Hey there, long time no update huh? Well, to those that are still interested- huzzah! I've got inspiration. But, yeah- I think it's probably gonna update with a crawling speed lol.

Have fun(?) then~

Chapter 16

Sloth: Misery filled decay

Tsuna found himself awoken to a dim hospital bed, his mind stuck in warped iterations of his every effort. His skin was sweaty, making him feel further immersed in the illusions of the flame that licked and engulphed his 'home', a consequence of his mother taking everything that he was familiar with as a cruel consequence of his white lies. Those white lies of his had suffocated every single part of her hopes- bright towards a non-existent future, one that he, like his father, had fabricated- a beautiful cage for the ignorant bluebird.

White never suited the father-son duo; at least, that's what Tsuna felt down to his very bones. And so, Byakuran, the very apostle- the proponent for white decided to show the cage's true colours to their bluebird.

Tsuna had never felt so unfettered, so unbound, so… free to float as he wished. Here, in this damp and dusty hospital room with shedding asbestos, there was no one to scorn him for his ineptitude; no one for him to keep a mask on. His efforts were quite meaningless, he was Dame-Tsuna, after all- he never did amount to anything.

The brunette could feel and hear his every breath loudly in the small room. It was so very quiet and he could feel his presence due to his heightened sensitivity. If he strained his ears even further, he could hear someone else's breath- ever so faintly.

His focus shifted- he didn't want to acknowledge that he existed- so utterly defeated against everything life threw at him. His pupils grew larger as they tried to adjust to the dark environment. There was a frail girl who looked owlishly at him from her peripheral.

She was rather gaunt with her unkempt hair spreading wildly on the pillow. To say that she was lanky was an underestimate- she looked almost like a skeleton. But… her eye was beautiful- they seemed to hold a lot of fight- a fire of hope for the future. It was something Tsuna could hardly empathize with right now.

His voice croaked as he tried to strike a conversation- utterly rapt under its spell, like a moth flying to a flame.

"...What's your name?"

The girl flinched in shock at being addressed. Her eye darted confusedly as if trying to ascertain just who he was addressing. Her lips started flapping open and shut until she simply kept quiet, choosing to turn away and ignore the situation entirely.

Tsuna's body grew slack as he wilted at the rejection, so he followed suit. After minutes, she was back at it, taking glances at his form like he was some rare creature that chose to magically appear in her premises.

"I-I'm… Tsuna. Sawada Tsunayoshi. It's n-nice to meet you..." the brunette tried again, his voice a bare whisper. This time, he only snuck a glance at the girl while speaking. His courage reserves were quickly depleting, but the sense of camaraderie was making him feel rather desperate.

This time, the girl looked square at him. She looked slightly lost as she seemed to be trying hard to remember something. It looked like it was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't quite recall it.

"...I'm… Nagi…?

…

..." her raspy voice whispered into the wind as it sounded so out of tune, so out of practice.

It seemed like there was a second part, but she forgot it. It was lost in the ravages of time.

Tsuna wondered if these painful memories that choked him so would also get lost with time, as it healed him of all his bruises and left him to an empty shell.

She seemed tired from the introduction, choosing to sleep instead of wait for his reply. Tsuna smiled wryly. He had slept too much to fall back into one. Besides, it was pretty much hell whether he woke up or slept. But, at the very least, he wasn't completely conscious in his sleep.

'But, Nagi…? That sounds very familiar...'

The night was young and he felt jittery, even if he was utterly tired. So he tried crawling out of the bed, his limbs feeling like lead, as he slowly paced the room as his eyes fell on every bottle that warned him of their flammability. His fingers traced the scalpels in the medical cabinet at the room's corner, their coldness making his skin feel tingly.

His amber eyes then looked upwards to see no source of light, before falling on the shivering figure of his companion. He distractedly put his bed's blankets over her and closed the windows while looking around for anything that looked like their medical documents.

'This must be a hospital, right? Or is it a psychiatric ward? I did pretty much act like I belonged to a looney bin the… other day…

But, it's too dark to read anything...'

His eyes narrowed down towards the inflammable bottles, but he hesitated.

'...I don't know what'll happen if there were people who'd react to a huge bonfire here.

Plus...' his hands clenched as he breathed more of the asbestos.

'Is that flammable too?

There aren't… any fire extinguishers or sand buckets in this room.'

The room smelled like it lived through the world war. His hand hesitated as it hovered over the doorknob.

The silhouette of a crowd flickered in the brunette's mind and he flinched in fear. He didn't want to face people right now.

He moved towards the window and peered downwards.

