Maura woke up first. She was jarred initially, not expecting to find herself curled up on the cushions of her office couch, even though that's where she'd been sleeping for the last three nights. Her hazel eyes adjusted to take in a mess of papers and files on her coffee table. And then finally, as she lifted her stiff neck and turned, she realized Jane was sleeping next to her. The former detective was seated, her head limp against the top of the couch cushion, mouth ajar as she slept in the uncomfortable position. One of her long arms was still draped over Maura's back and the pillow where the doctor's head rested was against her left thigh. The doctor cringed and quickly laid back down, realizing she'd fallen asleep on Jane's lap.
It wasn't how she'd envisioned their reunion. Of course, over the last year, Maura was also convinced a reunion would never commence.
As Maura laid back against Jane's leg, staring up at the ceiling, her stomach tightened against the onslaught of memories. The last days of their time in Paris. Everything about their beginning had been sweet. Kissing Jane, holding Jane, loving Jane, was the easiest, most thrilling thing that Maura could remember. It's what she'd longed for in years of friendship. It's what she'd never had the courage to do until Jane caressed her that night.
The week that followed their first kiss was simple bliss. They continued all their normal activities. Restaurants, sight-seeing, whispers as they overlooked the city and plenty of laughter. But it was coupled with a new sweetness. Holding hands, the unrestricted kiss, and the meaningful glances – glances that were always there but could mean something now. They held each other every night, they eagerly exchanged "I love yous", and moved from that first morning of lovemaking into long passionate afternoons and nights. They couldn't get enough of one another. They'd leaped from a first kiss to a full-blown relationship. Like two people who'd been dating for years. They developed it overnight.
And Maura had to stop it.
The pace, the fervor, and the closeness slapped the doctor with abrupt reality. One day she woke up in pure anxiety. Her heart wanted Jane. But her head, the rationality that had ripped her from every other relationship and intimacy, screamed at her to back away. They couldn't possibly make it work. It wasn't right. It wasn't normal. And Maura was convinced that ending it was the only thing to do.
A knock on her office door interrupted Maura's thoughts. She bolted to a sitting position and Jane gave a groan. The brunette snapped her mouth shut and looked around in surprise.
"Dr. Isles?" a nervous voice called on the other side.
"Coming," Maura managed. She cleared her throat and tucked her hair behind her ears. Her pony tail was gone but she still wore her scrubs. She was disgusted with herself and decided today would have to be the day she went home for fresh clothes.
Jane meanwhile stood and stretched, giving the doctor a heavy look. It conveyed everything they had yet to say to each other. Her dark eyes suggested that it would be a conversation to be had later. Maura gave her an understanding glance in return before going to the door.
"What do you need?" she asked the young man waiting in the hallway. He was BPD's newest lab technician. He'd only been on the job for two weeks and in her distraction and overall aloofness, Maura hadn't bothered to learn his name. In fact, since her break up with Jane and return to work, the medical examiner was far from the cheerful and friendly woman that so many used to know. Instead she was cold and mechanical – much like the person she was before meeting Jane.
"The blood results are in for the photo…"
Maura snatched it out of the man's hand before he could finish speaking.
"Jesus, Maura," Jane muttered.
The medical examiner looked over her shoulder at the sound of the scrappy voice. It still sent shivers down her spine.
"Who are you?" Jane asked the lab technician.
"Noah," he answered. "I'm new."
"Nice to meet you," she nodded. "I'm Jane…"
"Rizzoli, yes," Noah stammered. "Sorry, it's just…your reputation precedes you."
Maura felt herself lighten slightly as she listened to the exchange. Leave it to Jane to remind her how to be human. She quickly slid out the papers from the folder, her eyes flickering over the blood results. A warm mass moved behind her and she could feel Jane just inches above her shoulder, peering down at the same paper. She was fortunately too entrenched in the results to attribute her increasing heart rate to Jane's closeness.
"It's a 100 percent match," Noah said timidly.
"Olivia Denton," Maura read aloud.
"Holy shit," Jane said.
