viii. black rose
She holds her breath for a minute before she enters the sterile room imagining the worst of the worst. Rinoa always hated hospitals, and this is too close to home. Dr. Kadowaki doesn't know what's wrong with him and if the tests from Balamb Memorial Hospital come back inconclusive, they are taking him to Esthar. To Rinoa, it felt like it happened overnight, but Matron swears she saw signs and Cid was too stubborn to see a doctor.
"Hey Matron," she calls as she enters the fragile room. "I came as soon as I...Seifer?"
"Shhhh..." Seifer signals with Matron asleep against his shoulder.
Time, for a second, freezes between them as his gaze is fixed on hers while she puts her bag in her lap and sits next to him. How long has it been? He looks the same yet brand new; more like the city and less like Balamb. His face thinned out and his hair has grown out longer, a bit shaggier, and it suits him. She wants to say so much, but is flooded with emotion that the words escape her. Where would they even begin? It's been nearly ten months since he was in Balamb.
"Can we..." she starts to whisper. "Can I talk to you?"
Seifer takes a minute before he gives a small nod. Her heart is pounding as she watches him try to wiggle out of the chair without waking Matron. His book drops to the floor and the second it makes a huge thud Matron's eyes open.
"I'm sorry I dozed off," Matron says to Seifer as he reaches to get his book. She turns her gaze feeling another presence. "Oh Rinoa, where is Squall?"
"He's coming later, taking care of some projects Cid had been working on before he was admitted here."
"Squall works himself to the bone, Cid adores him and poor Squall doesn't think he's doing enough," Matron sighs and glances longingly over to her dying husband. "I only wish Cid could see you two get married, he would be so proud."
Rinoa observes how Seifer's demeanor changes, around her, around Matron, as he shuffles getting papers and books into his backpack avoiding any eye contact with either of them. If they were under normal circumstances Matron could easily pick up on the uneasiness between her and Seifer.
"I'm going to get some air," Seifer mutters as he gets out of his chair.
"I'll join you," Rinoa declares quickly.
She turns away from the door and follows him; he's running from her, running from the confrontation.
"Seifer!" Rinoa chases after him. "We need to talk!"
"We have nothing to talk about," he quips as he keeps moving not looking back at her. Frustrated, Rinoa casts a stop spell blocking him at the corner of the building.
"We need to talk," she repeats stunning him with her magic. The anger in her tone grows, "You can't keep ignoring me like this."
"Alright Rin," Seifer gathers himself together standing straight up against the brick facade of the building; he's towering over her, nearly a foot taller. He continues "Let's talk about how you are abusing your sorceress abilities."
"Why haven't you answered my calls?" she demands. "I left you messages, but you never called me back."
"I'm sorry," he shrugs as he fidgets with his pockets, a habit of his when he's searching for a cigarette. "I broke my phone."
"You expect me to believe that?" She's tired of his games; they do this always, when one of them opens up the other runs. "You disconnected your old number. Hyne, I had to find out from Fujin!"
"I can send you the pieces if you want, Mrs. Leonhart," he says mocking her. "So you and him are finally getting hitched?"
"What? No! Squall and I are not-"
"You may not wear it on your finger, but I see the ring on your necklace." He points at the diamond nestled with Squall's ring. "No use denying it."
"No!" she yells infuriated with him. "Why are you doing this to me?"
"Why am I doing this to you, Rin? Why are you doing this to me?" he barks back at her throwing his cigarette to the pavement. "You know I'm still in love with you, but now you're getting married to Commander Puberty, who, might I add, can very well have my head blown off if he ever finds out what I...no, what we did. We fucked up, Rinoa, don't you understand that?"
"No, Seifer I-"
"What happened was a fucking mistake."
"It wasn't a mistake to me!" she shouts then covers her mouth, staring back into his wide eyes. His face softens, for just a second, like the way he use to look at her. "I have these feelings that I can't explain, that I...we never really were finished-"
He shakes his head. "You made your decision a long time ago when you picked Leonhart," he snorts and walks back towards the hospital entrance.
-xx-
"A leader is someone who has given his life to a purpose far bigger than himself."
He's sweating even though the Fall chill has graced those that are gathered. Although he hates public speaking, Squall knew he had an obligation to deliver this eulogy. Standing at the podium alone, he observes the massive crowd in Balamb Garden, a sea of black saying their final goodbyes to a great man. Squall was actually surprised when Matron agreed to bury Cid in Balamb; he thought she would want him laid to rest at the Cape of Good Hope, but she said he was happiest in Garden watching all the SeeDs grow up.
"A leader, beyond the measure of all other people, prays for peace."
