If there was one thing Dean was reluctant to admit it would be that John Winchester was a difficult person. Even more difficult when he happened to be your father. He was hard on Dean and his little brother, Sam.

Sam was also difficult. He didn't like following the rules and that left Dean to look after him so he wouldn't get himself in trouble or hurt. That's what big brothers do after all. They protect their little siblings.

In their situation, however, Dean's protectiveness multiplied by twenty. Spirits and demons were something they were all too aware of, and they had to be careful. Especially when they were left alone for periods of time while their dad was on a hunt.

Taking care of a kid when you're a kid yourself can be mentally exhausting, but Dean wouldn't trade it for the world. Sam meant everything to him, no matter how much he would complain about having to be his main caregiver, which was minimal already.

His dad instilled in him that he should adapt rather than complain about a situation. In their world they had no other choice, that was all he knew. So after hours of trying to get Sam to bed and finally being able to sleep himself, he couldn't bring himself to complain when he crawled into bed with him and said he was scared.

Dean would pull his brother in and Sam would fall asleep instantly. Even then he had to admit how cute his brother could be. Cute wouldn't get him by all that much with the stuff they were destined for, but that didn't matter to Dean as he pushed Sam's long hair from his eyes and kissed his forehead.

Sam was his. There was always this connection that kept them close, and he wasn't sure if it was because they were brothers. He didn't know what it meant anyway so he didn't think about it too much. He just knew that Sam was his, even if he didn't say it out loud.

When his Sammy started to pull away it honestly broke Dean's heart. He was getting into his teen years so it was only natural that he wanted more space from his brother to make his own friends. Of course that was normal but it wasn't fair. Dean wasn't allowed to have space but Sam didn't give a damn about the rules, something he made abundantly clear.

There had been one evening their dad left them again, saying that the hunt he was leaving for needed to be done alone. He'd be back in a week, he had said. Dean was beyond disappointed. He wanted to be out their with his dad, killing those damn demons. He also didn't feel like being alone with Sam. That was probably the main reason.

Something changed between them. He couldn't tell what it was but Sam had been pulling back even more and it stung. It left things awkward around them and Dean didn't understand why. Did he mother him too much? Was he too strict? All these questions burned through his mind and he needed an answer.

In the little motel room they were staying in, Sam had locked himself in the bathroom, and had been in there for the last hour. His dietary issues aside, Dean needed answers. He made his way over to the door and was about to knock but breathy sounds from inside stopped him. He could clearly hear the little noises Sam was making. Normally, he would have walked away, because that wasn't something that should be interrupted.

But not when your little brother was moaning your name. He was frozen in his spot as Sam's breath hitched, his voice low but the sound of Dean's name clear as day.

What the hell.. Dean thought as he pressed his ear against the door. He shouldn't have been nosy but he was too curious.

"D-Dean.. fuck.." Sam gasped. Dean could hear the wet sounds of his hand moving up and down his length. He could picture it.. Sam sitting on the lid of the toilet with his eyes closed, thinking of his older brother as he jacked off. Dean's throat went dry as Sam's moans got just a tad bit louder. He was gonna come soon.

He should have already walked back to the other side of the motel room. He shouldn't he listening. But on the other hand.. Sam shouldn't have been moaning his name. They were both breaking an invisible boundary so Dean stayed put and shut his eyes, imagining his little brother's face as he came for him.

That must have been his reason for pulling away. Dean didn't know what to make of it. For whatever reason, he didn't feel disgusted or disappointed. Just deeply concerned for his little brother. But there was no way he could bring it up.

When Dean heard the lock click he mentally cursed and practically leaped onto the bed. He pretended to be watching TV but his heart was pounding. Sam sat in the chair next to the window and kept his eyes on the TV as well.

Dean couldn't look at the screen for long. He had to look at Sam and what he saw broke his heart. He looked paler and was visibly shaking, like he was about to vomit all over the place. That just made it more clear to Dean that he should not bring it up, not yet.

Whatever it was that made Sam do that, it was obviously hurting him. Dean didn't know how to make it better. He was still so confused as to why Sam was feeling that way. Was he too close? Did he come off in any way that he wanted..? fuck-

Dean tore his eyes away from his tortured looking brother and stared up at the ceiling of the grimy motel. They had to get out of that room and get some fresh air. Sam wasn't about it at first. He said he didn't feel well but Dean took a hesitant hand and ruffled through his hair.