"What is it?" Noah asked.
"You're sure this is right?" the former detective snapped.
"Well, yes, it was matched to a sample taken four years ago from a crime scene…"
"Fuck," Jane cursed. She ripped the paper out of Maura's hand and paced away, pinching her brow.
"Jane," Maura scolded. She glanced back at the technician. "Thank you, Noah. You can go."
The young man watched Jane and the medical examiner out of sheer curiosity but finally left as soon as Maura shut the door on him. Maura turned around to find Jane seated back on the couch, her head in her hands. She hadn't expected the detective to react so dramatically.
"Talk to me," Maura said.
Jane slowly looked up, her eyes wide and alert. She ran a scarred hand through her messy brown hair.
"What does this mean? Does this mean she's alive?" Jane asked. "All this time?"
No longer consumed by her own insecurities and the weight of their relationship woes, Maura suddenly realized the implications of the results. She understood why Jane was in a state of despair. The medical examiner carefully came forward, taking a seat on the couch close to Jane, no longer concerned about the distance or what it meant.
"The blood on that photograph was recent…based on the drying pattern and the fact that we were able to lift DNA so easily," Maura said carefully. Jane looked at her in a rare display of helplessness. "Of course, we can't confirm if she's alive at this moment. But I would say four days ago or whenever this photograph was sent, she was alive."
Maura hated the way her statement made Jane's shoulders slump. The detective appeared utterly defeated as she shook her head.
"In some ways, this could be considered a good thing. If she's alive…"
"We stopped looking for her. I stopped looking for her," Jane whispered. "Her parents held a funeral. We put a man behind bars because of my investigation."
The medical examiner didn't hesitate to put a comforting hand on Jane's back. She was spiraling into deep distress as the realizations continue to hit her. Olivia Denton's case affected Jane deeply four years ago. Especially since she couldn't bring the girl home. But the idea that she'd served false justice, appeared to shake her very perceptions of her work. Maura could see it across the woman's face and her heart ached with sympathy.
"We'll get to the bottom of this Jane," she encouraged. "There's still time to make it right."
She could feel Jane relax ever so slightly against her hand. She longed to soothe her further. To wrap her arms around her and nestle her face into her neck. She longed to let her know that she had her and she wasn't letting go. Maura's heart was racing again as their gazes melted into one another's.
Before Maura could make a move, Jane cleared her throat and pulled away.
"We should get this up to Korsak and Frankie," she decided. She straightened her wrinkled shirt and avoided the doctor's eyes by looking at the results again.
"Of course," Maura agreed, though her thoughts were still wandering as she studied Jane. Remembering everything she'd missed about the woman. Even now as she moved just a few feet away, Maura already missed her smell and touch. Nothing mattered, nothing could outweigh the desire she had to pull Jane close to her. And since she couldn't, a dull, mean ache settled in her chest and stomach.
"I'm sorry for falling asleep down here," Jane muttered. Her brown eyes flickered up to meet Maura's. "I didn't mean to confuse things or…"
"It's okay, Jane," the doctor said with a discreet frown.
The former detective bit on her lower lip and nodded her head. Before allowing anymore time to pass between them, she briskly moved for the door.
"You coming?" Jane asked.
"I'll be up in a moment," Maura replied, watching as the door slammed shut.
..14 months earlier..
Jane knew there was something wrong at dinner.
The day had gone well enough. In fact, the entire week since that first kiss was near perfection. They hadn't left each other's sides. And they didn't want to. Any second apart was more torture than it had ever been before. For that they were constantly holding hands, sharing sweet whispers, and spending long hours in bed.
But something changed that day and Jane couldn't figure out what.
She'd gone for her usual run that morning, down the narrow city streets of Paris that were now familiar and starting to feel like home. She recognized the restaurant workers, rolling out their tables and vendors preparing their goods to attract tourists, cigarettes poking out of their mouths while they went about their work. They gave Jane nods of approval as she went on her way, shoes bouncing along the concrete. The sun was slowly rising above the horizon, leaving everything cool and quiet, except for the constant pounding of her quick steps.
