Chapter 4

The Blacklisted company called Life

Delusions are a safe haven for people who feel devastated. This applied to Sawada Tsunayoshi, even though he would claim that he did not like what his delusion has been getting into these days. But it wasn't too bad since the torture had been shifted from drowning to something a bit more sinister. Maybe the other's tormentors got bored... or realized this wasn't going to work anymore

Well, he thought it was going to progress into something more sinister because he felt anxious that the other was also left alone... just like how he was these past few days

For a child who had been bullied his whole life, not getting bullied was more terrifying than getting bullied. Because it took away his sense of normalcy. And besides, if his normal world consisted of being tormented everyday, a little manipulation to keep things the way they were, yet get something out of it was fairplay. Because you make do with what you have

Tsuna was a sensitive kid. He had cried when he got rejected when he had tried any way he could think of, to be accepted by someone. He got angry when he felt the injustice he got treated to, just because he couldn't do the things people considered 'normal'. But then, he later realized that all his efforts were being kicked into dust and decided to keep what little he had dear to him. He tried to feel happy with what was given to him, albeit bruises, injuries and a dead self-esteem but then... he wasn't allowed to keep even that with him. He lost one of his treasures, and he felt lost.

Natsu was out of his life and he was left isolated from his peers completely for whatsoever reason...

The day after Natsu's grave got the disciplinary committee's coat; Tsuna felt that Natsu wasn't his treasure anymore. It was because the committee members never let anyone near it, let alone touch it. They claimed that Hibari-san would probably bite them to death if they left something in his care to possible ruin by something like sabotage

And they basically accused Tsuna of that. Yes, they were implying that the guy everyone in Namimori bullies would desecrate someone's grave. As if Tsuna would destroy Natsu's grave. As if it was Tsuna, who was the one who broke its body into pieces of meat. He was the one forced to hear his bullies laugh out a biology lesson as they held him down.

"Oh look Dame-Tsuna. There's the intestine. It looks similar to that of a human. What'd you know, our biology lesson did help us out. But I bet you weren't paying attention, as usual, So I'll be very kind and tell you."

And Tsuna had been pushed forward as the cat was groaning softly and he couldn't stop BEGGING them to stop. His mind had shut down at that point and he was living on pure primal fear.

"Since it's only a glimpse, you may not be able to see everything, so let's see how similar it is to the actual intestine. Hey, I sounded just like the professor right?"

And they hit the stone around the rest of its body and made the organ spill through. Tsuna felt butterflies around his stomach as his body temperature rose so high, he felt uncomfortable staying there. He couldn't stop swallowing as his stomach clenched up as his eyes spilled waterfalls.

His words were garbled and his mutters with his scrunched up face made his bullies continue the act with glee, for they never before incited this kind of reaction from the boy.

"It's better if it's more practical right? This would be better hands on!"

And they proceeded to drag his limp arms which needed no more force, just like his legs which were paralyzed from shock. His eyes widened when his mind slowly supplied where his arms were going.

"W-w-w-waait. P-pulise. I-I don wunt tuu" his wobbly voice which refused to speak coherently. It was the only other voice other than the laughter, Natsu had been silenced for good. His knowledge of any language vanished that moment. His heart beat violently, and he didn't want to be here, but his limbs wouldn't obey. He sobbed and his nose dripped and his head bowed down.

"Dame-Tsuna. Speak properly. You've gone to school right? You're our classmate alright, even though it's hard to believe. And lift your head like a man, you loser."

And they forcefully lifted his head and pushed his body forward, laughing.

His arms stretched and his hand splayed across the nearest thing it could to keep his balance, his clumsiness working against him for the first time and he DESPISED it... because it landed right on top of the torn body. And in his shock, his heart felt like it stopped and his hand slipped, forcing him forward, his hand slipping to the left and into its body.

"What are you panicking so much? Never seen road kill before?"

