Digital Morons 2,0

by GetALife117

"And there I was, thinking, my life hit rock bottom on August first 1999. You know, stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere, in another dimension. Surrounded by deadly monsters and a bunch of morons. Of all the times, I could have been wrong about something... so sad." - Koushirō "Izzy" Izumi - And with that, welcome to my crude parody/rewrite of Digimon Adventure 02.

2. Pizza, Justice and Hikari

-x-

Chapter Two

Pizza, Justice & Hikari

"Ugh!" Tai groaned as they all slowly got back on their feet, now in the Digital World, "Will this always happen, when we open the Digital Gate? Will there always be a freaking tsunami to flush us in?"

"Huh, I just decided I will not try to add this feature to my own Digivice, to do this myself" Izzy said dry, his voice now echoing from the sky above them, "And I definitely won't try it at home. And to answer your question Tai: Since the only times this didn't occur, were when the Digital World was visible in Earths atmosphere, and when we had those unnatural raptures caused by Etemon's stunt, I think it's safe to assume this is what usually happens, if someone enters the Digital World."

"Great..." Tai said.

"So, Izzy is god in here now, huh?" Kari said mildly surprised, "I guess, we all knew this day would come eventually."

Izzy chuckled.

"Thank you, but not quite"

"Nice one, Izzy" Kari said, shaking her head, "I tried to be funny, but you had to take this down the creepy route, huh?"

"Anyway, you just reminded me, that I can currently be heard, by everyone and everything, in the general area you are in." Izzy contemplated, "Let me fix that real quick."

And with that, all of them heard a soft clicking noise that felt like it was produced near or even directly in their ears.

"That should do the trick" Izzy said and this time it sounded to them, like his voice was directly in their ears as well, "Now, let's get going"

"Guys!? Guys?" Davis, who just came to, shouted panicking, "I think I'm going crazy!"

"Well, there is a plot twist for you..." TK said sarcastically.

"There's a voice inside my head! What is happening to me?!"

"Oh, my god..." Izzy said with an audible face-palm in his tone,

"Davis! Listen to me! This is Izzy. I am not a voice inside your head. I just tweaked the settings on my end so I'm only audible to - oh, that's right - I made it so you can hear me, as if you were wearing headphones!" he was talking very slowly and clearly at this point, "So nobody, but guys can hear me. Do you understand?"

"How are you doing these things?" Davis whispered awestruck.

"Well, I could explain but... I feel like that won't help you"

"Um... Izzy-Senpai?" Yolei asked carefully.

"What, Wannabe?"

"Uh, I was just wondering do we get pizza in here or..."

"Oh, my - what is with your obsession with pizza?"

"I'm sorry! It's just..." Yolei started, blushing, "...I just wanted a pizza, all for myself, for once..."

"I'm just gonna... go ahead and not question that..." Izzy said in passing, "Again, rookies! As I was trying to tell you earlier, those promises I made - they were just an excuse to get you to meet with us."

"Then why not tell us the truth?" Cody asked with a surprising hint of anger in his voice.

"Because it was sensitive information, I didn't wanna hand out to people, I never actually met!" Izzy explained impatiently, "But wait a minute. What kind of justice are we actually talking about? Your promise, I mean. Gennai's little info-sheet never specified."

"Just... justice in general..."

"Really? That's it?"

"Yes..." Cody nodded, "My Dad was a police officer and... justice is important..."

"Well, you're in luck than!" Tai intervened, "Because our job is all about serving justice!"

"Tai's got a... point" Izzy said puzzled, then shuddering slightly, "What a weird thing to say..."

"But wait!" Yolei said indignantly, "Why am I the only one who doesn't get, what she was promised?"

"Cody's wish just happened to line up with our mission." Izzy said.

"And what about Davis?"

"What are you talking about?" TK asked, "He's not getting anything, either!"

"Oh, really?" Yolei snorted.

"So, Kari" Davis said with a confident smirk and a wink, "You're planning on doing something, when we're done here?"

"Well, she's not planning on taking you to the hospital, I can tell you that much." Tai said grim stepping between him and his sister.

"We talk later" Davis told her quietly.

"See? As long as Tai lives, he won't get what he wants either." Izzy said, "Cody lucked out. End of discussion."

"But - "

"There is no pizza!"

"There is no spoon" TK said with a fake British accent.

He giggled, but the others just stared at him.

"What?" he asked, "None of you have seen 'The Matrix'?"

"So, how far can you see, Izzy?" Tai asked, "Do you have like, a birds eye view or..."

"Well, here's the thing: I cannot see you or your surroundings. If there was cameras around, I could hack into them. Right now, I just have a map on my monitor."

"Oh, so you can't see us, huh?" Tai asked smirking, "That's too bad"

"However, I can literally hear you flipping me off, right now."

"Okay, whatever" Tai said ceasing to raise his middle finger to the sky, "So, yeah. We landed somewhere at the edge of a giant desert. Big surprise there... coming to think of it I should be more specific. There is a jungle with some weird -"

"Tai, I can see you as blips on my map, shut up" Izzy said quickly, "Now, can you tell me exactly where you left Agumon, so I can guide you there?"

Tai didn't answer.

"Well?"

"I thought you told me to shut up?" Tai asked smirking.

"Tai!"

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! What was the question?"

"Agumon. Where did you leave him?"

"Uh... It definitely wasn't here I can tell you that much"

"Describe the place, Tai!" Izzy hissed impatiently, "Come on, work with me here!"

"Okay, okay!" Tai replied stressed out, "It was like a cave, but not underground... um... and it was in the jungle. Could have been this one, really."

"Well, believe it or not, Tai, but there's quite a few places matching that incredibly detailed description of yours. How about something recognizable, there or in the surrounding area?"

"Well, there was a black... what do you call them? One of those Egyptian towers..."

