Hey y'all. I've come back with the latest update. The story's going to be ending in 2-3 chapters. Then I'm thinking of making a fic exploring the characters before the loop which is going to be way fluffier (but yeah, ending in the angst) lol.

Hope you enjoy the story and let me know what you think of it.

Chapter 17

I wish to have the power to protect…

For the most of his life, he spent staring at his shoes and the ground around it. It used to be an escape from the angry looks at his latest goof, or the disappointment from his prowess. It was the faces of his teachers, his 'friends', his kaa-san.

"Oh Tsu-kun. What will I do with you?"

It was quite the aversion. He didn't have to shrink in fear at the incoming punch if he didn't he see the punches coming, whether it be physical or psychological. Tsuna could take the unpleasant surprise attacks over seeing it coming a mile away.

But as he felt his frail mother claw into his neck nowadays, the view at his eyepoint was utterly gorgeous at moments. The despair that clung onto him and how he sought the quietening embrace of death fervently; he also saw a mirror of himself in the people in front of him.

Nana and how she was stuck in a rather empty mansion with her injury-prone and worrying child, while her husband's status might as well be missing in action.

Yamamoto-kun, who he, in a different life heroically jumped off a rooftop to save his falling friend. But, in this life, proposed to jump with him for wholly selfish motives. It only highlighted the differences between that Tsunayoshi and the sham of him that was he.

Kyoko-chan, who he had pushed into an uncomfortable situation due to his unbecoming crush- and how he had saved him from Mochida's advances- and how the powerless him could somehow do the same. How unbelievable was that, regardless of his close brush with death.

Sasagawa-senpai who had punched him for his sister's sake, and the sun guardian who regarded the mafia boss as a little bro from the get-go. When that regard was extended to him, he felt like he could breathe a little easier with the comforting ruffle of the bird nest of his hair.

What he could gloat over the Tsunayoshi of that world, was how he managed to not even let Mukuro step one foot into Vindice's hands.

At times it seemed like the two weren't that far apart either. He pushed Gokudera away from the bombs and prevented Lambo from being captured in his stead.

When he mustered the strength to look into his 'guardian's' eyes, it was quite the shock to see the faces filled with gloom change into that filled with softness after what he little he could offer to them as help.

Maybe it was his arrogance shining through, but the power to reach out and protect someone else gave him to stand on his own feet and against that which scared him. His failings haunted him, still haunts him, but when he looked at the haphazard surgery notice on Nagi's bed- it begged him to make a decision.

The one whose opinion was blatantly ignored lay powerlessly in her bed, perhaps blissfully ignorant of the fate that would befall her.

Her organs were failing, and it was of no surprise with how her doctors 'treated' her. He supposed with how resigned Nagi looked, she probably accepted the fact that her parents had donated a body for the sake of medical science, and for the bright future of someone with more promise.

It was painful how much he saw himself in her.

The blue bird found its happiness by flying into the blue skies and he still felt tempted to spread his wings for a fleeting moment of freedom. Then, who was he to stop someone from being seduced by death.

When he feverously tried to make in time to stop his mother from leaving his no good father forever, he was trying to do something that he sought for regularly. It was the epitome of hypocrisy. The consequence of her decision overturned his world and maybe… if he had beaten her to it, she would be the one who was devastated.

They only had each other.

They only had each other.

Nagi and he were currently on the same boat. If one said their goodbyes, there would be no one to say their farewells to. He knew her from another world, but if he himself were strangers in the way they acted, then he really didn't know her.

Nagi opened her bleary eyes to see Tsuna's conflicted expression and struggled to get up to face him properly to listen to what he had to say.

"…Good morning, Nagi-chan.

…

Say, have you ever wanted to die?

…Well, I did. I still do.

I tried many times.

Many, many times.

Yet, like a bad joke, I'm still here… breathing."

His voice became detached as he recounted what he wrote in his diary entries, telling each gruesome tale and its aftermath to the lass who listened to him like he was telling her bedtime stories.

