Yumi and Sakuya have moments of self-reflection the day before the latter's birthday.
Over a month had passed since Yumi first began training. She'd already made great strides in improving both her abilities and her deck, constructing an effective Side Deck with consideration to who she would likely be facing come December. In addition to playing against progressively harder versions of different popular and formidable decks, much of the time spent at practice now involved research into who the likely contenders for the last few spots would be following the fourth quarter Prefectural Championship.
Today, however, none of that was of any concern to Yumi. This chilly October afternoon was one of the few she was allowed off anymore. Content to simply enjoy the weather in her long sleeve winter uniform, she wandered Chiba as she often did to see who was about. Unfortunately, everyone else had something occupying their time.
There was at least one person in town who she could still go see, though. Walking into the lavish On Air Club, Yumi quickly found herself a seat at the bar near the stage. The rough-looking bartender clicked his tongue at her. "Sorry, only adults up here."
"It's okay," came a voice from behind. "She's a friend, so it's alright if she sits up there." Koichi the doorman leaned down to be level with Yumi. "Just don't try to sneak anything you're not supposed to. We could get in a lot of trouble if you did that."
"Just orange juice," she said cheerily.
"It's nice you came back," he said, the bartender handing him a glass of water. "You're alone today?"
"Sakuya's away at school," Yumi told him, slumping down on the bar.
"That's rough. Well, when she gets back, you're both welcome to come visit again. The next show starts soon, so enjoy." He left to man the entrance, leaving Yumi to sip her drink in silence as she waited for the curtains to part on stage.
Once they did, Megumi walked out and noticed Yumi almost immediately. She sent a wink in her direction before proceeding with the show as normal. Her vocals were just as impeccable as ever, time standing still as every eye in the room fell to her performance backed by the band's masterful sound.
Yumi managed to suck down four glasses of juice during the show, lovingly watching Megumi do what she loved. Once things finally concluded, the singer returned backstage, emerging through the kitchen to sit next to her at the bar. "Megumi!" she cheered in a half-hearted, slurred fashion.
Looking to the bartender, he simply shrugged. "Have you been drinking too much juice?" she asked, petting Yumi on the head.
"Yeah," she admitted outright, leaning into Megumi's hand. "It tastes good." For someone who had rarely seen anyone around her drink alcohol, Yumi was doing a remarkably good job (by child standards) of pretending to be intoxicated.
"Sakuya's not with you today?" she asked.
"No," Yumi replied while struggling to drink from a straw with her face laying against the bar. "She's at school and won't come home until December."
"I'm sorry," she said, patting Yumi's shoulder. "How has school been for you?"
"Hard." Yumi began to groan. "I can't focus most of the time and English sucks. And after that I go to train for the next tournament which is super hard. Most of my friends are busy with stuff now so we can't hang out even when I don't have stuff to do." She picked up her glass and drank the rest of it in a single gulp. "I miss Sakuya," she said.
"It sounds like you're having a pretty rough time," she said, sad she couldn't do more to make the girl feel better.
"It's her birthday tomorrow," Yumi sighed. "There's no one there who cares about it. I wish I could go see her. All I can do is call her. I don't even know what to get her since she won't tell me what she wants."
"I'm sure calling her is exactly what she'd want," Megumi said to try and reassure her.
"That's a bad gift," she replied with a pout. Her expression dropped further, the added stress of her packed schedule only making all of this feel worse. "I'm always so happy when we spend time together. I just want to do something for her that makes her feel that way, too."
It was starting to become clear this was a lot more than just missing a friend or not knowing what kind of gift to buy. Megumi patted her on the head and asked, "Yumi, how do you feel about Sakuya? I mean deep down in your heart."
The question confused her for a second, though she quickly understood after giving it some thought. He normal response of self-deprecating denial wouldn't fly here, and whether it was the juice or the need to confess to someone taking over, she decided to be honest about things.
