And so, the Seeds sown come to Fruition.
In hindsight, I should have known how odd the evening would have turned out based purely on the weather.
It had been raining since I clocked in to work, and had only gotten worse once I had started preparing to leave. It was horrendous—water poured from the sky in what felt like literal buckets. The sound of heavy raindrops crashing against the pavement and rolling thunder drowned out any other noise in the city. I was willing to bet that there wasn't a single pocket of dry land in all of Chiba. This storm was easily one of the worst I'd seen in years.
And, in line with typical Hikigaya fortune, I was caught right in the middle of it.
The only consolation lied in the fact that I wasn't suffering alone. Kawasaki stood next to me, eyeing the raging storm with immense displeasure. Entrenched firmly within the warm confines of the Royal Okura lobby, neither of us were very inclined to make haste in our journey to Kawasaki's abode. Not while we were still dry, anyway.
But, I knew that we couldn't keep dawdling here forever. "We need to leave at some point," I glanced her way as I spoke.
A frustrated sigh sounded from beside me. "I know, I know. It's just... I really don't wanna get soaked this late at night."
"Trust me, I hear you," I replied, before unlocking my phone for what had to have been the tenth time in the past five minutes. "But all the forecasts say that it's only gonna get worse. Drowning isn't in my itinerary tonight."
It sucked, honestly. Oshino had even let us get off much earlier than normal due to how slow it was. I had already envisioned myself using the suddenly abundant amount of free time I had to finally catch up on some sleep, but getting home was going to prove to be a much more difficult venture than it had been in nights previous. Again, typical Hikigaya fortune.
I looked for alternative options one final time. There weren't any cabs running. There weren't any train lines that led directly to Kawasaki's house. There weren't any secret underground passageways within the city that conveniently led to the surrounding suburbs— that I knew of, anyway.
Suppressing a tired groan, I told myself to look for the positives. "At least Oshino was nice enough to lend us umbrellas."
"Company umbrellas," Kawasaki was quick to correct, already having long discarded her own umbrella. "And believe me, you'd be better off without them. Stupid things couldn't keep you dry from a sneeze."
Well, that was encouraging. I politely tossed the umbrella into a nearby disposal. It seemed that Mother Nature and I would be having a purely one-on-one fight, no items, omega stages only.
The sound of rolling thunder jostled me from my thoughts yet again. We needed to get going, and soon.
Mentally preparing myself, I quickly remembered my manners. Wriggling myself out of the thick coat I had brought tonight in advance, I offered it to my coworker. "Here. Feel free to use it, if you want."
An appreciative smile came from her end. "Thanks." After tying her usual ponytail into a passable bun, she draped my coat over her lithe frame, adjusting it in an attempt to shield her from at least the brunt of the rain. In truth, the coat was more suited to keeping someone warm as opposed to being rain-resistant, but Kawasaki didn't need to know that.
It was a shame, too. Kawasaki had chosen to come to work in one of her more mature and sophisticated outfits this evening—a sleek, professional white blouse with a black pencil skirt and leggings, to go along with a pair of scarlet heels I'd never seen her wear before. I'd admit that she could absolutely nail the working woman look. It just sucked that it was gonna get ruined by an untimely mega-storm or whatever they were calling it on the weather channels.
She'd been dressing much more fashionably as of late. For a girl who constantly preached the idea that she wasn't feminine, she sure liked to contradict herself. Though, it certainly was a welcome change to see that her confidence was growing. She was a lot prettier than she gave herself credit for.
I coughed quietly. The thought was purely platonic, of course.
Or were they? Was I allowed to think otherwise after what happened? Could I think of the admittedly attractive and deceptively feminine young woman that was my coworker-slash-classmate as more than what I knew her to be? She had said she was open to the idea herself...
I shook my head. Bad brain. Those are thoughts for the late-night bedtime-hour Hachiman. There was currently a much more pressing matter at hand, one that directly affected my livelihood.
Kawasaki rolled her neck slowly, bouncing lightly in what looked like an attempt to amp herself up. I didn't know how the hell she was going to make it back in heels. "Okay... you ready?"
I grunted softly. Truly, I envied those who had an abundance of energy all the time. "Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."
"That'll do. Let's go."
I sighed. As I followed Kawasaki into the raging storm, I at least found comfort in the fact that tonight wouldn't get any weirder.
"I'm sorry, what?"
Initially, I thought I misheard her. That much would make sense— the storm was still bellowing and howling, and had indeed gotten worse since our departure. It was a struggle to hear the girl across from me if she wasn't full on yelling.
Despite the overall nastiness of the storm, we'd somehow managed to get ourselves to Kawasaki's house in one piece. We were absolutely soaked, and I was wet in places I was quite sure weren't meant to be wet, but we were physically okay, at least.
We were currently parked on her doorstep, which was thankfully protected by an overhead portico that effectively shielded us from the rain. It gave me some time to recuperate, and also some time to think about how the hell I was going to get home. I'd probably have more luck finding a paddleboat and rowing the rest of the way instead of trying to risk walking the distance. I seriously doubted that Kawasaki, brilliantly prepared as she was, owned any kind of boating device that she could lend me, so my options were extremely limited at best.