"Obelisks?" Izzy asked.

"Right! That's the one!"

"Tai" TK sighed, "I can see at least ten of those on the horizon over there. I'm not sure if this helps."

"It doesn't: The map seems to be littered with those..."

"Yeah, seems to be a new trend or something." Tai figured.

"You think Airdramon-asshole built those?" TK asked scratching his head.

"That would make so much sense!" Tai agreed euphorically, "Think about it: Egypt, Jews! They had beef in the past right? Around that time with the ten plagues, or something."

"In any event!" Izzy interrupted angry, "That doesn't narrow it down! Anything else?"

"Well, not on the outside"

"Okay" Izzy said, "Let's give it a shot. What was on the inside? I'm not sure how, but it might help."

"There was a weird egg with my crest on it, but..."

"Are you serious Tai?"

"I am!" Tai defended himself, "Why would I make this up?"
"No, I mean why didn't mention this before? An artifact with a crest on it? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

A moment passed.

"He shrugged, didn't he?" Izzy asked.

"Oh, that's right you can't see us" Tai remembered, "I dunno. Forgot."

"I really shouldn't be surprised..." Izzy said, "On the plus side, that should give us some options to find that place. I should be able to scan the area for energy readings. Meanwhile rookies check your Digivices."

"Why?" Yolei asked.

"Because I just received another one of Gennais famous e-mails, which are only somewhat useful at best. This one only told me what the new Digivices are called: D3's"

"D3's?" TK asked, "What does that stand for?"

"Digimon, detect & discover"

"That's lame"

"Tell me about it" Izzy agreed, "Now, give me a minute, I gotta reply to this real quick. Thanks for... the update. How about... sending... useful... information... for once... in your... damn... life!"

"Wow" Tai chuckled, "You tell him, man."

"Anyway the 'detect and discover' part is what caught my attention. So, do you see any markers on your D3's, or anything indicating where this object could be, rookies?"

"No"

"No, nothing"

"Yes, there's a blinking dot on mine" Davis said.

"Great, so they do have some useful features, fantastic." Izzy remarked.

"What's the deal with those D3's anyway?" TK asked grumpy, "How come the rookies get the special treatment and cool new Digivices, while we, the original Digidestined, are stuck with the shitty old design?"

"The cool new Digivices?" Tai said skeptically, "You mean these over-designed pieces of crap? Let me tell you this: In like ten years they will have aged poorly and won't look nearly as cool as you think they are now. Ours on the other hand, with their sleek, simple, elegant design, can easily be considered timeless"

"Thanks man" TK said smirking, "Now I feel way better about mine."

"Wow, look at you, Tai" Kari said nudging her big brothers arm,

"Paying attention in arts class?"

"It's little to no effort." Tai shrugged, "It's like sleeping in other classes while listening at the same time. It's kinda amazing, really."

"Yes, we're all very proud of you." Izzy said hand waving, "Whatever. Now for the hard part... Davis: Turn, until the dot is at the top of your D3's screen."

Davis turned a few times around himself.

"Okay – it's – ugh! It's blinking I can't -"

He continued until TK got impatient and snatched the D3 out of his hand, growling in frustration.

"Hey! That's mine, you dick!"

"You'll get it back rookie, I promise!" TK said, "Okay, got it Izzy. What's next?"

"Walk into the direction your facing now."

TK gave Davis his D3 back and they started following TK into the forest.

"Okay that's it, I know what you're heading towards. To your left should be a small path. Follow it and you should end up at the cavern Tai 'described'"

"I heard those air-quotes" Tai grumbled.

"Good"

"Izzy?" Kari asked, nervously glancing through the trees at the dark towers scattered across the landscape, "A thought occurs. You are going to help us until we settle this whole situation right? Even we don't finish it today?"

"Absolutely not, Kari. Just today."

"Oh, boy..."

"Ah, relax" TK said reassuring, "It's easy: Tai just needs to announce me the leader today and bam: Izzy's still our support... or rather - our manager."

"Oh, yeah that's right" Kari said relieved, "All we need, is a new leader. Problem solved. I vote TK, too."

"Yeah" Tai huffed, "As if I would make fucking St. Anger over here, my replacement!"

TK opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it again, with his facial expression changing from offended to impressed.

"Yeah, no, I got nothing that one was actually pretty good."

"I know, right?" Tai nodded, grinning.

"No, it wasn't..." Izzy objected, "What is that even supposed to mean?"

"I don't know man, his Digimon turns into an angel and he's... angry." Tai shrugged, "It just popped into my head, okay?"

"Impressive, Tai..." Izzy said.

"So, um... was just wondering..." Yolei said, "Could you maybe like... order pizza or something?"

Izzy let out a long, frustrated sigh.

"You know what? Fair enough. You'll get your damn pizza, if that means you'll finally shut up about this! Davis, I might have gone a little overboard with your promise. Kari isn't exactly an object we can give away."

"Yep" Tai and Kari said in a similarly grumpy tone.

"We're gonna find something else for you, alright?"

"Yeah, got you, man. We'll find something else..."

"You know winking at someone only works, if that person can see you..."

"Ha! Then how did you know I was winking? Busted!"

"The way you said it, was practically equal to the statement 'I am winking at you, right now'. You can't get much more obvious than that."

"I completely understand" Davis said slowly nodding and winking again.

"Well Kari, I tried" Izzy said, "Sorry for your loss."

"Yeah, it's okay..."

"Uh, no it's not!" Tai said rather angry, "Looks like he still thinks my sister is his trophy wife!"

"Just remind him of your presence whenever he makes an unwanted move." Izzy recommended, "That should do the trick."

"Ugh! This is gonna be a fucking drag..."

They followed the narrow path, through a jungle littered with soda machines and occasional fridges.

