Chapter 4 Fell on Black Days
I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate?
How would I know
That this could be my fate?
-Fell on Black Days by Soundgarden
***Sorry this is so late but with packing and moving I didn't have the time. I just arrived in L.A. last night and I had succumbed to the effects of jet leg. I finally managed to pull out my laptop and upload this. Now that I'm on the west coast, the times I upload might be earlier than usual since the time zone is different.
***I wrote this chapter some time ago and when I edited it (when I add author's notes) it was on the day Chester Bennington died. That's why the author's note is written the way it is.
So I just found out that Chester Bennington died. This would have been hard on its own, but this coupled with Chris Cornell's death a few months back made this especially difficult because they were close friends. I can't even listen to their duet of Crawling without my chest hurting.
Linkin Park was the band that really introduced me to Rock music and nu-metal (which eventually evolved into tastes for harder metal) and what this band means to mean can't even be put into words. Chris Cornell and soundgarden…his voice and its impact on me is immense. For those unfamiliar with him, I suggest listening to Fell on Dark Days or his cover of Nothing Compares 2 U. Chris, along with Layne Stayley, were my favorite singers in Grunge and now they're both gone. When I began this story, it was a tribute to all of my favorite bands and as the story progresses, you'll see what bands' histories I've drawn inspiration from. With that being said, to have two of my favorite artists pass is devastating to me. I don't want to bring down the mood of the chapter but I couldn't go without saying anything. Especially since some of you might be feeling the same way.
The song featured at the end of the chapter is Alice Fredenham's rendition of My Funny Valentine
Chloe bounced on the souls of her feet as she waited for someone to answer the door. She glanced around to make sure no one was watching and exhaled when the white door was pulled open.
She looked up and smiled, despite how much the man in front of her intimidated her. His German accent only served to intimidate her even more. Taking a final drag of the cigarette between his lips, he flicked it out onto the lawn and looked behind her, "Did anyone follow you here?"
She shook her head and managed to swallow her yelp of surprise when she was pulled inside. She could hear Pieter securing the several deadbolt locks behind her. The first time she had visited, his behavior had been alarming but after months of visiting, it had become routine.
"Hallo, little red," greeted her when she stepped through the archway into the living room.
Chloe smiled at the owner of the voice and pulled her bookbag off one shoulder to pull it forward so she could reach into the side pocket. Pulling out three green boxes, she extended her arm, "Those weren't easy to grab Lu. Soccer moms are scary."
Luisa looked up with a grin from where she had been tying a tourniquet around her arm and stood up to quickly grab the items. "Ooh, Zin Mints!" She said, dropping the joint in her mouth in the ash tray on the coffee table to quickly open the cardboard box. Pieter, who finally made his way into the living room gave an uncharacteristic sequel and nearly shoved Chloe out of the way to get to the cookies. "Ooh, zere is more!" He said, and snatched one of the boxes from his girlfriend. Chloe just shook her head in amusement as the two devoured the cookies brought on by what she had come to recognize as marijuana induced hunger.
"Are they out back?" she asked and Luisa nodded, her mouth too full to give a verbal response.
Chloe smiled gratefully. She walked towards the kitchen to reach the door that led to the garage but stopped when Luisa called her name.
"Tell Beca, if I am to catch her wearing my jacket one more time I'm going to drop her skinny ass back at das bus station zaht I found her."
Chloe didn't quite understand what Luisa meant by the threat but nodded nonetheless and made her way out of the house and over to the small space where she could faintly hear a guitar being strummed.
"Hey guys," Chloe said as she walked into dimly lit garage, placing her guitar case on the floor next to her chair. She kneeled next to it, flipping the three latches to open the case to take out her brand-new Squire Stratocaster. Beca managed to get it discounted from Guitar World. And although it paled in comparison to Beca's more expensive Fender, it was louder than her acoustic to not drown out when playing rhythm chords behind Beca's lead guitar. It had been two months since that day in St. Louis and a month since Stacie, with Chloe's help, was able to convince Beca to agree to starting a band. They had managed to pick a few of Beca's already written songs and teach the rhythm chords to Chloe. Now they were stuck on finding a lead singer since neither of the three, despite being capable, wanted to take on the task.