"It was quite the long story, wasn't it? But it was my life in a nutshell.

Are you wondering why I told you all that?

It was because… I hoped that it wouldn't make us strangers anymore."

'And perhaps make you hesitate when you think about who you're leaving behind.'

"Nagi-chan. They've put up a surgery chart for you. They're planning on doing a surgery to remove your organs. From then on, it would just be a countdown to your last breath."

His words was quite clinical in delivering the message, almost like he was one of the medical staff in this hospital. He looked at her with bated breath, hope and misery in his expression.

Her silence and lack of surprise was her answer. It was sheer nonchalance befitting a person with little or no ties to the world.

He didn't know what he was expecting. He would have reacted the same if he was in her position.

Yet, when death came for those who were close to him, and to the other him, it was a punch in the gut. If there was a threat of loss, pain, discomfort for them, it immediately made him stand on pin needles, itching to come to action.

Maybe it was selfish.

He was just, so, so, selfish.

He blinked away tear filled eyes as he stared into her, maybe seeing someone else in her and asked with a warbling voice.

"Why? Why can you accept this so calmly?

You… You're going to die.

You'll be dying without proving anything, without leaving anything behind and without anyone to remember you by.

You'll be dying without any reason to leave a smile behind, without any peace and with unfulfilled desires and dreams."

With that, tears rolled down his cheek as his fists powerlessly tried to grip into themselves to prevent everything from overflowing.

It wasn't fair that he was asking this from her. When his mother deemed that he wasn't enough to stay behind for. She could have screeched at his deceit and bruised him black and blue and that would have been so much better. He couldn't ask her to stay behind for him, when he himself would be tempted by the same deal.

"…I want to dream for an eternity in those meadows.

I… always see a person waiting for me over there." Her rasping voice struggled out a response to comfort him. She reached out her trembling hands to reach for his face, which he acquiesced by coming closer. Wiping away at his tear trials, she told him.

"I don't want your help. Because… I'll have to live on without this kindness when I'm awake then."

Did that mean she had been meeting up with Mukuro? Would it be alright if he trusted that pineapple head to support her? When Reborn wasn't his tutor and he couldn't know how much he could trust the 'plot'? Didn't he play his hand in warping the other's supposed future by quite a bit?

But what hurt, was that she was right. The way he could help her would leave her with a similar wound as his mother had left him. If they were just that much alike, then if she found very little to awake to this beautiful world…

Did people need a purpose, an anchor to live on? And what hurt more, was the confirmation that it was hard for him to look back and see that he had to stay to watch what he had thrive and grow into something beautiful- because he was scared that it was all a delusion conjured up by his lonesome mind. Seeing bonds where it never existed. Or perhaps, the illusion would shatter with the ravages of time.

That night sleep came surprisingly easy for him leaving him with an invitation to the wide meadows Nagi talked about. There with a surprisingly friendly wave, Mukuro stood awaiting him.

"Nagi had quite the trysts. Meeting with you in the morning and me in the night.

Unfortunately for you, it looks like she prefers me over you. Would you like a shoulder to cry on? I'll take a photo for commemoration."

Tsuna looked at the other like a pigeon shot with a peashooter. Feeling a little lopsided by the other's easy going demeanor, he immediately tried to get the other to speed with the seriousness of the situation.

"Mukuro, it's no time to joke around-"

"Whenever I see you Tsunayoshi-kun, it's like you're perpetually stuck in a rush hour. I've already heard of Nagi's situation from her."

"You… you know what's going to happen and yet you're still-"

"Do you want me to be her knight in shining armor? You're going to be sorely disappointed then."

Tsuna flinched in disbelief at the callous dismissal.

"Then why did you meet me here? I thought it was for her sake."

"I don't know why you're so invested in her, despite not knowing her for long. Do you pity her? I never knew you were so chivalrous.

I don't think you have the luxury to spare her the concern though. Your situation isn't that much better."

