a long time." Hagrid smiled kindly down at me. "Yeh OK there?"

"Oh, I am alright. I just really wish I could stay here." I explained.

"Yeah, I guess yer Dad woud'n like that much, eh?" Hagrid nodded.

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, yer could just stay here." He held up a hand "If yer Dad let yer that is. "Yer buddies Albus and Scorpius are after all."

"They are WHAT?!" I shouted.

"Oh… er… they didn't tell yeh?" Hagrid ran a hand across his neck a little uncomfortably.

"No… no they didn't." I turned around and stalked out of the hall.

"Well, I am sure they had a good reason." Hagrid called after me.

"Like what? A sudden desire to be murdered?" I called back to him. "Excuse me Professor McGonagall."

"It is like having Potter, Granger and Weasley back, isn't it Hagrid?" I heard from the Headmistress.

"Indeed it is Perfesser, indeed it is" Hagrid agreed.

McGonagall sighed. "I am too old for this. Brandy Hagrid?"

"I wouldn't say no ter some'at stronger if yer 'ave it. Firewhiskey sounds like just the thing." Hagrid and the Headmistress went out a different door.

I stormed in to the Slytherin common room in a fury to find the two miscreants lazing about without a care in the world.

Albus was cheerfully working on some sort of homework assignment. I wanted to charm his stupid quill to give him all of the wrong answers! And Scorpius was reading. Because of COURSE Scorpius was reading. Oh in that moment how I longed to set fire to all of his books.

"So how come I have to hear from HAGRID that you two are staying here for Christmas and not from YOU?!" I tried not to shout but a few people looked up.

Elizabeth gave me a look as if to ask if everything was OK.

I shot her one back that said quite clearly everything was most certainly NOT OK.

In the universal code of girls she said with her eyes and hands "Boys, what are you going to do, they are arses at times."

"Lils… wait listen…" Scorpius half stood up.

"Don't "Lils" me. You could have just told me you wanted some guy bonding time. I have never stood in the way of that." I was trying not to be some weak girl. "But HIDING it from me?"

"No we weren't…" Albus tried.

"Oh spare me, Albus, if there is one thing I am good at by now at home and in this house, it is knowing when I am not wanted." I turned and ran out before I started crying for real.

I ran to the Quidditch lockers grabbed my gloves and my gear and went in to the forest.

I would learn the Hairpin Turn Feint or die trying.

It was no issue finding the clearing Nigel and I practiced in. The good long walk out there also gave me plenty of time to cry to my heart's content. That is sort of the thing about having guys for friends. You don't really get to have a good girly cry now and again

I dropped my regular robes to the ground and by putting on my Quidditch robes and stretching on my seekers gloves I felt myself transforming from that awkward mudblood in to something more. Something greater than the sum of my parts. Something that was a "we" and an "us" instead of an "I" and a "me".

I know Nigel did not want me practicing this alone yet but I have done this dozens of times with him. And I have watched him many, MANY more times than that.

I could definitely do this. And it was just stubborn anger that was making me think this. If I wanted to risk someone's neck in stubborn anger, I had two far better candidates. At the moment I wasn't suicidal I was homicidal.

I grabbed up a black walnut and charmed it to keep away from me. With grim determination I mounted my broom. For the next half hour I went through my normal drills.

Then, when warmed up and finally satisfied I laced my fingers and bent them back with a gentle but satisfying crack I went over the maneuver. Make a tight, 180 degree change in direction while covering the shortest amount of distance possible. Begin the maneuver by making a quarter loop, bringing the broom up into near-vertical climb, let my speed slow. At the apex of my climb drop and change positions spiral diving towards the snitch, or in this case, walnut.

I let the walnut go and felt the rush as I climbed straight up. My hair was pulled back from my face. My goggles pressed in to me. I couldn't wipe the grin off. At the very top of the climb it was almost like I just flipped around and… fell. It was EXHILLERATING!

I rushed towards the earth. The blood rushing in my ears. Just as I was starting to reach my hand out for the walnut everything… stopped. I slowed down in a hurry and then something slammed in to me. HARD!

No. Not something. Someone.

When the blood rushing stopped I heard someone breathing hard. And cursing."Never saw anything… what were you think… could have been killed…. Took ten… no fifty… fifty full years off of my life…. Foolish! Foolish….! Barely cast…" And a whole bunch of other stuff I am not really certain were full words.

"Scorpius Malfoy, get off of me right now!" I shoved at him without success. "You ruined a near perfect Hairpin Turn Feint you enormous ARSE!"

"I ruined! You throw a fit and come out here to off yourself?" He glared down at me.

