Maura woke up screaming that first morning in the hospital. She settled as she realized where she was, soothed by Jane's tender arms and the sweet assurances she whispered in her ear.
"It's okay, you're safe. You're with me," Jane kissed her temple, tracing a comforting hand along Maura's back. The doctor's terror startled her and only reinforced the guilt Jane already felt. Even as Maura calmed down, still squeezing onto her hand for dear life, she could hardly bare to see the bruising on the woman's immaculate features or the stitches that held together the grisly bullet wound on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry," Maura gulped when she could breathe again. She allowed her jade eyes to flash up into Jane's. They were still petrified but she was back to her rational self at least. "I think I was dreaming I was back with him. Back in the van."
"It's alright. It's normal," Jane said gently, remembering all the nightmares and traumas that she relived – especially within the first twenty-four hours. She tucked a piece of golden hair behind Maura's ear and kissed her cheek again.
"I'm glad you're here," the doctor sniffled. She leaned in to kiss Jane's lips but a gasp escaped her instead. She couldn't decide if the pain came from her shoulder or hip, but tears sprang to her eyes.
"Don't move. I'm going to get the doctor," Jane told her, scrambling off the hospital bed.
"I'm okay; don't leave me," Maura nearly whimpered. Even with all her injuries, Jane leaving seemed worse than any other fate. She would have endured hours more of pain just to be near the brunette.
"I'll come right back, I promise," she assured.
Jane kissed her forehead before scurrying out into the hall but even then Maura recognized a change in her. She seemed rattled and distance. Maura didn't doubt that Jane loved her and was happy to see her safe, but she was hesitant in their interactions as though the doctor might still break. As though she was somehow the source of her pain.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. First the doctors updated on her condition and being of the medical profession herself, Maura drilled them with questions about procedures, methods, and her recovery. Jane stayed by her side all the while, trying to suppress a smirk as the medical examiner contradicted and quizzed her own surgeons from a hospital bed. When they left, Jane raised her eyebrows.
"It's too bad you couldn't operate on yourself, Dr. Isles. In fact, I'm sure the surgeons here would prefer it," she snarked.
"They're adequate," Maura decided, relieved just to hear Jane joking again.
"Well, they saved your life."
She sat on a stool by Maura's bedside, her brown gaze turning forlorn as she spoke. The medical examiner reached out and touched her.
"No. You saved my life," she said.
"I'm the reason you're in this hospital bed to begin with…"
"I wish you would stop saying that," Maura cut her off seriously.
Before more could be exchanged, two men in suits entered, rudely pushing open the hospital room door. Jane instantly retracted her hand from the doctor's, which Maura thought strange but had no time to linger on.
"Dr. Isles, I'm Tim O'Neil– this is my partner Nathan Harper. We're from Internal Affairs and we need to ask you some questions…" the gray-haired man introduced himself with the same brashness as his entrance. Maura was instantly off put by him, but it was Jane who launched into attack mode, popping up from her seat.
"Jesus, she just woke up. Why don't you give her some time?" Jane snapped.
"Oh stand down Rizzoli," Tim glowered bitterly. "You shouldn't even be in here and you know it. I could put it in my report…"
"Screw your report; it's a bunch of horse shit anyway," she hissed.
"Keep it up and I'll make sure you not only never step in another precinct but the FBI kicks you out on your Italian ass so fast..."
Maura gasped, surprised at how heated both parties became in such a short amount of time. While she took an instant dislike to Tim O'Neil, she worried more for her partner's future.
"Jane," Maura warned. It was amazing that it took only the doctor's voice to bring the bold Jane Rizzoli to a halt. She wasn't happy with Maura's scolding, even flashing her a surprised look in outrage, but bowed her head and went silent nonetheless.
"That's right," Tim smirked. "Listen to your girlfriend."
Jane stiffened, prepared to fire back, but it was Maura who spoke before she could.
"I believe you're the one out of line now O'Neil," the doctor snapped.
Tim and his partner seemed to immediately regret upsetting the medical examiner, who far outranked them in reputation and status.
"Dr. Isles…."
