To Fix a Broken Heart
Summary: She was broken, fragile and in pieces. Cora was a troubled girl who just happened to get involved with the Shelby family. No one ever asks for a dangerous life but when it's thrown at you, there are only two things you can do; let it engulf you or run away and she didn't want to run.
The Widow in Pink
Planning a funeral was never enjoyable, but there was some sense of pleasure in giving Edward everything he would've loathed. White roses on his coffin like the white roses she carried on their wedding day; she remembered how he berated her over choosing such a popular flower instead of something more original. If only he knew then that he'd be buried for an eternity with the same flowers. Luckily, she wouldn't have to plan a funeral for Julian, with his body shipped back to his family in Paris, all she had to do was focus on trying to play the mournful widow and not the regretful friend that people were expecting her to be.
When her father suggested having Edward's wake at the Braeleigh Manor, Edward's large estate near Wolverhampton, Cora couldn't refuse; the one time she had visited the manor that had been left to him after his parents own death, she felt as if she was royalty. The manor held only good memories for her and as the sole heir to his wealth, it was soon to be her own home.
As word spread about Edward's demise, people from all over the world began turning up at the old St John home; old family friends from Wolverhampton and beyond, other dancers, choreographers and people that had only recently been acquainted with Edward through the parties they frequented. As Cora watched them from the balcony over the dining hall, she noticed how the wives of the men that Edward partied with were completely oblivious to the things that they got up to behind closed doors. She pitied them, their whole lives a façade, but she wondered if they were happy, they were probably happier than her.
"Cora," her father whispered angrily at her as she turned to him with a large glass of gin in her hand and an unbothered look upon her face, "I know that you're grieving, but is there any need to be drinking this early in the day?" he looked at the dress she had chosen to wear and shook his head angrily. "Pink? This is a wake, not a wedding, do you know how many people have already asked me about your choice of outfit?"
She looked down at the floor, her teeth biting down on her lip as she tried her best to convince her father that she was sad about her husband's sudden death. "This was his favourite outfit of mine. I wore it the day he proposed." Cora managed to squeeze a few tears out and it softened her father. He placed his hand on her back and allowed her to cry on his shoulder.
"Oh, you poor dear, take a few sips of that gin to calm your nerves and come down to the hall. Everyone has been asking about you."
She nodded as she pulled away from his embrace and wiped the single tear that rolled down her face. She didn't care if this were the dress she wore when he proposed, it was the only dress that she could bare to look at on her frame. Once she was alone again, she gazed over at the open coffin and admired how well they had cleaned his body up. You wouldn't be able to tell that he had been shot or beaten. It was time to make her appearance and play her role, take in the sympathy, and hopefully move on from this awful chapter in her life. If only it was as easy as turning a page in a book.
"I can't imagine what she's going through, what must be going through her mind. So young to be a widow." Lizzie said as she clung onto Tommy's arm, watching as Cora peered into her husband's coffin. There was nothing worse that she could imagine than losing the person you loved the most and as she looked up at Tommy, she wondered if he felt the same. "I suppose there is one silver lining to it all."
"And what's that?" He looked down at Lizzie, wishing that he could gaze down at her with the same sentiment that she shared towards him, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.
"They didn't have any children; she doesn't have to worry about explaining to them where their father has gone." Lizzie rubbed his hand affectionately and rested her head on his shoulder. "I think it's time you put your past life to bed, no more schemes and plans. I don't ever want to have to plan something like this."
He clenched his jaw and tipped his head back ever so slightly. "Lizzie, don't get yourself worked up, thinkin' like that won't do any of us any favours."
"It's just funerals, Tommy, they make me so emotional."
"It'll never happen, I'm too stubborn to die." He tried to lift her mood, to lift his own but it was useless.
"Mr Shelby," Norman called out as he squeezed his body through the crowd of mourners. He shook his hand and then introduced himself to Lizzie, "thank you for coming, but you didn't have to come here all the way from Birmingham."
"I thought that it'd only be right to pay my respects to such a… an influential person to our city such as Edward." He sought to keep his disdain from appearing on his face, but Tommy's face rarely kept secrets. "I know that I only had the pleasure of meetin' him once or twice, but he truly made an impact on me."