"Off MYSELF? " I gasped in outrage. "I assure you Malfoy. If I had planned to "off" anyone it wasn't ME. I had planned to practice Quidditch. IN PEACE! ALONE! You know, the way you and Albus planned. Now bugger off and leave me to it!" I gave one final shove and in his hock he rolled off of me. I had never sworn at him I earnest before.

"You don't really think me and Albus just really don't want you around do you?" He asked me seriously.

Ok, truthfully? Now that I had calmed down? No. I was actually more angry that he had screwed up my play. But I did want an explanation. I opened my mouth to lie, but he looked so hurt I couldn't. "No." I answered honestly. "But it really hurt my feelings when I thought you didn't want to tell me you just wanted some guy time."

By this time he had picked me up and we were dusting each other off and picking leaves out of each other's hair.

"Yeah… that wasn't exactly it…." He hesitated.

"Is it Albus and his family because I could…" The look on his face told me no. "Scorpius you are starting to scare me."

"Which is why we didn't want to say anything Lils." He bent down and handed me my broom. "Lilliana, even if you wanted it to, unless you were at least half blood, there is no way the sorting hat should have put you in Slytherin."When I started to protest he held up a hand. "Not because you aren't brilliant, you are, but because Salazar Slytherin hated muggles and muggle born. And magically the hat HAS to follow his will."

I frowned at this. "But I'm not half blood. My father is as muggle as they come."

Scorpius nodded. "And then you were talking about your mother. Normal healthy young muggles don't just die like that."

I swallowed hard. "Then you think my Mum…?"

Scorpius frowned "I think we don't know enough. Do you think... I mean since you know anyway… that maybe you could ask your father about her death over the holiday?"

I scoffed. "Oh that would be cheery, wouldn't it? Happy Christmas, father, mind telling me how mother died?"

Scorpius rolled his eyes. "I was hoping you would be more tactful than that."

We started walking back to the castle. "Yeah, because I have had such amazing role models in tact. No way I am staying here over the holiday."

Scorpius held up a finger. "OK two points. One, how will you get your father to agree."

I had no idea. "Leave that to me. I have a plan."

He did not look convinced. "Call me Scorpius the Dubious. And two What in Merlin's name is the Hairpin Turn Feint?"

We spent the walk back to the castle explaining exactly what I was doing and why it did not qualify as actually trying to off myself as he had first thought.

Albus actually seemed relieved that not only was I no longer angry but that I knew what was happening. "To be honest, Lils, I had no idea where to start."

"We'll figure out." I threw an arm around each of them. "Just like everything else. Together."

They clinked their pumpkin juice glasses with mine and said in unison "Together."

Sounds all awesome and "Yay friendship!" in theory. Way different in practice.

It was almost insulting the speed with which my father gave his approval for me to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas. He did deliver a TON of presents and I wanted to stay… but still, put up a little fuss for appearance sake! But he did say Angus was going skiing with some friends from Smeltings so maybe it was just nice not to have to fret over it all this year?

After a week we were no closer to an answer. Scorpius answer was, unsurprisingly… the library. Albus wanted to see if we could get in to the Ministry to check some kind of records. When I saw how big that place was in records, and there was no computer system I nixed THAT idea.

So we searched the library, the trophy room. We asked the house ghosts, but we didn't know which house she was in. Or even if she had gone to Hogwarts.

"Well, you Grandmother said she came from Wales right?" Scorpius asked.

"She could have lied." Albus pointed out. "No offense, Lils, but it seems like something she might do."

"None taken. And you are right. I have her picture." I held up my locket. "And her name was Gillian."

"What about her last name?" Albus asked. He was working on a parchment with everything we knew. Which wasn't much, and half of which came from my grandmother so was probably lies.

"Dursely." I mean, duh what did he THINK her last name was?

"No." Albus laughed. "I mean her last name before she got married to your father."

"Oh… let me think." I hadn't thought about it in a long time. "It was like Upbraid or Embalm or something."

I saw Albus and Scorpius look at each other really seriously. "Could it have been like Gudgeon or Hitchin?" Albus asked.

"You know that isn't it, Albus." Scorpius looked nauseated. "Was it Umbridge?"

"Yeah! That's it!" I was pleased to have remembered.

"And did she have a sister named Delores?" Scorpius continued.

I nodded. "Yeah, I never met her. My father said Mum didn't like her she was a bad woman. What does it mean?"

"It means we know who didn't kill your mother." Albus looked more serious than I had ever seen him, and that was saying something.

"Why?" I was confused.

"Because was in prison. She is still in prison." Scorpius sighed. "Your Aunt is a VERY bad woman."

...