His vision felt like it had black spots as he scrambled back, his mind ringing, with the only thing he could hear, being his heart beat. But the force he had to do it, made something move with his hand and it made him feel like he could barf...

His vision tunneled and he felt his breath quicken.

From that time... he did not understand what happened. It felt as if time stopped and when he realized, he was alone and the something became recognizable... Natsu's...

...

...

...

Heart-

His breath choked up again from the memory, making him want to puke his breakfast. His thoughts turned dark.

'Well, they weren't wrong in assuming I might desecrate the grave. I've already done that with the body after all' His eyes turned dead, as he walked on to school, his body tensing for the meeting with his 'friends' who always 'welcomed' him at the gates. He couldn't expect more than the small mercy of yesterday's silence.

But then... there were whispers. His already tense body couldn't handle it, his thin thread of sanity ready to break any moment. He saw no one at the gate. He walked forward and the wind seemed to want to knock him down and he felt exhausted, trying to muster the energy to walk onwards.

He didn't want to feel the currents and he looked around from the corner of his eyes to see if a person could give him an excuse to fall down and catch up to his mental reality. It was as if he was in a ghost town, and the people around him were an apparition. They refused to come near him, like he had a disease. It made him uneasy.

He wanted a proof that he existed and he wanted it at that moment, no matter what means he chose. So he tripped and fell down. Now the whispers quietened down and he felt like he had gone deaf. The people around him had then shuffled forward, ignoring that he existed.

He wanted to cry his heart out. So he did, trying to heal his sensitive heart for what seemed like the first time since first grade.

He reached class with puffy red eyes and a dripping nose. Expecting ridicule, he hung his head and opened the door, seeing the teacher teach the class. He stood there, waiting for the scolding and the triggered laughter which followed it. Instead, the hubbub of the class quietened, and the chalk stopped hitting the board for what seemed like an eternity- but was actually five minutes.

Then a cough circulated throughout the class and the teacher continued the class like he wasn't at the door waiting for permission.

No one looked at him and his throat lost his voice, so he stood there flapping his mouth, hoping for words to come to attract their attention, maybe tell him to get lost or get inside...

The class ended and the teacher moved across him, not even letting their shoulders bump and he felt like he was a cockroach. He moved in to sit in his seat, which had no graffiti, no 'gifts' and no flower in a vase. The irony was... that he felt like he was truly dead that moment, without the flower vase*. His mind was swirling and he couldn't process anything.

No one called him out when the class representative told everyone to stand and wish the teacher when she entered the class, his mind was too busy muddled up to care. His lost mind started doing the acts he was used to doing. He raised his hand when the teacher was asking if anyone got a doubt. Her eyes didn't even sweep over him and he felt like a cold bucket was dropped over his shoulder.

In lunch, everyone immediately left the classroom and he was left alone. He jerkily got up and took out his lunch box and opened the cover for the first time in his life. He did not know what it tasted like, but he knew one thing. It was meant to be on the ground if he couldn't manage to close his mouth to chew it even once.

The classes after that were absolute hell. His panicked mind made him do really stupid things. He tripped from a chair. Accidentally spill water at his nearest classmate then spill the remaining at his teacher when he stumbled away. Ram the back of his head at the chair then ram his forehead at the desk. He even made his eraser cut into pieces when it hit the fan because of his shaky fingers. But NO ONE said a thing. No eye-roll, no tongue-clicking, no glares. They didn't dare look at him.

He stood petrified at the school gate when classes ended. His feet lead him no destination. He only noticed that he was alone because his mind arbitrarily decided to remind him, his mother would be lonely.

He walked back home and his mother called out to him.

"Tsu-kun, dinner's ready! Come downstairs and set up the table."

His eyes turned downcast as he robotically set up the table. His mother hummed and sat down across him and took the remote control and started the TV. He...

spent the dinner playing soccer with the peas on the spaghetti. Apparently, she decided to go Italian tonight. How unexpected!