"So" Davis said, looking around in awe, "This is where the Pokémon are from..."

"Just so you know" Izzy said with a brief, concerning shake in his voice, "If you were to take a human life in the Digital World there would, most certainly, be no hard evidence to be left behind. What. So. Ever. Save for witnesses of course but they could be disposed of in a similar manner"

"Okay..." Tai said mystified, "I get what you're saying but did you have to say it, like you were making a damn presentation about it?"

"Yeah, man." Davis agreed, "I have no idea, what you were talking about, just now."

"Oh, okay. I see what you did there, Izzy." Tai said quickly.
"Davis? Yolei?" Cody said suddenly, "I'm not sure if we should trust these people."

"Shut up, Cody!" Davis and Yolei said simultaneously.

"Jinxed!" Davis added swiftly, pointing at Yolei.

"Wha-?"

"Ah! You're not allowed to talk!" Davis interrupted her, "Unless somebody says your name -"

"New rule" Izzy cut in, "Nobody say her name!"

"- or if you buy me a coke"

Yolei looked around startled, her eyes begging for help. Then she spotted a nearby soda machine, made a few gestures with her hands and stormed off toward it.

"Did she just say 'Screw that noise' in sign language?" Izzy asked with a mixture of disbelief and positive surprise in his voice.

"Wait, I thought you can't see us!" Tai said confused.

"There's an ATM with a built in surveillance camera a bit down the path." Izzy explained.

"Oh"

"Uh, Yo- oh man, I almost said her name there" Kari said after realizing what Yolei was up to - and subsequently remembering something, she was told about soda machines in the Digital World, Yolei couldn't possibly know, "If I were you I -"

But Tai quickly put his hand on her shoulder.

"Shhh... just let it happen", he said smiling.

As soon as Yolei reached the soda machine, its front burst open releasing a bunch of green slug like creatures on top of her.

"Eeeeeeeeek!" She shrieked falling to the floor in shock.

"Uhm..." Davis said scratching his head, "Does this count as talking?"

The slimy Numemon then crawled right passed her toward Kari.

"Oh, my!" One of them said, "Queen Kari! It is so good to see you again!"

"Hey, Numemon" Kari answered awkwardly, "How was afterlife - oh, my god, I'm so sorry! I am so bad at this!"

"No, it's okay!" Numemon said quickly, "I mean, it took longer than expected, but starter village was destroyed at the time and you had a war to win, after all."

"Well, nice to see you guys are back to normal." Kari said glancing at Yolei, who was still staring at the empty vending machine in front of her.

"Well, there was something we wanted to ask you, still." Numemon said, "We wanted to ask you this, the last time we met already. But after our unfortunate departure -"

"It's okay you don't have to remind me..." Kari said cringing, "I remember... vividly..."

"We wanted to know if you would like to join us and become our bride."

"What?" Tai hissed, his eyes twitching and his head tilted slightly.

"He he, that's very nice of you..." Kari chuckled nervously, "But I'm really busy right now. Also being a queen was never really my thing, soooo..."

"Oh, okay okay" Numemon said awkwardly with a frantic nod, "No big deal... uh... we're gonna be fine..."

"Best of luck..." Tai whispered threatening.

"Well, it was so nice meeting you again, Queen Kari" another Numemon said humble, "But we really gotta be off now. Gotta find a new vending machine and stuff... you know the drill"

Confused, TK and Kari exchanged a quick glance.

"What's wrong with the old one?" TK asked.

The soda machine exploded into a cloud of fire and debris.

"JESUS CHRIST NOOOOOOOOO!" Yolei screamed in horror and curled up into a fetal position protecting her head from the falling pieces of the machine.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Davis bellowed.

"Well we felt like the 'Numemon vending machine prank' was getting a little uninspired at this point." Numemon explained, "So we figured we'd add another layer to it. In hindsight it does seem a bit wasteful, though..."

"That's not adding another layer" Kari said looking at Yolei still cowering among the burning rubble, "That's borderline attempted murder!"

"What do you mean 'borderline'?" Izzy asked skeptical.

"Anyway, my Queen" Numemon said before all of them bowed their heads before Kari, "We shall bid you adieu."

"Take care of her for us!" Another Numemon called out to Davis while passing him.

"Stay away from her! She is mine!" Davis answered through gritted teeth.

"You know, Izzy?" Tai said quietly glaring at Davis "Your 'no evidence plan' is starting to grow on me..."

"Huh, I thought you were on board right away" Izzy said, "I mean, it's not like he started drooling over her like that, just now. In any case, we got a job to do. Keep following the path you're nearly there. Just - don't come to close to the ATM... You know just in case. Get up wannabe, we all got almost killed, one time or another. Get used to it, it's part of the deal."

"A-are they gone?" She asked shaking.

"Stop talking, cheater!" Davis said cold.

"Give her a break" Kari argued, "She literally almost died walking up to that soda machine - I think that counts as 'buying you a coke', Davis!"

"Oh, yeah you're right of course!" Davis said hastily.

"Kiss-ass..." Tai mumbled, still hatefully glaring at him.

"Be glad he didn't actually kiss her ass" TK said.

"He should be glad, he didn't..."

They followed a turn on the path and were greeted by what looked like a large rock formation with a hole, a little bigger than the average human, presumably opening up into the cavern, Tai had told them about.

They were also greeted by:

"Tai!"

"Kari!"

"TK!"

Three Digimon darted toward them from the caverns entrance. The first was an orange dinosaur resembling a T-Rex, but only as small as a human child. The next was a white cat with purple stripes across her back and tail and two large, yellow, paw-like gloves. Last was a small creature shaped like a bean mostly orange with a white belly and bat like wings on his back.

"Oh yeah, Gatomon and Patamon were there, too" Tai said shrugging, "Forgot to mention."