Which was when she said something to me that I had trouble hearing. Not because of the rain, but more so due to the nature of her suggestion.
"I said," she spoke a little louder this time, coming to the conclusion that I hadn't heard her the first time. "You could just stay at my place for the night."
I couldn't get a good read on her face, so I had no idea if she had been seriously suggesting that idea with a straight face or not. I half expected her to laugh and say "Just kidding!" before tossing me back into the storm. But as she remained quiet, I realized that she had been entirely serious and was waiting for me to say something in response.
"I—uh..." I muttered intelligently. I really had no idea what to say to her. "You're sure?"
The sound of her snorting somehow reached me over a sudden crack of thunder. "The storm's only gonna get worse from here on out. You said so already. What kind of friend would I be if I let you go back out there by yourself?"
I didn't have enough experience with friends to give her an honest answer, so I just nodded dumbly and kept my mouth shut. She probably took that as agreement, because she immediately made to open the door in front of her, beckoning me inside. Reluctantly, I followed her in, and watched as she closed the door behind her and sighed in relief.
Briefly relishing the fact that I was finally back inside dry land, I took a quick look around the entrance of her home. It was neat and orderly, though that fact didn't surprise me much, knowing Kawasaki. Various pictures of different siblings at different ages filled the two parallel walls to my immediate right and left, all of them filled with happy, smiling children. My eyes lingered on a particularly eye-catching photograph of what looked like a young Kawasaki sitting on the base of a slide, bearing a toothy grin with short pigtails that reminded me of when Komachi was little.
If Kawasaki noticed my staring, she didn't show it, taking off her heels without a struggle and stretching her back. "You can put your shoes next to mine. Make yourself at home."
I nodded in compliance, doing my best not to stare at how her wet clothes clung to her alluringly. I saw what looked like the faint traces of a purple bra... yeah, I think I'll stare at the floor instead. The floor is nice.
"Something wrong?" Kawasaki asked innocently.
"No," I croaked out as normally as possible, untying my shoes and placing them next to hers. "Thanks for having me, I guess."
"Don't mention it," she replied with a small smile. We were about to head further in when I felt her tug on my sleeve. I turned to find her giving me an appraising look.
"Uh..." I almost felt the need to cover up with how intensely she was staring at me. "Is there a problem?"
She replied with pure concern, as if she hadn't been eyeing me intently for the past ten seconds. "We should probably get you out of those wet clothes. You might get sick if you let yourself stay in those for too long."
That was an extremely welcome idea. The absolute last thing I needed was to get sick. Colds and headaches were such nuisances, not to mention they'd put my perfect attendance record in serious jeopardy. I worked unreasonably hard for that distinction.
"Tell you what," Kawasaki started, releasing her hair from her bun before modeling it back into her signature ponytail. "You go and take a shower in my parents room. My dad's clothes probably fit you, so you can just wear some of his. I'll make some dinner while you're doing that."
A shower sounded absolutely heavenly right about now. It was a bit hard to ignore the fact that it was a stranger's shower, but who was I to be picky at a time like this?
"What about you?" I questioned. "Those wet clothes don't look too good on you either."
I saw the barest hint of a blush sport her cheeks, and I immediately made to retract my comment. I had unintentionally implied that I had been staring at her wet form, and that was probably the last thing I wanted to admit to the person who had been generous enough to let me shower in her house. "U-Um, what I meant was—"
"I-It's fine," she cut off quickly, apparently not offended. "I'll change before I start cooking. It isn't that late, so I can just shower later."
A few awkward seconds passed before Kawasaki spoke again. "Oh, you probably don't know where my parents' room is," she pointed a finger towards the end of the hall. "Down the hall, through the living room, second door on your right. Bathroom's right next to it, and my dad keeps his clothes in the drawers to the right of the bed."
"Thanks," I nodded, a little too glad to get away from her and not allow the chance to further embarrass myself. Cautiously following her directions, I made my way through her house and found myself in a cozy little room that featured a comfortable king-sized bed, a small television, and some neat wooden drawers. I eyed a door that led to a room with a dim light glowing inside, which I assumed was the bathroom Kawasaki was talking about. Good, I hadn't managed to get myself lost.
Locking the door behind me, I slowly removed my now damp outerwear off of my body, suppressing a shiver as I did so. It was a lot colder in her house than I realized. Depositing the clothes in a harmless corner of the room, my semi-nude self opened the door to the bathroom, and was met with an automatic light flashing on, better illuminating the space. It was pretty spotless, from what I could tell—a neat marble countertop, a long mirror covering the entirety of the wall to my right, and a spacious shower with multiple shower heads.
I almost felt the urge to whistle. This must have been one of the perks of becoming an adult. Treated to the finer things in life, including a nice bathroom. If you could afford one, that is.
After briefly struggling to turn the shower on (why is literally everyone's shower different?), I managed to get the water flowing normally, and after a few cautious tweaks, I was able to set it to the lukewarm temperature I enjoyed most. Stripping entirely, I felt my worries and anxiety wash away as the water flowed over my body, relishing every moment of this warm paradise I found myself in. After a hectic day at school and work, this was exactly what I needed. A nice, warm shower... at my friend's house.