"I guess..." she began, swallowing hard as her heart beat faster. "Whenever I'm with her, I just feel happy. She's so strong and confident and it makes me want to do better. Just better all over so that I can feel like we're finally even. And maybe when we're even like that, she might..."
"It's okay. Go on." She smiled reassuringly and nodded.
"I...I want to make her happy. Like how she makes me happy. And I want to be with her and hug her and not let go. And I want her to support me while I become a pro duelist, and I want to support her while she becomes a writer, and whenever we get sad or tired we can still be okay because we have each other and nothing else matters." She pulled her goggles down over her eyes and pulled at her hair. "I know that doesn't make sense. I don't know how else to say it, though."
"I understand," Megumi said. "Have you told her any of this?"
"No," she said shortly. "It doesn't matter. Why would she want any of that with me? She's smarter, prettier, more talented, and...better than me. I don't have anything for her."
"I don't think Sakuya would agree with that," Megumi told her. "I certainly don't. I don't know where all of this is coming from, but you shouldn't put yourself down like that."
"It's true," she said, a few tears escaping the corners of her eyes as years worth of repressed inadequacy mixed with anxiety to tear her apart from the inside out. "I'm was nobody before and now I'm just lucky. No matter how hard I work, there's always a huge gap between me and everyone else. And the biggest gap of all is..." Yumi took a deep breath, holding it in like Suzy had told her before letting it out.
"I can't live up to what my parents have done. I can't catch up to Sakuya. I can't handle being a pro duelist. I'm not good enough. Everyone has told me that forever and I just never wanted to listen, but they were right. And I...I...I..."
As she started to hyperventilate, Megumi pulled her towards herself and rubbed her back. "It's okay. Come with me." She led Yumi into the backstage area and into her dressing room to allow her to have her anxiety attack in private. It took her several minutes to calm down even a bit, after which all she could do was cry into Megumi's lap while she stroked her hair.
"I'm sorry," she said after recovering enough to speak.
"You don't have to apologize for anything," Megumi told her. "It's okay. I know it's hard. Just let it out, it's okay."
Crying herself out, Yumi pulled herself off Megumi and took a proper seat next to her on the leather couch they were situated on. Taking a small towel she was handed, she wiped her face and apologized again. "Sorry. It was...a lot of stuff."
"Do you feel better?" she asked.
"I don't know." Yumi shrugged, sniffling a bit and still blotting at her eyes. "Kind of tired. A little like I'm empty inside. Hungry." She paused. "I still miss Sakuya."
"You were holding a lot inside." Yumi nodded. "It's not good to let it get like that. I know you can talk to me if you want to and I'm sure your friends would listen, too. You don't have to do it alone."
"Other pros can. I just need to be better. Other people don't need to hear me complain."
She tapped her on the head with her index and middle fingers. "Yumi, that's nonsense. I was a professional duelist for five years and I can tell you that none of us get where we are just by ourselves. So many people help us to do what we do. Don't feel ashamed about asking for help. It's natural. We all need help sometimes."
That made sense when she actually gave it some thought. Thinking on it, she could almost remember her parents having several people to help them, too. "I'm not a failure?" she asked, wringing her hands and letting out the last few tears left in her eyes.
"Of course not. You're young. You have an entire lifetime ahead of you. And from where I'm standing, you've already done some amazing things." Hearing this, Yumi reached out and pulled Megumi in for as tight a hug as she could produce. For the first time in what seemed like ages, she didn't feel like she was being left behind.
Reaching inside a miniature refrigerator, Megumi took out a bottle of water and unscrewed the cap. Handing it to Yumi, she added, "I still think you should tell Sakuya how you feel, by the way. You would probably feel a lot less stressed about it if you did."
Taking a sip, Yumi shook her head. "It's a waste of time. I don't want to ruin things the way they are. I don't even know if she...would like..."
Megumi had to stop herself from laughing, thinking back to the immediate waves of gay energy Sakuya was letting off when they first met. Regardless, she could understand the dilemma Yumi was faced with. "That's a hard situation to be in. You'll never know unless you ask or it's too late, though, and waiting like this just means it will eventually be too late."
