ix. bittersweet
Shiva's Diamond Dust doesn't sparkle as bright as the stone that lays embedded in her engagement ring. The diamond flickers against the warm sunlight from her bedroom window creating color prism speckles that flutter across her reflection in the mirror.
She can barely look at herself; Rinoa doesn't recognize who she is anymore or what she has become. She should wear the ring on her finger, to show the world that she's Squall's forever, but Rinoa wears it closer to her heart instead to remind herself who she choose once upon a time.
Even if it was a few months ago, Rinoa remembers everything like it was yesterday, they escaped the winter for a weekend away in Cape of Good Hope. The air tasted like salt during a breezy morning as they sat on the restored bench at the top of the limestone steps huddled in blankets drinking hot coffee.
Matron and Cid had invested a lot of gil into restoring their orphanage; they rebuilt a section of the wreckage closest to the shoreline into a comfortable second home for them. It was was a work in progress, and Squall was, of course, heavily involved in the details and planning.
"It'll be beautiful once this is complete," he said observing the aquamarine ocean that engulfed the early morning sun.
"It will," she agreed not taking her eyes off of the latest book she was reading. "Cid and Matron will surely retire here."
"It'll be ours too one day." Squall's fingers interlaced with hers gently nudging the book out of her hand grasping her hand. "Rinoa...I want all of this for us."
He crouches down on his knees a few steps below her. Rinoa dropped her book realizing what is taking place, what she always pictured would happen with Squall.
"Rinoa, will you marry me?" he asked. She nodded bursting into tears as he slips the ring over her finger. He embraced her into his coat embellishing her with his body heat while he gently kissed her forehead. Squall tells her of all the plans he has for their future, how this home would be theirs to retire, and how he wants to travel the world with her again. They reminiscent on moments of laughter they shared as they finish lukewarm coffee.
Yet during this moment of pure bliss Rinoa feels her heart sinking into her chest.
-xx-
He passes the time in Balamb by sitting in the library; sometimes he reads, sometimes he people watches and other times he stares at the ceiling wondering how he got his life in this mess to begin with. Seifer knows it is dangerous territory to be treading on, but his desire to catch a glimpse of her outweighs the reality that, in an instant, Leonhart could have him killed. There's a part of him that wants to die if she is the last thing he sees.
Their eyes meet as Seifer watches her from afar knowing very well that this could be the last time he ever sees her again. "Rinoa," he mutters under his breath forcing himself to recite every syllable of her name.
It isn't in his nature to apologize, but he wants to for his actions at the hospital. He follows her as she walks through the aisles of colorful books, but his movement feels slowed. His stomach is in knots as he looks at his watch while the hands move faster and faster. The ticking of the library clock becomes louder and louder until he can't even hear himself think.
"Rinoa, stop this," he whispers as he feels her controlling his movements. He's standing next to her now facing the bookcase, the rush of time forcing his motions. "Your power is starting to overwhelm you. We need to tell Matron and get you help."
"I can control it, Seifer," she growls stopping the movement of time, annoyed that he, of all people, is lecturing her. "It isn't your business anyway, you won't be here much longer."
"No, you can't. Leonhart approached me, told me he started seeing things at Cid's funeral. You can't hide it anymore," he pleads with her. "Rinoa, I still care about you."
"Then why did you run away?" she asks facing him now. "Why do you always run away?"
His mouth opens for a second to challenge her, but he pauses thinking for once before he speaks. Seifer wants to apologize for the past that he can't change and the future that is out of his control. If he wasn't a pompous coward when he had her heart long ago, maybe they would have never been in the war torn aftermath that they are in now.
"I wasn't a man when we met, and I'm still not. I screwed up and if I could take back time, I would," he sighs heavily pushing a lock of her silky dark hair behind her ear. "But I can't, Rin, I'm sorry."
-xx-
The gold-plated arches and opulent mosaic tiles do not compare to how breathtaking she is. He observes her quietly from the corner of the ball room as she watches a single falling star in the admiral sky. She catches his gaze and inked into his memory is the curve of her lips as she smiled at him the moment before she asked for a dance.
They are dancing together at the SeeD ball again. It's the first time he's doing something like this, and despite having two left feet, he feels they move and sway together in perfect unison. She spins and twirls laughing at his two-step with glittering eyes, and he believes they are star-cross strangers destined to meet during this moment.
Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec
He stops distracted by the booming fireworks that illuminate the cobalt evening sky and she excuses herself sprinting away from him. Time feels like it slows down as he chases her, following the sound of her laughter across the ballroom. The chatter and music drown out the sound of her voice as he maneuvers through the crowds of SeeDs until he finds her with him. Squall recognizes the scar on his face, his amber colored hair and the menacing jade eyes as her arms wrap around to embrace him.
He watches them while they laugh together like no one else is around them; she looks ecstatically happy with Seifer, as if she has eyes for only him, and this crushes and enrages Squall's soul at the same time. What can Seifer offer her that he cannot? Squall won't stand for it, everything he built was with her in mind. He moves toward them to pull Rinoa away from Seifer, but as he tries to grab Rinoa's hand, they vanish into a burst of black feathers, and all he can hear is the chanting becoming louder and louder.
Fithos Lusec Wecos Vinosec
"Were you singing?" He jumps awakening to Rinoa folding a basket of laundry next to him on the couch. He's been feeling weaker and has been falling asleep in the afternoons too frequently for his liking.
"Squall?" she asks reaching out to touch his forehead. "Do you have a fever?"
Squall doesn't sleep as well as he once did; the peaceful darkness that would encompass his sleep has shifted into nightmares since Cid had been laid into the earth to enteral rest. Dr. Kadowaki thinks he's suffering from grief, but he swears it isn't that. Rinoa has been different since the funereal as well. He can't put his finger on whats off, but, one thing is for sure, she is hiding something from him.
"It sounded like you were you singing," he says now sitting up shaking himself out of it. "It was the same song as the chanting of the parade."
"I wasn't, but Seifer said he heard the same when he had nightmares," she says absent minded while she gently scratches his head.
"Seifer," he mutters under his breath and Squall's demeanor changes.
"Squall, it was just a dream," Rinoa reminds him.
"No, Rinoa, it's not," he says as he throws one of her decorative pillows aside frustrated at her response. He gets up grabbing his coat making his way for the door. "I know something is going on."
-xx-