"Beca, Lu said that you have one more time to wear her jacket or she's going to, and I quote, leave your skinny ass at the bus station she found you at."
Beca looked over where she was fiddling with the cheap speakers she had connected to her amp and scoffed. "She wouldn't dare. Besides, she rarely even wears the damn thing."
Chloe shrugged, "I'm just the messenger." She stood pulling the faux leather strap around her shoulder and fastened it to her guitar. "Um…Beca?" She said hesitantly.
"Hm?"
"What did she mean when she said she found you at a bus station?" Chloe asked, although her tone betrayed a worry that she might be intruding on something personal. Beca didn't answer, standing still with her back to Chloe. Her shoulders tensed, the only indicator that she'd heard the question.
Stacie spoke up instead, "Chloe, I don't think—" but before she could speak any further, Beca cut her off.
"No, it's fine." She turned around and looked at Chloe. "If we're going to be a band, she should know, right?" She paused for a few minutes, as if drudging up a past she'd rather not remember. "I met Lu when I was thirteen but before that I'd been a street kid since I was ten." Chloe barely could contain a gasp, remembering how she was at that age and not knowing if she could have survived without her parents. The only indication that Beca heard her inhale of shock was a small twitch at the corner of her mouth.
"Long story short, she found me sleeping on a bench at a bus stop. I know, dangerous as hell but I was fucking tired and my instincts were damn near primal at that point so no one was going to get the drop on me. She was traveling to major cities as an up and coming star, the next big thing. Anyway, I could play guitar so she took me in, I guess out of pity, and let me earn my keep by tuning the instruments and packing up the gear." Beca's eyes lit up as she described her early days with Luisa, being sneaked backstage into the clubs but being forced to finish her homework while they performed. Sneaking to stage side anyway to watch Luisa perform, despite any promises she made to do the opposite. "Even when she was hungover as hell, she made sure to wake up every morning and make sure I got up and went to school."
"So, what happened? To Lu, I mean. I've heard her singing some stuff but if she was so great why is she…"
"A junkie?" Beca asked and Chloe nodded with an embarrassed blush.
Beca shrugged, "The same reason anyone is, I guess. I mean look at Ozzy or Sid Vicious. The same thing that drives us to create usually drives us to self-medicate. Some people can keep it a weekend habit and others can't. Doesn't help that her boyfriend is a dealer and gives her as much dope as she wants."
Listening to Stacie explain Luisa's past made Chloe think of the melody she was humming the first time she had met her. It had been her first time at the small house at the end of the block and she tried not to balk at the drug paraphernalia on the coffee table and questionable characters coming and going from the space. Beca had instructed her to follow her to her room but Chloe caught a glimpse of Luisa who sat in a leather skirt and a black mesh shirt on the grimy yellow couch, the vein still pulsing in her arm from the tourniquet tied tight around it, and eyes closed, humming. Chloe remembered the day, not only because it opened her eyes to just how different her two-parent household was from her new friends', but also because of the melody that the older woman produced even in her non-lucid state. Even without words, it had haunted her—seeming to fill the room and everything in it. The visions it gave Chloe: they were dark, but beautiful. They took Chloe out of the house up to the highs of happiness and down into the lows of depression. They brought her through pain; a pain that Chloe probably would never experience. Chloe stared at Luisa, willed her to open her eyes and see her, but Luisa never did. It wasn't until her fifth visit that she had the chance to speak to the singer whose voice, raspy but light and so German ensnared her at the first words spoken between them. "Hallo, little red."
"It's unfortunate, too, since she was a hell of a singer and could solve our problem of finding a lead singer," Beca said to conclude her story and picked up her guitar to plug it into her amp.
Chloe sighed and vowed that she wouldn't let what happened to Luisa happen to any of them. Drugs weren't going to come between any of them and their dream. She cleared her throat and looked at Beca, "Thank you for sharing that with me." Beca just offered her a lazy grin and turned away to kneel near her amp and adjust the settings.
Stacie smiled softly at Beca and said, "When we have the money, maybe we should buy her a plane ticket back home. I think she really misses it there."
"To Germany?" Chloe asked and Stacie nodded.
"Sometimes, when I get up in the middle night to get something to drink," Beca said after some time, "I find her doped up on the kitchen floor, singing lullabies to herself in German."