The dinosaur known as Agumon proceeded to tackle down Tai, embracing him, while the cat, jumped into Karis arms and the bean, flew into TK's.

"Okay man, cut it out" Tai said with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "It's been like, an hour since we last saw each other"

"What?" Agumon said perplexed, "Just an hour? No way!"

"Okay, fair enough. Maybe more like - four hours" Tai admitted,

"Still: no need to jump me like this."

"Oh my gosh!" Yolei gushed with a high pitched voice, "They're so cuuuute!"

"Uh, Agumon isn't cute - he's awesome!" Tai said.

"No, you're just so cute!"she said, as if she was talking to a small dog, petting him joyfully, "Yes you are. Yes you are!"

"Uh, Tai?" Agumon asked nervously, "Who's she?"

"Oh, yeah we got rookies, now" Tai explained. He then quickly introduced the newcomers.

"And these three are our partners" Tai continued, while pointing at each of he Digimon individually, "This is Agumon, the cat is Gatomon - and the cry-baby over there is Patamon."

"I'm so-o happy to s- see you TK!" Patamon cried, "Why aren't you crying TK? I th-thought that was o-our thing."

"Yeah... I'm not really into that whole crying thing anymore..." TK said awkwardly, "I feel like yelling and trashing stuff is more of my style, now."

"O-oh okay" Patamon sniffled, "M-mind if I have a minute though?"

"Yeah, it's cool buddy." TK said petting his back, "Let it all out."

"Awww!" Yolei said with glossy eyes, looking at Gatomon being hugged by Kari, "Can I cuddle her, too?"

"Sure, if you wanna loose an eye." Gatomon said opening one eye, looking at her, "Looks like, you've got enough of those"

"That's mean..." Kari said, letting go of Gatomon.

"Wait a minute" she added suddenly, looking more closely at her,

"Where is - ?"

"Yeah" Gatomon answered saddened, "I lost my tail-ring fleeing those Digimon with the black rings. There was this Unimon that stepped on my tail and the ring got stuck -"

"No, that's not what I meant." Kari intervened, "I mean that's a bummer, but what I meant was my whistle! Where's the whistle I gave you?"

"Oooh..." Gatomon said awkwardly, "Yeah, here's the thing: I kind of lost it..."

"You lost it when you fled those Digimon, too?" Kari asked,

"That's too bad..."

"No, I meant, I lost it in a game of Poker."

"What?!"

"Look I was in a bad way, lost a ton of money..."

"Hang on" Tai said incredulously, "Who the hell takes the whistle of an eight-year-old as a price in a Poker game?"

"Oh, don't tell me..." TK said cracking up.

"I don't know, man" Gatomon said shaking her head, "Once I told them where I got it from, those Numemon got really interested in it for some reason."

"Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me!" Tai cussed while TK burst into laughter.

"Wow!" he said his eyes watering, "Looks like those Numemon really have the hots for Kari!"

"I can't believe you did that!" Kari said upset, "I gave that to you! That was my gift to you, when we said goodbye!"

"I know! It's not like I bet it over a few bucks!" Gatomon defended herself, "I would have been in serious debt with those guys! They come in hordes! You know what kind of damage they can cause in larger numbers?"

"We do" Izzy said, "We saw Machinedramon kill about a thousand of them in one hit."

"Thank you, Izzy!" Kari said sarcastically, "I completely forgot about that!"

"Supressing memories is unhealthy, anyway. So, you're welcome."

"Hi, Izzy" Gatomon greeted, "So, you finally got to be the god of this place, huh?"

"Is that why I can hear his voice in my head?" Agumon asked.

"Oh, yeah. I can speak to all of your partners from my PC." Izzy explained, "And since you all hugged each other, I was able to add you to the network."

"Okay, let's get back on track here" Kari said relentlessly.

"Sounds good! How about you acknowledge the fact that my tail-ring is gone, too?" Gatomon countered, "I lost a part of me. And it's never coming back! Unless... I find it somewhere, that is."

"Where'd you loose it?" Izzy sighed, "Remember the place? The general area? Maybe I can locate it."

"In a forest... that direction... -ish?" Gatomon tried to recall, "Hard to tell I ran for quite a few miles"

"Never mind"

"Yeah, like I said" Gatomon continued, "A piece of me is gone. Forever!"

"Oh, don't act like you lost a limb - Aaaand now I feel horrible..." Kari said ashamed, "It's not like you actually lost a limb, is it?"

"Well, no" Gatomon admitted, "But I think, I'm nerfed as fuck, now"

"But you gambled my whistle away!"

"Hey, I tried to double down and win it back, but they weren't having it!" Gatomon explained, "I think they figured out that I was completely broke at that point. Wouldn't have been a hard guess... No! Actually, I think they just didn't wanna risk loosing it again."

"You gotta hand it to them, Gatomon" TK said giggling, "They are waaay more devoted than you are!"

"Shut up"

"TK, that's not funny!" Tai said angry.

"Maybe not to you" TK answered still laughing, "To me it's hilarious!"

"I don't know what's with those guys" Gatomon said, "They were really into that thing!"

"Alright, whatever..." Tai grumbled.

"I'm serious, they were fucking obsessed with it."

"Okay! I get the picture!" Tai shouted, "TK, stop laughing!"

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I'll keep it together." TK said clearing his throat trying to shake it off - but failing.

"Sh-hit! Sorry, but wh-what do you think they u-use that thing for?"

"Okay, that's it!" Tai said fed up, "Izzy is it possible for you, to track down Digimon with unusual items, like say... whistles from the human world?"

"There is very little I would consider impossible in this context" Izzy contemplated, "However it's a big world so... be patient."

"Pff, if that's what it takes I'll be fine." Tai said unimpressed, "I'd track 'em down myself, if I had to."