"Come on, man. I wanna spend time with you." Those words seemed to spark something inside Sam because when he looked up at Dean, he actually looked happy. Those big green eyes. Those innocent looking things looking up at him made Dean happy too. He let his fingers trail down his neck and he could tell it affected Sam in some way. It left Dean feeling curious.

A loud honk from outside the motel brought him back down to reality. This was his little brother who was blushing because of his touch. He removed his hand and ran his fingers through his hair, facing the door.

"The pool's closing soon. We should go and, uh.. do that." After that they tried to go on about life like usual but something changed between them. Something small, too small for even Dean to notice at the time. He grew more curious as the months pass, listening as every other night Sam would be moaning for him.

A small part of Dean knew that Sam shouldn't have been doing what he was doing, and that he also shouldn't be listening to it. Yet he couldn't bring himself to bring it up. Something about his brother wanting him left him speechless.

It felt nice being wanted by the person he cared about most. The line blurred between what was right and wrong and so Dean let the feeling sit with him until he decided to play with his Sammy some more.

He'd bring girls over when their dad wasn't around and make sure Sam would see them. He'd note the tinge of jealousy in his little brother's eyes. Doing this was mean of him but Dean couldn't help it. He projected his moans when he was inside of each girl to make sure Sam could hear. If he listened closely he could hear Sam pleasuring himself, sobbing out moans against his fingers no doubt.

He'd come to the thought of his brother needing him. It didn't matter how. He told himself it wasn't wrong because at least he wasn't touching him. He never took into consideration how the game they played made everything worse for Sam.

Dean knew it was his fault when Sam announced he was leaving for college. He called for a family meeting and boldly let them know that he had to leave to start his own life, that demon hunting just wasn't for him. Dean knew it wasn't just that though. He played too much and sent Sam over the edge.

Their dad was furious. A fight ensued between the two of them and Dean felt lightheaded. As they fought Dean took his dad's pack of beers and went to his little room in the old house that one of his dad's friends was letting them use. He sat and drank and didn't stop until he saw Sam walk in and sit at the edge of his bed.

"College is going to be really good for me." Sam had said in a small voice. It annoyed drunk Dean, something that was evident as he rolled his eyes and scoffed. He didn't believe for a second that Sam was actually leaving for that, not entirely anyway.

"Whatever." Dean spat, " you're running away and you know it." He took another long sip of his beer and sat it down. His mind was fuzzy but he knew one thing for sure: he didn't want Sam to leave. He'd do anything to change his mind.

Even if it meant crossing the line he swore he'd never cross.

"I'm not running away." Sam lied through his teeth. Dean shook his head as he got up and neared his brother. Little tremors from his body were slightly noticeable and Dean could tell what he was about to do was going to be too easy.

"Sammy." Dean sighed as he trailed his fingers over his jaw. Cleanly shaven.. not like he was growing much then anyway. But Dean had to admit that he liked baby faced Sam, even in that moment where those big green eyes were staring up at him. It made his next words even more true.

"You're mine, Sammy. I don't want you anywhere else."

The little noise that came from Sam after that made Dean lick his lips, his heart beating just a little bit faster. This was already so wrong. He couldn't bring himself to stop, however. He had to admit to himself that he wanted to see just how far he could go, his curiosity ever present. It was that same curiosity that got them there. He could have stopped this long ago, but.. he simply didn't want to.

"You're drunk." Sam gasped, "Stop." The request didn't meet his eyes. Dean could tell he wanted-needed-more. Dean planned on giving him just that.

"You don't think I can hear you at night?" Dean asked as he moved his fingers over those parted lips, "Moaning my name as you touch yourself.." Dean trailed off as another moan escaped his little brother's throat. Dean liked the way he sounded a little too much, especially since he knew he was the reason for it.

"What was it, Sammy?" Dean whispered, "Were you thinking about me in between your legs, your cock in my mouth?" He vaguely wondered why he wasn't disgusted by those words. In fact, it stirred up something completely different. And when Sam let out that breathy and desperate yes, Dean couldn't hold back.

He leaned in and kissed him deeply. It took barely a second before Sam was kissing back, his hands gripping at the nape of Dean's neck. He'd be lying to himself if he said it didn't feel good to have him moaning in his mouth, especially in his drunken state. He let out a noise of his own, his hands tight against Sam's waist.

