Lucky for me, the rest of the crap day I'd had ended with Netflix asking if I was still watching my third pass through of "The Office" somewhere around 02:00. Only to have my TV sleep timer power down with no sign I was still awake from me shortly after. I don't remember watching any of it, to be honest. The second I went fully horizontal, I'm pretty sure I could of passed as dead.
Which was fine, the dreamless state of unconsciousness was wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, I slept through two alarms and my father calling me.
Oops.
Somewhere along the hour long line of catch up the damn hurricane got brought up again. And then, following that, social inability to maintain relationships with living beings outside my cat, and questionable eating habits. All to wind up, finally and predictably, at my financial status.
"Living on a tight budget isn't anything new, dad, really." With my phone slipping from its wedged place between my shoulder and cheek, my father's response was muffled but I knew there was only concerned chastising coming through. Alas I wasn't about to drop an entire load of laundry, no sir.
"You- Kase, you there? You know if you need help you just have to ask, right? I'll scrap something together for you and-"
"Dad," I'd dropped a sock on the way into my nook of a bedroom, it was glaring at me from the hall when I turned to check. My sigh of frustration was mistaken as stubbornness I was swallowing for once, given the series of half comprehensible swears of me being too much like my mother that followed it. "I love you and all that, but I can do this. If for some reason, I wind up an utter failure, you'll be the first to know, promise."
Sparing a glance at my alarm clock, and then the pile of clothes to deal with, I let him ramble on about whatever he wanted while I put stuff away. It wasn't until I'd habitually slipped my shoes on that he decided to push me.
"Kase, I do think you should at least try to make a friend or two. Until Anissa graduates, a little support system is good. But all that aside, I'll let you be, your sister's bringing the little one over in a bit anyway."
"Yeah… I'll uhm. Wait for 'nissa, I think. Thanks though- tell Molls I said hey and all."
And with a click, I was free of talking again.
What I was not free of though, was the bad habit of dwelling on what my father tends to slip into conversations here and there. Throughout the daily things I could still do with no crops, it started off as just a second thought. Grew into hiccups in all my practiced responses and autopilot smiles. Like a little weed. Wiggling its way into the little bit of confidence salvaged over the past few years, and taking over like it belonged in my garden of thoughts.
For example, as I stood with a bucket of water to mix in compost with the dead, dry soil, the half stressed faces of the town flickered in my head like a slideshow. At one point or another, both the Carters, and the Banks had passed by. Luke's loud voice carried on even after he was out of sight. They all tried to engage a little, all of which made the sinking feeling of actually being zoned out and a bit lonely that much worse once they all carried on to the beach.
All of them except one.
"Hey champ, I can't entirely tell if it's what you're goin' for…" Taking the bucket from my hand was easy, considering in the spiraling thoughts I'd been stuck in my grasp had loosened significantly. "... Buuuut moats are a bit longer than that." Owen's voice was unmistakable, unfortunately it didn't make it any less surprising, however, to look up and have blaring green eyes greeting me.
They caught me off guard every time.
"... Hi."
Hi, of course, yes. Thank you, brain, for being incapable of providing anything of substance to converse with.
Owen merely laughed at me and clapped me on the shoulder as I blinked back into reality. Panning down, there was now a mud puddle at my feet. All I could do was swear and knock a few strands of loose hair from my face. Turns out, rubber bands are only almost perfect for keeping hair back.
"Sorry- what did you ask. I'm not entirely... " waving a finger around my head, I sighed heavily. For the past half hour part of me wished someone stuck around, and here someone was. Now that it was happening? Now I wanted to recede into my shell of a cottage and go back to sleep.
Confused for a moment, the miner flashed a half smile, and then returned to not skipping a beat. "Summer festival," throwing a thumb over his shoulder, and an arm around mine, the beginnings of a kidnapping were upon me. For the hottest part of the day, he still smelled expensive, and I could feel it clinging to me. "Most of the morning stuff is probably over, but there's still a chance to enter the fishing contest. Kat hosts karaoke in the bar and then there's fire works."
One foot in front of the other, he got me several yards away from my home before my brain turned back on and I stopped walking entirely. Sirens a blazing, reminding me of the fact I don't actually know how to be a social person.
"You good..?" With furrowed brows, Owen's arm slipped off my shoulders. I hadn't realized they'd climbed so high, really, but he carefully pushed them back down with a concerned look.
"Yeah I don't- I don't have my wallet, or anything like that." Any reason that popped into my head spilled out of my mouth, anything to turn around. Patting my wallet pocket as well? Nothing. I was thankful it wasn't actually a lie, but in further inspection of myself, and in comparison to him, I wasn't about to present myself in a dirt covered baseball tee and grass stained jeans. "I'm also, not really dressed for socializing, I mean."
"Dude, you look fine. Hard work looks good on anyone, just come relax." Said the one who looked as though he walked out of a summertime magazine. Visor? Check. Sunglasses tucked into the collar of a beach tank? Double check. The list goes on.
And for a few moments I was stood in front of him speechless. There was probably dirt on my face too, as I stared with a look that had to fit minor confusion and stubbornness all in one. It only took a few, though, for Owen to cave. Well, partially.
"Will you still come hang out," he started, glancing back toward my nook of Castanet, "not just pop in and never return?"
"Dramatic." The word escaped my mouth faster than I even thought it. Snarky, but in my defense I truthfully didn't know why Owen of all people was trying so hard. At least with the Carters, they knew me already, but they didn't hesitate to head off without me. "Sorry- I, fine. Yeah, just give me a few minutes…"
Slipping out from under one of his hands, I trudged back the distance I'd been pulled away. Part of me said fuck it, encouraged going out in public looking like hot trash just so people kept things short. Yet there I was anyway, throwing on an old concert shirt, ball cap and swim shorts. Pausing just long enough in the doorway to warrant turning around quickly and leave Owen confused in my front yard at the abruptness.
The camera Simon had given me as a welcoming gift was still sat on my counter. Neatly packed up in the carrying case I insisted on paying for, because who just gives up a camera as a 'welcome to town' gift? It wasn't anything fancy, or like what I was used to but it had filled a small hole in my soul I didn't realize was empty. Just fiddling with it now and then was comforting, and on my way out the second time, I'd thrown the strap over my shoulder while skipping two of the steps on my porch.
"Geez, thought I was being stood up for a second."
I knew it was just a joke, but something about the smile Owen wore was off. "Ah- I'm, kind of indecisive. Sorry-" He'd done it again, the walking off as he talked. Only this time, as he headed toward the main part of town, he cut me off.
"You apologize a lot. I'm just glad whatever you stepped back in for wasn't going to change your mind about coming." His stride slowed just enough to allow me to catch up without putting in much effort. I passed it off as a force of habit, which earned a half smile of empathy.
A split second burst of excitement turned up when karaoke was brought up again, alongside some sort of competition the lot of them played. Mixed into embarrassing recollections and 'this one time's he paused. Nodded in a way I could only read as disappointment.
Was I wrong? Maybe, though that thought was overtaken quickly by being filled in on what not to expect. Given the area's status. I.E. the lack of strength of fire, crops and all… But one thing stuck out the most, as the minimalistic conversation went on with every step over the bridge.
Out of everyone I'd ever met, he was turning out to be the easiest to talk to.
it's not wednesday but im tired my dudes