He paused.

"Eh, screw it" he continued, "I'd probably kill them myself, too"

"Tai, I appreciate it" Kari said, "But I think killing them, just to get my whistle back, is a little..."

"That's not why I wanna kill them, Kari!"

"Alright, let's keep the mission moving, everyone." Izzy said, "Happy reunion is over. We're on the clock."

"Can't wait..." Kari muttered.

"Yeah, good to be back!" Gatomon said crossing her arms.

"Good to know, the symbols of our friendship are still being treasured!"

"Good to know, my health and well-being are still the top-priority here!"

"You can tell a team's gonna work amazingly, if the returning members, instantly hate each other upon reunion", Izzy commented dry.

They group entered the cave. Light was poring through a hole in the ceiling onto a football sized egg. Embers emerged from the egg, floating upwards toward the hole in a column of heat haze. Occasionally the embers pulsed brightly, illuminating every corner of the room. On the walls were engravings of all the kids crests, with Tais being displayed larger in the center of the wall opposed to them. The egg had a large horn attached to its top half. A red and orange pattern, resembling flames, decorated its shell, surrounding the crest Tai was chosen for 3 years ago.

"Tai?"

"Sup, TK?"

"How the fuck did you forget to mention this?" TK asked completely baffled, "Seriously, it's like a freaking sacred icon! I half expected damn choir singing in the background! That really would have completed the picture."

"Oh, stop overselling it!"

"No, he is right, Tai" Kari said, "I feel humbled just by standing in here."

"Uh, doesn't your name translate to 'humble' or something, sis?"

"So, what size is it?" Izzy asked since he couldn't see inside the cave, "Are we talking monolith or...?"

"No, it's maybe as big as my head." Tai answered.

"Minus the hair though" TK added.

Tai glared at him.

"What? I figured we should be more specific." TK explained, "Let's be real: it makes a huge difference."

"Bite me"

"Tai?" Izzy asked, obviously frustrated, "Has the thought, to pick the damn thing up, ever crossed your mind? Or at least to interact with it?"

"I did! It's like screwed to the floor or some shit!"

"In that case, here is my next question: Why didn't you mention ANY of this?!"

"I got really pissed about Airdramon-asswipe!" Tai defended himself, "It was fucking distracting, okay?"

Izzy sighed.

"So you're saying it can't be moved?"

"Yep" Tai nodded, "Trust me. I tried."

"Well, once" Gatomon said.

"Yeah" Tai said challenging, "I did what I could!"

"Did you try pointing your Digivice at it?"

"Oh, I completely forgot!" Tai huffed sarcastically - before putting a finger up to his lips, signaling the others not to say anything. He then pointed his Digivice at the egg.

"So? You tried it now?"

"I already told you: It didn't work!"

"Glad you tried it, after all..." Izzy said, "Better late than never... So, we can't interact with it? At all?"

"Looks like it."

"Oh, god dammit, fuck this!" TK said storming past Tai and toward the egg.

"Dude, I'm not fucking with you! It's either glued to the floor or weighs a ton!"

"Oh, yeah?" TK said, "We'll see about tha- oh shit! It really doesn't budge!"

He tried pulling on it from various angles, but the egg wouldn't even move an inch.

"Oh, come on!" Davis said suddenly, "It can't be that hard!"
"Fine" TK said after returning to his spot next to Tai, "You try it, rookie. Five bucks, that he's gonna hurt himself, trying." he added quietly leaning over to Tai.

"I wouldn't bet against that." Tai mumbled back, "I'd be willing to pay you, if it meant he slipped and somehow broke his neck..."

Davis walked up to the egg rolling up his sleeves.

"God, I wish I had a camera for this..." Izzy said.

"Watch this – whoa!"

Preparing for a lot of weight Davis used all of his strength lifting up the egg, resulting in it shooting up as if it weighed merely as much as a balloon. Davis lost his grip on the egg and fell backwards, while the egg sailed through the air, in Yolei's direction. Gasping she jumped forward, trying to catch it. As soon as her fingertips touched the egg, it suddenly accelerated. It ripped her arms downward and with a high pitched scream Yolei fell flat on her face. Moaning she rolled off the egg, revealing, it was completely intact.

"Wow" TK said calm, "That was a close call"

"What happened?" Izzy asked, "Wait! Would the answer damage my faith in humanity?"

"You mean what's left of it?" Tai asked crossing his arms, "Probably"

"Anything, I really should know?" Izzy added, sounding somewhat anxious.

"Davis picked up the egg, overdid it, fell on his ass, the egg flew, Yolei tried to catch it, face-planted." TK summarized, "Egg's fine."

"It got heavier, when I touched it!" Yolei exclaimed, "That's why I fell!"

"She's right" Tai said surprised, while trying to pick up the egg again, "Still... not... moving!"

"Let me try!" Davis said excited.

"Maybe try using only half your strength this time" TK suggested, "Or like - a tenth."

Davis picked up the egg with ease. Suddenly something in the front pocket of his jeans started to glow.

"What the - ?" he said startled.

"Why is it doing that?" Kari wondered.

"Look, I hate to be that guy" Izzy said slightly impatient, "But I could really use a narrator right now!"

"Oh! Uh, it's floating in mid-air." Kari said quickly, "It's glowing and now it's unfolding."

"The egg..." Izzy started incredulously, "Is unfolding?"

"No! Sorry! Davis has one of these... what are they called? One of these new pager-thingys..."

"A D-Terminal?"

"Yeah, that's it, Izzy-Senpai!" Yolei stepped in.

"Whatever" Tai said, "Moment's passed. Davis' D-Terminal just sucked in the egg."