"So, it's agreed," Stacie said, her voice firm and determined, "Our first check will go to paying for Luisa to take a trip back home?"
Beca and Chloe nodded before the three fell into silence as they set up their instruments to play.
"Oh guys, I totally forgot. I think I found us a singer," Chloe said
"Oh yeah? Do we know her?" Stacie asked.
"No. She's my neighbor, Aubrey, and her voice is amazing. I doubt she listens to any of the music we play but I'm sure we could convince her."
Beca shrugged, "I guess we could go check her out."
"We don't have to go anywhere. I have a cassette of her recital."
"Recital?" Stacie asked, her face scrunching up in confusion.
"Not everyone likes to skip school and smoke pot on the roof. Some people get involved in school activities," Chloe teased as she walked over to the boom box situated on the work bench in the corner.
"Wait, so not only is she in high school but she's a choir nerd?" Beca joked and Chloe smirked as she hit play on the radio.
"You won't be saying that once you hear her voice." And as the words left her mouth, Aubrey's voice filled the room.
The moment the piano sounded through the speakers, Stacie sat up straighter, in what Beca recognized was her preparing to figure out the chords. An arrangement of voices soon followed the piano. It was a song that Beca had heard in passing when Stacie played the classic rock station at work but she still listened for this Aubrey's voice.
All the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey
Her singing was alluring, the sound smooth. Her voice didn't waver as she held out notes past the point where Beca would have had to take a breath. They continued to listen to Aubrey's voice, complimented by the choir in the background. It was like being in a trance and continued that way throughout the rest of the song. Aubrey's voice soon drifted off into a whisper before fading out completely.
"So, what did you guys think?" Chloe asked, an anxious smile on her face as she waited for her friend's opinion.
"She's good," Beca said, she muttered still trying to digest what she heard.
"Just good?"
"She's great Chloe," Beca said honestly. Aubrey was an incredible singer. "She obviously can sing but like you said, I doubt she'd be up to singing the type of music we play."
Chloe's hopeful smile fell and her shoulders slumped as she said, "Yeah, so ok, she might not listen to rock or punk but she could learn."
Beca looked over to Stacie who simply shrugged. "You know I already said you should just sing," she said referring to Beca.
Chloe sighed and said, "Well what if we just ask her? If she says no, I won't ask again."
Beca sighed and pulled her guitar strap over her head and placed the instrument onto its stand. "Alright," she said, chuckling and shaking her head when Chloe squealed and jumped up.
"If we hurry, we can still catch her at school. You won't regret this, guys, I promise."
"No."
"No?" Chloe said with a frown. Aubrey could hear the incredulous tone in Chloe's voice but she didn't dare look up and meet Chloe's eyes. She knew her neighbor could be awfully convincing when she wanted to be. Instead, she focused on the small engine in front of her as she repeated her answer.
Chloe glanced over to where Stacie was filing her nails and Beca stood leaning uninterested against the door with her arms crossed watching the entire scene. She looked back at Aubrey.
Aubrey sighed and pulled back from the magnifying glass, putting down the soldering iron. "I don't want to join your group. Besides, I don't even like that type of music." She pushed up her glasses from where they had fallen to the bridge of her nose and looked over to the two girls at the door. Her face warmed slightly when the shorter one with the ripped jeans and a Megadeth t-shirt smirked and raised an eyebrow at her. She turned away and focused back on Chloe. Beca leaned against the doorframe, following the teen with her eyes as she busied herself with whatever contraption she was working on.
"I'm sorry. I just…I don't have the time between choir practice and robotics—"
"C'mon Bree. You'll have fun and I'm sure it gets boring being surrounded by all those sweaty guys down here in the basement."
Aubrey frowned in indignation as she turned back to soldering the wires in front of her. "I said no, Chloe. Plus, you know my mother would never allow it."
Chloe opened her mouth to argue further but Beca stood up straight and said, "C'mon Chloe. She said no. Let her get back to her Legos and toy cars. We can find someone else."
Aubrey frowned at the insult and tried to not let her shoulders drop to indicate her feelings. She could hear Chloe sigh next to her but she didn't look up until she heard the door to the room shut indicating that they had left.