She hollered out to him, bringing him back to earth.

"Tsu-kun, keep your dishes at the wash basin after your done. Papa's going to call Mama tonight. Isn't that romantic of him?"

He thought he nodded to her, but it wasn't like it mattered since he remembered her turning immediately after telling him that. She even had a little skip in her steps.

He felt his heart crushed, even though he thought it was dead the moment he saw Natsu's very own-

His hand reached out for the handrail of the stairs. His body wasn't keen on listening to him at the moment so he needed all the support he could get.

His room was silent and no water splashing could be heard. He often heard from forums and sites, that if his life didn't have the people that did those things to him, he'd be happier. But the only thing he had gotten from it, was SILENCE. He was starting to despise the thing.

He took the mirror to see if it was triggered to mute hoping to switch it back on. But there was nothing, just his delusion slumped back against the wall, looking just like he did.

He waited... and waited... but nothing happened. So he slumped back against the wall against his bed and stared at the mirror until sunrise. He couldn't sleep a wink.

School that day was JUST like the previous day, but this time he had slept throughout the class; sparing him any pain with black dreams. There was no pain to distract him from his lucid neverending buzz of thoughts.

He walked until the most crowded area in the school, relishing in the sound which blasted near his ears. His class hours were torture and he couldn't tell if his ears were working.

Days passed by with him blankly looking ahead at a silent class, taking refuge in a noisy break and spending evenings staring at a blank 'Tsuna'

Until... what he thought was the worst thing in his life turned out to be better than what happened next.

Everyone did not turn completely silent when Tsuna showed up and he didn't have to stealthily sneak in at recess to hear people talking. Everyone just... ignored him.

They could bump into his shoulders, but show no evidence of actually bumping into him. No turning back, glaring, apologizing, staring or whispering to each other.

They could walk straight into him, making him sidestep, but not acknowledge he was there.

He could move in and out of classrooms, but not get scolded, reported or even looked at.

No one cared if he stepped into or out of lines (he wanted to see if anyone got angry or confused when he stepped out of it)

Namimori didn't have many streets with cars in it since everyone could walk to their destination in town, because the town was small... so it was not like he could test it out with traffic.

By the end of it, he felt like his entire existence was denied and he couldn't stop crying. People could see him and it was like his kindergarten over again.

But no one called out on him being so pathetic.

His mother's joy in having the week talking to his dad did not help him at all. And this time, his mind couldn't guilt him into feeling bad. Instead, it looked for ANY sign someone knew he was alive.

The next day,

He went to the Namimori hospital, thinking that if his 'friends' were missing those days, they couldn't have done so without incurring Hibari's wrath. So they just HAD to be there. At this point, he was willing to have the devil, if it meant having someone notice him.

He didn't know where they were, so he reached for the nearest nurse next to him in a do or die effort. It seemed, like even if people were hell-bent on ignoring him if he tried approaching first they'd avoid him like a plague. So he had to do this before the nurse knew it was him. So he tugged at her backshirt, keeping a tight grip voicing out thoughts with a raspy unused voice.

"E-excuse me."

She looked in total fear at him, but he couldn't care less. He was noticed!

He then asked her where his friends were, which she replied a hasty.

"They transferred- claimed the punishment was too tough." and scurried away, leaving his hand grasping at air.

His hope felt extinguished and he slumped back to his home, and sat at the bedroom, eyes turning to the mirror.

"So, you're still sticking around" a weak voice called out to him. He bounced closer to it, eyes eager. 'Tsuna' looked tired, but he noted.

"I've never seen you look so eager to listen to me."

Someone was talking to him! He didn't care who, someone was talking to him!

'He' looked like 'he'd' been starved. 'He' had been slumped against the wall for all the time 'he'd' seen him. Which was strange, his morbid mind supplied him. It had been a month since Natsu died and 'he' had been locked in a supposed cell with no visible food sources... how had 'he' survived.