"Oh, our real-world-devices can absorb objects in the Digital World now?" Izzy said before a short chuckle, "Huh, I wonder what my laptop could do in there if a lousy D-Terminal can soak up a freaking artifact like that! Homework assignment to all of you by the way: Whoever doesn't have a D-Terminal yet, buy one until tomorrow or get your parent's to buy you one. Let's gather all the tool's we can get."

"No homework for me!" Davis said triumphant.

"Okay, now that looks kinda threatening..." Tai said uneasy.

"What does?"

"It does look pretty violent." Kari agreed taking a step back.

"Guys! I can't see you! You gotta stop with the pronoun-game!"

"There is like a laser-beam where the egg was at first" TK explained, "It's growing stronger and it looks pissed off!"

"You mean removing the egg, triggered some sort of energy release?"

"No, I mean there is a fucking heat ray, that's trying to kill us, if we don't leave now!"

"But why would it do that?!" Yolei shouted, while the laser grew louder and louder, "Davis was obviously chosen for the egg so why would it punish - ?"

"It's the Digital World, man! You never know!" TK yelled, "When we found my crest in the desert, the stone tablet, it was on, disappeared and there was a giant sand dune behind it, so we were almost buried alive by a landslide!"

"Ah, 'wrath of the desert'!" Tai remembered smiling, "The good old days!"

"Let's get out of here!"

"Wait!" Patamon intervened, "I know this feeling! This isn't a bad thing! Look! It's getting weaker!"

"What is that...?" Kari whispered squinting her eyes, "Oh, right! Um, there's some... thing floating in the middle of the beam - but uh... now the beam is nearly gone so..."

"Ugh! Kari turn on your camera for me, will you?" Izzy said annoyed.

"Huh?" Kari said confused, "Why?"

"It's probably not gonna work since you brought it with you, but I'm gonna try hacking into it." he explained, "I can't take this crap anymore..."

"You wanna hack into my camera?"

"It's only gonna work, as long as it is in the Digital World. Trust me: I'm gonna use it for the greater good."

"But my batteries - "

"Seriously? You think a battery, of all things will run out in the Digital World? In six months none of the flashlights, we brought from summer camp, ever died."

"Fair..." Kari said nervously turning on the camera she wore around her neck.

"Oh, look at that, it worked" Izzy said surprised, "Huh, I see the pattern now: Every time I'm wrong... is when I doubt myself. Really could have seen it sooner..."

They all stepped closer (except for TK, who took a step closer to the exit), curious what was floating in the faint remains of the energy beam. Looking closer they realized, what it was.

"A... Digimon" Kari said hesitating.

"You sound surprised" Izzy said with irritation, "What did you expect? A bag full of money?"

"Careful with that" TK said, "You might summon Joe."

"No, that's saying 'Dollar' three times in the mirror at 9.30 a.m. New York Time" Izzy corrected, "Seriously though: Kari what did you expect?"

"Nah, I get it, sis" Tai said, "I was hoping he wouldn't get one, too."

The Digimon, hovering in a fetal position over the spot, where the egg used to be, opened its eyes. It looked around for a few seconds before flashing a grin and jumping out of the force field. It was completely blue, save for its white belly and resembled, like Agumon, a dinosaur, although it looked more humanoid and had a shorter head, with a small dull horn on top of its nose and a yellow 'V' on its forehead.

"Finally!" the Digimon yelled, revealing it was apparently male, "Back in action!"

"Awesome!" Davis shouted, "So you're my starter Pokémon? Man, I'm so excited! But hang on! Is the egg, your Pokéball or... have you just been born? Whatever, you can be like Pikachu, you know? Following me around and stuff. Wait, do I still have to catch you? Also how can you talk? Or wait, you guys just say your names all the time, right? Did you just say your name? Kind of a long one..."

The Digimon, whose grin had slowly faded during Davis' rant, turned to the rest of the group and pointed a thumb over his shoulder at Davis.

"Is this guy a joke?" he asked, "This is a prank on me, right? That moron can't be my partner!"

"Well, looks like I've got some explaining to do" Izzy said, "Refreshing. Discount-Tai - we really gotta change that name, by the way, it does not have a ring to it - Anyway rookie give your new partner a hug. You know - to break the ice."

"You guys wanna answer -?" the Digimon asked visibly confused, but was interrupted by Davis exclaiming:

"Got it! Come here, little buddy!"

As soon as he touched the new arrival, the Digimon started to lash out. Violently.

"Hey, hey! Get your fucking hands off me, asshole! Get the fuck away from me or I'll headbutt your fucking brains out!"

"Okay, I don't want a hug anymore" Davis said and hastily let go of him.

"So" Izzy said with a smug tone in his voice, "Veemon, is it? Not the best first impression, but eh... Welcome to the crew anyway"

"Wait, who's first impression?" TK asked, "Ours or his?"

"Hold on, where is that voice coming from?" Veemon asked startled, "And how do you know my name?"

"I think the new guy just lost it." Davis whispered shielding his mouth from Veemon with his hand – poorly.

"I can hear you, dip-shit" Veemon said, "I'm right next to you"

"Right" Izzy said, "I am... well, this groups coordinator so to speak. Their supervisor, if you will. I'm running this... let's call it 'operation' in the human world and with my computer I can communicate with everyone here. And since Davis here - the moron is called Davis - by the way"

"Hey!" Davis said angry.

"Since he touched you, I was able to add you to the conversation, too."

"You're talking to us, as if you were a voice in our heads... from another world?" Veemon asked baffled, "That's kick-ass! How are you even doing this?"

"It's not exactly easy to explain."

"At least there's someone competent here..." Veemon said relieved,
"Still, that dumbass can't be my partner! This is all wrong! I used to be serious!"

"Looks like 'used to be' is the key phrase here..." Tai said unimpressed.

"Fuck off! I saved the world, back in the day!"

"Well, join the freaking club. We saved both worlds, you know. Our world and yours."

