Hello everyone. It's been a while, I know.

So, where to begin? I'm not dead (so please stop asking that).
I have not gotten infected by the Corvid virus.
My metal funk has however kept me from writing quite a lot, and I have only recently began to make headway again.
And I am sorry that this is not a proper update on the story (next chapter is in the works, rest assured), but I had to put something up.

I am also glad to say that this story has picked up a few new readers since last I updated. Welcome.

But on to today's omake. This is based on an idea I got over half a year ago (and didn't write down properly when I had it :( ) and I figured that I might as well try to pull it off. It did... not come out as imagined.

Salem sighed and glanced over her gathered minions and sighed yet again. They were a mess. She should have expected this but each and every generation of servants always had the same issue: maintenance.

Unlike her, Salem's cohorts were not immortal or everlasting. Old age she could usually factor for at a predictable rate, expecting a handful of decades of full service from any one, barring sudden cases of death of course. It was however, a lot more difficult to factor in the degradation of their capabilities and how sudden it could occur at times.

Like now.

Tyrian had gotten his tail cut off, Hazel had a myriad of injuries that he had been able to aggravate further thanks to his semblance, the Mercury boy didn't have functioning legs, Watts was getting old and Cinder…

And then there was Cinder. Despite Watts' best efforts, Cinder's skull had remained a patch work of bone fragments and synthetic components after her misadventure at Beacon. Her beat down at Haven had not done her any favors either.

As it stood, Salem had a bunch of broken tools at her disposal and she had been in the game long enough to know that something had to be done about it.

"This is what will happen." She said to them, like a tired and weary mother addressing a bunch of dirty children. "Watts will go and deal with the lost body parts of Mr. Black and Tyrian. Hazel goes to bed, and stays there until he doesn't need to keep using his semblance."

Hazel grunted and limped off to bed while the amputees followed after Watts.

"As for you Cinder, seeing as has Watts made it abundantly clear that your skull is beyond his skill set and the fact that he will be busy with other matters for a while, I have decided to contact a specialist. He seemed knowledgeable enough about all things cranial. Now off with you."

Cinder made a sound that could have been acknowledgement and weakly gestured for Emerald to push her wheelchair for her. Emerald moved to obey but stopped dead in her tracks when Salem addressed her. Directly.
"No, Emerald. I have something else in mind for you."

Emerald froze and tried to not shiver where she stood. What could Salem have in mind for her? She had not been injured. She had performed well. Done nothing to incur Salem's displeasure. "Yes, Mistress?"

"I did some digging on you and…"

'Oh crap, here it comes…'

"I discovered that…"

'let it be swift and painless.'

"You have never been to a dentist."

"Wut?"

"A dentist. I'm sure street rats like you don't frequent them all that much?"

"That is true but…"

"No buts. You are going to a dentist and that is final. I have already arranged for one. When he heard about your case he became adamant about treating you. Never, NEVER, have I seen a medical professional with such a dedication to his craft. I just had to take him. Now go. He is waiting for you."

"Oh oka- I mean, thank your grace. You are most kind."

Okay, so this wasn't so bad. Emerald had indeed never been to a dentist before and to get it for free… well, maybe being the bad guy wasn't so bad after all.

She made her way to the dungeons, because where else. "Um, hello? Mr. Dentist?"

"Ah, you are here. Do have a seat, I will be with you in a moment."

'okay, this isn't so bad.' Thought Emerald and sat down and leaned back, taking in the scenery. 'after all, Salem said this guy knew his stuff.'
The room was quite dark, the only really illuminated part being the dental engine while the rest of the room was concealed in darkness. Some sort of machine was somewhere in the dark, but out of sight from Emerald.

*Klink* *Klink*

Emerald snapped around at the sound in the shadows. "What was that?"

"Nothing to be concerned about."
Emerald did not buy that for a second but complied.

*Tap* *Tap* *Tap*

Emerald tried to peer into the darkness. Whatever it was, it sounded like it was climbing up the walls. It could not be standard issue for a dentist. She tried to listen for it, but could only hear her heart beating like a drum. She was breathing hard. Her instincts telling her that now was the time for fight or flight. Damn if she displeased Salem and fuck free dental, she was getting out off there!
She tried to jump for the door, maybe hit the light switch, but something caught her.

She trashed against it but its grip was iron. She thought she could make out thin, spider-like legs reaching out from the dark, pulling her back to the chair. She struggled to resist but she was losing. She tried calling out. To Mercury, to Cinder, heck, even Hazel! But no one came to help her.
*Snap*
A metal constraint snapped shut around her wrist, then her other. She tried to kick the thing as it moves to secure her legs, but it only made it easier for it to catch her feet in its claws. When the final constraint snapped shut did she stop struggling. No point in wasting energy on something futile. She would need her strength for whatever came next.

