Aella didn't like waking up in her car seat while the car was moving. She started screaming her head off and wouldn't stop for anything. My head started pounding, my arm started burning and I was over the outing real quick. I turned the car right around and started heading home. I could order pizza until Spencer got back, he could stay with the baby while I go shopping.

The parking lot was just as empty as I left it, not that it was shocking. There was a truck in my old parking spot. I haven't seen it before and I had a few choice words for the owner, no one's parked in the damn spot since I moved in.

"Come on now." I said to her as I pulled her out of her seat. I couldn't help the frustration in my tone, my mood hadn't improved any since Spencer left. I was dreading the conversation that I would be having with Sam shortly. But Aella didn't deserve my anger, she didn't do anything to piss me off. She's not old enough yet. She stopped screaming but she was still crying. I decided to leave the seat in the car and just grabbed her bag before heading inside. I didn't like the idea of going up the stairs but considering there wasn't an elevator I didn't have much of a choice.

I had to stop about half way up to catch my breath. The doctor wasn't kidding when he said that moving around too much would tire me out. He said that I should avoid stairs if possible. When I finally made it up to my floor, Aella wasn't crying anymore, she was sleeping. It took me a second to balance her, her bag, and my other hand to get the keys, not that I needed them. The door was unlocked.

"What the hell?" My already bad mood seemed to plummet even farther down. I moved to the side of the door and thought about it. I knew I locked the door, Spencer could have come back, but he would have called me. Gideon had a key, but he hasn't ever showed up while no one was home, he wasn't comfortable with just walking into a home that wasn't his. I took a deep breath and glanced down at my daughter. I didn't have anywhere to put her and the thought of putting her in danger made my heart speed up. I didn't have a choice though, I would have to go home eventually. I sighed and turned the knob, moving Aella so I had a free arm.

I let the door swing open entirely before popping my head inside. I moved Aella to the side away from the door as I looked. I wasn't entirely sure what I was expecting, but my dad sitting in Spencer's reading chair. I had half the mind to pull the door shut and leave. I licked my lips and froze. He was looking at me with a blank face.

"Are you coming inside?" He asked in a flat tone. I glanced down the hall and thought about how long it would take me to make it back out to the car. Would he catch me? Would he even run after me? It's not like he would have to, all my shit was inside, I would have to come back eventually. "Don't even think about it." He stood up and took three large strides towards me. He grabbed onto my arm that didn't hold the baby and pulled me inside before shutting the door and locking it.

"Hey!" The force jostled the newborn; waking her up. She didn't start crying but she blinked up at me. I was about to snap at him but the look on his face stopped me. The tension in the room was suffocating. I took a few steps back, hitting the back of the couch. I thought about putting Aella in my room, in her crib, but I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want to do anything other than avoid my father.

"Where's Dean?" I asked carefully, it was the only thing that I could think to ask.

"I sent him off on a case." The tone of his voice made my shoulder hunch down, I felt like I was nine again. He looked down at the baby in my arms. She was still awake, it was only a matter of time before she started crying again. I couldn't think of anything to say.

"I..." I started, "she…. I think…."

"You think what?" John Winchester was never a fan of beating around the bush. Not unless it befitted him. "You want to explain to me what hell you're doing with a baby? Why you thought it would be a good idea to take off on your own as a goddamn 13-year-old?" He was yelling at the end of it, Aella started crying. She didn't like the loud voice. I turned away from him to calm her down.

"She wasn't planed." I said, deciding to explain her existence first, I didn't want to talk about the other thing yet. "I didn't…. she surprised us." The phone started ringing from inside the baby bag. I walked towards the bedroom and dug around in the bag for the phone.

"She surprised you?" His voice followed me into the bedroom. "Don't know why you'd be surprised. Then again, you took off before we got to talk about the birds and the bees." I felt the shock of seeing him snap away, it was replaced quickly with anger.

"You mean I left before you got around to it. Dean sat me down when I was eleven. Right after he got done explaining why I wasn't bleeding out!" His step faltered slightly. "She was a fucking surprise because I was on birth control!" She was still crying but I didn't know how to make her stop. I haven't been very good at the comforting part of mothing, just another thing I was doing wrong. By the time I set the kid down in the crib and tossed the bag on the bed, so I could look for the phone that had stopped ringing.

"How long have you been sleeping with the beanpole?" I rolled my eyes.

"Sleeping with him? About two years." My fingers wrapped around the phone that found it's way to the bottom of the bag underneath everything inside. Sam's name looked up at me in bold letters. I felt my anger peak. The only way Dad could have found me was though him. "I've been living with him for almost five years." I tossed the phone back on the pillows and turned around to look at him. Aella stopped crying so I figured now would be the best time to leave her be. Dad followed me out into the living room. "How long have you known where I was?"

"About three weeks. Followed Sam." I nodded, at least Sam didn't open his freaking mouth, the last thing I needed right now was someone else talking about my business.

"Great." I pulled my jacket off with an angry huff. "Just great! Couldn't have happened at a better time." I threw it into the couch.