He pulled away for air and he couldn't help but notice the excitement in those green eyes and the heat already flooding to Sam's cheeks. Dean couldn't help but feel upset. This was his little brother he was making feel this way. The same kid who he'd tuck in on those nights their dad would leave them alone. This isn't right-I shouldn't be-

Dean forced those thoughts back and went to his knees, his hands planted firmly onto Sam's thighs. He looked up at Sam's surprised features and slowly trailed his hands up to his belt. One question rang through his mind and he had to know if Sam knew the answer. He guessed he already knew he would as the words slipped off his tongue.

"Who do you belong to, Sammy?" And just as he thought, Sam answered in an instant. You.. I belong to you. That was all Dean needed before he slid his pants down those long legs and down to his ankles. He took in a deep breath before taking the bulge in his hand, massaging it gently. Sam had a reaction almost instantly, something he could tell by the way he gripped at Dean's shoulders.

Dean's mind was going in a million directions, a million emotions coursing through him and he prayed it didn't show. He was beginning to sober up and it was getting harder to do what he had to do. But he knew if he stopped now, Sam would leave him. So he pushed through it all and pulled Sam's length from its confinement, holding the warm appendage in his hand. It was flushed and pulsating, leaking and ready for his touch.

"You're already so hard.." Dean couldn't help but say it out loud. They'd barely done anything but Sam was already so needy and breathless. Dean couldn't deny the heat pooling in his abdomen as his body reacted to Sam needing him. It made it easier to lean down and trace his tongue up the base of his little brother's cock.

He could feel Sam watch him as twirled his tongue over the tip. he could even feel him tense up as he wrapped his lips around it, slowly sinking down and then back up again. Sam gripped hard at his shoulders and moaned out his name, his thighs quaking and Dean braced himself, knowing full well what was coming.

"D-Dean.. I can't-" Warm, thick liquid filled his mouth and he swallowed it all. He let him ride out his orgasm until he finally pushed him off. The older brother staggered up to his feet and looked down and his flushed Sammy, and then down to his spent cock. He could still taste it in his mouth. He licked what was left off of his lips and watched as Sam put his face in his hands, apologizing like he forced him to do such a thing.

Dean leaned against the old desk and let out deep breaths. He just let his little brother come in his mouth and the worst part was he enjoyed every second of it. He drank the last bit of his beer to calm his nerves and turned back to his Sammy. He was on the brink of tears and that only proved to break his heart even more.

To hell with how I feel, Dean decided. The only person that mattered in that room was Sam. As gently as he could he removed Sam's hands and placed his own against those warm cheeks, kissing him nice and slow. He hoped Sam could feel how much he loved him through that kiss and could see how far he'd really go for him as he undressed him.

He couldn't deny how beautiful his Sammy was. He loved the feeling of his fingertips against his little brother's warm skin, how every little touch caused him to tremble and beg for more. Dean kissed over his chest and down his muscled tummy, taking in his scents and every curve. He could have stayed just like that if it wasn't for Sam's next request.

"I need you inside me.." Sam let out through heavy breaths. It made Dean pause. He felt his muscles tense at the thought. He had no idea that was what Sam wanted. He almost wasn't sure he could until he looked up and saw the panic in his little brother's eyes.

"Is that what you really want, Sam?" Dean asked softly as he trailed his fingertips down the length of his torso and then down to his inner thigh, parting them and resting his hand there. He leaned forward to Sam's ear, breathing huskily into the flushed skin.

"You want my cock inside you?" Dean asked in a whisper, "Fucking you?" He trailed his tongue over his earlobe and his Sammy gasped out a lusty and desperate yes. Dean took in a deep breath and softly kissed his forehead before sitting up.

"I want you to shut your eyes, Sam. Just relax and breathe, okay?" The youngest Winchester did as he was told and it gave Dean time to think. He couldn't believe he was about to go this far. He couldn't say much because he was curious about just how far he could go.. he guessed he finally got his answer as he went to his nightstand to get his lube.

There was no going back after that. While all the other stuff they'd done wasn't great either, that almost seemed like crossing a new line. A line that if crossed would forever alter the course of their relationship. There'd be no going back to normal, if you could even call what they had normal in the first place. However, it was still a risk Dean was willing to take as he removed his clothes and got back into bed with his baby brother.

He watched Sam's face as he pressed just one finger inside his tight entrance, so damn beautiful, Dean thought shamefully as he gently moved the single digit. Moans and curses spilled from Sam's parted lips as he eventually added the second finger, still trying to be as careful as he could.