Secured and alone, Emerald could only wait for her captor. The 'thing' had moved out of the room, leaving her alone. When she finally managed to get her heart to calm down, she thought she could her moaning and pleading from beyond the door. And a pair of footsteps.

As the steps drew closer she thought that one of the voices cried out louder and louder, pleading with the man, pleading for mercy. It came to an end when the voice cried out in a piercing shriek of pain followed by a thud. To Emerald it sounded like someone falling to the ground. All the other voices fell silent, not wishing to share the fate of this poor sod.
The footsteps continued anew to the sound of whimpering. The clicking sound of the 'Thing' joined them. They were drawing closer.

"Who are you!?" demanded Emerald as she saw the shape approach from the shadows. The figure was hunched, but Emerald feared it might even be taller than Hazel.

"Oh, you want to know who I am?" the voice was mocking, and yet amused. Emerald hated it.

"Yes."

"Well child, I…"
The figure drew closer, the 'Things' spider-legs emerging from his back as if to reach out for her.

"AM YOUR APOTHECARY!" sang Fabius Bile as his chirurgeon pried open Emerald jaws so that he could reach inside with the various drills and drugs of his narthecium. None of these were pain numbing agents, of course.

"And I enjoy the path that I picked

I am your Apothecary!

And I delight in the pain I inflict!

I thrill when I drill a bicuspid

It's swell, though they call me mad.

And as it may 'cause my patients distress

Somewhere, somewhere in the Warp

I know that my Father is proud of me

Oh, Father...

'Cause I'm an Apothecary and a success!"

"Now say aah!"

"(Ahh)" screamed Emerald, but Fabius wasn't satisfied with it.

"Say aah!"

"(Ahh!)"

"Say ahh!"

"(AHH!)"

"Now spit!"

And Emerald spat, she spat and she spat but all that came out was blood and teeth.
"Good." said Fabius. "Very good. Get them all out."

He moved away for a moment and picked up something in the dark. A jar, filled with teeth.
"Now there is room for me to put in the new ones."

And it was at that moment Emerald realized that she hated dentists.

With Cinder in an other dungeon

I watch the witch enter my chambers. Even in the half darkness I can still find her easily. The stench of her sorcery reaches my nostrils and I suppress myself from smashing in her skull right there and then. The Blood Father wants this witch's skull intact so that he may punish her for her failures at killing the Angel. I will oblige him.

"Right then, begin then." she says as if to a menial. But I am no menial.

I point her to the chair at the center of the chamber. There is the matter of ritual to be observed. She takes her place, unaware of my true intentions. I turn around and proceed to begin my "work". The tools have been laid out. I pick up one and test the blade on my thumb. The butcher's nails in my head give me a pulse of clarity as I break skin and see the blood flow before it cloths.

The chambers suddenly explode in light. The witch looking around with a flame in her hand. She is looking around, taking in the fact that there is no medical equipment around at all. When she sees me she realizes what is going on and moves to strike me. She is fast but I am faster. My blade intercepts her hand and the weight of my blow sends her into the wall. I frown at the lack of blood pouring out from her, the blade meeting resistance at a reddish aura surrounding her, shielding her. More disgusting sorcery. No matter. I will break it.

I am on her even as she gets back up, a pair of blades in her hands. I break one with a stab, feeling their burning fragments trying to pierce my skin. The magic in her blades devour the blade in my hand. I heft what is left of my weapon to strike again but she tries to burn me alive. A gout of flame blinds me and I have to turn my head. I still strike, right into the heart of the fire.
"Gah!" she shrieks, letting me know that I hit, but again there is no blood. The nails in my head punish me for it. But soon enough there will be blood.
I try to pin her but she evades my hand, sinking her blades into my arm wherever she can. The sense of muscles being cut and burned in my arm makes my hatred flare. I backhand her with what she assumes is a useless arm, sending her reeling. The Blood God wants a skull, and I have kept him waiting long enough.

I stalk over to the other side of the camber and reach out for my weapon, my real weapon. The familiar weight of Gorechild is welcome in my hand. I raise it in time to block an arrow intended for my eye. Now she has a bow? More weapons that she has conjured out of thin air? My blood burns at this insult. No real warrior would ever fall so low as to try to take the powers of the gods for themselves.

I rush her, gunning Gorechild's trigger as I do. She tries to stop me with more flame but I will not be denied. The will of the Blood God will not be denied.