"Hey, up yours, crows nest! As if there's only two worlds..."

"The fuck did you just call me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! My condolences!" Veemon said with a fake empathetic tone, "I know you're probably still grieving for your hairdresser, but come on! It's been - what? Ten years? You gotta move on, man!"

"Okay, you asked for it! Agumon, roast his ass" Tai said furious,

"And I mean that literally!"

"Uh, no man, seriously... let's not do that... that's not a good idea..." Agumon said, nervously taking a step back.

"What's your problem?" Tai asked, "You're just gonna stand there and take shit from that fucking smurf?"

"No, dude" Veemon said half laughing, "You got it wrong: Right now you are taking shit from me! I mean, coming to think if it, shouldn't you be used to it by now? You know with all the bird shit you take everyday?"

"Oh, you're really proud of that one, huh?"

"Nah, man that one was easy. I'm just warming up!"

"You really wanna let him keep talking shit, like that, Agumon?"
Agumon hesitated.

"Go on..." Veemon said threatening, "Bring it!"

"Look, Tai" Agumon sighed, "He's a Veemon. Their headbutts are - infamous, man"

"Their headbutts?" Tai asked skeptically.

"Yeah! I'm not joking! Get hit by one of them and you are done for! I don't care who you are..."

"You better listen to your pal, there" Veemon said grim, "Unless you wanna take care of an egg for the next two weeks!"

"We'll see about that, blueberry!" Tai countered

Veemon blinked.

"What?"

"I was thinking of another insult with blue, it... didn't work out so well..."

"No kidding." Veemon said, "Still waitin', by the way"

"Oh, yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

"Alright, people" Izzy stepped in, "Why don't we all calm down? We haven't even introduced ourselves yet. Let's try not to kill each other before we know each others names, okay."

"Fine!" Veemon said mildly annoyed, "What's your name, supervisor?"

"You can call me Izzy. No shit-talk toward me, though. I know how to hack this place, so you will regret it."

"Yeah! You tell him Izzy-Senpai!"

"Don't worry man." Veemon said, "I got mad respect for you already! Also, what's your deal, four-eyes?"

"Uh, what?"

"What'cha doing here? Shouldn't you be in the human world, sucking Izzys dick?"

"Excuse me?" Yolei asked indignantly.

"Fuck! Does this count as talking shit to you, Izzy?" Veemon asked.

"I'm on the fence about that..." Izzy said calm, "Let's see how you'll do, moving forward..."

"Okay..." Veemon said, "Yo, four-eyes!"

"My name is Yolei."

"Whatever. Where'd you get those glasses from? You do realize, that place where you can buy these fake wands and wizard hats, is not where you usually buy glasses."

Yolei looked at her feet, frowning.

"Don't just let him talk to you like that!" Kari said nudging Yolei's arm with her elbow.

"I'm just - " Yolei said, before pausing, "scared he'll headbutt me, if I talk back..."

"Good call" Veemon said.

"Also I do like 'Harry Potter'..." she added quietly.

"Hey, other chick."

"It's Kari." Kari said crossing her arms.

"Okay" Veemon said, "Nice haircut."

"Oh - well... thank... you?"

"Don't mention it. Ran with a kid, back in the day, who had the same." Veemon said - before cracking up, "The dude was kind of an asshole, though!"

"Oh, god dammit..."

Once he had stopped laughing, Veemon looked over to TK.

"I... I don't - I'm sorry but I... don't really have one for you yet blondie." Veemon said, "Eh, but give it time. I'll think of something."

"Cool..."

"How about St. Anger?" Tai said.

"The fuck does that mean?"

"Never mind..."

"Also, why did you bring a cardboard-cutout of a kid with you? What's up with that?"

"Seriously?" Gatomon asked, "You're just gonna walk around and roast everyone who look's at you funny?"

"Well, I only planned on roasting these kids, but sure." Veemon said, "If you want some too, be my guest! I'm on a roll!"

"Tread. Fucking. Lightly. Bitch!" Gatomon hissed.

"So, what level are you?" he asked, "Without that tail ring you guys usually have, I mean. Is it like egg or..."

"Tell me: You want me to kill you fast or slowly?" she asked, "At this point I'm still willing to give you a choice..."

"Right!" Veemon laughed, "I wanna see you try! You even learn how to walk yet?"

"I'm standing on two legs, you fucking idiot!"

"Well, try putting a damn scratch on me, before I smash your head like a fucking pumpkin!"

"They don't call my main move 'Lightning Paw' for nothing!"

"I said: no killing each other!" Izzy said harshly.

"Yeah, but you also said, as long as we don't know each other" Veemon argued, "What do you call that cardboard cutout?"

"I'm Cody."

"See? Now I know everybody!" Veemon said triumphant, "I know he is a bitch-ass Agumon, I know she's a bitch-ass Gatomon - in both ways by the way. I mean, you're pretty much a bitch and you probably fight like a little bitch now, too."

"Yeah, just go on, but remember one thing" Gatomon said, "At some point you gotta go to sleep... and I'll be there when you do..."

"I can respect that" Veemon said, "At least you embrace it!"

"FUCKYOUI'LLSLIDYOURTHROAT!"

Kari reacted quickly; she grabbed Gatomon and picked her up in order to stop her.

"Let go!" Gatomon shouted, "I may be weakened, but I can still gut him like a fish!"

Veemon burst into laughter again.

"That's fucking hilarious! Seriously though: why can't I kill anyone here? I know their names, I know who these two are. And he's a Patamon, right? Dude, are you stoned or why are your eyes bloodshot, like this?"

"No... I was just so... happy to see TK again!" Patamon sobbed.

"Holy shit!" Veemon said, now laughing hysterically "Hey blondie, I got something for you now! Want some privacy, you two? Wanna take a room or something?"