I don't know how long I was in there, standing in the warm water grinning like an idiot, but it had to have been awhile. What? I liked long showers. I had every right to enjoy a relaxing hot shower after braving that storm. Call me lazy, call me a loner, but you can't tell me that I don't deserve a good pampering every now and then.
Eventually, I snapped out of my near euphoric state and realized that I couldn't stay in the shower for the rest of my life, tempting as it may be. I thoroughly washed myself and, almost unwillingly, turned the shower off and returned to the real world, where it was still storming like unholy hell outside. I dried myself off with a nearby towel, and after a bit of searching, I managed to find a hairdryer to use. Afterwards, I returned to the bedroom, and began the search for the most comfortable pair of night clothes Mr. Kawasaki owned.
After finding a suitable pair of undergarments, I settled on some gray sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. Both fit a little large on me, but I didn't particularly mind all that much. If anything, they kept me warmer. Fishing for a black hairband I had brought with me before work, I slipped it over my head and removed my damp bangs from my eyes, before deciding I was suitably dressed to return to the living room. Unlocking the door, I exited as quietly as possible.
Before I could even take a proper step, however, I bumped into something small. Like a chair, but living. And breathing. And looking up with me with small, round eyes, a pudgy face, and two adorable little pigtails.
"I knew it!" Keika Kawasaki exclaimed happily, immediately wrapping her tiny arms around my waist. "Ha-chan is here! Ha-chan came!"
A little surprised at first (I had almost managed to forget that Kawasaki had siblings that I'd met before), it didn't take long for the little girl's infectious energy to rub off on me. "Hey there, Keika. It's been awhile."
The story of how I met Kawasaki's youngest sibling was a rather circumstantial tale. I hadn't even realized they were related until I saw them standing next to each other, and only then did I take note of the similarities the two sisters shared. Eye color, hair color, all the typical things siblings share amongst each other. I remember briefly wondering if Kawasaki had looked the same, if not identical to Keika during her early adolescence.
The little girl was an anomaly in of herself. I normally hated small children— I couldn't tolerate the screaming nuisances that most of them were. But little Keika was easily among some of the most well-mannered children I had ever seen in my life. When she had been lost and was waiting for her sister to come get her, she didn't devolve into a crying ball of annoyance. Rather, she was polite, quiet, and hardly a bother to anyone. Which probably pointed towards Kawasaki's level of tutelage as an older sister.
Plus, if I recall my memories of the Christmas performance correctly, she wasn't a half-bad performer either. I'd have to keep my eye out and see if her name became an international thing in the next decade or so.
I gave the little girl a tentative pat on the head, which only seemed to make her smile even brighter. "I knew you'd come see us again! I was a bit lonely, but I wasn't scared! Nuh-uh! Saki promised she'd lemme see you again!"
It was a little flattering to hear that she missed me so much. I was unaware of the fact that she thought so highly of me. Keika was staring to grow even more on me— she was like Komachi, but younger. And way less open to insulting me.
"Well, I'm back now," I answered softly, before Keika released her hold of me. Her smile hardly wavered, however. Seriously, she was adorable.
"Saki's really happy to see you too!" Keika told me in an excitedly hushed voice, as if it were a really important secret. "She talks about you a lot when you aren't here! Then she starts to smile and laugh! It's really funny!"
My cheeks warmed. I hastily tried to ignore the implications behind what Keika was saying to me. Thankfully, she seemed willing to help me in that regard. "C'mon, c'mon!" Keika suddenly grabbed my hand and dragged me to the kitchen, probably where Kawasaki was. "Saki's almost done with dinner! She's making spa... spagee.."
I blinked. "Uh... spagee?"
"The noodles with the meatballs and red sauce!"
Oh. She meant spaghetti. Absently, I wondered where Kawasaki learned to make that. Spaghetti was hardly a common Japanese dinner option.
Following Keika, we reentered the kitchen, and I found myself face to face with pots, cooking utensils, and a familiar girl stirring something with a wooden spoon. She had indeed changed while I had been showering, into what seemed to be much more homely attire. She now wore a navy long-sleeve sweater with the words "Tokyo University" placed squarely in the middle. The sweater looked a little oversized on her, and upon following the ends of the shirt, I was almost scared that Kawasaki had forsaken any kind of bottoms, until I barely noticed the hem of a pair of athletic shorts peeking out from underneath the sweater just above her mid-thigh. I breathed a sigh of relief— that would have probably been too stimulating, even for me.
But my eyes weren't as willing to leave her frame as my mind was. Because her shorts were so, well, short, that left a lot of leg exposed to the naked eye. A lot of leg. I hadn't bothered to pay close attention before, but her legs were longer than I imagined them to be. Pale and without a single blemish, they look like they traveled for miles, toned in some places and soft-looking in others. I desperately tried to draw my eyes away and look at literally anything else, but I couldn't. I was completely taken in.
