Jess was delivered to Lorelai's place later that evening with a new part time job and another few books to add to his growing, permanent collection in Stars Hollow. Luke had thrown a few of Jess' clothes in a duffel so the boy wouldn't have to go upstairs to the apartment where there would still be some cleaning that would have to be done. He left Jess in the living room – where there were blankets and pillows laying carefully on the sofa for his use, and then dragged Lorelai off to the kitchen so he could discuss the nightmare that was his conversation with Liz.

"She was refusing to believe it." He whispered angrily. "Kept telling me I was lying, that I was an idiot. That I obviously was overreacting because her boy was doing a lot better when she had last spoke to him, and he was happy when she last spoke to him." He growled. His voice grumbled, and his hands in fists as though he were desperately trying to keep himself from shouting, "'Trust me, I'm his mother' – well Liz, he has just tried to off-himself for the second time in less than a month, maybe you should trust me with this boy's wellbeing for once in your life –"

"Luke," Lorelai soothed the man, rubbing on his arms to try and ease the tension, "You did the right thing. You had to tell her."

"I know. I know. I'm going to go up there and try and convince her to actually pull herself away from this perfect bubble she has created for herself."

"Why are you even picking her up?" Lorelai, the more she heard of the woman, liked her less and less, "It's evident she doesn't believe you. Why should you even bother?"

"Because as much as I wish it weren't the case – she's his mother. And if something happens to that kid, she deserves to be around to make sure she did everything that she could do help."

She understood, of course she did – she couldn't imagine the guilt she would be feeling if something had happened to Rory and she could've been around to help, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

Jess set his bag down next to his temporary bed. He stifled through it and placed the books he had been religiously reading to tire himself out onto the coffee table next to the sofa. Next to them he placed the small bag of medicine that would become his life for however long it takes. In there, a packet of bandages that he would have to change later and a bottle of antiseptic fluid to clean out his wound.

That was going to suck.

Luke pushed through into the living room as Jess was reading through his detailed instructions left to him by both the doctor and counsellor.

"Jess I'm sorry about this."

Jess waved off the man, barely looking up from the instructions.

"I'm not sure how long I'll be gone – your mother is being difficult."

"What else is new?" Jess grumbled, turning over the paper to continue reading.

"Right." Luke nodded, "Well," he hesitated, obviously wanted to say something more – probably heartfelt – but Jess was trying to avoid that kind of stuff for the time being.

"Safe trip Luke."

His uncle nodded, and left the living room with Lorelai following close behind – probably so they could say the appropriate goodbyes.

Jess scoffed at their 'puppy-love' and immediately began ripping into the packages he had laid out, ready to get pain that would come with keeping his wound clean out of the way as quickly as possible.

He was fumbling with his gauze when Lorelai came back in – unable to get a good enough grip on it to unwind the tape. She made a noise of protest and came stumbling over to Jess to help him with his bandages. He was tempted to pull away but realised pretty quickly that it would go a lot smoother if he had some help.

He relented to the woman, letting her carefully pull at where the bandage was stuck, cursing at a particularly tight point that wasn't agreeing with her. He was convinced that when she finally got the thing lose she would let out an obnoxious cheer and burn the gauze for all the trouble it gave her – it was something he could easily expect from her.

Any yet, when the gauze unveiled his wrist she just seemed to freeze – staring at the wound unblinking for a good few seconds.

Jess wasn't sure what to do, so he just watched her, angled so that he could easily pull his arm away if he felt like she might overstep her boundaries.

She shook herself out of it, fumbling for the sterilising solution and forgetting to warn Jess before she dabbed it onto his wound. He hissed – she flinched – and he refused to make eye contact with her.

"I'm sorry Jess,"

He felt like she was apologising for things far beyond the pain he was feeling in that instance – but he was in no mood to entertain her. "My arm is still there – it's fine."

She nodded, playing along with him for now. She picked up the fresh bandages and gauze from where he had placed them and began to re-wrap his injury – making sure to ask how tight it was in the process.

When she had finished, she gently stroked the bandage up the wrist in what Jess assumed was supposed to be comforting. He froze with the tenderness and pulled his arms away from her grip. She seemed to startle, standing up from her perch on the coffee table and collecting the soiled bandages to throw away. "I am sorry, Jess."

"What for?"

