"Okay, now we're on the roof of a train, it's fast, it's scary, this has been great, I feel like I've learnt a lot about me, something about you, a lot about how fast Lilliana can shimmy out of a window.. but…" Scorpius advanced on Albus clearly ready to drag him back into the train.

I didn't blame him. In fact I was fully prepared to help. I would take his legs!

This was way more than I bargained for. Being on a broom was one thing. This was no broom!

Brooms give me a feeling of control. I did not feel in control. I felt as far from control as I could possibly get without actually urinating on myself!

The wind seemed to have picked up three fold since I had stepped on the roof. At least if I disgraced myself by weeping in terror the tears would dry up so fast no one would know.

Albus was in no mood to be accommodating. "As I calculate it we should be approaching the viaduct soon and then it'll be a short hike to St. Oswald's Home for Old Witches and Wizards…"

Hike?! Now he thought there would be HIKING involved? Those walks around the lake had made him delusional about my willingness to hike!

Scorpius spoke my thoughts exactly. "The what? The where? Look, I am as excited as you are to be a rebel for the first time in my life yay… train roof… a magical train roof… fun… but now… oh."

Scorpius eyes grew wide looking over my shoulder.

I did not turn around. I did not have to. I just knew there was going to be some unholy terrifying thing back there.

I mean seriously how could there NOT be? Has anything good EVER happened when someone looks suddenly over your shoulder? Has it ever been "Oh my look, someone has suddenly appeared with a giant chocolate cake?"

No, not even once. And this time would prove to be no exception. I just knew it.

I decided maybe if I just didn't look maybe I could wish it away whatever it was. We live in a magical world. Wishes could be a real thing right?

RIGHT?! Merlin now I was sounding like a nutter.

Albus just kept right on babbling. "The water will be an extremely useful backup if our Cushioning Charm doesn't work."

Wait.. what? Cushion whos it now? Water in case…?

What was that Albus was saying? What in the name of Merlin's great shaggy beard would we ever possibly need a cushioning charm for? Unless…

"Cushioning charm?!" I squeaked. "Albus you don't really mean we are leaping from this train?"

"Well… yeah…" Albus had the nerve to look at ME like I was the daft one. "How did you THINK we were getting off of the train?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe out the doors like absolutely normal students arriving at Hogwarts? Getting off of this train has never in all of my experience been a thing I needed a cushioning charm for until now! Don't look at me as if I am crazy Albus Severus Potter!" I shouted. "You are the nutter who intends for us to leap to our deaths off of a train!"

"Not to our death!" He threw up his hands." Into WATER, Lilliana. With a cushioning charm!"

"Oh my mistake." I said sarcastically. "I mean just because at this height and speed hitting water would still be almost precisely like hitting concrete? And just because if it isn't deep enough even if we don't die we will still end up paralyzed for life. And here I thought you were being ridiculous."

"Cushioning charm, Lilliana. Are you a witch or not?" Albus tapped his wand.

Scorpius interrupted us. "Albus, Lilliana! The Trolley Witch."

I just closed my eyes. I was going to pretend for just a few seconds this was all a horrible hideous nightmare and that my best friend had NOT lost his damned mind.

Albus looked from me to Scorpius "You want a snack for the journey?"

OK, pretend time over. Time to face whatever it was that had Scorpius terrified he would suddenly need a snack.

Scorpius looked afraid. More afraid. "No. Albus. The Trolley Witch is coming towards us."

For just a moment I thought I was wrong about someone suddenly appearing with a giant chocolate cake over your shoulder.

Albus laughed. "No, she can't be, we're on top of the train…"

"The magical train." I pointed out.

Scorpius pointed behind us where we can clearly see the Trolley witch trundling towards us, cart and all. How she was keeping that ruddy cart from flying off was beyond me.

Magic I reminded myself. We are on a magic train.

The fact that this was a magic train in no way soothed my fears. Magic was a notorious killer of witches and wizards.

In her soothing voice the Trolley Witch called out "Anything from the trolley, dears? Pumpkin Pasty? Chocolate Frog? Cauldron Cake?"

Albus looked at her flatly "Oh."

"Oh brilliant." I muttered. "Just bloody brilliant.

The Trolley Witch rolled inexorably towards us. "People don't know much about me. They buy my Cauldron Cakes… but they never really notice me. I don't remember the last time someone asked my name."

Albus, ever the diplomat asked "What is your name?"

"I am almost certain that wasn't her main point Albus." I moved closer to Scorpius. My hand brushed against his. I felt a little better at his touch.

The Trolley Witch paused then waved the question off. "I've forgotten. All I can tell you is that when the Hogwarts Express first came to be. Ottaline Gambol herself offered me this job."

Scorpius master of all things geeky just could not help himself. "That's… one hundred and ninety years. You've been doing this job for one hundred and ninety years?"

The Trolley Witch puffed up importantly. "These hands have made over six million Pumpkin Pasties. I've got quite good at them. But what people haven't noticed about my Pumpkin Pasties is how easily they transform into something else…"

She picks up a Pumpkin Pasty. She throws it like a grenade. It explodes.

Merlin freaking be damned exploding freaking pumpkin pasties.

I will never eat one of those things again!

"And you won't believe what I can do with my Chocolate Frogs. Never… never… have I let anyone off this train before they reached their destination. Some have tried… Sirius Black and his cronies, Fred and George Weasley."

I almost smiled at the thought that Uncle Fred and Uncle George tried to sneak off the train. I wonder what they had been up to. I would have to ask. If I survived Albus sudden need for adventure that is.

"ALL HAVE FAILED." She was continuing "BECAUSE THIS TRAIN… IT DOESN'T LIKE PEOPLE GETTING OFF IT…" The Trolley Witch's hands transfigure into very sharp spikes. She smiles. "So please retake your seats for the remainder of the journey."

And to think I once considered kissing her in gratitude.

Well, madame Trolley Witch, you can just forget grateful Dursley kisses.

I almost laughed with hysteria.

Albus looked over the side of the train, making my stomach dip. We were high up and moving fast. With no brooms. And Albus wasn't a strong flyer even if we had been in possession of them. "You were right, Scorpius. This train is magical."

Scorpius shot him a wry look. "At this precise moment in time, I take no pleasure in being right."

Albus ignored him. "But I was also right… about the viaduct… that's water down there, time to try the Cushioning Charm."

Scorpius tried one more time. "Albus, this is a bad idea."

Albus seemed to think it over. "Is it?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Very bad, Albus. The most stupendously bad…"

Albus smiled like he was having the time of his life. "Too late now. Three. Two. One. Molliare!"

And he blood well jumped. Off. Of. The. Train.

Scorpius and I both ran to the edge and screamed "Albus! Albus!

While Scorpius looked desperately for Albus I looked at the rapidly approaching Trolley Witch. Her

hair wild. Her spikes particularly spiky.

"I really don't want to jump Scorpius." I whispered. This was as decidedly unlike Quidditch as it was possible to get. I would NEVER jump off of my broom!

He took my hand. "I know."

"I'm scared." I admitted.

He just watched me.

"OK, I'm, ready." I smiled.

"There's my girl." He squeezed my hand.

Sighing I looked back at the Trolley Witch. "Well, as fun as you clearly look, we have to go after our friend."

Taking Scorpius hand we jumped at the same time both shouting the incantation as we did.

"Molliare!"

I swear I heard the Trolley Witch scream in fury as we leapt.

Or perhaps it was me screaming in terror.

...