'Seems like a long fall...' his eyes looked wistfully towards the ground before they reluctantly left the sight and his hands moved in autopilot to close off the view from his mind. His limbs started hurting like they were sprained, but he didn't want to rest at that moment.

He slouched over the bed as his eyes burned without letting go of a single tear.

The next morning, Tsuna's bleary eyes looked over his partner's figure as he took back his blanket to avoid any suspicion. Her ribs were protruding, but it seemed like there were parts missing- like one of her eyes and all of a sudden- he knew who this person was.

The girl opened her eyelids to look in mild shock to her rude roommate, too tired to react strongly. Her eye socket made him feel like he was looking at the abyss, but his lack of surprise made the girl feel more comfortable. Usually, it was a look of disgust or pity that was thrown her way that made her feel even sorrier for herself. It made her feel like she was slowly rotting away, one body part at a time. First, it was her limbs that felt like they were paralyzed before they felt like they were dislocated from her sockets. Then it was like her organs fell to her bed like crashing legos under gravity; she felt like she was slowly being hollowed out, like as if there wasn't enough space for her to breath in. Her stomach had very slightly quivered out and in with each shallow breath.

Her vision had already lost its depth, now reduced to a single eye as she literally and figuratively could only see her world as a flat 2d space- needing her to flail helplessly as her limbs tried to feel its way towards any objects that she wanted to touch to be grounded to reality, but always missing it by a hair's breath- her crooked, tilted vision to be blamed.

She had all but thought of herself as a corpse until the people who kept her on a lifeline without any support until this person, who she thought would be this room's next rotting corpse- her replacement now that she was pretty much on her last breath- looked at her with that, that awe in his eyes, like she was alive, that she was… Nagi- a name, a word that had been hers- even if it had always had a sound that was particularly harsh and grated against her ears- increasing her heartbeats to thunderous fear invoking-

"Nagi-chan"

She had never heard such a gentle rendition of her … name … It was almost like the boy in front of her was addressing a stranger and speaking in a foreign tongue.

Nagi looked outside the window- her only portal to the outside world. On that fateful day of her life, her parents finally made the decision they had been circling around for a long time. They could bring themselves to abandon her, in the pretence of letting her recover from the accident.

She lost the functioning of some of her internal organs, and she lost an eye. Now the vision that befell her eyes was flat and nothing really stood out to her. Well, you could say that literally too, since she had lost her stereoscopic vision.

Society would accept her parents now that they had not ruthlessly abandoned their frail, gloomy little daughter- since she was only 'temporarily' away for rehabilitating herself-to get time to heal. When would she rejoin her family, you ask? Well... that would be when there was a kind soul who would donate her necessary organs, when the hospital gains the surgeons who are qualified for doing the surgery, and when her parents get the money to pay for said surgery.

Until then, the gracious hospital, which was located in the boonies, would keep her alive until her family would gain the funds required for the expensive operation and the physio-therapy required to get her back on her feet. Now, aren't the odds of that happening just great! Thank her lucky stars!

Now she could live for an extra day, and another, and another... She could safely survive for days and beyond without lifting a single finger. Her eyes took her surroundings and whatever it could offer, with her pupils expanded to their fullest extent amidst the darkness. Her wrist had an old, almost rusted needle (the nurses and doctors figured from evidence from the child's prior experiences that she was sturdy enough to not get infected- well, she's still surviving isn't she. And if she didn't... well, the child died fighting. Oh, the poor soul!) stuck into her and it connected all the way to the IV drip bag that fed her with all the nutrients that she would need to 'live'. The rusted colour the needle took along with the yellowish look of the bag made her feel like these tools that kept her for another day, slowly dyed themselves in the colours of her body.

Her bed was unwrinkled by the vegetative state her body chose to adopt- too weak to be lively enough to take a step forward. Either way, she was practically attached to the bed. Her mind couldn't cope with reality- there was nothing she could look forward to, for she was left behind as her parents moved towards their brighter future- for greater things. She was a relic of the past, since there was nothing from the present that had a lingering attachment with her, and with that no connection.

Things were better for Nagi, now that she was no longer susceptible to the impulses of her temperamental parents. Here, they had no fists, no feet and no eyes to relay their scorn for her. Her body wouldn't impulsively defend itself and put her parents in the position of the villain. Her answers wouldn't at the very least, incite their ire. Those black and blue stains that painted her skins would disappear with time, leaving a gaunt body that spoke of the accident that her parents very dutifully tried to heal her from. If the very minimum was done for her survival, she would at the very least 'live' or more aptly put, survive to a future that could possibly be glorious to her. Such is the nature of hope.