Maura was in the hotel, working away on her book. Jane was always excited to get back to her. To find the doctor immersed in her writing, glasses on the bridge of her nose in the sitting room, with a cup of coffee and a pastry and papers scattered all over the coffee table. Her green eyes twinkled and her smile spread wide the moment Jane came through the door. She immediately kissed her and Maura wrapped loving hands around Jane's neck, ending the first long kiss with sweet, short pecks before they pulled away.
They went to Lac Daumesnil for a picnic. They loved the city and the energy but it was nice to be in nature. It was one of the things they both missed about home. Maura packed cheese and meats and a bottle of her favorite wine. They took books and a blanket and after a brief boat ride on the lake, they cuddled up on the shore. They held hands, they kissed, and listened to the ripples of the water.
By the time they returned to the hotel that afternoon, they could hardly keep their hands off each other. In an instant, they were in bed – the same bed they'd been sharing for the last week. They moved easier with each other. They knew the other person's body. They knew where to touch. In so many ways, they were one. Maura climaxed first, her chest damp in the heat, her body trembling for several seconds against Jane as she clung to the detective's strong arms. The doctor's moans and pleasure brought Jane to such an edge that it hardly took any time for her to achieve orgasm under Maura's tender, nimble fingers. Soon they were asleep in each other's arms, the doctor pulling Jane's head of thick hair onto her stomach, holding her as if the woman were her personal sleeping comfort.
But something changed at dinner.
Maura was quiet and distant. She hardly made eye contact. She fiddled, stammered, and it felt as though the last week had never happened. It put knots in Jane's stomach. They didn't stay for dessert or drinks. And when they retired to the room, the silence continued.
"I thought I'd find you out here…"
Jane stepped onto the balcony with bare feet, enjoying the gentle but warm breeze that moved across the city. Maura looked up from her laptop. She'd been writing since they'd finished their meal, leaving Jane to pack her things. She was set to return to Quantico in two days. Maura stared at the detective but couldn't bring herself to speak. Jane leaned against the railing, the lights of the city glowing behind her. The Eiffel Tower's silhouette was visible from their room, but crickets chirped on the grass beneath; a calming juxtaposition.
"What's going on?"
"What do you mean?" Maura asked.
Jane had to keep herself from rolling her eyes. She folded her arms across her chest, a subconscious indicator that she was now on the defensive.
"You were quiet at dinner. You've hardly said three sentences to me. Did I do something to upset you?"
"No," Maura said quickly. "You haven't done anything wrong."
"Then what's with the silent treatment?" she asked.
Maura frowned, her eyes pulling back in subtle hurt. She slowly shut her laptop. The wind blew her hair in a way that made Jane's breath stop in her throat. She was stunning. But the detective also knew, something awful was coming.
"What happens now?" Maura asked gently.
"Well, when I asked that, you said breakfast," Jane smirked. She was desperate to lighten the mood. Desperate to take away that foreboding look on Maura's face.
"You leave for Quantico in two days," the doctor whispered.
Jane's brow furrowed. "That was always the plan. I have a job waiting for me…"
"And then what?"
"I-I-I guess I don't really know. I just thought we'd figure something out."
"Figure something out? Jane, that isn't very realistic."
"What?"
"When you go to teach and the FBI Academy, what happens to us?"
"What do you mean, what happens? I figured eventually you'd leave Paris. You haven't even told me what your plans are. You could do anything you want. You could write anywhere you want. Hell, you could teach at the Academy," Jane said. "Come with me. We could have a life there and start over and…"
"I don't want to go to Quantico, Jane."
"Then I'll go back to Boston. I already miss being a detective, anyway," she decided easily.
"No," Maura said frantically. She shook her head, standing up from her seat.
"What? Why?"
"I won't have you change your life for me like that."
"It's not your choice, Maura," Jane replied, her voice scrapping out harsher than she intended. "And I'm doing it as much for me as I am for you. I love you and I want to keep being with you."