"Happened at a better time?" Dad's voice was seething. "You ran away, you don't get to decide when you get caught!" I shook my head and moved into the kitchen. "Get back in here."

"Don't tell me where to go in my own fucking apartment." I said. "I have been on my own with Spencer for five years and…."

"Yeah, five years. Five years that I thought you were dead." His words stung. "Five years that you've been off playing house!"

"Playing house?" I scoffed at him, I was standing at the sink, my hands gripping the metal tightly. "I've been trying to become a productive member of society!"

"Seriously? I didn't raise you to become a 'member of society' I raised you to kill monsters. I raised you to avenge your mothers death."

"I didn't even know mom, I never knew anything other than god damned motel rooms! You wouldn't even talk about her, Dean could only share so much!" I could feel tears burning behind my eyes.

"You had a responsibility to your family-"

"Where the hell was your responsibility to me?" I looked at the pile of dirty dishes. "Where were you when I needed you? Where were you while I was drinking myself unconscious, or when I was popping pills in the motel bathrooms. How about when I woke up screaming in the middle of the night because I was having nightmares of everyone in my family dying?" I laughed, "no chick flick moments. You would just send Dean or Sam to handle it." The memories started coming back faster than I forgot them.

"They're your brothers-"

"You're my father! You should have been trying to handle the problem. Not Dean, he was just a teenager, he shouldn't have been worrying about me."

"What the hell would you have wanted me to do about it?"

"I don't know…talk to me, been there for me." He was quiet. "Don't stop yelling now." I turned to him, leaning back against the counter, crossing my arms. "You were on a roll." I could see the anger in his eyes.

"Don't talk to me like that." He said.

"Like what? I'm just being honest. You want to know why I left?" I shook my head. "I left because I didn't want all of you to find my body in the bathroom." I didn't like thinking about that day. Spencer got me to talk about it with him once or twice. Gideon to, but I've done my best to put it behind me.

"Your body?"

"Yeah, I was about this close," I held my fingers about an inch apart, "from calling everything off. If Dean hadn't called, then I would have for sure killed myself." The thought made my arm burn a little but not nearly as much as I would have in the past but burned nonetheless. "But Spencer is the real one that convinced me not to turn off the lights. So, if you're even remotely happy about finding me alive then you should thank him." There was a long silence between us. Him just standing in the doorway of the kitchen, and myself leaning against the kitchen sink.

"Why wouldn't I be happy to find you alive?" He didn't seem as angry as he was before. I let my shoulder relax a little.

"I don't know, I feel like it would've been easier on everyone if I had just gone though with it. No wondering what happened, no looking for me…" I shrugged, "I wouldn't have brought a little girl in this world who could very well grow up without a mother." I mumbled the last part. It wasn't something that I wanted him to hear. Spencer always gave me a hard time when I spoke about it. I think it just scared him though, he didn't know how to handle the thought of me dying. It was one of the many reasons he refused to believe that the bastard that killed my mother would be coming for me to.

"I'm happy you're alive." His tone seemed to soften slightly but the tension was nowhere near gone.

"Good…. I guess." Something seemed to catch his eye and he moved over towards me. I pressed my lower back into the counter, not sure what he was going to do. He reached out for my arm and that was when I realized that I had been scratching at it. There was a thin line of blood dripping down my hand, nearly onto the floor. That's when it made sense, he wasn't calming down because of what I was saying, he was softening his tone because he was confused, or worried, or something like that. I couldn't tell for certain if John Winchester had the ability to be worried. Maybe old age was taking a toll on him.

"Stop it." He pulled my hand away from the raw arm and turned me towards the sink. "What the hell is this?" He turned the water on and held my bloody arm under the water. The track marks were still easy to see, and the confusion seemed to leave him just as quickly as it came. "We found the pills…and the needles. I…." He seemed at a loss for words, "Why?"

"I needed to sleep." It was the only answer I could provide, "I needed to not dream."

"So, you thought drugs were a good idea?"

"I didn't know what else would work. You refused to talk about mom, Dean was too busy being the little soldier you made him, and Sam was working on getting into a good school. Some kid offered me to pills at school and they did the trick." I shrugged as the water began to run clear. "I didn't understand the consequences."

"Are you clean now?"

"I have been for over a year, almost two."

"Where do you keep the first-aid-kit?"

"It's in the bathroom, under the counter." He left the kitchen and walked into the bedroom. It didn't cross my mind until he came back out that Aella was still in there. He set the kit on the counter and opened it up. Neither one of us talked while he cleaned up the scratches and wrapped them up.

"Was she sleeping?" I asked.

"Yeah." I nodded, licking my lips. "Why'd you call Sam?"

"I…. Spencer's been trying to convince me to reach out to all of you for a while now." I watched him wrap the bandage around my arm. "Gideon, his mentor, found Sam's number and gave it to me. I decided to do it." I sighed, pulling my arm away once he was done. "I made him promise not to call you or Dean. I…."

"Why?" I could feel him looking at me.

"Because…."

"Than's not an answer." He grabbed the bottom of my chin and forced me to look up at him.

"I didn't want you or Dean to hate me."

Not my best, tell me what you think. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!