Kawasaki had some really gorgeous legs. It was a horribly blunt and entirely creepy fact to admit in my mind, but it was the honest truth. One I hadn't even realized until tonight. Had she always been this... enchanting?
Fortunately, Keika managed to tear me away from my brief spell. "Saki, I found Ha-chan!"
Kawasaki's eyes immediately left her handiwork, and her focus became divided between me and her younger sister. "Keika! What are you doing up? I thought Taishi fed you and put you to sleep!"
Keika, for her part, barely looked tired. "Couldn't sleep, because of the scary storm! It went 'woosh' and 'crack'! I thought the house was gonna blow up!"
"Keika, sweetie, the house isn't going to blow up," Kawasaki consoled her sister with a tiny smile. "And please don't disturb Hachiman too much. He's had a long day, just like me."
"I know!" Keika agreed. "You two work together! Like mama and papa!" The little girl then put her finger to her chin in childish confusion. "Are you two also a mama and papa?"
It was hard to tell whose face was redder, between Kawasaki and I. "N-No, Keika, we aren't. Hachiman and I just work together as friends. That's it."
Keika's round eyes narrowed slightly, in adorable speculation, before she returned to her normal happy face. "Okay!"
Kawasaki regarded me apologetically. "Sorry about that. Keika's been dying to see you again, and I guess the storm didn't do much to help her sleep," her eyes darkened somewhat, and I nearly took a reflexive step back. "I think I'll need to have a little talk with Taishi about Keika duty when he gets back..."
"It's fine," I assured her. "You run a pretty tight ship around here, huh?"
"Well," Kawasaki huffed a little bit as she helped Keika to a seat near the dinner table. "When you've got three little maniacs running around the house, someone's gotta make sure it doesn't all fall apart while mom and dad are gone. Taishi's gonna need to start pulling his weight around here, especially once I'm gone."
I was reminded that Kawasaki had siblings I hadn't even met yet. I'm sure they were raised fine, if Keika was any indication, but I imagined it was hard to keep track of three hyperactive children all the time. Once again, Kawasaki continued to amaze me with her ability to manage so many things at once.
"Must be nice, having siblings that listen to you," I spoke, nearing the dinner table. "Komachi hardly does a thing I ask her to do. Total freeloader, that girl." I left out the part where she made me breakfast every morning and put up with all my anecdotes and soliloquies. Kawasaki didn't need to know that.
The aforementioned girl smiled as she returned to the kitchen. "Oh yeah? Wanna trade? I think I can whip her into shape for you."
"I'm probably the last person you want hanging around your younger siblings." I also kind of despised her brother, but again, not information she needed to know.
"Keika certainly seems to think otherwise." Said girl was still smiling at me from her seat at the table. I didn't even know if she was paying attention to the conversation we were having. She looked happy just to see me here.
Lightning continued to flash outside, but within the friendly confines of Kawasaki's home, it didn't seem to worry us. I offered to turn the TV on in the living room, just to keep track of the storm. Kawasaki didn't mind. I sat back down at the dinner table after finding the weather station, watching silently as Kawasaki began putting the finishing touches on the spaghetti.
Offhandedly, I asked a question that had been lingering on my mind for the past half hour. "Where are your parents at?" I half expected them to say something work-related, as was seemingly the case with everyone's parents these days. I was surprised when I was told otherwise.
"On their anniversary trip," Kawasaki answered, washing a few utensils in the sink. "Been planning and saving for it for months. A 'luxurious getaway week in Fiji', I was told," she exaggerated the phrase in what I was guessing was her mom's tone, before laughing. "The way those two are, I wouldn't be surprised if we got a new sibling in nine or so months."
I smirked knowingly at her little adult joke. Her parents seemed pretty lively. I guess you had to be, if you were having that many kids on purpose.
Keika seemed thrilled. "Ooh! A new brother or sister? I wanna be a big sister!"
"Just a joke, Keika. And I promise you that you'd change your mind after a few days of babysitting and diaper changing."
The younger Kawasaki's excitement immediately evaporated. "Oh. Diapers are yucky."
"Amen," I agreed. I had a few regrettable memories of changing Komachi's diaper back when she was little. Definitely not something I looked back on too fondly.
"What about you?" Kawasaki asked in return. "Your parents obsessed with each other?"
"Hardly," I grunted. "They barely see each other more than they see me. These days, all they do is work. You know, office-dweller types."
Kawasaki frowned, as if she was deeply hurt by what I said. "I'm sorry to hear that," she said apologetically. I quickly made to reassure her, seeing as we had a nice little air going and I didn't want to be the one who dragged it down with talk of my workaholic parents. "It's fine. I don't mind much anyways. Komachi and I take pretty good care of ourselves."
My coworker kept her gaze on me, as if she wasn't fully convinced by what I said. I was about to say that it seriously didn't bother me at all before her expression suddenly shifted into something more playful. "Well, seeing as you and your sister aren't street thugs, I guess I can take your word for it."
I smiled gratefully. I was glad that the conversation hadn't gotten too serious. "You'd probably know my name by now if I was any kind of thug, Little Miss Delinquent."
