House: Slytherin
Category: Drabble
Prompt: Gilderoy Lockhart/Severus Snape [Pairing]
Word Count (excluding A/N): 435
A/N: Shout out to The fanster, Carolare Scarletus, and Andromeda of Orthy! You guys are awesome!
Summary: It's Valentine's day, and Lockhart knows Snape is in denial.
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Snape grabbed Lockhart's arm and dragged the man into an abandoned classroom. "For the last time!" Snape shouted. "I'm not in love with you!"
Lockhart chuckled. "Then why'd you drag me into an empty classroom? You can't deny it, Severus."
"I— I—" Snape sputtered. "Of course I can deny it!"
"Oh Severus, there's no need to pretend. I know you've had a crush on me for years. A little birdie told me!"
"Who," Snape growled. "I'll murder them in their sleep—"
"So you admit it!" Lockhart interrupted, beaming. "I'm glad. After all, it is 1992."
"I. Am. Not. Homosexual."
"Severus, be a role model for the students. Show them how to escape the closet!"
"I quite like my closet," Snape snapped. "There aren't buffoons like you there!"
But Lockhart ignored him completely. "Speaking of closets, your fashion sense is atrocious. Goth is so last century."
Snape's eye twitched.
"Look at this." From somewhere in his robes, Lockhart produced a magazine and, after flipping it open, pointed from one scantily clad male model to the next. "Pink robes and fluffy cuffs are all the rage right now!"
The tendon in Snape's neck bulged; however, before he had a chance to respond, a dwarf appeared. "I've a delivery for Professor Lockhart," it announced, pulling a scrap of paper from its baby cupid costume. It then recited:
To my lovely Lockhart:
Your body's first class,
Your eyes are bright glass.
Your hair is spun gold,
I'd swear you're not old!
'Cause you've still got that sass,
And that very fine—
"SILENCIO!" Snape bellowed.
Lockhart shook his head. "Severus, Severus, why do you deny your passion? This is obviously your work."
"It is not!" Snape shouted. "That is not my handwriting. It's probably one of those lovelorn Gryffindor girls— in fact, it belongs to—" He snatched the paper from the dwarf, squinted at it, then froze. "Draco Malfoy?"
. . . . . . . . . .
From beneath the Invisibility Cloak, Harry and Ron watched a murderous gleam come to Snape's eye. The Potions Master stormed out of the room, and after a few moments, Lockhart ran after him, shouting, "Severus! Don't try to escape your feelings!"
Harry and Ron looked at one another, both straining not to laugh until after their professors were out of earshot. But then Harry, in an uncanny imitation of Snape, grimaced and mouthed, "Draco Malfoy?" and the two boys burst out laughing.
When their laughter died down, Harry gasped, "That was brilliant, mate, bloody brilliant."
"And you're a genius!" Ron punched Harry in the arm. "Finding that Forgery charm? Malfoy's not going to know what hit him!"