It's a dark morning, with grey clouds hovering over them. Matron is sitting at the front, Rinoa right next to her. Even in all black, Rinoa, now his fiancé, looks stunning; Squall only wishes that Cid could see her in all white. The rest of his friends, siblings, orphans, whatever you want to call them, are sitting there; Zell is next to Rinoa, followed by Quistis, Irvine and Selphie. Behind them sits Xu, Neda, Raijin, Fujin and Seifer. Squall could barely recognize his old rival when he returned from Deling City; he is different. The normal arrogant attitude and cockiness have diluted into a cleaned up and quiet adversary.
"A leader must suffer and bear the deepest, darkest wounds and scars of war."
It is suddenly much darker out and the wind blows hard enough that he has to put his palm firmly on the podium to hold his speech. He hears voices in the crowd whispering, but it is too much in unison like a chanting of words that not too long ago made his skin crawl.
Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec.
He pauses for a minute gathering himself. Crows screech above him as a single black feather falls to the ground in front of him. The white roses that adorn Cid's casket and around the burial site have wilted to black.
Does anyone else see this?
When he glances back at the crowd they are all waiting for him as if none of this is happening. He must just be nervous, and Squall needs to pull it together right now. He glances at Rinoa; maybe she sees this, but she sits patiently like the rest of them.
Is this real?
He blinks and everything is normal. Squall rubs his eyes as he moves his gaze to Rinoa again, who is mouthing for him to go on. He continues on deciding that he needs, no deserves, a drink or two or ten after this is over.
"Cid was a fearless leader, a nurturing mentor, a loving father, and above all a devoted husband."
His mind isn't playing tricks on him. Squall would be damned if he didn't acknowledge that something wicked is happening around him.
-xx-
He is starting to drown out Raijin and Fujin's arguments; a sign that he's been in Balamb too long. Seifer takes another sip of his Winhill Ale as he sinks back in the bar stool, it's still uncomfortable as he remembers. Here they are, the three of them together sitting like old times on a Friday night at the Balamb Hotel Bar, but it's not the same. Hyne, this is the last place in the world he wants to be, but he agreed to stay with Matron an extra two weeks so she wouldn't be alone. He's trying to do all things a good son would do, but he doesn't even know where to begin in this situation.
"Ay Seifer," Raijin whispers. "Let's go back to my apartment and smoke that Malboro, I have five grams."
"LET ME FINISH," Fujin demands.
Seifer forces a weak smile at his longtime friends, without their company he would have gone mental.
It wasn't a mistake to me.
He doesn't want to admit to anyone, not even himself, that his heart still calls for her name. Being in such close quarters with her has reawakened so many buried memories he chooses to forget so he could move on.
"LEONHART," Fujin gives him the closest interaction to a greeting as she can.
Squall, Irvine, and Chickenwuss are leaving from the dining side of the bar. Hyne, this town is so small and Seifer is reminded why he left in the first place. They exchange a few phony pleasantries and apologies. He supposes they are all suffering in their own way.
"Seifer," Squall speaks and sounds like he's had one too many. "Have a drink with me, I need to ask you something."
Fuck, what does he want? There's no way that Leonhart knows; he would have pulled out his gunblade by now or had a bullet put in the back of his head when Seifer least expected it.
"SEIFER?" Fujiin questions as he gets up to join Squall at the bar. He waves that he's fine and just hopes whatever Puberty Boy wants is quick and painless.
"I'm sorry again about Cid," Seifer says offering half-assed condolences. "I know you were closer to him than the rest of us." Squall nods at him as he swallows down, not even bothering to savor, a whiskey on the rocks.
"That wind was something wasn't it?" Squall changes subjects. "I couldn't believe how dark it was outside."
"What are you talking about?" Seifer says slightly annoyed wishing he left the minute Raijin suggested to smoke some Malboro; he could use it right now. "It was sunny and absolutely no wind, were you hallucinating?"
Leonhart looks like he saw a ghost as Seifer observes the confusion and panic plastered all over his stupid face. "You're seeing things, aren't you?"
Squall nods, "I heard chanting too. It was dull and low, but the same as the Deling City parade with Matron."
"I heard that all the time when I was under the compulsion," Seifer says nonchalantly trying to conceal the sudden terror he feels realizing that his affair with Rinoa has severed her bond with Squall as knight and sorceress. "It was probably just your nerves," Seifer lies, but if Leonhart is seeing things it must mean that Rinoa's power is starting to overwhelm her. He should have known better when he saw her at the hospital.
"Let's have a truce," Squall says extending his hand out. "The war is behind us, we've both moved on." He pauses for a few seconds to think of what to say next. "Cid would have wanted it this way."
"Uh, sure Leonhart," Seifer says shaking his hand while he vows to himself that he's never coming back to this hellhole town after he leaves.
-xx-