Life was something precious. It shouldn't be squandered, for there is tomorrow, and there is hope for... 'something good' that would certainly come to those who wait and those who have done nothing wrong.

For Nagi, it was the night that would welcome her to a dreamscape surrounded by grassy meadows that swayed, danced and played to the tune of peace and bliss. Amidst all this, there was a person who seemed to wait for her- the sole person who was magnanimous to keep her company. The vast expanse amidst which the two of them spent time together formed her entire universe. Here she stayed with her saviour in what she would dreamily consider her very own paradise.

Which was funny, given that the sight that could be seen from her window truly did extend through the skies to the real universe. The scenery which could be seen through the window panes was ever-changing and reflective of reality; it was stimulating and intricate, especially for the keen observer. This is the reality that she had spent, waiting for days on end for a time she would need to wait for- when she would be fit to be reunited, for her second chance to do things right. At least, that was her excuse when facing the real world. But when facing the other world...

She chose to live in an escapist's paradise- amidst her dreams.

Tsuna, on the other hand, looked at the emptiness that slowly swallowed the frail girl in front of him and felt a twinge of envy. It was as if her body physically manifested what he truly felt. His hands were letting things slip right through his fingers. All those things that were once truly precious to him- he no longer had the strength to carry with him. All his burdens, his responsibilities, his desires, his wishes, his hopes were slowly free diving around him. And he could barely muster the strength to reach out to them.

Time and experience were taking a toll on his mind. Things didn't seem as colourful as he had once envisioned them. All the things that people pep talked themselves with sounded empty in his tongue and he didn't even know what he was talking about. He barely understood himself anymore. He didn't know if there was any purpose to anything he did, but even if there was a point to this all- what did it matter to him? He was just… tired. But sleep didn't help.

Pain… was somewhat addicting. It grounded him to an effervescent moment. He looked at his roommate and the emptiness that was visibly apparent and it felt fulfilling. It was like things were finally coherent and there were no contradictions in his psyche and his body if his was also like hers. If he could physically feel that it was crying out for something that was missing- it would have been like something of him would have been completed- like his complementary part would have been present.

It would sting and hurt so badly that his mind would forever be occupied- not with the nonsense that currently plagued him- but something that was more rational to grieve over. Something more reasonable to be sick and close into your shell over.

"If you accept mine, you could get back whatever you've lost."

Nagi looked at the boy's golden eyes and touched her eye socket. Somehow, it seemed like they fit best with him. She slowly shook her head and saw the gentle kid frown like he would tear up any moment. She wasn't used to this.

She didn't want to reveal this sham of a hospitalization for what it was- her abandonment. That… and she would have to see another 'her' be born right in front of her eyes. At least this person who was so similar to herself would let her feel like there was a version of herself that had it better. That things weren't hopeless for people like herself.

But Tsuna thought differently for the reason for her rejection.

'Even if I donated my organs… it's not necessarily the case that they would be accepted by her body- they might not be compatible.'

It was stuff that he had looked up in the past. He knew he was Dame-Tsuna, but if there were parts of him that could be placed in someone else to help them to go further on to better things- it could be proof that he or at least his entirety wasn't useless. That there were parts of him that could be better utilized by someone else, even if he squandered his 'potential' so thoroughly. That even he could help someone else or that there was something inside of him that might not be Dame.

He couldn't help it. He knew it. He was just stupid- the hopeless kind. He couldn't even muster the strength to think of ways to change things up and teach an old dogs some new tricks. His fear had paralyzed him so thoroughly that they disabled him from reaching for newer heights. He was petrified. He was so done with his life that he couldn't even hold a pity party for himself, he couldn't bring himself to cry over something that felt like it would never get better despite how much he criticized himself over it. This life of his, he knew, was pretty much a failure. It existed for other people to learn from and not commit the same mistakes over.

The person in front of him, Chrome Dokuro, deserved so much more. She had been such a great friend to his dream self. She had been such an amazing person in his dreams with the way she shouldered parts of his burdens, despite lacking so much. She, in fact, made up her own form of internal support with her internal strength while juggling other problematic things and her horrible past.

She's so young, yet so strong, so reliable. She was his guardian, and he's never had the strength to shelter his guardians from their pain in this reality. He couldn't help but deny that dream so strongly- he couldn't see himself as that powerful figure that he had been in that dream. But now that he finally had a chance to do something, anything, it was to something that he was forced to realize that he would either be poison on panacea.

And he couldn't bring himself to force her to settle with those kinds of odds.