"I appreciate you being here, both of you and I'm sure Cora will welcome the support. She'll need it now more than ever," Norman peered over his shoulder at his daughter as she sat at the coffin, strangers crowding around her as if she were some sort of spectacle, "I fear that she may lose herself in grief."
Tommy's brow raised before he had even realised, he was doing it. He questioned if he were seeing what Norman and everyone else was seeing, perhaps because he knew how she truly felt could he see through the smoke and mirrors she surrounded herself with.
"Your Cora is a strong woman, I'm sure she'll be able to pull through." He replied, bringing Norman's attention back to him. "When is the funeral?"
"Tomorrow at the chapel in Wolverhampton. The two of you are welcome to stay here for the night, save yourselves the journey back. There's plenty of guest rooms that I can have set up for you."
Before Tommy could reject his offer, Lizzie had accepted. "I think that would be very kind of you, is there a telephone that I could use?"
"Of course, it's in the other wing." Norman extended his arm towards Lizzie and when she took it, he nodded at Tommy. "We'll be back shortly."
Tommy smiled falsely and watched as both exited the hall. He strolled through the room and admired the work that Cora had put in to pass her narrative; pictures of the couple on their wedding day in frames with candles lit around it and little flowers laying on the floor beside him. He glared down at the face he hated the most and patted his cold, stiff hands, "I'll be seeing you in hell."
"Tommy." Cora said from behind him, she peered in at her husband and folded her arms across her chest. "It's so surreal seeing him lying there, a relief but so strange. I've been having these vivid dreams of him; well, I wouldn't call them dreams because I've been having nightmares of him since he forced himself on me… And then I come into this room and he's lying there, unable to throw an insult at me or throw me around like I'm a doll."
"One more day and you'll never have to pretend again, never have to see his face again." He turned to her, noting how her grief was real but he knew the real reason for the tears in her eyes and the rigidness in her joints. "Your father invited me and Lizzie to stay the night."
She looked him in the eyes, disappointed almost but she knew already what she was intruding on. As quickly as she looked at him, she looked away and nodded her head slowly. "Your wife is here?"
"Lizzie wanted to give you her sympathy in person." He shifted his weight from side to side and ducked his head. "I'd rather be here by myself, but Lizzie insisted. I couldn't have 'er thinkin' somethin' was going on."
"There's nothing but friendship going on here," Cora looked up to Tommy and tilted her head a little, "we shared a kiss, but I know that you don't want to tear your family apart, and I wouldn't want to overstep your boundaries."
"What if I wanted you to?" he could see her cheeks becoming flushed, her body relaxing slightly. "What if I wanted to feel alive for the first in a long time?"
Cora wanted nothing more, but she couldn't become entangled with Tommy, her body may have healed but her soul hadn't. If she were to embark on a relationship with Tommy, she couldn't ruin it with the trauma Edward left her with. It may have been easy for Tommy to put his pain behind him and carry on with Lizzie, but she couldn't. She was fighting with herself to find the right words to say but her mind was drawing a blank and then she heard her father call her name and it stopped her dead in her tracks. She glanced over her shoulder and saw her father with Tommy's wife; Lizzie looked at her with these glistening eyes and she failed to understand how a woman like Lizzie couldn't make Tommy feel alive.
"Cora, I am terribly sorry for your loss. You have my condolences."
"Thank you, Mrs Shelby, your attendance here means the world to me." Cora bit her lip and rested her hands on her biceps, holding them for comfort; Lizzie being here threw her off, she understood that Tommy wasn't in love with her and she knew the reasons why he continued with their marriage, but standing in the middle of the couple made her feel like Julian; the third in the relationship, she couldn't stand that. "If you would excuse me, I need some air." She almost dashed through the hall and reached out for the patio doors, stepping into the garden, and closing the doors behind her forcibly; she just needed to be alone with her thoughts.
Tommy's gaze longed after her and a sigh escaped his chest, he wanted to run after her and calm her down. Instead, he just lit up a cigarette and turned to his wife as she continued to stare at those patio doors.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"No, no. Cora's just all over the place. Edward's death has really taken its toll." Norman replied with an awkward smile. The three of them fell into silence, neither one of them wanting to look at the other. "Would either of you like a cup of tea?"