"I know," she said, the plastic bottle crinkling as she squeezed it in her hands. "I'm just...I'm scared. What if she hates me? She's never said anything bad about the way I am, but maybe it's different when it's at her. I don't want to ruin things."
Megumi thought of how to proceed. After several silent moments of deliberation, she decided that Yumi's vulnerability warranted some of her own. "Can I tell you a story?"
"I guess," she replied, confusion evident in her voice.
Nodding, Megumi took a deep breath. "Well, when I was younger...younger than you, but only by a little. So not so young, but still younger than I am now." She wasn't doing a good job of hiding her own anxiety, rambling on as she tried to quickly decide how she was going to approach this. "Like I was saying, when I was younger, there was a point in my life where most people...well, thought I was a boy."
"That happened to me once," Yumi said with a small laugh. "People tell me I dress like a boy most of the time."
Megumi smiled. "It was a bit more than just that for me. It wasn't one reason. Everyone thought that, even my family and my friends. I even thought I was for a while." She could tell this was beginning to get confusing. "Well, it was like that for a while, but eventually I couldn't stand people thinking I was a boy any longer and I just had to tell them they were wrong. That I was a girl."
That made the whole thing click for her. "Oh, wait, I know what you mean." Yumi nodded. "I get what you're talking about."
"Really?" she asked.
"Yeah. Gender stuff. Some of my friends are like that. People thought they were one thing at first but they were really another. It's the same with you, right?"
Megumi let out a long sigh and laughed. "Yes, that's right. This is much easier now." Leaning back into the couch, she continued. "My point is that, when I finally started to tell people, not everyone was happy about it. And I think that's a lot like what you're afraid of with Sakuya, right?"
Yumi nodded. "I'm worried she won't be happy about it, yeah."
"And I know how that can be. It's awful when people can't accept you. But I'm telling you that it's worth it in a situation like this." She patted Yumi's head. "If she cares about you, even if she doesn't feel the same, then she won't hate you. I can promise you that much."
She left Yumi with some final words of wisdom. "It's okay to be scared. You can decide whether or not you want to tell her. It's not the right choice for everyone so you don't have to if you don't want to, but I think you'd feel a lot better if you weren't holding all of this inside and keeping it a secret." Giving her one last hug, she stood up. "I have to get ready for the next set now. You can stay as long as you want. We can talk again after it's over."
"I might just go home. Whenever something like that happens, I get really tired and just want to sleep."
"That's okay. Would you like my phone number? If you need to talk about anything, you can contact me even when I'm not working." Yumi nodded, exchanging numbers and thanking her one last time for letting her vent out her anguish. She stayed for one last set before paying for her drinks and leaving, waving to Koichi as she walked out the door like nothing had happened.
Finally making it home, Yumi stumbled through the house and into her room, barely staying awake long enough to tell her grandmother she was going to sleep for a while and not to make food for her.
"Bleary-Eyes Jackal Dragon, direct attack!" Sakuya's monster made short work of her opponent, an upperclassman with a reputation for breaking down any opponent's strategy in order to win. Obviously, her plan hadn't been as foolproof as she thought what with the 0 Life Points currently displayed beside her.
This seemed to be a bit of a soar spot for the girl, skulking away from the field and grumbling about plans and equations. Sakuya couldn't help but second guess her actions after that, wondering if she'd beaten her a little too decisively or accidentally slipped into her old persona at some point. Surely she wasn't just salty about a loss.
Still, Yumi had been telling her to make friends recently. Apparently she was worried she was "too isolated" out there all by herself with no one besides her to talk to. While she didn't see it as a problem, it did seem like it could potentially maybe be somewhat pleasant to interact with others from time to time.
Catching up to the girl, she said, "You were too focused on stopping my Extra Deck. Even without it, my cards are still strong enough to overcome the monsters you used against them." Her opponent grunted in...not so much acknowledgment as disdainful agreement, seemingly having realized that herself at some point in the middle of their duel.