"Don't worry about it," Jane glared at Maura. It made the doctor immediately regret speaking up. She'd only meant to soothe the situation, but she realized she made it worse. "We all know internal affairs investigators are just want to be detectives that couldn't make the cut. They've already made my mind up about me; don't let it sway you."
Maura wanted to stop her, to say Jane's name again in protest, but she knew it would only make things worse. She watched the former detective swiftly exit, immediately feeling a sad emptiness overtake her. Maura glared at the Internal Affairs investigators, folding her arms across her chest as she lay in the hospital bed.
"Let's finish this quickly," she muttered.
Whatever problem Tim and Nathan appeared to have with Jane, they were straight forward and concise with Maura. The younger, glasses wearing Nathan handled most of the questions, asking Maura to recount all the painful details of her kidnapping and rescue. She did her best to describe each sequence with scientific precision, but still found her heart rate increasing whenever she mentioned Keller's name. She still felt the searing pain of a bullet ripping through her shoulder and the fear of dying in Jane's arms. Her hands shook as she told the investigators everything she could, but she felt paralyzed without Jane at her side. Maura knew that it was just symptoms of post traumatic stress, but it didn't make her panic subside any quicker.
Jane returned as soon as internal affairs left, slipping into a place on the edge of Maura's bed. She immediately nestled back into the former detective, resting her head against the woman's bony chest. Jane rubbed her arm, kissing the side of her head. They were still shell-shocked. Still reeling. It reminded her of the time they'd both been cornered by Charles Hoyt – only now she could find solace in Jane's embrace.
"You want to talk about it?" Jane asked tenderly.
"Not yet," Maura whispered.
Angela and Frankie visited next. The Rizzoli matriarch wiped away tears at the sight of Maura. She truly did consider the doctor another daughter and showered her with ample affection. During the last year after Paris, Maura had kept her distance from Angela. The break-up with Jane was too painful and having an intimate relationship with her ex's mother seemed inappropriate. But Angela acted as if the separation never happened – as if Maura never disappeared from their lives, welcoming her back with the same maternal tenderness the doctor once found comfort in. Even Frankie kissed the top of her head, thanking God that she was okay.
It was here, surrounded by the Rizzolis, that Maura would remember feeling as though she was finally back home with her true family.
She was taken in for a second surgery before noon. She'd fractured her left hip during the rough van ride, and they were inserting temporary screws to help with the healing. Jane held her hand as far as the doctors would let her, stroking her hair and kissing her carefully on the cheek. Despite the tumultuous moments following her kidnapping, Maura had never felt safer.
When she woke up from surgery, Constance Isles was at her bedside. Maura blinked several times in confusion.
"Mother?" she whispered.
"Don't strain yourself, darling, but yes, it's me," Constance smiled. She sat erect and immaculate at her adopted daughter's bedside, tracing a careful hand on Maura's forearm.
"How did you…"
"Jane called me almost immediately. I got on the first plane out of Venice," Constance said. At the mention of the woman's name, Maura looked around the room, wanting to see Jane's face just for comfort. "Don't worry; she stepped out a few minutes ago to eat. It was hard for Angela and me to convince her you'd be okay for awhile without her. She's been so vigilant at your bed side. She cares about you very much…"
"She loves me," Maura replied without thinking. "And I love her."
"I know," Constance whispered. "I'm glad you have each other. It's all I've ever wanted for you."
The two Isles women exchanged soft, knowing smiles. It was the most they'd ever say about her relationship with Jane - but there was also nothing more that needed to be said. She wondered if Constance always knew, all those years ago when Jane helped re-establish a relationship between the mother and daughter.
"Jane also said she called Dr. Martin," Constance said.
Maura immediately turned pink, sinking down into the pillows.
"Mother, I…"
"Please don't apologize. You have every right to want a relationship with your biological mother," Constance assured. The classy, older Isles did raise a confident eyebrow. "Though, it appears Dr. Martin couldn't pull herself away from her work in Ghana to see you. I hate to say I overheard the conversation Jane had with her and I thought the detective might fly down and accost Dr. Martin in person…"
Maura frowned. Since meeting Hope, it'd been nothing but a series of disappointments. She couldn't say the latest surprised her.