"You're doing so good." Dean cooed as he scissored his fingers, stretching him even further. The statement had been true. Sam showed no signs of pain, just pure pleasure at the feeling of his big brother's fingers inside of him. Dean knew that wouldn't be enough as he added a third. Sam bucked his hips against those fingers and cried out broken pleas. He was stretched and ready and Dean couldn't be more turned on by that fact.

He was still unsure. There was a part of him, however little it was by that point, that hoped Sam would tell him to stop, that he didn't have to do this. He knew that wouldn't be the case, the exact opposite actually. Sam could probably see the worry in his eyes and it caused him to place his hands against Dean's cheeks. The older brother leaned into the touch and listened as his Sammy begged him not to stop.

Sam pulled him down into a desperate kiss and Dean sighed into it, gliding his tongue through those parted lips. There was no more room for doubt as he pushed inside, the tightness engulfing his length and fuck, it felt too good. He stilled himself as Sam gripped at his shoulders, letting him adjust to his size.

"Move.. Dean, please-.." His little brother begged, and that was all Dean needed. He thrusted hard and watched as Sam's eyes rolled back. His Sammy was enjoying it and that edged him on even more as he gave another violent roll of his hips. Dean knew he was hitting the right spot when Sam's nails clawed at his back.

What they were doing was sick, he knew this. He knew it but as his Sammy looked up at him with those eyes-those innocent things now clouded with lust-lust that was caused by none other than his older brother.. He didn't care. He didn't care about how wrong it was as long as Sam was right there, even like this. His walls tightened around Dean's length and he groaned at the feeling.

"God-You're so beautiful, Sammy." The words spilled out in a heavy breath as he intertwined his fingers with his. No one could ever be more beautiful than his Sammy, especially like this, with his legs wrapped around his waist, moaning his name.

Sam was going to ruin him and for the moment Dean was more than okay with that. He could be like this with him and they'd be okay, he would be okay. He could love Sam the way he loved him and they'd be happy. Together.

"Mine." Dean growled, "All mine." He latched onto Sam's neck, sucking and biting along the flushed skin. He made sure to leave his marks down to his chest. He was never one to mark others but it was different with him. Dean wanted Sam to know that he belonged to him and to him alone. My Sammy.

"I'm yours, Dean.. All yours." Sam gasped before pulling Dean down in a needy kiss. Dean kissed back with just as much passion, if not more. He tangled his fingers into the younger brother's long hair as his pace quickened, his orgasm so close but he found himself not wanting it to end. Things were better like that, with Dean inside of his Sammy, with all rational thought gone from their minds.

Holding back his climax proved to be a challenge when Sam pulled away to leave his own marks along his older brother's neck and collar bone. Dean let out a curse at the feeling. He never knew just how much he would love being marked by his Sammy. It made Dean feel good knowing he was just as possessive as he was. Made him feel like he belonged to Sam just as much as Sam belonged to him.

"Sammy-I-Damn.. I'm close, baby boy." Dean struggled out as he sat up to have more control over his movements. It was that slight change that made Sam throw his head back as he came, shooting his load between the two. The sight of his little brother's blissful face and the feel of those warm walls tightening around his cock pushed him right to the edge. Dean kissed Sam messily as he rode out his orgasm inside of him and stayed like that, even when he eventually pulled out.

The loss of the warmth around his length was made up for by Sam wrapping his arms around him and kissing him gently, rather than the wet lock of tongues that had been there before. It calmed him down and for the moment he enjoyed the after glow and the heat radiating off the beautiful body beside him.

However, as the atmosphere calmed, he sobered completely. The smell of their sex engulfed his senses and the full weight of what he did-what they did-crashed down onto him. He had to pull away when his chest tightened because it felt as though no air could fill his lungs and those damn eyes looked at him with such pain and it made it all so much worse. Sam looked like he'd done something wrong but Dean only blamed himself.

His soul purpose was to take care of his little brother, but not like this. It was never supposed to be like this.

"I'm sorry-so sorry-don't wanna lose you-.." Dean sobbed and held onto Sam like he'd just disappear any second. Maybe if he held on tight enough they could just stay in that moment forever. Sam wouldn't leave him and they'd be okay. They had to be okay.

It didn't feel like it would be though when Sam broke down right after him. Dean held in all of his cries and wrapped his arms around his little brother, trying his best to calm him down. He hadn't meant to upset him. It had been the very last thing he wanted to do.

"I'm sorry for getting upset. Please don't cry, Sammy. I love you." He loved his Sammy so much that it hurt. The love he had for him went way beyond family and Sam had to know that. Dean would do anything for him. He hoped Sam knew that, too.

