Dean only got half way passed the corner before he slammed on the brakes and made the worst U-turn of his life, just so he could get to Sam. He was hurt and wasn't thinking straight. He wanted to tell Sam off, tell him all the things that he'd been keeping inside. For some reason he wanted his little brother to hurt, a reason he soon forgot when all he could hear were his Sammy's screams.
There was so much fire. Sam was just looking up at it instead of running, why wasn't he-
"Oh.. oh god.." For a moment he was in his dad head, looking through his eyes, up at his mom burning and bleeding against the ceiling. The moment lasted only second before he scooped Sammy up in his arms, pulling him away from the inferno. Sam fought against his hold, trying to reach for her, but it was too late, she was gone. His body fell limp at some point down the stairs, his legs barely working. Dean supported him all the way to the Impala, setting him down gently, one hand holding on to Sammy while the other worked to call 911.
It didn't take long after he hung up to hear the sirens in the distance. He held Sam's face in his hands, trying his best to get Sam to look at him. It was like he wasn't there even though his body was right there in front of him. "..Gone.. all gone.." Sam finally looked into his eyes, "She's gone."
"Oh, Sammy.." Dean pulled him in, his hold tight against his little brother's shaking body. Sam didn't return the embrace, Dean didn't think he physically could at the moment. "I'm here. You're gonna be okay. You hear me?" His silence let him know that Sammy didn't feel like talking anymore, and that was okay. Dean got him settled into the passenger seat before giving the scene behind him one final look. Jessica didn't deserve that. No one did, but especially not her, when all she wanted to do was make his Sammy happy.
He shook his head as he finally turned away. They didn't need to sit there anymore, it was too much. He started the car and drove down to the nearest motel so he could get Sammy settled. He white-knuckled the steering wheel until he felt Sam's presence sneak into his arms, his hands clinging to the fabric of Dean's jacket like his life depended on it. He wrapped an arm around his baby brother and held him close, hoping to God it was helping him in some way.
Dean found a pretty cheap motel not far from the apartment. Sam let him leave the car to pay for the room and only got out when Dean came back, his mind turned off, his legs moving on their own. He barely registered what he was doing when he pulled his uncomfortable jeans off and fell into one of the motel's beds. It wasn't like his. Wasn't soft. Didn't have the smell of Jessica's shampoo. He couldn't see little stray blond hairs on the pillows. It didn't feel like home, but he had no home.. not anymore. No safety net from his issues.
This was his fault. If Sam had just left her out of his life, she'd still be alive. If he had just not been selfish in the beginning with Dean, if he had just swallowed all of his fears and stayed, she would have never been put into that situation. That was who he was though, just a selfish boy who only thought about his own needs. My fault.
She's gone and it's all my fault.
The nightmares were unbearable the first night. He'd see her begging for help, and just as he was right there, his arms out so he could scoop her up and finally bring some safety in return, she burst into flames. Her screams echoed in the all black room surrounding him. All he could do was fall to his knees as her pale skin turned a charred black.
"Why didn't you just tell me the truth, Sam?"
"I'm sorry.. so sorry.. my fault.." He mumbled in his sleep. It was four am and Dean couldn't find it in him to sleep. He only listened to his baby brother's cries. He knew this was going to be rough but it still didn't make it any easier. He didn't know what to do to make it better. When Sammy's mumbles turned into actual screaming, Dean got up and shook him awake.
"Sammy, wake up, please. It's just a dream." Through what little light there was in the room he could kind of see when his little brother finally opened his eyes. For a moment things were silent, their eyes never leaving each others as Sammy's hands trailed up his bare stomach and chest.
"You're so warm. Always so warm." His voice was small and tired as his fingers spread out across his older brother's chest, brushing against hard nipples. Dean held in a sound, his hands moving from Sam's shoulders to his hair, combing through it until his hand rested peacefully on the youngest Winchester's cheek.
"Hold me, please.. Need you, Dean." And in a flash he was back to being the big brother that comforted his Sammy after a nightmare. He didn't protest, just got under the covers and let Sam curl into his side, head resting on his chest. Dean wrapped his arms around him, his fingers working through oily strands of hair.
"I'm sorry." Sam whispered into his brother's chest. "I'm sorry for leavin' you." His hands were shaking as he spoke, hoping to God their fragile little thing didn't snap with just his words. Oh but he meant it. He had to let Dean know. He couldn't hold it in anymore.
"We don't have to talk about it, Sammy. Just rest, okay? Please." Dean realized right away that he wasn't ready to talk about it. It was too much. This whole time he'd expected to be angry when the conversation came up, expected it to blow up into the biggest fight of their lives. He had no idea what to do in that moment when they both were just too vulnerable, too delicate.
"Yes.. yes, we do. I keep.. hurting the people I love." Sam's voice was finally even, like he was sure of what he was saying. "Even if you can't forgive me right now, Dean.. I'm just glad you're here with me. Y-you're.. you're mine, right?" His tone quivered near the end, like it could very well be the worst thing he could have said.