"Jane told me about Cailin and how you gave her a kidney. She told me about how resistant Dr. Martin was toward getting to know you…"
"It's hard for her," Maura murmured.
"I wish you would have told me," Constance whispered. Her dark eyes, so different than Maura's, shimmered with a hint of sadness.
The medical examiner shook her head. "I didn't tell you because it just confirmed what we both already knew. You're my real mother. You always have been and you always will be."
Constance stayed in Massachusetts for the first week of Maura's recovery – the longest she'd ever been in town for her daughter.
The next hours were a parade of doctors and visitors. Vince, Frankie, Angela, Nina, even Lieutenant Sean Cavanagh, came with well wishes. Jane stayed with her all the while, shooing people out the minute Maura showed signs of fatigue or pain. The distractions however were somewhat welcome. Jane still seemed uneasy and preoccupied. She held Maura's hand and watched her like a hawk, but her mind was elsewhere, and it wasn't lost on the doctor.
That night, rather than sharing the bed with Maura, Jane slept on a cot right next to her. She insisted she was worried about bumping the doctor's fragile hip. And while she held Maura's hand throughout the entire night, kissing her and stroking her hair until the doctor finally fell asleep, the distance was still there.
Jane was gone when Maura woke up the next morning.
She didn't wake up screaming but Keller was still there in her dreams, his hands on her, threatening to kill her. Maura was drenched in sweat and bolted up out of breath. She jumped at the sound of a man's voice next to her.
"It's all right, it's all right," Frankie soothed. He put his palms up in surrender, doing his best to appear non-threatening.
"Where's Jane?" Maura asked him.
The middle Rizzoli turned grim.
"She had to speak with internal affairs again," Frankie said.
"It's bad isn't it?" Maura muttered. "She won't talk to me about it Frankie…"
"It's nothing for you to worry about," he insisted.
"Just because I'm in a hospital bed doesn't mean you all need to treat me like I'm fragile. Quite honestly, it's starting to irritate me. I'm the Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I can handle the details of my own case..."
"IA wants someone to answer for Officer Owens death. Jane blames herself – and it doesn't help that she's not a cop," Frankie explained, doing his best to skip over the details. He knew Jane would want to share with Maura herself.
"Officer Owen's death was Keller's fault and his alone," Maura insisted. "I made that clear in my statement yesterday."
"It's complicated," Frankie said.
His response caused the medical examiner's brow to furrow in anger. She was about to jump in, to rationalize and explain the baseness of his words, but the door swung open and her team of doctors entered. Frankie happily jumped up from his seat, glad to avoid a conversation about the case. The doctors informed Maura that she would be released that afternoon. Her bullet wound was healing nicely and there'd been no damage to her organs. Her hip would take a few months of rehab and she needed to use a cane to get around for the first few weeks. Maura wasn't particularly thrilled about it but was also more than eager to get out of the hospital.
Jane didn't arrive until two hours later, her shoulders slumped, and her face defeated, though she forced a smile when she saw Maura.
"I'm sorry I was gone for so long," Jane said hoarsely.
She kissed the doctor's forehead before sitting down. Maura watched her closely, doing her best to hold back a frown. She found herself wanting more of Jane's attention and affection but instead only felt the woman's anxiety.
"They're releasing me from the hospital," Maura shared. "I'll have physical therapy and a cane but it will be nice to go home."
"That's great news," Jane smiled. Her brown eyes were still sad and Maura tilted her head to the side, signaling she knew something else was afoot.
"How'd it go with internal affairs?"
"They just wanted to uh…follow up on that night," Jane muttered.
"Frankie told me they're trying to hold someone responsible for Emily Owen's death?" Maura asked.
Jane bowed her head, hiding the emotion that flickered across her features. Maura reached out, ignoring the ache that radiated in her shoulder, and grabbed onto her hand.
"Please talk to me, honey," the doctor whispered.
"She was just twenty-two years old," Jane mumbled, head still hidden. She traced a thumb over Maura's comforting hand. "She looked up to me and she followed me in there."