The other noticed the look of confusion and replied.

"In case you paid closer attention, you'd have seen the window across the cell show the same time zone as yours. And if you'd remember, I did mention it before, that this world was a parallel universe to yours."

Then Tsuna pieced things together.

"T-This wasn't a recording... W-why did you say that?"

"Because you looked like you wanted to do nothing with this. I wanted someone to be by my side."

He looked down. That was reasonable. He himself just wanted to be noticed right now.

"Looks like someone's finally empathizing with the 'delusion'. Hah! When I'm close to dying, you'd acknowledge me" 'he' glared at the boy.

"Waiy're yuu upset?" he cleared his throat and moved his jaw around. His lack of talking was making his conversations weird.

"It's all over. Byakuran found out the location of the rings before I could destroy them."

"I thought that a Byakuran was beaten by a Tsuna and their overlord versions got destroyed."

"Well, this Byakuran was the youngest. Ever thought of that possibility? That they were too young to implement the world takeover plan but could collect all the information they need? So they weren't an overlord but a potential overlord-to-be."

"Oh... In a way that's kind of funny, it's like an rpg game." he rasped out.

"...see if it's funny when you're the Mafia Boss."

"I won't be" there! his voice finally stopped cracking, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling now that he could hold a conversation with someone.

"It's a parallel world. That just means the journey could be different. But we are all Sawada Tsunayoshis and there is only one destiny for us: To be a mafia boss."

He glared at his delusion.

"Tell you what. I'll list somethings you can find in Namimori that are always the same. There's Momokyokai a yakuza organization."

To which the brunette snorted and looked elsewhere. His delusion huffed lightly, irritated.

"You're not planning on listening?"

"Give me one way, I can be associated with the mafia. Don't they value ties like the 'yakuza in Namimori'" he teased. Organized crime in Namimori... pfft.

"Your dad."

He looked shocked. That idiot?

"He's quite highly ranked on the ladder. Young Lion. CEDEF head. He's also powerful" looking at the other's skeptic eyes, he said.

"How do you think you can keep this huge house? Do you think they inherited it? Your parents had a love marriage that too by eloping! Your dad is a construction worker. Be logical. As if manual labor can land you a house. It's not a tiny house too, remember the guest rooms? What Inheritance? Your grandparents disowned their children. You can't get away with eloping and still have good relations. They probably don't even know where your parents are.

And the ridiculous photos? Antartica for drilling oil? In sweatshirts? Are you kidding? Become a star? When all he's sent are construction photos? And you know he can't sing or act for his life, right?"

He felt his heart beating loudly and his vision tunneling.

"It makes sense he can't visit often when it means that doing so, his family will be the next on a hitman's list.

I'll even add a bonus for you. Consider your life hell, when a baby with a yellow pacifier and black curls turns up at your door."

"Reborn..."

"Yes, the guy I mention a lot. You'll be dragged to the mafia, no complaints and then you'll lose everything you hold dear" the other broke into heart-wrenching sobs

Hearing his delusion show so much weakness for the first time made him, lose his guard completely and look at 'him' lost.

Eventually 'he' calmed down as he spoke brokenly

"Do you know what are the codes for a betrayal of the omerta? Vongola's is this-" and he looked squared into the brunette's eyes.

"Toenails are peeled off with forceps. First the left foot then the right foot. Then the fingernails with the device like the other end of a stapler. There is no anesthetic used.

That's for the grunts.

For big shots like you, the boss of the family-

We skin your skin off, peel by peel."

Tsuna shuddered, remember how they opened Natsu's body to show its-

"We break your toe bones after the initial bleeding.

Then, We break your finger bones. Then dislocate your joints."

He remembered the pained cried when the cat initially struggled, making the stone hit at the most horrible places. He'd never seen a cat look like that... and never wanted to know.