"And then what?" the doctor shot back. "Are you going to tell your family? Your mother? What will they say? You've known all this time about your feelings for me and you never told them…"
"Because I didn't think there was a chance we'd even be together," Jane stammered.
"And now that we are?"
"I don't know. Eventually I'll have to talk to Ma…"
"Eventually? It will destroy her and her Catholic sensibilities…"
"Okay, okay, that's for me to deal with," Jane cut her off. Her brown eyes were wide now at Maura's clear aggravation. She wasn't expecting this from the doctor. She knew that Maura was upset but now Jane felt she was stuck in front of a broken dam. Every insecurity, every anxiety was on the forefront. The detective had dealt with a small fraction of it before but never like this. "Maura…"
"This isn't right," Maura cut her off. "We jumped into this without thinking and it's just going to hurt both of us."
"Where is this coming from?" Jane asked. She stepped forward, placing her scarred hands on Maura's shoulders. She did her best to exude patience but in reality she was growing more fraught with each passing moment. "We don't need to complicate things. You love me and I love you and we'll figure things out."
"I don't want to just figure things out! Things don't work like that!" Maura nearly shouted. She pulled away, starting a quick pace on the balcony. "What are we supposed to do? Just go back to our lives in Boston and be together?"
Jane paused momentarily but then nodded vigorously with an eager disposition. "Yes!" she yelled. "Yes, that's exactly what we're supposed to do. And it might be hard or scary at first but we have each other. And we've never let the other person down."
"But it's never been like this!" Maura countered. "We've never let each other down when we were just friends but what about now? It's only been a week Jane…"
"It's been five years!" Jane barked. She'd managed to remain patient throughout most of Maura's breakdown but now she was just as heated and desperate. She could feel they were on the edge of the end and she wasn't about to go down without a fight. "You said it yourself. We've been in love with each other for five years. And I'm not leaving you Maura. I don't want to leave you."
"You can't promise that. Things will be different after this, Jane. We're safe here in Paris. We've been in our own little world, with no one to judge us or to force us to face reality!"
"I can face reality," she said back. "I can do this, Maura. I'm ready. Are you?"
For the first time since their fight started, Maura stopped pacing. Her cheeks were red with emotion and she looked so lost that Jane had to fight everything in her being to not take the woman into her arms.
"I don't know," Maura whispered.
The response hit Jane like a roundhouse kick to the chest. Of all the gunshot wounds, broken bones, cuts and bruises, it struck her with the most pain. She could hardly breathe. Perhaps she'd been naïve during the last week. Naïve to think it could work between them.
"Why are you doing this?" Jane asked. She didn't mean to accuse the doctor, but she seemed to be purposely sabotaging them.
Tears built in Maura's eyes. Her throat constricted with oncoming sobs. She didn't want to end it. She didn't want to say goodbye. But she had a stronger desire to not get hurt. And no matter how much she trusted Jane, no matter how much she loved her, she couldn't convince herself that it wouldn't implode like everything else.
"I love you Jane, but I can't do this," Maura nearly whimpered. She pushed past the tears in her throat and pulled in a slow breath. "I think it's best if we just leave this here. Just leave this in Paris."
Now Jane was the one in tears. They came up quickly and uncontrollably. They spilled down her sharp cheeks without a sound. She sniffled and wiped a few away.
"That's it? What was this?"
"I don't know," Maura swallowed hard. A plump tear fell and she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Jane. I really am."
"You didn't even try…"
"Because it would only end like this," Maura cried. "We jumped into things without thinking of the consequences."
"No, no, no," Jane cut her off. She was fierce now, even with the tears. Her jaw was tight and her dark eyes certain. "You don't get to say that. We didn't jump into things – it's always been like this. You're ending it because you're scared."
Maura stayed still, her gaze somehow capturing a combination of sadness and hate.
"You love me, Maura," Jane continued. "You love me and I love you. That's all that matters. That's more than most people have. Tell me that it doesn't mean something. Don't give up on this."