Ignoring Mukuro reach out for something from his clothes, Tsuna looked at the other with growing hysteria.

"You… How could you? Nagi looks forward to talking to you every night. But you-"

"I think you should know this best, Tsunayoshi-kun. Not all love is requited."

"Stop making this about me. Nagi is the one who needs you the most now. I can't help her."

At the anguish bleeding out from his voice, Mukuro raised an eyebrow and told him flatly.

"Ever the bleeding heart, aren't you? Or perhaps it's because you're ignorant to your current situation. Rather than Nagi dying, it's you who are in danger."

"…Do you have a way to prevent her surgery? Are you infiltrating this place?"

"You're not going to let this drop, are you? I'm not coming there. Your place has many eyes. It looks like you're quite popular. Nagi's body is failing her. It won't make a difference whether she gets that surgery or not.

You've told her quite the sob story. Maybe it was you who wanted her pity."

"…Were you eavesdropping?"

"Well, it's not my fault that my dearest Nagi wants my company at all times."

"If you know how much she cares about you, then how can you be so calm? She's dying."

"Well, I've grown quite fond of her. I don't mind if she bites the dust. A corpse doesn't outlive its usefulness with what I've found."

Seeing Tsuna go silent, Mukuro continued, moving to his agenda.

"The person in the center of the storm is the one most unaffected. Quite befitting, really. It puts a damper in my spirits for taking part, though.

I would worry about my life if I were you, Tsunayoshi-kun. This hospital is a death sentence in your case and looks like someone pulled some strings to get you in here.

I frankly just want to get you out of here before you pull in more people with your misfortune. Honestly, hearing your story second hand was ridiculous enough."

"…I have something to ask you."

"Do continue. It's not like you've been interrupting me this entire time."

"Will you extend your hand to Nagi when her organs are removed and become her savior?"

"Well, well. It looks like you're not wholly ignorant. Where did you get this information from?"

"I understand that it's easier for you to manipulate her, given that you don't trust people easily. But, she's already lost so much. I don't doubt that she'll be willing to lose more to be by your side. But I wish, you'd reward her efforts to be acknowledged by you.

Mukuro. You don't have to trust me. I know how little you can because I'm mafia. But Nagi. Only Nagi. You can trust her. There's no one else she'd do this for. Please, Mukuro."

"Oya? You're saying this like I'm the one who got her into this state. I'm the one who can do something for her and I'd do so, wouldn't I?

You had the 'better' solution, didn't you? You offered and she rejected. So respect her wishes and let it be. You tried and you failed. Anymore and it's not her that you're 'helping'"

"That's why I wanted to ask you, Mukuro. Convince her."

"…I don't see how this is much better. It's now you who's manipulating her, isn't it?

If you've got a death wish, I don't think it's nice that you're trying to get Nagi-chan involved in it."

"But Mukuro. It's a good deal for you, isn't it? You'll now have a body that you can use to gain insider access to the Vongola- as the heir to boot."

"You don't understand, Tsunayoshi-kun. It's not going to end with your death. Plus you won't get that satisfaction with yourself by playing the martyr. Not by running away from all your decisions.

I've heard that you've got the reputation for being the coward. You certainly live up to it.

Why don't you suffer a bit, Tsunayoshi-kun?

…Because… there are people who would suffer for you."

With that, the brunette stilled. Mukuro huffed a sigh, figuring that this was as far as he'd get within that night.

The next days, Tsuna woke up to see the calender days slowly shift towards the d-day with how sunken Nagi's pallour was becoming. Maybe Mukuro thought of this method as the way to protect her, but it was harder for the brunette to sit and watch her reach rock bottom to begin her climb up.

If it was that someone else was to suffer for his sake, then he wished he could get stronger to protect them and himself. What happened until now- it was more than enough. It was exhausting, and the fact that some might see the struggle as something worth it for his sake… it wasn't something he could sit by and take in. He didn't want it to be an equivalent exchange. If he could only bond with someone if they had the same pain as he did, then he'd rather not have that.