When they were back in Stacie's car, Chloe turned in her seat to look at both girls. "I'm sorry guys. I really thought we could convince her."
Beca shrugged from where she sat in the backseat. "We couldn't force her. I guess we'll just have to work on teaching you how to sing and play."
That night Beca found herself laid out on the ratty couch in the garage smoking a joint, one after the other. She would light one, just to forget about it instantly, sucked deep into the whirlwind of her thoughts, until the pile of ash landed on her chest. Beca cursed, swiped the ash down on the floor and lit the next joint. After the second time, she gave up on getting high. The fact that she hadn't moved for hours to eat or use the bathroom was a regular routine for her. Maintaining biological functions always came secondary to her creative tasks. If Stacie didn't make sure to call Luisa and tell her to make sure Beca came in the house, her nights would be spent in the garage with only a few hours of sleep involuntarily forced upon her by an exhausted body.
"Knock Knock, little maus." Beca looked over from where she'd been trying to rearrange the notes of her song so that it was possible for Chloe to play and sing. Luisa stood in the entrance of the garage door leaning against the wall.
"Hey, Lu. Aren't you usually out by this time?" Beca joked. Luisa rolled her eyes and stepped into the small space.
"Ha ha, you're very funny. Maybe you should consider a career in comedy."
"Of course. That's what you love about me. Did Pieter leave yet?"
"Yup," Luisa said, taking a drag of the joint in her mouth before offering it to Beca who sat up and accepted it graciously.
"What about your little ginger friend? And zee tall one?"
"You're the same height as Stacie," Beca said with an eye roll. "And yes, they both left, though Stacie'll probably swing back around here later on after work."
"Hm," Luisa said and pulled a chair over to where Beca was. "Maybe I should be a responsible adult and set some ground rules about visitors coming and going at all hours of das night."
Beca scoffed and handed Luisa back her joint, "Yeah, if you're willing to follow the rules too." At that, they both burst into laughter.
"What is it that you are working on?" Luisa asked, nodding her head towards the notepad now resting on Beca's chest.
"Uhh, just rewriting some chords. I'm trying to make them easier for Chloe to play while she's singing."
"Oh. So, I take it your little visit with das choir girl didn't go well?"
"It went terribly. She outright refused. Too bad, too, since she is a good singer."
"Was she cute?" Luisa joked and Beca rolled her eyes.
"So what if she was? She's like 16."
"Since when are you noble?" Luisa shot back and when she saw Beca try to deny it, she waved her hand to dismiss any rebuttals. "I know what you and Stacie get up to. No need to lie. Just tell me, which one of you decided she was off limits."
Beca sighed. "No one did. Like I said, we weren't there for more than ten minutes before she was all but kicking our asses out the door."
"Well, I'm sorry little Maus. Maybe you might have better luck asking her alone?" Luísa suggested and when Beca raised her eyebrow in confusion she elaborated with, "Well, maybe she does not appreciate being cornered and pressured by zhree people, two of whom she does not know."
"And what, you think going back there and asking her by myself will change her mind?"
Luisa shrugged, "I don't know. Despite being a little troll, you can be convincing when you want to." She chuckled at Beca's indignant scoff at the "troll" comment. "All I'm saying is, if she's das singer zhat makes your music mean something, you must convince her zhat your music is das only music zhat will give her singing meaning."
Beca sighed as she digested Luisa's words before smirking and saying, "You're cheesy as hell, you know that?"
Luisa rolled her eyes. She stood up and pointed to Beca's Fender next to them. "Mind if I plug in?" Beca shrugged and watched the tall German stand.
"I'll keep it low. I'll even play you to sleep." Beca didn't answer and laid back down, figuring she could do with a few hours of sleep as she allowed herself to digest Luísa's advice. As she closed her eyes and let herself slip away, aided by the THC in her system, she heard her amp crackle to life, and then crackle again as Luisa plugged in. She strummed and tuned and strummed again. Luisa played a few random chords to adjust the volume. The tone was like honey, better than most of what Beca had ever gotten out of the amp, and her voice was hoarse but still warm and passionate, but there was a darkness in it, revealing all those places in Luisa's mind that Beca had seen her disappear into.