"I'm sorry for how I treat you before I guess. We've never been on the best of terms, but I want you to know that if you need anybody to talk to whenever it's needed I'll be about to make sure that –"

"Let me interrupt you right there," Jess pitched forward putting himself in Lorelai's personal bubble. He was angry, and tried to stop his voice from shaking with emotion. "You don't suddenly get to like me because you think I am broken. I don't want your pity."

"That's not what is going on here Jess."

"Then what is? I don't understand how I could go from the no-good pariah to suddenly having your motherly attention. I don't want it and you don't want to give it."

"Okay." She said firmly, stopping him in his hateful speech, "I get it, Jess. I was a jerk. I treated you harshly with only one conversation to back up my criticisms, but you don't get to act all high and mighty either."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean Jess – you don't get to pretend that it was all one sided."

"You hated me Lorelai – I just retaliated."

"Jess," Lorelai groaned, "You treated my daughter awfully. You stole from her. You didn't take her to prom because you ran off without even saying goodbye - again. You run back tell her you love her then run off again. You can't expect me to like you when you manipulate her with your yo-yo emotions."

"I'm not even going to begin to try and explain this to you, but I will only tell you one thing – I never meant to hurt Rory."

Lorelai scoffed at his pathetic explanation.

"If you really think, that after everything, I wanted to cause any harm to your daughter – then honestly Lorelai you don't know the first thing about me, and you should stop judging me from this hazy-reminiscent version of someone from your past."

She stuttered, "What?"

"Well, it's obvious, isn't it? You didn't like me because I remind you of someone you'd rather forget. Let me make this clear, just because you have this image of me in your head – it does not mean I am that person. I would appreciate it if everyone in this town stopped treating me like some kind of disease." He emphasized his point by pushing past Lorelai, hitting her shoulder on his quick escape and stumbling along with her by the strength of it.

She attempted to scramble after him, shocked by his words and spluttering excuses. "Where are you going? Luke said I shouldn't keep you out of my sight."

"Jesus Christ." He almost shouted – his voice reaching a pitch that made his voice crack from the emotion, the desperation to leave from where he was feeling increasingly trapped. "Will you let me storm out like a normal teenager, please? I'll be in town, I have my phone and if I kill myself then I'll make sure to leave you a parting text." He growled. All sarcasm and irony lost in the outright danger of his words, the fact that Lorelai believed that to be a promise, and Jess was certain of it's absurdity.

Seeing her face. Her lips quivering with held back tears and her blue eyes wide and watering. Jess sank. His shoulders dropped with his head and he groaned, pushing one hand through his hair and the other digging deep into his pocket. "I need some air Lorelai." He said eventually, "I'll be by the bridge – I will be back in an hour tops – just let me get out of here. Please."

She hesitated for a small second before she reluctantly nodded.

He started out the door, paused once to look over his shoulder at the guarded woman, before determinedly marching from the premises.

He consciously made noise when he returned to the house. He was aware of the light in Lorelai's room still being on despite the late hour, and the fact that she had more than likely waited for his return before she could actually fall asleep.

He tried not to feel guilty for staying out too long, but found the pebble in his stomach present all the same. He flopped himself back onto the sofa, greeting the familiar comfort like an old friend. Jess used to marvel at the way the sofa had the ability to suck you into its cushions and lure you to stay – when he was dating Rory he used to grumble at being forced to move after a recluse evening in watching films.

He readjusted the pillows Lorelai had given him, hitting them into submission of comfort before he flopped back onto them and buried himself nose deep in the blanket – forgoing the change of clothes and opting instead to sleep in his jeans.

Her heard the small movement of footsteps from upstairs – Lorelai walking to turn off her light and back to the bed to finally settle in to sleep. He listened to the subsequent quiet, the distinct lack of the noise he was used to in New York. It seemed louder somehow – more prominent in his mind. Like it was screaming at him, forcing his mind awake.

His mother was coming home to have a happy illusion of her son shattered before her, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with that reveal just yet.

Jess had always put on a front for her. He pretended he was mature enough to be left by himself was he was younger – cooking for himself, cleaning after himself. Sometimes she'd be gone trying to work for the roof over their heads. Sometimes she'd be gone for her own gratuitous pleasure. But Jess still had to pretend that he could fend for himself, when the grip of fear always had him the moment she left the room.

