Welcome back for chapter 4!

Last chapter was a cliff-hanger.

Originally, chapters 3 and 4 were together, but I thought they worked better broken up like this.

I'm really sorry about the long hiatus I took. I realize this chapter is very late.

I hope you enjoy this update, anyway!

He felt a pain in his chest as he saw Presa. At first it was his Presa - the cautious girl that stuck her neck out and trusted him – only for her to shift to the hardened, bitter Presa that he and the others had met in Kanbalar. A moment later, he watched as the rock broke away and she fell out of his reach. His overactive imagination pictured her mangled, lifeless body lying where she'd fallen, the same bewildered look in her lifeless eyes.

Other things started flashing through his mind – some better, some so much worse. He watched as the Exodus agent injured him and tore something out of Teepo - he heard Elize's crying and it haunted him. He couldn't protect her from that heartache, he'd tried but it hadn't been enough.

His mind flashed again to his mother's bedside. She laid there, dying slowly, and he was too blind to see that - he just wanted to get her home, back to where they were happy before his dad... His mind flashed and he saw his father drown – saw the fear in everyone else's eyes - the pain on his mother's face. Face after face spun through his head - people he'd betrayed and had betray him, right next to those he'd killed.

The images disappeared and he resurfaced. He heard Muzét's promise to send him home and found his gun in his hand. He'd aimed it at Jude before he could stop himself. He blinked and saw the betrayal in Leia's eyes as he fought her in the trees at Hamil. He heard her pleading with Jude, but the words could just as easily apply to him. He felt the need to listen to her, but since he hadn't back then, it was nothing but fuzzy noise that he couldn't make out. He couldn't quite make himself stop before it happened.

His gun went off in his hand - like he was trapped inside himself and couldn't stop his body from hurting her - he saw her fall away. Jude knocked him to the ground then, punching him over and over - but in this nightmare, he didn't stop. He heard Jude's words, but none of his own - they didn't make any sense like this. What was his mind doing?

The images flashed and switched again and he was holding Jude back as Milla fell to her death. It was his fault. He knew that, but why wouldn't this stop? Why couldn't he make it stop?

He woke suddenly and lurched as he pulled from his nightmare. Steady hands held him in place, but he didn't pause to think about them. He was laid somewhere shady, his head rested on something. He blinked, trying to process the world around him. He froze, realizing he wasn't resting on something, but rather, someone. He flicked his eyes up when he felt Jude dabbing his face with a cool cloth.

Jude said something – Alvin saw his lips move – but he couldn't hear him. He tried to tell him, but quickly found he couldn't speak. He spotted trees above Jude's head and felt fear wash through him. Had all that had happened been a dream? Had he really made it back home and seen Balan at all? Had he returned to Rieze Maxia with the others to chase loose ends with the others like he remembered? Jude's eyes held much more remorse than he deserved if they'd never made it out of Hamil - not that he deserved any compassion after that, anyway.

Jude said something else that Alvin couldn't quite make out.

He panicked. It felt like his head was underwater. For a moment, he thought he was drowning. He took as deep a breath as he could muster, just to prove to himself that he could. He felt Jude patting the side of his face, saying something he still couldn't quite hear.

Leia appeared behind him, carrying water. She disappeared from his sight, so he could only imagine that she had knelt down to place the water on the ground by Jude. He felt something else wash over him – something cool and familiar. He glanced down at his side and found Elize and Teepo, casting healing artes. His hearing slowly came back just before she stopped. He felt some of his fear leave him, but not all of it. Where was Milla?
He could faintly hear Rowen asking someone how long they should stay where they were. He waited for the response.

When he heard Milla's voice sound, replying to Rowen's question, all the tension in his body vanished. He let out a relieved sigh, tears hanging in the corners of his eyes.

He looked back up at Jude and watched as he took a refreshed cloth from Leia. He started dabbing at his skin again.

Alvin smiled peacefully. "Thanks," he choked.

"Don't mention it," Jude said. He glanced down at him, trying his best to mask his concern. He forced a smile, but Alvin could see through it. There was no way he could hide something so blatantly obvious from an expert liar.

Alvin sorted through the possibilities in his head. He knew he had to ask – but it was whether or not he could manage to speak.

"Am I dying?" His voice didn't sound like his own. There was fear there that only doubled his brokenness and made him smaller – weaker. He wanted to curse himself. Why did he have to sound like that?

"No," Jude said. His determination spooked Alvin into jumping again. "You're going to be fine. You're not dying now, not after everything we've all been through. Sure, maybe you were the cause of some of our messes – and I'm not letting you off the hook – but you're still my friend."

Alvin stared up at him, shocked for a time. He felt Elize grip his right hand as Leia moved around to his left side. She looked unsure of him, but he couldn't blame her. What he did to her flashed behind his eyes again and he looked away. He still couldn't seem to face it.

He felt something wrong. Bile tease his throat again and he yanked himself from Jude, Elize, and Leia. He couldn't get most of his body to cooperate, but his arms did as they were told. He clawed at the dirt, dragging himself toward the edge of the stream.

He finally made it just as he couldn't hold it back any longer. More bile and stomach acid formed a puddle in the dirt. He reeled and fell aside, landing in the cool, shallow stream. He felt it soak his clothes, but he didn't care. He was in too much pain to move.

Delicate hands turned him over on his back and drug him from the water. Leia propped him against herself as she examined his fingers. He winced when she touched them and looked for himself, finding them covered in dirt and blood.

"You should have asked for help," she scolded as she cleaned the cuts and washed the dirt off his hands, "I don't know what you were thinking. You clawed so hard at those rocks..."

Alvin stared up at her. She didn't even glance down at him. She took bandages from Jude and carefully wrapped each of his fingers, scolding him under her breath as she did. When she finished, she glared at him.

"I hope you're proud of what you did," she said, "You went and hurt yourself. What were you thinking?"

"Calm down, Leia," Jude cut in, "You're sounding like Master Sonia."

"Answer me, Alvin," Leia demanded.

He averted his eyes. She'd managed to surprise him again. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You'd better be," she puffed, "Next time, try letting us know if you need help."

"You know," Jude cut in again, "A healing arte would clear that up right away."

Leia shot Jude a glare. "He's just going to have to deal with it. It's what he gets for hurting himself."

Jude put his hands up in his defense, taking a step back. "I don't think he meant –"

"He's already wearing bandages," Milla said, coming in after finishing her conversation with Rowen,"It's not like he can really do anything right now. A few cut fingers aren't going to get in his way."

Jude sighed. "I guess you're right."

Rowen laughed.

"You're silly, Jude," Teepo shouted, flying in a circle over his head.

"What do you mean by that?" Jude asked, glaring at him.

"You know!" Teepo said, refusing to say another word on the subject.

Jude grinned at him and shook his head. Now wasn't the time for this. He turned back to Alvin and Milla helped Jude pull him to his feet. They held him up and started for the seahaven again.

He walked with them for a moment before his legs stopped working again. He fell, and would have hit the ground had Jude and Milla not been holding onto him.

He stared at his useless feet dragging behind them, only reminding him that his weren't moving. He closes his eyes, wishing he weren't such a burden. He'd done so much to them. He'd always caused them so much trouble – so much heartache – and yet they still helped him. He didn't expect them to trust him – he knew they probably never would again – but it felt nice to belong somewhere. It felt nice to belong with them.

His thoughts left him, finally, as he faded out of consciousness once more.

Well, that ended nicely, didn't it?

I could almost leave it like that if it weren't for that one thing...

What was that again?

Oh yeah!

He's still poisoned.

I hope you come back again next week!

Thanks for reading and – please – drop a review!