A friend was anything but acquired here, though, as this introduction did little to make the two friendly to one another. Sakuya could only sigh as she was left behind, making her way out of the building and back to her dorm now that classes had ended for the day.
To her surprise, her roommate was still there. She normally didn't return until long after curfew, so seeing her here in the middle of the day was a bit unusual. Had someone died? Was she packing her things to begin a new life as a traveling musician?
She failed to acknowledge Sakuya as she entered the room, setting her bag down and pulling the chair out from the desk next to her bed to begin on some homework. On the opposite side of the room, Eriko was apparently preoccupied with something on her computer, checking back and forth between the screen and a few cards resting on her chest as she laid in bed.
After several minutes worth of silence, she suddenly yelled out, "Hot damn!" Sakuya nearly jumped from her chair, Eriko slamming her laptop closed and grabbing the cards off herself. "Don't touch my stuff or I'll throw you out that window," she said while sprinting for the door, having already bolted from the room before any response could be given.
Sakuya was left dumbfounded by what could have made her do all of that, leading to further confusion as to why she always seemed to be in a perpetual state of panic whenever they did cross paths. More importantly, though, she was a bit insulted by the implication she'd even want to touch any of her things. What did she even own that was worth her interest?
She endeavored to find out as she began snooping around the room. In truth, she wasn't too concerned with what might actually be hidden there as opposed to simply doing the opposite of what she'd been commanded to do.
Nothing of any real interest was even there. The usual things – clothes, makeup, hygiene products, etc. – were all as they should be. Outside of a few odd photographs of Eriko with an older man in a white lab coat (maybe her father?) in some kind of mechanical area, nothing out of the ordinary presented itself.
That is, until she noticed her bed. Specifically, what she noticed was a piece of paper just barely sticking out from under the mattress. Giving it a tug, it threatened to rip off in her fingers. Though a small voice in her head told her she was getting close to crossing a line, Sakuya continued on.
Reaching under the mattress, she pulled it out at the source. The crumpled thing she held in her hands filled her with a mixture of dread and curiosity. Swallowing hard, she had to decide what to do with the information that her roommate was hiding dirty magazines in their dorm.
Something like this was absolutely forbidden on school grounds. If anyone found out about it, it could get both of them expelled. Though she had no great loyalty or affection to Togami, a free ride was a free ride, so anything jeopardizing her family's financial security and her education was bad news.
On the other hand, who was this hurting? Certainly not the girl on the cover who was...a bit..."happy" seemed like an appropriate though not entirely forceful enough descriptor. And if Eriko wanted to enjoy looking at this girl and the many more that were certainly featured on these pages, what right did she have to snitch on her to school authorities?
After some tense deliberation, Sakuya came to a bold decision. Sitting down at her desk, she moved her schoolwork to the side and laid the magazine in front of her. Heart pounding, she opened the cover to begin her research.
She couldn't just turn her in right away, she thought to herself. No, she had to see what, exactly, was in this magazine. If it was something truly depraved she'd have no qualms about contacting someone about it, but how could she make that call without even knowing what was inside first?
Whatever this was doing to her, she couldn't really be sure. Sakuya lacked the vocabulary to fully express how all of these beautiful, beautiful, naked women were affecting her, but it didn't seem to be negative.
Oddly enough, this fact only made her more confused and even a bit angry. She was a day away from 13 years old, so of course she knew about how people liked to look at each other naked and all that. That just never occurred to her that she might want to do that until this moment, and for some reason that was irritating.
Most of all it was fear. The fear of being caught, either by Eriko, the school, or someone else she knew, the fear of these emotions she didn't understand very well, and the fear that maybe the fact this was filled with almost entirely girls meant something was wrong with her.
Obviously, there were plenty of gay people out there. She knew several, including her best friend. But for some reason she'd never thought she could be one of them. Sure, there were those times over the summer when she thought that maybe Kyoko had a point with what she was saying about her and Yumi, but she'd come to realize that couldn't be true.