Her face flushed a bright red. "H-Hey! Not around Keika!"
"Delin...qwent?" Keika tested the word aloud. "What's that mean?"
Naturally, I was more than happy to oblige. "Well, Keika, back in the day, your sister was the toughest, meanest—"
"Oh, would you look at that! Dinner's ready! Keika, come get a plate!"
The little girl frowned. "But Taishi already made me some—"
"If you eat your food, I'll make you some brownies."
Instant elation. "Yay! Brownies!"
Kawasaki shot me a dirty look, but my smirk only widened. I hadn't been able to tease anyone for a solid while, not since my visits to the clubroom had been cut down. I was starting to fall out of practice. Maybe I'd have a little chat with Hayama sometime in the near future, just to see if I could rile him up like I knew I could. For old times sake.
All thoughts of mocking aside, I grabbed a bowl of spaghetti and immediately felt myself grow hungrier. I'd only had Italian food once or twice, so there wasn't any clear benchmark to hold Kawasaki's version against, but her spaghetti at least looked pretty good. Considering I hadn't eaten since this morning, I was more than willing to give it a try.
Keika was nice enough to get everyone juice boxes (from her own personal stash, no less!), while Kawasaki finished setting up the table. I felt like I was back at the Angel Ladder for a brief moment, with all hustling and organizing going on. When everything was finally ready and everyone had their own bowl, we said a quick thanks and started eating.
I was blown away. Kawasaki's spaghetti was divine. Never in my life had I tasted anything like what she'd made. When the hell had she gotten so good at making weird foreign dishes?
Kawasaki seemed to enjoy watching my taste buds do somersaults in my mouth. "I take it you like it?"
Now, I'm a pretty proud guy. I like to think that I keep everything in perspective, and never let anything get too big to me. My reservation is something I consider to be one of my better traits, if you can believe it. Which is why I always make it a point to never let anyone catch me doing something that I myself would be deeply embarrassed or ashamed of.
But, instead of agreeing softly like a normal person, I felt myself nod faster than humanly possible while scarfing down more noodles. So much for pride. "Mmph," I managed to say through the food, which she interpreted as a yes. Kawasaki's smile grew. "I'm glad to hear that."
I finally managed to stop inhaling my food long enough to speak normally to her. "Where'd you learn to make this?"
Kawasaki passed me a napkin before answering, and I sheepishly started cleaning my face as she spoke. "Well, before I started applying for jobs around the city, I figured it wouldn't hurt to have some culinary skills under my belt. I started asking my mom for some help with improving my work in the kitchen, and this was one of the first things she taught me to make."
I started to wonder about what kind of person her mom was, and I voiced as much to her. Kawasaki shrugged indifferently, as if she'd been asked the question all the time. "She's a professional chef. She worked in places like Italy and Greece before settling down in Japan. Now she works full-time for one of the big restaurants in the city."
"In the city?" I questioned. I briefly wondered if we worked near her mother's establishment. Certainly would have been a coincidence.
"Yeah, on the opposite side of town," Kawasaki clarified. "As you can imagine, she's pretty busy. I get it, though—cooking high-end food for wealthy folks isn't the easiest job in the world."
"I can imagine," I concurred. "Still, that's gotta mean that you've got quite the teacher when it comes to kitchen work, huh?"
Another shrug. "My mom always wanted me to take up cooking, especially when I was younger. She meant well, but it just wasn't really my thing. Most of my hobbies included breaking things and getting dirty."
A realization came to me, and I shot a careful look at Keika to make sure she wasn't paying attention. "Is that part of the reason you... you know..."
Kawasaki's eyes became slightly downcast, and her voice softened. "Yeah. Again, my mom didn't mean anything harmful by it—she's a bit traditional, and thinks that all women should be well-versed in the kitchen—but I started to feel like she was bearing down a bit too hard on me. The younger me didn't take that all too well, and you can probably guess what happened next."
Ouch. It sucked that she felt pressured like that at such a young age. I could definitely see why she turned to delinquency at that point in her life. It might have been just so she could find some friends that felt the same way she did. Angry at others expecting them to be something they clearly didn't want to be. Rebelling against those who didn't bother hearing her out. She could have used some good friends back then to help her.
'You could have too,' I briefly thought to myself. Yeah, I guess we were a lot a like in that sense. We both could have benefitted from some honest friends to help get us through the tough times in our respective childhoods.
Come to think of it, maybe we were destined to meet each other at some point. It was a bit of an unrealistic thought, but it lingered in my mind nonetheless. We've both set each other straight on multiple occasions. We've both been the kind of friends we sorely missed during our younger years, and desperately clung to in the present day. We were exactly what we needed, and we both didn't really know it up until recently.
I pursed my lips. Well, she probably already knew it. I was the one who had been slow on the uptake.
I shook my head, clearing those thoughts from my conscious. Regardless of how things were between Kawasaki and I, it was good to see that Kawasaki and her mom had reconciled with each other. It's hard to stay mad at your parents (I would know), especially if they only want what's best for you.