He had to pretend he was strong enough to deal with the multitude of men that she paraded through their apartment and invited into their lives, offering up their feelings, with just the smallest act of smiling at her over a fifth bottle of beer. He had to pretend that every time one of them left it didn't hurt him.

He had to pretend he wasn't hurt when she told him that he was nothing more than a stranger to her before shipping him off to live with a stranger in an even stranger town.

She had this impression of him. And he knew the moment that she saw how broken he was – the foundations would collapse under this perfect life she had imagined – and he wasn't sure he was ready for another mess to be placed on his hands.

With the guilty pebble in his gut quickly evolving to a boulder, Jess turned over to face the back of the sofa and shut his eyes as tightly as he could and willed sleep upon himself.

The next morning he pretended that it hadn't taken him four hours to finally give in to his subconscious.

Lorelai winced at every step as she walked down the stairs, making sure to avoid the creaks she had become accustomed to over the years. She gripped onto the banister like a lifeline, and when Jess finally came into view she didn't keep her eyes off him – looking for any sign that she might have woken him in her careful journey from her bed to coffee.

There was barely a shiver from the boy, the light sound of a snore drowned out by the duvet covering the entirety of his head.

She felt like she could breathe when she finally made it to the ground floor. She practically skipped her way to the kitchen, only to stumble and curse when the landline rang out incessantly, signalling a person calling at the ridiculous time.

She dove for the phone, fumbling with the receiver for a few agonising seconds before she finally managed to accept the call and whisper a quick and fierce, "Hello," down the other end.

A snore from Jess made her whole body deflate and a breath to escape from her just as suddenly.

"Mom, Hi! So guess what? I have some classes cancelled! That means that Paris had made me make the most of my spare time and I've managed to complete most of my assignments for the next two weeks. So you know what that means? That means I can come home this weekend – for like an extended weekend. Isn't that great? I mean, I haven't really had the chance to see you recently, and I know things have been weird between us since Dean but I just want us to get back to normal so I thought that we could have a weekend like we used to and-"

"Rory –" She attempted to cut off her daughter, interrupt the inherited ramblings and prevent the girl from imagining this perfect trip home.

"-We can watch all of the films that you had managed to gather the last time, and now that you and Luke are together maybe we can convince him to deliver all of the food he desperately tries to stop us to eat and-"

"Rory!"

The girl stopped talking on the other side of the phone and asked a quick "What?" her breath deep after her constant talking.

"You can't come back this weekend." Lorelai said simply, wincing down the phone.

"What? Why?"

She glanced at the sofa, where the reason for this refusal lay, his face buried into the back of the chair and the duvet drowning him under its protection. Only the small tufts of his black hair poked out from the comforter. She slowly walked into Rory's room, shutting to door behind her for some privacy, and to prevent from waking the boy up.

"Now this is going to be confusing, and I probably won't be able to answer all of the questions you have so I need you to trust me on this and I'll explain when I can –"

"Mom." Rory interrupted, becoming impatient.

"Jess is here."

"Jess? As in Mariano?"

"The very same."

"He's in Stars Hollow? Why? – Well it doesn't matter, it's not like I'll bump into him, and even if we did I shouldn't be the one to feel awkward – he should."

"No." Lorelai said simply. "No Stars Hollow. Here, as in home here, as in Crap Shack."

"What? Is he popping by to see Luke – I didn't think Luke was at ours that often."

"No," She said again, grimacing as she sat down on Rory's bed and attempted to explain more clearly. "As in, Jess is staying here in the Crap Shack for a while. Luke is out of town collecting Liz and TJ from the Renaissance thing and Jess is staying with me while Luke is away."

"He's staying with you?"

"Yes."

"In our home?"

"Yup."

"While Luke isn't even there?"

"You've got it kiddo."

"Uh. Why?"

"That's probably one of the things that is difficult to explain."

"But – why can't he just stay above the diner? You do realise he's a big boy now – he can look after himself."

"Rory-"

"And why are you having to house him? I thought you hated the guy?"

"I don't hate him," She said slowly, cringing at how weak her argument sounded.

Rory scoffed, and Lorelai knew that it sounded pathetic to her as well.

"I don't!" She tried again.

"You've never trusted him, mom. Why is he staying there?"