Jane knew it was over when Maura didn't respond right away. The stars hung high against the dark sky. The city was quiet behind them. But suddenly as the world cracked open beneath them, Paris was no longer their sanctuary but just another place. Another horrible place.
"I can't," Maura whispered.
The doctor left the balcony and another gust of wind followed her out. They didn't share a bed that night. And Jane caught the next flight out of Paris.
..14 months later..
Maura followed the laughter out of the elevator. It brought her joy and dread. She suddenly felt like she was at boarding school again, left out of some joke. And as the social anxiety built, she became more convinced that it was a joke about her.
The gang was gathered again in the homicide bullpen and despite the seriousness of the case and threats, they were smiling. Frankie and Korsak wore fresh clothes and Nina was there, beaming with an engagement ring on her finger. And there in the middle of all of them was Jane, still looking ravishing though she wore the same outfit from the night before.
"Good morning, Dr. Isles," Nina spotted her first. "I figured you could use some coffee."
"Thank you, Nina," Maura managed, taking the warm cup from the woman. The upbeat tone of the conversation seemed to dwindle with the doctor's arrival and she decided to stay close to Nina. She sipped on the black coffee – something she usually tried to avoid, but was desperate for distraction.
"Jane told us the news," Korsak sighed in her direction. "We're all still having a hard time wrapping our heads around it. Olivia Denton alive…"
"She's not necessarily alive," Maura said. The eyes of the room seemed to die on her face and she quickly regretted speaking up. She cleared her throat. "I mean to say the results of course cannot prove that she's alive or dead. Just that it was her blood on the photograph."
"Of course," Frankie spoke up, coming to her rescue. Even once he learned of the break-up, Frankie was surprisingly supportive of Maura. In fact, it was as though nothing changed. He treated her with as much kindness as he had before. "We're calling in Olivia's parents and all the players from the original case. And we'll have to interview Grant Swindell."
Jane had been silent and still since Maura's arrival. But she bowed her head at the mention of Grant Swindell. He was the man she hunted for months and put behind bars for Olivia's supposed death. He was a known sexual predator and they'd found Olivia's blood, clothes and backpack at his house. But with confirmation of the girl's livelihood – at least that she'd been alive since Grant's arrest – represented a job incomplete for Jane Rizzoli. Or even worse, a wrongful arrest.
"In other words, we're officially reopening my case," Jane sighed.
"It happens," Korsak said. "It doesn't mean you did bad work."
"We'll see," Jane raised her eyebrows. She took a sip on the coffee that Nina brought her. "All we know is someone is out there. Someone who has been near Olivia. And someone who wants to hurt, Maura."
Her brown eyes flickered in the medical examiner's direction and she couldn't bring herself to look away. Maura gave her a sympathetic smile. The urge to comfort Jane struck her again, much like it had in the morgue just moments ago.
"You two should go home for a bit. Get a shower, clean clothes," Frankie raised his eyebrows.
"Screw you," Jane scoffed.
"Olivia's parents are flying in separately. They won't be here for a few hours. And we're not going to interview Grant without you," Korsak assured. He looked to Maura. "And I'm worried about you…"
"I'm fine, Korsak," Maura said unconvincingly. "But I probably could freshen up."
"Take your protective detail with you," Jane ordered.
Maura nearly glared at her demand but also understood its caring roots.
"You going to Ma's?" Frankie asked his sister.
Jane stayed silent and Nina quickly cut in.
"I already made you a key to our apartment. And the futon is all made up for you," Nina said quickly. She was obviously eager to please from the coffee to the jingling key she now offered her future sister-in-law. Despite her urge to convey disdain, Jane understood the gesture – she also wasn't about to get on Frankie's bad side. He seemed to be the only one who had her back.
"Thank you, Nina," Jane managed as she took the key. "I'll be back in an hour."
"Take your time," Korsak instructed. "Both of you…"
Jane gave him a discreet glare before leaving the bullpen. Maura slowly followed behind, not speaking a word until they got in the elevator.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
The former detective punched the button for the lobby and gave a disgruntled sigh.
"I don't like this," Jane muttered.
"You know this isn't your fault."