After awhile Sam managed to calm down and Dean pulled the covers over their naked bodies. He held his Sammy against his chest and didn't want to ever let go. He ran his fingers through those long locks until he fell asleep and Dean finally let out his sobs that he'd been holding back.

"Don't leave me, Sam. I'd do anything to keep you here. Even.. This.. if that means you'll stay with me." Dean struggled out into the dark room. He hoped Sam wouldn't leave after what they just did. He wouldn't do that to me.

"My Sammy." He mumbled as he fell asleep, and Dean held on to that thought. There'd be no way Sam could hurt him that way. His Sammy was perfect in every way. It didn't matter how difficult he could be because Dean was difficult too. They were great together and Sam had to know that. Dean wasn't one for praying but he was sure he did it more than once that night, and that time he prayed that he would wake up next to him, that everything would be okay.

He dreamt of Sam and his innocent eyes, his hands on his body and lips on his. Sammy was his in every way and it caused a sick sort of happiness that he never knew he could feel. It was wrong and they'd surely have a special place in hell, but Dean couldn't bring himself to care. Not anymore, anyway.

The sunlight shining through the dusty old window caused him to stir awake. It took him a long moment before his vision cleared, the first thing he saw was an empty bed. He was alone. Panic filled him as he shot up and looked across the room. Beer bottles and his clothes from the night before confirmed what they had done. The empty bed proved his hopes futile.

"Damn it." Dean cursed as he struggled to put on a clean pair of boxers. Sammy, you couldn't have.. He shook his head as he opened the door and peaked out in the hallway. The house was quiet despite the low volume on the living room TV. He took in a deep breath before walking to Sam's room, his fists clenched tightly as all he could see was an empty space. This has to be a mistake.

He ran to the little kitchen and then to the living room where he could only see his father sitting on the couch with his face in his hands. The man that made them live that life, the one that fucked them up so bad it caused them to cross that unspeakable line. If it wasn't for his desire for revenge, they could have lived a normal life and they wouldn't have had to-

"Fuck!" Dean cursed as he took his frustrations out on the wall next to him. He couldn't believe he was actually blaming his father for what he did. Excuses.

"Dean? Dean!" His father's arms wrapped around him and pulled him down to the floor, holding him close to his chest, telling him that it'll be okay. That they'll be okay. John had assumed Dean was upset about Sam leaving, but he didn't know the half of it, a fact that made another sob tear through his being.

When John made his son look up at him, Dean could only guess how pathetic he looked with his tear stained cheeks and hickys down his neck.. a truly pathetic lump of flesh and he hated himself for it, especially when John's eyes trailed down his neck, counting every single mark before falling flat on his bottom with his hand on his mouth, eyes wide.

He knows.

True terror flashed over Dean's features as he waited for his father to lash out at him for his revolting actions. It's my fault Sam is gone. Dad has every right to take this out on me, he thought as he shut his eyes tight in preparation for what he imagined was going to be a heavy blow. Instead, John helped him to his feet, his expression unreadable and that probably scared Dean more.

"Go and wash up.. we'll be leaving in two hours. Found another lead on the demon west from here." John said gruffly as he walked back to his halfway packed duffel bag. The thought of leaving made a weird sort of panic take over him, his hands shaking at the image of Sammy coming back and not being able to find them.

"But what if Sam comes back-"

"He won't." John Winchester bit back harshly, not sparing a glance at his son as he zipped the bag closed, "Now go wash up, son." He added in a softer tone, but Dean could see the stress in his eyes and he knew all too well that it was his fault. I'm sorry, dad..

Dean made his way to the little bathroom at a slow pace. Nothing felt right anymore. His muscles were tense and he couldn't stop thinking vile thoughts about his baby brother, specifically the ones where he was underneath Dean, coming for him.

His stupid curiosity was what got them there, something he was sure of. It was what made him cross that line, what made him fall for his Sammy. He sort of understood what Sam had been feeling for all those years, but instead of sickness, Dean felt pure rage.

He had been right there the whole time. At any point Sam could have confessed his feelings for him and Dean would have given everything to him right then and there. But he didn't. He chose to live with the pain and the sickness.

And as Dean looked up at his reflection, he knew he'd be the one living with the pain and the anger of giving it all away for it all to be cast aside. Even as the glass of the mirror shattered around his knuckles, he knew the pain would still be there-still be present in the forefront of his mind-

Until the day he saw his Sammy again that is. Maybe even a little after.