I took another bite of my spaghetti before speaking again. "Well, in my opinion, you've turned out pretty okay, all things considered."
Kawasaki smiled in response. "Fair point. I guess things could have been worse." We feel into a comfortable silence after that, Kawasaki beginning to dig in to her food while I finished cleaning out the last bits of mine. I was debating whether or not to grab seconds when I felt a vibration from within my pocket. Whipping my phone out, I saw that Komachi had texted me.
"Hey, Onii-chan! Are you doing okay? It's raining pretty hard outside!"
Honestly, I was a bit touched that my dear sister had been thinking about me during a time like this. I was convinced she'd be relishing the chance to get rid of me by natural causes, but I suppose I was wrong. How nice.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm bunking up with a friend tonight, so I won't be coming home."
The response was near instantaneous. "Which friend, I wonder~?"
That cheeky... whatever. I was used to her antics by now. It's far beneath me, as the wise older brother, to get riled up by the shenanigans of my little sister.
"A good friend. Stop bothering me."
That should set her straight. Laying down the law within my household counts as one of my Loner Skills. I am the master of my domain!
Though, as I said that, I received what would be Komachi's final text. "Well, if you say so! Remember to behave yourself... and to use protection~"
Kawasaki almost jumped at the sound me of me clearing my throat, watching as I aggressively shoved my phone in my pocket. "Something wrong?"
"No," I replied as nonchalantly as I could. Sometimes, my sister was way too much. "My sister's just being dumb, that's all."
A wry smile. "Must run in the family."
I was about to zing her with one of my world-renowned comebacks when the younger Kawasaki sibling interrupted me. "Ha-chan, I'm bored!"
This was normally the part where I'd counter with a quick distraction and make a hasty yet equally strategic escape. Hikigaya Hachiman was many things, but a source of boredom alleviation was not one of them. Especially when it came to little kids. Unfortunately, mother nature was not on my side this evening, thus I was doomed to stare back into the hopeful eyes of a toddler in desperate need of recreation.
The elder Kawasaki, bless her heart, came to my aid. "Keika, it's already pretty late. Why don't we get you ready for bed?"
"Don't wanna!" The child retorted. So much for that, I guess. "Besides, it's not a school night! I can stay up if I wanna!"
Oh, to be young again. I remember when staying up past midnight was a big accomplishment. Back when I took the value of a good night's sleep for granted. What a fool I was.
"You also promised me brownies if I ate!" Keika proudly displayed her now empty plate. "I finished my food, see! I want my brownies!"
She must have finished eating when we were talking. Either that, or she somehow threw the food away while we were distracted. Such a thought made me despair a tad—food as good as this should not have been wasted. I doubted Keika would do such a thing, but the idea still stirred uncomfortably within me.
Kawasaki sighed. It seemed her soft spot for her siblings won out in the end. "Alright, alright. I'll make your brownies. Doubt any of us have anywhere to be tomorrow, with how bad the storm is." She made her way to the kitchen, pulling out some oven mitts. "What did you want to do?"
A brief moment of contemplation for the youngest person in the room, before she once again turned expectantly in my direction. "I wanna do whatever Ha-chan wants to do!"
Why do people love putting me on the spot for no reason? Was there some ongoing inside joke between my acquaintances centered around making me feel as uncomfortable as possible? They even got young, impressionable Keika in on the act! Despicable!
I noticed Kawasaki hadn't intervened. Was she interested in what I had to say? Or was she too absorbed in the brownies? Maybe I was overthinking things. My brain wasn't wired to function at a high capacity this late at night.
As such, I thought to the first thing that came to mind. Something I usually did when I was bored. The one thing any healthy teenage boy would do when they were bored late at night. "Well, I guess there is something we could do."
Both Kawasaki siblings turned to me expectantly. "What?"
I made my way to the couch.
"I shall transcend my humanity!"
"Wait, hold on," Kawasaki spoke. "So the blonde guy wants to take the family fortune for himself, right?"
I nodded my head in affirmation. "Mhm."
"So why's he need to kill the other guy? I thought he just needed to kill their dad."
"Inheritance goes to the firstborn, which is Jonathan in this case," I explained. "Plus, he's just kind of an ass."
"Shh!" Keika hushed us. "I can't hear!"
The three of us were truly a sight to behold. Kawasaki and I were perched comfortably on the couch sharing a blanket, while Keika was sprawled out underneath us on the floor with a large pillow, all of us in prime position to watch the cultural landmark of animated fiction unfolding before us, from the very beginning of the series. In retrospect, I don't even know how I convinced them to watch it with me—Kawasaki had been very hesitant, understandably not wanting to introduce Keika to any kind of unsavory or inappropriate series. It took a bit of convincing on my part to get her to agree.
But that was all in the past now. The two siblings were now watching with rapt attention, tonight being both of their first experiences with any kind of anime. Kawasaki was actively engaged throughout, asking questions about anything she didn't understand and commenting when something caught her attention. Keika was more on the quiet side, but her gasps of shock, awe and horror throughout were more than indicative of her level of commitment to the show already.