Right? She was attracted to boys – a few of them, at least – so she couldn't have feelings for a girl. Everyone had to pick at some point, or at least that's what she thought. For most people that seemed to be a rather simple task, so why did she feel so strange all of a sudden? Furthermore, why was it this ridiculous magazine making her feel this way?
In the end, all she managed to decide was that this magazine deserved "further consideration" as she returned it to its hiding place.
"Happy birthday!" Yumi shouted into the phone the following night.
"Thank you," Sakuya replied. "You didn't pick up last night. Are you okay?"
"Just kind of tired," she said. "I've been working hard at school and training and I don't think I've been sleeping enough lately."
"That's not good. You need to take care of yourself. Don't make me yell at you."
"I'm doing my best," she whined. "Besides, you shouldn't be worrying about me right now. It's your birthday, so it's all about you."
Sakuya scoffed. "I've never even cared for it, so it's not a big deal."
"It's a huge deal! You were born on this day."
"Yes, that is how birth works," she said dryly.
"So it's worth celebrating! If you weren't born I'd never meet you. My life would suck if that happened. Or didn't happen, I guess."
"Come on," she said. Though no one could see her at the moment, she still instinctively tried to hide the fact she was blushing. "You'd have a fine life without me. There's no need to exaggerate."
"Nope, it would suck," Yumi stated confidently. "You training me is the whole reason I got to be where I am now, which helped my family have money again. And I made a ton of great friends because of you, since you knew Kazuhiko and we met Hideo together and Kyoko came up to us as a group and she knows Haru and we went to meet Megumi together."
After taking a few breaths after saying all of that, she cleared her throat. "And..." Everything she'd talked about the day before came flooding back into her mind. "And, well..." Her hands shook a bit as she tried to keep her suddenly dried tongue from sticking to the inside of her mouth. "Most of all, I'm just happy I met you."
She cleared her throat again and gave a small laugh out of instinct, continuing despite her fear. "You're my best friend. I don't know how it happened, but I've never met anyone like you before. I'm just...happy around you."
Pulling back a bit, she ended her attempted confession with, "So, yeah, I'm really glad I met you."
Sakuya remained silent for several seconds, finally replying with, "I feel the same way," in a slightly shaky voice. "I...I don't think I've ever really had friends before, but now I have...a few. And that wouldn't have happened without you."
Instinctively, she picked up a pencil and started to spin it to help herself think more clearly. "I'm...well, thank you for being my friend. Especially when I didn't make it very easy to do that. You didn't have to but you did, anyway."
"Of course I did," Yumi said, almost confused by the idea she wouldn't. "I wanted to be your friend pretty much since the first time I saw you. You were so cool and strong. Even when you were being mean, I thought you were just playing a character. And I guess I was kind of right about that."
She chuckled nervously. "Sorry."
"You were the only person who really believed in my dream," she continued. "Everyone else just thought of it as one of those things people say when they're young, like being an athlete or an astronaut or something. But you didn't laugh at me or just, like, nod and pretend to agree."
"I still believe," she said. "I know you'll be the World Champion if you keep at it like this. You'll be even better than me in no time."
"I don't know about that," she laughed. "You're still so good." Yumi sighed and rolled onto her side, staring aimlessly at a dirty sock on the floor nearby. "Talking to you like this is one of the only times I feel normal anymore."
"What do you mean by that?" she asked, concern evident in her voice.
"Nothing," she said. "It's just nice. I'm always busy now and tired. So talking to you is...it's one time I'm not being expected to do anything or pass a test or put on a show. I can just be who I am."
"Who else would I want you to be?" she asked. "Yumi is my friend, so that's the only person I want you to be." She chuckled again, nervously adding, "You know, in a way, I guess you could say you were the only person who believed in me, too."
"I am? How?"
"You believed I could be better. Even I didn't believe that." She cleared her throat, pulling at a piece of her hair while saying, "I don't know if I am now, but I know I don't want to be that other person anymore. I want to be someone who's worth being your friend."