"She was a cop in her own right and she made her own decision," Maura said seriously. "There's nothing you could have done…"
"I didn't even try to help her. I was too busy trying to keep you alive," Jane confessed. "And you…you shouldn't have even been…"
"Don't say it."
"I watched you die," Jane told her, finally looking up. Her eyes welled with tears and she looked at Maura with a distance that put knots in the medical examiner's stomach. "I can't get it out of my head. What would I have done if I lost you? If you died because of me?"
"I'm alive and I'm safe, Jane. And I'm only those things because of you," Maura said. She was crying now as well, squeezing onto Jane's hand harder. "I don't like this. I don't like that you're not speaking to me or that you hardly look at me…"
"I think it would be better for you, if I wasn't around anymore."
"What?" Maura nearly shouted. She let go of Jane's hand. "What are you talking about?"
"I put you in danger, I've complicated things for the people I care about," she stammered. "I'm going to go back to Quantico…"
"You're what? No," Maura cut her off. "Jane, you're being irrational…"
"It's the most sensible thing I can do, Maura," Jane barked. She straightened up, no longer teary but stone cold. It was much worse than before. The doctor felt more sobs fill her chest but held them back. "This way everyone can move on from the case. It will pass over once I'm out of the picture…"
"And what about us?" Maura asked. "Huh? What about me and you?"
"I love you more than anything," Jane whispered, her brown gaze twinkling as she leaned in closer. "Which is why I have to let you go. You never wanted this anyway. When we were in Paris, you knew it was a bad idea and I should've just stayed away. Whoever made Keller do this is still out there and they'll use you against me again, if they know we're together. I can't put you in more danger."
"No. No that is bullshit," Maura said lowly.
Her green eyes were fiercer than Jane ever remembered them and her cursing was intensely out of character.
"I've known you to be many things Jane Rizzoli, but a coward has never been one of them. But if you run away from this, you'll be a coward. You'll be someone, I've never known," Maura told her. "We love each other. And being together isn't going to put me in any more danger than it has before…"
"I can't do this," Jane shook her head. "I can't be with you in good conscience, knowing that you almost died because of me. That a madman, took you and drugged you, hit you and put his hands all over you, because he wanted to hurt me. I won't have it."
"Don't do this, Jane," Maura whispered. Another plump tear rolled down her cheek, staining her hospital gown. "I'm begging you, please don't do this."
It felt like Paris all over again, except the roles were reversed now. It was Jane insisting they couldn't be together while Maura asked her not to act on fear.
"I love you," Jane told her.
"Then don't go. Don't be like everyone else," the doctor cried. "Don't make the same mistake we did in Paris. I should've never let you leave that day and I had to live with that mistake for a year. Don't put me through that again…"
"I'm sorry, Maura," Jane said. It broke her heart to see the doctor in distress, knowing she was the one behind it. But in her grief and the difficulty of the last forty-eight hours, going back to Quantico seemed like the only solution. "I know it doesn't seem fair right now."
"It's irrational. It's selfish. It's based on fear," Maura glared. She wanted nothing more than to cower into Jane's arms. To smell her and kiss her and lose herself in the woman one more time, begging her to stay.
Jane frowned. She leaned in and kissed the side of Maura's cheek, holding back tears. Before she could leave, the doctor clutched onto her hand.
"Don't. Don't walk out that door," Maura demanded.
Jane hesitated. Her heart thumped with desire and pain. She wanted Maura more than she wanted anyone. She wanted to kiss her again, to hold her forever, and quit the game they'd been playing for the last eight years. But she let go of the doctor's hand, fighting every instinct in her being.
"I love you, Maura," she whispered.
And in a flash, Jane Rizzoli exited the hospital room, leaving a whimpering Dr. Maura Isles behind.
Authors Note: I know this part may be painful but I can assure you, Jane & Maura are about to get married and raise three children - so I hope you stick with me! Thank you to all the readers that have done that already and especially to those who have left reviews - it keeps me going. I'm glad to say I know how this story ends, which is a rarity for me with fanfiction and I'm very excited to share it. As I work toward that end, I'll keep you updated with my process and where I'm going with the plot as I know I've woven this one pretty deep. Hope to hear from you along the way - SJ.