Dean sucked in air, his chest tight. He didn't understand what his brother was doing. It almost felt like it couldn't be real. That he was just saying that because of what happened. The thought hurt more than it should have. He blinked away his tears for the second time as he swallowed those emotions down.
"...Always been yours."
Sam lifted himself up then, his body almost towering over Dean's. They were too close, their bodies too hot. Dean could feel his breath against his cheeks. The older brother's hands moved on their own accord, running up his thighs and stopping at his hip, the soft feel of boxers against his palm. Sam's heart felt like it was about to burst. He had no idea what he was doing, he only knew that he needed Dean. Needed him to keep him from falling back into that dark place, barely comperhending how damned selfish he still was even after everything.
"Sammy.." His voice was a warning, despite how husky it was. Sam leaned downward, his forehead against his Dean's forehead. "..Sammy.." It came out in a breathy whisper. A desperate noise that went straight to the younger man's cock. He was so fucked up for feeling like that after everything that happened just the day before, but with Dean right there, it made it impossible to think about anything other than him.
Dean closed the distance first, their lips touching with a gasp. He gripped at his baby brother's hips, pulling them hard against his thigh. He could feel how hard he was for him, could feel the sick surge of excitment that gave him. Sam had hot tears burning behind his closed eyes but he refused to let them fall as his hands lose themselves in Dean's hair, a sweet noises trapped in his throat from the feeling of Dean slowly rutting up against him.
Dean was just as hard as he was, something Sam could tell each time he felt it grind against his hip, hungry and desperate just like his baby brother. "Dean." Sam moaned against his lips, his hips moving, giving him exactly the type of friction he needed.
"It's okay, Sammy. It's okay. Gonna be here, here for you-fuck." Dean panted, his hands all over Sam's back and broad shoulders. He'd really gotten so big, so grown. But like this, with his sweet moans filling his ears, he was still his little Sammy. So timid but always wanting to please his big brother. So good, so good. Dean's thoughts were jumbled as his orgasm neared.
Sam kissed him hard as he came, still rutting up against him as he rode each wave out. Thick fingers tug at his hair as Dean's release came just a few seconds after, his grip around his love tight and never ending. The youngest Winchester fell into the hold, laying flat against Dean. He was probably too big for that, but his Dean didn't complain. Just held onto him like his life depended on it. They didn't talk for the rest of the night, just fell asleep with the mess in their underwear.
And that was okay, because at least Sam didn't have another nightmare.
When Dean woke up alone, he panicked. He was brought back to that night when-oh god. He felt so stupid as he looked around the empty room. He couldn't believe he'd let himself get sucked in again. Son of a bitch-
The door of the motel room opened and caused Dean to stand ready on his feet, ready for anything. He wasn't exactly ready to see his dopey little brother standing there holding breakfast. Sammy walked in cautiously as he set the bag down, like he was scared Dean was mad or something. Well, he was a little mad but that was because he thought his Sam left him again.
"You got me breakfast?" Dean asked, his voice soft as he realized his baby brother didn't leave. He was standing right there, even if he looked a little broken.
"How are you feeling today?" He asked as the memories of what happened the day before flooded his still sleepy brain.
"I talked to Jess' family on the way to get the food. They're planning a closed casket funeral in the next couple of days." Sam knew it wasn't the answer Dean was looking for. He hoped he could tell how much it hurt with how his voice tightened when he had to say the words closed casket. He'd never see her face as the way it was, just in his dreams and in their photographs.
Dean could tell and didn't force the subject any longer. He just got up and went to where Sam was, right next to the lovely smell of greasy breakfast foods. He watched as Sammy tensed when he got near and it stung. Dean wondered if he regretted last night. Like it was some type of mistake.
"Dean, last night.." The oldest brother paused and shut his eyes as he waited for the rejection that he knew would cut him like his sharpest knife," I just need you to know that I meant every word." That took Dean a little off guard, his eyes snapping open to look up at his Sammy.
"You have no idea how much I regret leaving you. I thought about you every single day. And I know that makes me a horrible person because I had Jessica, I'm probably never going to stop feeling horrible about that." He paused and leaned against the table, his tears burning hot and threatening to fall, "But I just need you to know I don't regret anything that happened with you last night. If you do, then.. I understand.. just-"
Before he could ramble on any further, he was shushed by a pair of plump lips. He relaxed instantly, wrapping his arms around the shorter man and kissed back deeply, not minding the morning breath whatsoever.
"I forgive you, Sammy. All that matters is that we're here now, together." He said as he pulled away, his hands at the nape of Sam's neck, "You're mine and I'm yours, got it?"
"Got it." Sammy said before pulling Dean in for another much needed kiss, just because he finally could.
Author's Note: So, they've finally established their relationship.. But it's not an ending. More drama and smut to come!