"I don't feel like that right now," she snapped. The elevator doors slid open and they strode out together. Two officers immediately began following Maura in the lobby. They didn't say a word, they simply trailed her. Jane was annoyed but also grateful. She wasn't in a place to protect Maura but she'd be damned if anything happened to her. She glanced to the doctor before they reached the door. "You'll meet me back here?"
The question filled the medical examiner with some hope. Jane's voice resounded with familiar kindness and loyalty, as if to suggest they were in it together. Just like before Paris. Maura gave a slow nod.
"Of course," she whispered.
"Jane Clementine Rizzoli."
The voice cut across the entire BPD lobby. Officers who had nothing to do with the impending family drama stopped in their tracks. Angela Rizzoli stood rigidly outside the station café, staring down her daughter in disappointment. There was no escape for the former detective.
"Fuck," she muttered.
..30 years later..
"Have you seen mom?"
AJ Rizzoli resented the question and immediately felt her face fall into a scowl. It was bad enough she was sitting in a hospital cafeteria, picking at a flavorless salad, but now her aggravation grew. She stabbed a tomato with her plastic fork.
"I haven't yet," she confessed. "I've only been here a few hours. I came straight here from the precinct. For some stupid reason…"
The man sitting across from her flashed a wide, dimpled grin. He was wearing light blue hospital scrubs and a stethoscope hung around his neck. A few pens were tucked into the pocket of his top and a hospital ID badge was clipped to the front. His photo and name were printed across the plastic: Dr. James Rizzoli.
"How was uncle Frankie?" he asked her.
"He was good," she shrugged. "It'd been a long time since I'd seen him."
"I'm sure he's glad you're back home," James replied. "And I know mom will be too. If you ever tell her…"
"I'll tell her, okay? I'm going to the house after this," AJ assured. "I can't say it will go well or that she'll be happy. She's so damn stubborn. I don't think she's even talked to uncle Frankie since…"
AJ stopped, unable to bring herself to say the words. It'd been ten years, but the pain was still fresh. James' large brown eyes filled with knowing sympathy.
"It's hard for her, Allie," he said. He was the only one who could get away with calling his sister by that nickname. They were best friends. They'd lived their lives together for as long as they could remember.
"Easy for you to say," she winked, attempting to restore some humor to the atmosphere. "You're her favorite."
"I'm not her favorite!"
"And you're just like her," AJ continued. "I swear, I'm the one who was adopted, not you."
"Well, if I wasn't black and you didn't look like mom's spitting image, I might entertain the idea," James chuckled. They both laughed, quickly falling into old habits. AJ and James had kept in contact when she joined the NYPD. He even came to visit when his residency program allowed. Being close to her brother again was a large part of AJ's decision to come to Boston.
"So it's all settled then?" he asked. "They're going to let you be a detective?"
"Finished the last of the paperwork today. I'll get my gun and badge and a partner on Monday," AJ nodded.
James turned serious for the first time since she'd arrived at Mass General.
"Does uncle Frankie know the real reason you're at BPD?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb with me," James grunted. "I'm basically your twin. And I know when you're lying. And I know what you're going to do now that you're here."
AJ Rizzoli stayed still as stone and quiet. It was a countenance that was easily recognized in her mother, Jane. Her pointy jaw went firm but she never took her gaze away from her brother's. It was as if she were daring him to proceed.
"Don't open the Denton case," James said calmly. "You saw what it did to them. It nearly destroyed them both. Mom isn't going to want you to do this."
"I have to James," AJ told him. "I have to finish it. For them, for us. And I'm not going to let anyone stop me."
Thanks for sticking with me through another long installment! The good news is we're all caught up from Paris. There will still be some time jumping between the "present day" and the grown up Rizzoli children. Also I promise, this is a Rizzles story. It's a little painful now but we've turned something of a corner. Sometimes it has to get worse to get better. All reviews are appreciated! Also I have to say, I always picture Missy Peregrym (Rookie Blue, FBI) as AJ Rizzoli. Thanks for reading :)