*WRRRRRR!*

"Aaaah!" She screams as Gorechild tears her feeble weapon apart. I swing again but this time she dodges, sticking to the walls like some insect, melting the stone at her hands to get a handhold. It won't save her. With a grunt of effort I am on her again, leaping up to tear at her again. She manages to surprise me. Shaping a long blade from the molten stone she stabs at me. Her blade breaks under my weight but I am robbed of my momentum.

The floor cracks as I land on my feet. She jumps at me with a new pair of blades in her hands, knowing that I would just keep coming after her up on the wall. I feel her blades cut into my chest, but even as she tries to get away I trust out with my axe.
*WRRRRRRR*

"Aaaaaaaa!" she screams as Gorechild's teeth tear into her leg, drawing blood. She falls down but doesn't give in to the pain. In a fit of desperation she brings a flaming hand to her leg. The smell of blood gives way to the stench of burnt meat and skin. She glares at me with her one eye and hands still burning, scoops up a piece of the floor and hurls it at me. I block it with ease and in one swift motion I bring down my axe at her. Using her flames as propulsion, she pushes herself away from the blow.

The Mica-dragon's teeth dig into the floor where she had been. Instead of trying to flee she reaches out for my weapon. I lean down and slam her face into the stone with all my might. But again she is protected by that insufferable aura. She reaches Gorechild with her hand and tries to destroy it. The ancient adamantium begins to warm up but before she can ruin it I slam her head once again against the stone. She loses her grip on the axe but she tries again. This time going for the rock itself, melting it around the machinery of Gorechild. I tear out the weapon from the ground, but it's too late. The teeth are all but covered in cooling stone and the molten rock has already wormed its way in, clogging up the engine and rendering the trigger useless.
But not the weapon itself.

Snarling with anger I hoist up my adversary from the floor and slam her against what remains of the table. She tries to resist but it is useless. I put Gorechild to her neck, taking care to place the still hot teeth at the right place. She tries to ward me off with more fire but it's no use. Her skull will be mine!

I trust the axe forward, letting the teeth protruding from the rock rip into the remains of her aura. I pull the axe back and there is blood.

Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth i work my axe, and like a demented surgeon I keep cutting, letting her blood run over the Mica-dragon's teeth.

Her body goes limp and I toss it onto the floor, the witch's face up towards me. She is still barely alive as I put my foot on her, crushing her rib cage and bursting many of her organs. I reach down and grab a fist full of her hair and pull. Her neck opens up where I have bloodied it, the only thing keeping her head attached being her throat.

I place Gorechild at her throat and pull. The last thing she hears is the sound of her head being pulled off her ravaged neck. Blood pours out and I bellow a cry as Gorechild breaks free of its stone-forged bonds, and its roar joins my own as we cry out to the Blood God.

Later, after some cleaning up

"So, how did the procedure go?" asked Salem as the hired help stepped into her grand chamber.

"It was a phenomenal success!" said Fabius Bile as he gestured to Emerald and her now PERFECT teeth. "All cavities fixed, all tartar removed and all the misaligned teeth have been addressed."

"Oh, that is good to hear. I would hate for…"

"Of course, I must insist on a yearly check-up to avoid any future complications."

"Yes, yes. Doesn't that sound great Emerald?" asked Salem.

Emerald didn't answer. Her treatment at Bile's hand having left her a bit out of it.
"No objections? Good. Well then, Mr. Bile. I guess we will see one another in a year."

Bile chuckled. "Yes. I'm looking forward to it." he turned to Emerald. "And don't forget to floss, or else I'm going to be very upset. Would hate for all my work to go to waste."

"Right. And how did your surgery go with Cinder, Mr. Kharn?" asked Salem, ignoring the skull hanging from his waist.

"She didn't make it." said Kharn bluntly and honestly. "Had she been stronger she might have lived." Again, not a lie.

Salem sighed. All that effort put into making Cinder into a Maiden and then the bitch has the gall to go die on her. "Oh, it's so hard to get good help these days. I thank you regardless."

The "doctors" took their leave and exited.

"Really Kharn? 'Had she been stronger she might have lived.' That's the best you could come up wi-"

*WRRRRR!*

Today was a good day. I set out to collect a skull for the Blood God. Instead I found two.

So yeah. my original idea for this was Kharn being hired to work on Cinder's skull due to his expertise. Of course, he doesn't have medical expertise. And Fabius? Well, I had intended a call back to the Surgeon-off back in an earlier omake but that might have been a bit too tacky.

Next update will be a proper chapter, I swear.