"You son of a - !" TK said before storming towards Veemon - only to be stopped by Yolei.

"Don't! He'll kill you!"

"Oh, man! Thanks for the ammo Patamon!" Veemon giggled, "I owe you, man!"

"Oh, my god! Can we just focus on the mission again?" Kari asked frustrated.

"Wow, anyone but me cares about the mission for once" Izzy said dry, "Never thought I'd see the day..."

"You see, sis?" Tai said, "This is why everyone knows you're the new kid instantly: That's our group dynamic! Just get used to it already!"

"You blame everything on the group dynamic!" Kari said, "'Tai, your constant napping is gonna kill us all eventually' 'I'm contributing to the group dynamic! Get off my back!'"

"Oh, god dammit!" TK growled suddenly, "I just realized: Since Goggles 2.0 over here -"

"Still too long" Izzy said.

"Dammit - what about just 'Goggles'?"

"Because that's not confusing at all..."

"Fine!" TK said angry, "Anyway, since he picked up the egg, does that mean, on top of being stupid, he's lazy like Tai, too?"

"Why would that be a thing?" Veemon asked.

"Because it's Tais crest."

"Yeah, so?" Veemon argued, "That just means they're both courageous. Or - maybe the system mixed up 'courage' with 'throwing yourself into danger because you're pretty much brain dead'..."

"What do you mean courage?"

"That's the name of the crest, genius."

"Uh no, it's not" Kari said, "My brothers crest is 'sloth'."

Veemon stared at her.

"We're talking about the same crest, right?"

He walked over to the crest of sloth/courage engraved in the wall.

"That was on the egg, wasn't it?"

"Yeah" TK nodded, "The crest of sloth."

"No, you idiot!" Veemon said annoyed, "That's not even a thing!"

He looked around. Then he pointed at the next crest on the wall.

"What's that one called?"

"Oh that one's easy!" TK said confidently, "That's 'lust'."

"It's 'love'! Just look at it, it's a fucking heart!"

"Yeah, guess what: That symbol fits 'lust', too." Tai stepped in.

"Okay, what about that one?"

"Greed." Tai, TK and Kari said simultaneously.

"It's a freaking plus-sign" Tai added, "What do you expect?"

"No! You got everything backwards! That one's - actually I'm not to sure... It's either sincerity..." he said before pointing at Mimi's crest, "Or that one is... In any case the other would be responsibility. Or something... those two are confusing... Anyway the crests are supposed to represent positive attributes. Not the fucking seven deadly sins!"

"Huh, you picked up on that fast." Izzy figured.

"Yeah! Because I'm not a fucking idiot!"

"Oh, well I'm... kind of used to that sort of company, by now..."

"I can see that" Veemon said.

"Okay, smart ass!" Tai said, "Then what are our crests actually supposed to mean?"

"Well, I already told you about half of them" Veemon said, "Let's see..."

He pointed at TK's crest.

"That's hope"

"I mean I can kind of see that..." TK said shrugging, "I feel like I'm an optimist"

"Sure" Tai agreed, "Not as fitting a wrath though..."

"Touché"

"Over there's friendship" Veemon said looking at Matt's crest.

The original Digidestined and their partners laughed out at once.

"Are you sure about that one?" Tai asked out of breath, "I mean the others I can get behind but - oh, wait there's Joe... never mind..."

"Uh... okay" Veemon said puzzled, "Anyway the glasses one means knowledge - "

"Aw, what the hell?" Izzy said, "That crest would have been perfect for me! I would have been in tune with it, right away!"

"Glasses?" TK asked squinting his eyes, "Oh, yeah! Now that you say it, I see it, too! I always figured it was some kind of weird, abstract scales symbol..."

"So, wait: Izzy has gluttony then?" Veemon asked.

"Yeah, don't you hear those crunching noises every now and then?" Tai said, "He's, probably snacking chips, right now."

"Dude, don't take this the wrong way, but I gotta ask: What do you like?"

"I'm not fat, if that's what you're asking." Izzy said dismissively, "Excessive mental work burns just as many calories as physical work does."

"I still don't buy that..." Tai murmured.

"Well, obviously it doesn't work for you since you are... not as much of a thinker..."

"You could have phrased this much worse, am I right?"

"You are, Tai. And I assume that's what the soccer is for, seeing how you wouldn't fit through doors without some sort of workout."

"No, it's because I like it!" Tai argued, "I don't mind sports if it's fun. Soccer is awesome man!"

"Can we wrap this up?" Veemon said impatiently, "So, the one above the door is called 'light'"

"Wait, what?" Kari said perplexed.

"What, is yours darkness?" Veemon giggled, "Wait, seriously what is yours? There's only seven deadly sins."

"No, that's actually what my crest means! Mine's correct!"

"Why is she the only one who has something positive?" Yolei asked confused.

"Well, 'positive' is debatable" Veemon said, "What the hell does light even mean?"

They all exchanged glances, having no answer to his question.

"She used to glow in the dark, back in the day" Tai said shrugging.

"That was only once!" Kari countered.

"Twice."

"That doesn't count! I was possessed by god or something."

"I rest my case."

"Wait, hold up!" Veemon said, "That doesn't make any sense! Who told you about this? It was Gennai, wasn't it?"

"It's starting to make sense now, isn't it?" Izzy said.

"I mean, a little... Still, he might be backwards as fuck, but he has no influence on what the crests do. So for some reason all of you got the wrong crests - except for her? And they're not even really inverted!"

"Huh, that's food for thought..." Izzy said.

A crashing sound from the entrance of the cave. A Digimon looking like a giant red bug with enormous pincers tried forcing its way through the gap in the rock, which was too slim for him to fit between.

"That ain't good..." Tai said, realizing they were trapped.