"We then rip their muscles apart and remove the less vital organs and crush them. We do give you drugs at this point- so that you don't lose consciousness."

He didn't want to remember the 'biology lesson'. He felt like puking.

"But that's just Vongola. Other famiglias, they f*ck the holes they make in you, c*m in your eyesockets and gunshot holes. I don't know what you'd prefer more.

What's wrong cat got your tongue?" Seeing Tsuna shiver at the last sentence, his delusion looked deadly serious at him.

"You know, there's a creature which signifies my soul. It's a lion, essentially a cat. I call it Natsu."

He did NOT like where this was going.

"I'm betting you've seen the same thing in your life. Take it as a message from the universe that you don't try to resign again."

In his absolute panic, Tsuna threw the mirror against the wall. The mirror did not break, but he felt his sanity snap.

The next morning, the people on his path ignored him as usual, making him feel more devastated than usual as his walk to school was more nervous than ever before with his knees shaking in rhythm with his hands clasped together in a prayer.

Yamamoto was anything but blind. Hibari might not realize the effect he had on people, but he sure did. Hibari understood that something was wrong if an incident took place, but he knew that an incident would take place.

Hibari was a busy guy, he could reason, so it made sense that he didn't have the time to observe things; even though he wouldn't let things go by passively... Though this was necessary to prevent crimes or atrocities.

Let it also be known that Namimori was a small town. So everyone knew everyone and news spread like wildfire. So if Hibari goes out of his way to give really harsh punishments to a group enough to make them transfer and mark a grave under his personal protection, clean alleys and add even more surveillance over the town for a boy... Namimori understands that, that boy is special, as in he's a part of the very pride Hibari protects. Right now, the parts contain Namimori and one Sawada Tsunayoshi.

So the people in the town have made it a point, not to harm the brunette in any way.

Which would be a good thing... except for one thing.

Hibari's wrath is that of a war god's. There has been many a testimony that can prove that, enough to make the people quake in their boots. So they've become fearful of Tsuna and his ability to summon that wrathful Hibari.

But when Yamamoto understands the reason behind something, he doesn't charge in to solve the problem immediately like Hibari does. He waits and observes to find the best timing because situations can get frightening or worse if you act rashly.

He sees people going from straight up avoiding a person to denying their very existence and he feels sick to his very stomach and not even his dad's prized sushi can keep itself in him. He assumes that the situation has led up to that point, because of a mixture of people fearing Hibari as well as because of the contempt they have for Tsuna.

He wanted to approach Tsuna, but the boy has been so strung up since last month that he was afraid that establishing contact would just lead to a total breakdown, alerting Hibari which would end up feeding the cycle, making the problem worse.

Although he managed to see the boy in tears from the incident, he became afraid to talk to him because the brunette had such heartbreaking cries that he didn't want to go there just to cry with him and solve nothing. It may have been stupid, but he'd rather like a smile in Tsuna's face. He was sure it would be amazing.

But then today, he saw the boy teetering with a look of absolute misery and before he could stop himself, he walked to him and said.

"Hey, Tsuna. Are you alright? Need any help?"

And the flood dams broke; Tsuna's eyes widened when they looked at him, his lips quivered, and he dropped to his needs and cried against his legs.

Yamamoto didn't know what to do, and he went into a panic asking all sorts of questions. But through it all, an expression began to fit into his face.

When he looked at Tsuna, who after crying his heart out, gave him a small sincere smile... he became determined and fixed a conviction.

He'll be the one to protect Tsuna.

Preview:

He wanted a sense of relief, of confidence that he wouldn't be in deep trouble in the long haul. So all there was left, was to prove that his delusion was wrong and his life wasn't terrible.

So he'd start by proving that Momokyokai did not exist.

Extra Notes:

*Flower vases on an empty desk are placed to honor a person after they died in some way. It's a practice commonly done in Japan, at least that's what anime tells me. It's also a horrible way of bullying someone.