Truth be told, I'd been a bit nervous going in. This was the first time I had ever recommended and watched a show with someone else (no, Zaimokuza didn't count). I didn't know how receptive they would be to the whole thing. I definitely couldn't do this kind of thing with esteemed anime-hater Yukinoshita and the ever-oblivious Yuigahama. In a way, I was exposing a bit of my more personal self to them, letting a particular hobby of mine reveal itself. To my immense relief, they were willing to give it a try, and were now already caught up in the show after only roughly three episodes.
Kawasaki seemed to have a knack for making me feel comfortable in the weirdest circumstances.
"N-no..." Keika had begun to quietly cry in front of us. "Mister Joestar... he can't be dead..."
Ah, poor girl. This was one of the tamer deaths in the series. I didn't know how she would get through part three.
"What a coward," Kawasaki sneered at the television. "What kind of man turns his back on his family? Despicable."
'She's really cute when she's angry,' I thought offhandedly. My inner monologue-voice immediately made to reprimand me for that statement. 'One, she wasn't at all that cute when she was pissed at us a month ago. Two, why would you ever admit that to yourself? That's seriously weird, even for you.'
'I take no shame in admitting that,' the former part of my conscious retorted. 'Righteous and upstanding morality is a good trait to have in a woman, you know.'
'Suuure it is. Next you'll want her oh-so-righteous and upstanding feet to step on you, right? Keep that fetish away from me, please.'
'We're the same person, idiot.'
'Not to me, we aren't.'
The waging war within the recesses of my mind had subsequently stolen my attention away from the rest of the episode. Keika looked fully immersed in the victorian-vampire shenanigans, and just as she was settling in to watch the next episode, the TV suddenly flickered off. Keika's betrayed expression made its way behind her, meeting her elder sister's expectant gaze.
"Sakiii! Why?"
"Because it's late, and you should have gone to sleep two hours ago," Kawasaki answered with an almost motherly kind of sternness. "Mom and dad would kill me if they knew how late I let you stay up tonight."
"They're not here!" Keika countered with a pout.
"But I am. And as your responsible older sister, I'm telling you that it's time to go to bed."
One adorable growl later, Keika seemed to realize that her elder sibling would not be swayed in her decision. With a resigned huff that sounded like it belonged to someone at least ten years her senior, Keika got up, put the pillow back where she found it, and somberly made her way to the stairs—not before engulfing me in a tight hug around my abdomen.
"Thanks for coming tonight, Ha-chan." She spoke through a muffled yawn. Seemed she was a lot more tired that was willing to let on.
I gave the toddler a tiny pat on the back. I still didn't know how to deal with children, but this seemed like the most appropriate thing to do. I didn't get any disgusted looks from the little girl or her older sister, so I guessed that what I was doing was okay. "No problem, Keika."
"You'll come by again, right?"
That remained to be seen. That answered depended on how these next few weeks, or even months, went. I was still in the process of figuring things out—it was obvious I felt something for my light azure-haired classmate, but the specifics of those feelings were still an enigma to me. I'd made some headway after our little make-up session, but there was still much to be considered. Much indeed.
Still, I couldn't deny that I had at least some modicum of fun. I certainly wouldn't mind coming back just to watch some anime with my good friend and her siblings (I had little doubt that Kawasaki would try to involve her insect of a younger brother in any potential future viewings), doubly so if I could get some more of Kawasaki's cooking. I could probably last a week on whatever she conjured up. I'd have to check for any scheduling conflicts with my other good friend Bed-chan, but other than that, coming back wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
Huh. Hikigaya Hachiman scheduling plans. With friends. Of his own volition. Who would have thought?
"Sure," I agreed after a moment's thought. "I'll come back."
The little girl might have jumped for joy if she wasn't so exhausted. Instead, she settled for a tired "Yay!" before making her way up the stairs to where I presumed her room would be. Children were mysterious creatures.
I felt a wave of fatigue wash over me as soon as Keika left my sight. I caught Kawasaki finishing reorganizing the rest of the living room as a yawn escaped my lips. "Think I might call it a night, too."
"Same here," Kawasaki admitted, eyeing the kitchen. "I'll probably finish cleaning up the pots and pans and hit the sack myself when I'm done." She did a little stretch of her torso, angling her body upwards, and through repeated exposure I had the awareness to avert my gaze elsewhere. I was seriously trying to stop ogling her. Really.
"Cool," I acknowledged, turning back towards the living room. "So, which couch is mine?"
Kawasaki looked at me as if I'd grown another head. "Hachiman, you can't be serious. You're sleeping in my parents' room tonight."
"Nonsense," I declined her offer immediately. "You've done more than enough by making me dinner and letting me stay the night. I don't want to impose more of a burden than I already am."
"And you went through the trouble of entertaining my maniac of a younger sister for three hours," Kawasaki countered. "After that, it's a wonder I haven't hired you as a full-time nanny. Letting you sleep in my folks' room is the least I can do."
The offer was enticing, but it just seemed wrong. It felt too good for me, to be quite honest. That huge room, that comfy looking bed, and those heavenly soft blankets, all for me? I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I'd probably be too in awe to get any actual sleep in. A couch was much more my speed.