It was hard to sleep in this house, every room he went into had a portrait of the St John family and he couldn't imagine sleeping with Edward's face watching him. He looked to his left at Lizzie who was completely unconscious, snoring softly as she clung onto her pillow. He felt jealous, sleep was a blessing to him if only he could. Lately he had only be able to get an hour or two. He glanced at the clock beside him as he carefully got out of bed, he couldn't disturb Lizzie, or he'd never hear the end of it. Once he was safely out of the room, he strolled through the hallway, inspecting every piece of art he passed speculating if they were the real deal or just well-done knock offs. With the fortune the St John's had accumulated, he already knew that answer. He stopped at a portrait of a horse, it was so lifelike, like he was staring through a bit of glass at the animal.
"That was Foolish Pleasure," Tommy looked over at Cora as she ascended the stairs, she was also gazing at the portrait, but it didn't resonate the same with her, "Edward's father was a champion jockey, won the Grand National a few times with the horses he trained but she was his favourite. Never raced her though, said she was too bulky to race, too temperamental to control. When the Great War broke out, Malcolm unwillingly gave her over to the army and unfortunately, she died in battle."
"People dyin' never bothered me, but the death of the horses always brought a tear to my eye." Tommy replied as he turned back to the horse.
"You fought in the war, didn't you?" her eyes roamed up his body until they stopped at his face, only now did she realise how much it hurt him to be reminded. He just nodded in response. She hoped that one day he would let his guard down and share his burden with her as she did with him, but it was harder for a man like Tommy, he didn't want to appear weak.
"She's a Cleveland Bay, ain't she?"
"How did you know just by looking at her portrait?"
"Gypsies know horses."
Cora smiled and looked down at her feet. "I can't tell you what breed she is, I don't have a clue."
"Can you not sleep either?"
"I barely sleep anymore... Do you fancy a nightcap? It might help us drift over."
"Depends what you've got."
"Whatever you want."
She took him downstairs and into a small study at the front of the house. "Have a look in that cabinet and take your pick."
Tommy scanned every label on the bottles and picked out an expensive looking bottle of whiskey. "Will anyone miss this?"
She watched the bottle as he swayed it back and forth. "No one will tell you off if you take it because I inherited everything, including those bottles."
"At least ya got what you wanted in the end." He pulled the cork out of the bottle and poured himself a small glass. When he looked over at Cora, he could tell that she needed a drink more than he did. He handed her a glass and watched as she knocked it back, her face screwing up as it burned her throat. "What're you goin' to do once tomorrow's over?"
"I'm going to spend a few weeks here, alone. Send my father back to Birmingham because I'm only going to be a liability to him; that dance academy is his main priority, and I can already see him losing interest in all this."
"He wouldn't stay until he knew ya were fine?"
Cora shook her head and waved her glass at him for a refill. "Norman Maxwell has no heart. It took him all but a few days to get over my mother when she passed." She sipped this time at the whiskey, she didn't want to feel that burn again.
"How old were ya when your mother died?"
Her brows furrowed as she tried to remember, it was so long ago, and it had been a while since she thought of her. "I was six… Maybe seven. It was some sort of cancer that took her. It was a painful death, that's all I can recall. A few days after she was in the ground, we moved to Moscow and he started my career." The way Tommy was looking at her made her shudder and when he muttered her name, she pursed her lips and took another sip. "It's fine, it was so long ago."
"Doesn't mean it don't hurt though." He took a step towards her and placed his hand on her cheek, letting her rest the weight of her head on his hand.
The warmth of his hand felt nice against her skin, but she found herself being lulled into security with him when she couldn't. She lifted her head and set her drink on the desk behind her. "Tommy, don't do this... I'm not ready, what Edward did… I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologise to me, I'm not runnin' anywhere, am I? I know that what you've been through is hard, I'm not goin' to force you into anythin' you don't want to do."
"It's not that I don't want to, I just can't." she sighed and reached for his hand, entwining her fingers between his. "I find myself falling for you, my heart flutters when I lay eyes on you but if either of us are going to have a good shot at this and actually be happy, I need to be able to let you touch me without flinching and I know you would never hurt me, I just need to be comfortable with the affection and be comfortable in my own skin."
"I understand, I'll wait until your ready, however long it takes."
A:N I couldn't stop thinking about what I was going to write next after I finished the last chapter and I didn't want to ruin the flow I had going so this chapter is earlier than expected. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and thank you for the reviews and follows. Next chapter should be finished soon, thank you so much for reading!