Rows of houses, all bearing down on me
I can feel their blue hands touching me
Her song crept over Beca as she drifted off, the room spinning ever so slightly. She rolled onto her side facing the back of the couch, pulled up her knees and put her hands up together by her chin, as if Luisa's music was a blanket she could gather around her.
It was two nights later when Beca peddled past the city lines into Washington, her legs burning from the long ride. After stopping at a convenience store for a bottle of water, she got back on her bike and made her way to Chloe's house, knowing Aubrey lived in the house next door. She placed her feet on the ground to balance her bike as she tried to figure out which window was possibly Aubrey's. However, she didn't have to think too long because the girl in question walked up to the window on the second floor above the patio awning and Beca watched curiously as she quickly slipped out of the window, landing softy on the awning before making her way down to the ground using the gutters situated against the house. Beca remained where she was, not wanting Aubrey to see her and waited to see what she would do. She watched as Aubrey quickly grabbed her bike where it sat against the back door of the house and quickly made her way down the drive way. Beca waited a few minutes before following the blonde.
As the minutes drew on, Beca wondered where exactly (and why) she was following Aubrey. After another ten minutes, she watched Aubrey stop at a small bar. To say she was surprised would be an understatement. She waited as Aubrey locked up her bike and disappear inside the building. Its front was just a door off the street and two big windows, one with a Heineken sign switched off. The windows were too dirty, and the inside was too dark, to see anything at all. But there was no doubt: the faint music she could hear was coming from the door Aubrey just disappeared through. Beca counted to 300 before crossing the street and making her way inside, curiosity pulling her into the suspicious place. She looked around the hazy room for Aubrey but didn't ponder too long because that's when she heard a familiar voice filling the room. Beca turned in the direction of the voice and found
Beca watched as the blonde pushed her glasses up onto her face, a habit of hers that Beca was noticing, and listened as her eyes slipped shut and she seemed to lose herself to the song.
"My funny valentine. Sweet comic valentine."
It was a song that Beca had heard before, from her various wedding gigs but never had she heard it sound so sensual and dare she say, erotic. Aubrey's voice was soft and comforting, like her mother's hands when she was old enough to watch them swing as she walked away but not old enough to realize she wasn't coming back. She had never heard such an enchanting sound and the effect it had on her was unheard of. What Chloe had played for them was nothing compared to this.
Is your figure less than Greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to Speak
Are you smart?
The song washed over Beca in a wave, echoing all around her until it was the only sound that she could hear. Aubrey wasn't in a hurry but enjoying every note for itself, rather than looking forward to the next note, until the song's end. For Beca, the song would have no end; it couldn't possible. The song was forever.
Although to call the sounds that came out of Aubrey's mouth singing was a bit of an understatement. That word suddenly became too dull and simply unable to describe the countless range of sounds she made. She seduced and hypnotized the crowd, making everyone forget where or even who they were. She clearly studied vocals because she sung with her diaphragm but it didn't matter because her voice held a passion that classical training could never teach. In this dank bar, she wasn't a lead soprano in a choir. On the contrary, she was a young Stevie Knicks, Jimmy Page's guitar given vocals. This had to be how gold diggers felt after a long day of washing tons of dirt and finally finding a fist-sized piece of pure gold.
"Everyday is Valentine's day"
Beca stood up with everyone else in the room and cheered, watching as Aubrey stepped back from the microphone, shyly covering her mouth as if the spell she was under by singing had broken. Whistles and cheers continued to fill the room and at that moment Beca knew this was the voice they needed for their band if they wanted any chance of being successful. Aubrey was their lead singer and Beca wouldn't rest until she made it happen.
So, I wanted to make Luisa and Pieter sound at least somewhat authentic and not like a German characteur. I'd imagine someone that has been in the us as long as Luisa is, in this story, would have have a good command of the language but from the various forums I looked through, the 'th' sound is still very hard for some German speakers because the sound doesn't exist in German. Also, for those of you who missed the update I made to the last chapter, I've uploaded to tumblr the infor for Beca's solo album that she talked about in chapter 1. It's a pain to put urls here so if you just search the tag on tumblr "when the music fades (pp)" or "when the music fades" or even my user name, it should come up. I'll be uploading the information for each Bella's album as they're mentioned in the story and you will be able to find them the same way.