Just then, he looked upward to see a man donned in a white suit and a checker faced mask wait patiently for his thoughts to gather. Seeing the brunette's look of suspicion, the man took off his hat and did a little bow in greeting before introducing himself.

"I'd like to introduce myself. I go by the alias of Checkerface. I've come to you to make a little proposal. I'm sure it would interest you."

Seeing inquisitive eyes, Checkerface continued,

"Would you like power? Enough to protect anything and everything dear to you so that you would never face the kind of loss that you've had?

In the first place, I would only be returning this power to you for a cooperation in something that has been troubling me for many millenia. I've always had a temporary fix, a bodge you can say. But lately, because of some unfair play, I've found a more permanent solution. It involves your cooperation of course.

Think about it. If you had power, then Byakuran wouldn't have been able to make that threat against your mother in the first place. You wouldn't have been put in a tight spot to garner worry from your friends from your risky sacrifices. You wouldn't have to need to beg for someone's uncertain feelings to save someone else. You wouldn't need to suffer or make someone else suffer because of you."

"…What do you want from me?"

"It's pretty simple. You see, my role was to select the next Arcobaleno while disposing of the first. I think you've been briefed on their existence from another you, so I'll cut the explanations. The previous candidates weren't happy with the results of the latest trials. It was originally a headache, but it had lead to a favourable outcome, despite the power vacuum it initially left. Now, because of the continuous cycles, there was a feedback loop that made you the best candidate…

…perhaps, even the next Sepira.

The trinisette has to be maintained for the sake of the world. Would you accept this offer?"

"Yes."

"Not a moment's hesitation, I see.

…I'm truly sorry that it always comes to this.

It's no consolation, but, feel free to come to the antique store in Namimori. I can always brew some good tea for you. I go by the name, Kawahira there."

Saying that, the man took out a contract and pointed at the signature space which seemed worn out from reuse. When Tsuna took the offered quill, there was a sense of deja-vu when his hand hovered over the spot.

With his sign, he could see black flames sparking around him- the flames of the night.

"It was originally a beautiful gold. But they wouldn't let the dead rest in peace. But the silver lining was that these flames can be used to prevent the need for the next Arcobaleno trial. There is no one other than you who can keep this balance, since the previous arcobalenos all rebelled against the aftermath of the succession. I think the number of retries would end soon. Or it may never.

Either way, your decision has never changed and I… don't have much of a need for the mask anymore. I've been unshackled from my role and for that… I'm truly grateful for your existence. You may never be able to comprehend it to its fullest extent.

Do you have any last wishes? If you have a bucket list of things you want to try, I'd suggest that you hop to it. You have until 20 before your existence becomes one for the trinisette. After all, your origins are human and with that comes the limits of the vessel containing this human power."

"I'll make the most of it."

"Sometimes I wish you'd complain."

"I'm kind of used to it now. Besides, you've made me a literal hero. That's my childhood wish.

If you insist, then how about you rent the store for more people.

I… was always a bit envious of the other me in my dreams. He could become a role model for the ones around him. If Reborn used the dying will bullet on me… I'm not sure if I'd do the same. It's the calmest I've felt in a while now, like I've come back to myself.

I want to know more about what I've been told from Mukuro. I've always been Dame-Tsuna, but despite that, if there are people who worried about me like I worried about them… then I want to see what I can do for them. It's a gut feeling, but the me of this world is not supposed to get the good ending, right?"

"Your purpose was solved long time ago. But they couldn't accept that. And that's why it turned into this. If you want to know more, you might want to ask them yourself. Whether they accept your decision or not… is debatable."

"I've… let them see the more pathetic side of me for far too long. I've even asked the impossible from them and made unreasonable requests."

"Please give us one last chance."

"My bad luck… is going to continue, isn't it?"

"…"

"Then, the price for the strength to handle it in the future is well paid. Especially if it's going to be intertwined with theirs."