"You already are," she said definitively. They remained silent for a bit, not entirely sure where to go from there. To break the tension, Yumi asked, "Hey, do you want me to send your present to your school or should I just keep it until you come home? I could leave it with your dad, too."
"That's fine, you can send it here. I hope you didn't get me something really extra. You shouldn't spend lots of money on me like that."
"It's the most extra!" she declared. "You're going to open it and be like, 'I can't even believe it!' since it's so great."
"That doesn't really sound like how I react to things," she said.
"Yeah, but it's so cool that you will for this. Count on it."
"If you say so. I guess I'll find out what it is when it gets here."
"I really hope you like it, though. I actually just got it today. It was hard to find something that I think you'd like since you have such specific tastes, and I'd get nervous whenever I thought I found something good because maybe you wouldn't like it and I'd have gotten it for nothing."
"I'd like anything you got me," she said truthfully. "Just knowing you wanted me to have it makes it special."
"That's quitter talk," she said. "I want something you'd like even if it wasn't from me."
"I bet it'll be that, too," she told her. "I should probably go now. My dad wanted me to call later, too, so I need to go do that."
"Okay. Happy birthday."
"Thank you. I'll text you later. Do your homework and get lots of sleep."
"I will," she said, stressing the last word to properly express her annoyance at being told when to go to bed.
For possibly the first time ever, the two actually hung up after saying they were going to the first time around. Yumi placed her phone next to her and looked up at the ceiling, thinking over everything she'd said today. It wasn't enough, obviously, but for the time being, that's where she'd leave it. What she had to say was too important for a phone call.
Maybe not today, but she would express her feelings one day. No matter how things turned out, it seemed like being honest was the best thing she could do for both of them.
Cards Used in Order of Appearance
Bleary-Eyes Jackal Dragon
WATER
Level 8
Dragon/Synchro/Effect
3000 ATK/2500 DEF
1 Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner monsters that are both Dragon-Type and Beast-Type
This card is also treated as Beast-Type while on the field or in the Graveyard. All opponent's monsters with a lower Level/Rank than this card lose ATK and DEF equal to their Level/Rank x 100. Once per turn, when this card inflicts battle damage to your opponent: Draw 1 card, and if it is a monster, you can reveal it; this card can make a second attack during this Battle Phase.
Another intense chapter where you can watch children be upset. It'll start looking up after this, though.
I like having the opportunity to work some realistic preparation into Yumi's training. It's the kind of stuff actual high level players do in real life for all sorts of stuff, plus it reminds me of Team Unicorn and how they deserved to win that duel for actually being prepared and working as a team.
I guess the last couple chapters have been somewhat of a commentary on how society forces kids to overachieve in everything they do in ways that deteriorate their physical and mental health and make it almost impossible to enjoy the things they were passionate about to begin with. Yumi's had a particularly negative reaction to all of this since she's mostly avoided that kind of thing up until this point by being mostly average to the point of being passed over, kind of oblivious to the expectations of society, and having a guardian who doesn't try to push her to do things she's not comfortable with. It's started hitting her all at once now and she never learned how to cope with any of it before.
I've been waiting for a chance to have Megumi show up again. I think it's kind of a wish fulfillment for myself to give these kids an older queer role model to help them out, so I'm disappointed in myself for not having her come back before now. Hopefully she gets to duel at least once or twice more, too, since I had a whole thing going where she'd progressively integrate different types of jazz instrument cards into her deck (hence why the ones she used before were all brass), but I'm not sure if that'll ever come to fruition. Still plenty of time to change trajectory, though, so we'll see what happens.
Pretty sure a lot of people can relate to Sakuya's struggle here. Even in an environment that's accepting and supportive, she still feels like she has to choose and it's really hurting her. She's aware enough to know her thoughts don't always match her actions, too, but she'll try and justify it however she can to try and feel like she's in control of herself. Change is scary.
That's all I have for now. Maybe one day you'll get to find out what Sakuya's present is or the contents of Yumi's Side Deck. Thanks for reading. Always remember to stash your porn more securely.