"Because he can't be left alone right now." Lorelai said quickly, unable to stop herself from saying something. She closed her eyes at her own stupidity. She knew it wasn't necessarily a secret, but Lorelai wasn't sure how Jess would react to her telling Rory all of his dark thoughts.

"Can't be left alone? What does that mean? Like Luke can't trust him alone in the diner – he's not going to go around stealing everything. He may have been a hooligan as you called him, but he never did anything malicious-"

"Just tell her."

Lorelai jumped away from the phone. Standing in the doorway, hair mussed, and clothes wrinkled, Jess stood. He clung onto the frame of the door, resisting the urge to look around at the books that he knew he'd be tempted to pinch and deface, and stared right into Lorelai's questioning and nervous eyes.

She covered the speaker to prevent Rory from overhearing – although based on the sudden quiet coming from her end it was clear she'd already heard who had entered.

"Jess-" Lorelai started, "Are you sure? I don't have to say anything."

"It's not like it's a secret," the boy rolled his eyes, leaning to one side so he could rest against the doorframe, his arms folded over his chest. "Everyone in this town already seems to know – if anything I'm surprised she hasn't already heard from one of the gossips."

"But Jess –"

"I'd prefer it if Rory didn't think of me as delinquent incapable of being trusted." He started, moving out of the way of the door so that he could shut it behind him and avoid overhearing Lorelai explain his troubles, "And don't let me prevent your mother-daughter session," He pleaded, although his roll of his eyes and cool demeanour somewhat dampened the kind gesture, "I've told Andrew that I could work with him this weekend anyway – I'll be out of your hair and supervised." He shut the door then and let Lorelai slowly bring the receiver back to her face.

"You heard that?" She asked.

"Doesn't explain anything." Rory pressed.

Lorelai took a deep breath before starting, "I'm not sure how much I really know, but I'll tell you what I do."

"Just need some clarity mom."

"Jess came back to Stars Hollow three weeks ago," she started, "Well – more me and Luke brought him back."

"You and Luke – why?"

"Luke got a frightening phone call from him. Essentially – and this is the summarised version, Luke got a phone-call from Jess because Jess was moments away from killing himself and he was scared."

The line was silent. Lorelai would have thought that Rory had been cut off if it weren't for the shaky intake of breath on the other side of the line.

"Kill himself?"

Lorelai nodded, but didn't bother to vocalise.

"But – why?"

"That's a long story that not even I fully comprehend but essentially Jess if suffering from quite extreme depression at the moment and we're struggling to shake him out of it."

"What have the doctors said?"

"Uhm, they've given him some anti-depressants I think. But he need to go to counselling because apparently it could get worse before it gets better."

"Worse than killing himself?"

"No, worse than attempting to kill himself."

Lorelai let the implications of that settle in. She heard Rory take a deep, shuddering breath in before the younger girl started talking again.

"So he's saying with you because –"

"Because he became close to doing it again on Wednesday night and honestly, I think he's a bit scared of himself at the moment."

"Wow." Rory breathed out, "That's…"

"Dark?"

"Mm," Rory agreed, "Something like that."

Both Gilmores were quiet on the line for a few moments. Rory processing, and Lorelai allowing her daughter to do so.

"And he's living with you?"

"I know this is weird Rory,"

"No, I get it. Should I still come back?"

"Yeah – he said it's fine. He said something about Andrew offering him some part time work."

"At the book store?"

Lorelai hummed.

"Well, that should help."

Lorelai was waiting for more of a reaction from her daughter, and when all she got back from her was silence she asked simply, "What are you thinking hun?"

Rory shuddered in a breath, "Firstly I was thinking how it was the last thing I expected – I mean, it's Jess."

"And now?"

"I now, I suppose, I kind of should have expected it?"

Lorelai didn't even get the chance to ask why her daughter thought so.

"His past with his mother isn't great – or I assume so considering he's so secretive about it. And he's smart, and creative – it's no surprise when you look at these genius' in the past who go down much the same root. And it's not like he's ever been very good and discussing his feelings so I guess actually –"

"Hun." Lorelai interrupts, "I don't anyone expected this."

Rory breathed hard and fast down the phone.

Her mother just continued, "I don't think anyone can ever predict this."

"Well I should have."

"Babe-"

"No. I – I guess I'll see you later. I just, yeah – I'll see you later."

The subsequent dial tone and echoing silence through the house only served to make her nervous.