"Seriously, it's fine," I tried to reason with her, futile as it seemed. "I don't mind sleeping on a couch. You don't have to act like you owe me anything."
Kawasaki sighed impatiently, but it didn't seem like she was mad. I was pretty well-versed on the signs that indicated when she actually was angry, after all. "You're overthinking this, but knowing you like I do, I suppose you have a habit of doing that." Kawasaki hummed in thought before speaking again. "Tell you what. You sleep in my parents' room tonight, and in the morning, you help me make breakfast as compensation. Sound fair to you?"
I briefly thought about what it was that I was doing. It was weird that she seemed so insistent on me sleeping in her parents' bedroom, even if it was under the pretense of a form of thanks for keeping her sister entertained for a few hours. Was she that dead set on repaying my "kindness"? Or was she just trying too hard to be nice to me? If it was indeed the latter, then what was her endgame? To try and get me to change my opinion of her? I already thought pretty well of her, what with all the things that we've gone through during our time together due to her request, so why would she want to potentially change that? A few ideas cropped into my head—was she trying to advance our relationship further? Was she trying to curry favor with me? What was the point of all of this?
The gears were spinning, but nothing was clicking. I resigned to my own thinking with a small sigh—maybe I was overthinking this whole thing. My service club tendencies were starting to get the better of me. Who was Hikigaya Hachiman to deny a free handout that served to benefit him? If Kawasaki wanted to give me an insanely comfortable bed to sleep in, then by the freeloader-powers vested within me, I was going to sleep in that insanely comfortable bed.
The part about making breakfast slightly concerned me, knowing my lack of culinary skill, but the thought exited my brain as quickly as it entered. I'd leave tomorrow's problems to tomorrow's me.
I submitted to her proposal. "I suppose that's fine. I can help you wash the bedsheets tomorrow, if you'd like."
Kawasaki, for whatever reason, turned her head away from me after I finished my sentence, which was weird. Did she not think that we would need to wash them? Do you know how much dead skin falls off your person while you sleep? 40,000 dead skin cells per minute, multiplied by the recommended eight (or more) hours of sleep, which adds up to a minimum of just over 19 million dead skin cells, in just one night. I am not leaving that big of a mess in Mr. and Mrs. Kawasaki's bed. How horribly filthy would that be?
Thankfully, Kawasaki seemed to come to her senses and agreed with my sentiment, albeit hesitantly. "Y-yeah... I guess you're right." Tch, of course I'm right, woman. I might be lazy, but I'm also sanitary. A hallmark of a good househusband, I would say.
"Well, I guess I'll head to bed," I turned and made my way to the bedroom. "Goodnight, Kawasaki."
A nod, before Kawasaki made to finish her work in the kitchen. Her steps didn't seem as eager as I thought they'd be, considering how much I thought she would want to go to sleep right now. "Yeah... goodnight, Hachiman."
I thought her tone was weird, but it was whatever. I'd been wrong before, but I was certain now that the night couldn't possibly get any weirder.
I had to hand it to the Kawasaki parents—they knew how to pick a good bed.
I sunk right into the mattress upon first contact, engulfing myself in the feeling of warmth and comfort that totaled me like a tidal wave. This was heaven, I was convinced. This was what it felt like to die without any regret or suffering. I felt like I was basking in a warm, fluffy cloud that tickled me oh-so-gently among the tranquil, golden sky.
Was this what wage slaves worked so hard for? This euphoric, addicting feeling after a long day's work? I could kind of see the appeal. Who wouldn't want to feel this every night?
Then again, this was one of the many crafty tricks of employment. Providing incentive in material goods in effort to get you to work more. Gifting you with temporary treasures while the corporate overlords abused your labor. Were I a lesser man, this spell might have deceived me, yet I remained steadfast in my beliefs. Despite everything that had happened, Hikigaya Hachiman would always stand against wage slave culture. Now and forever.
But, perhaps, for this night only, I could afford to indulge myself in the pleasures of a nice bed. Just this once. It wouldn't hurt, since someone else had offered, right? I was just obliging to my hostess. Nothing more.
On the topic of my hostess, I wondered if she'd been at all pleased with the evening we shared. It certainly hadn't been the most orthodox meeting we'd ever had, but despite the spontaneity of it all, I didn't think we had a half-bad time. We ate good food, told funny stories, watched a good show, among other things. I was confident that this night, despite its initial misgivings and uncertainty, had been a big success.
But wasn't that every outing with Kawasaki? A success? Okay, after considering a few recent happenings that had only been just resolved, maybe not, but excluding those, was I not having fun? It was a bit tiring, sure, but I could just chalk that up the nature of the work I was doing. I wasn't physically drained and tired directly because of Kawasaki.
I hated the very idea of speculating on the idea, but... wasn't this what dates were like? My earlier description of our evening sounded like what a date typically sounded like (to me, at least), and something told me that Kawasaki thought the same. Probably.
Maybe I could ask her on an actual date, eventually. Every loner cell in my body shook with revulsion at the very thought, but the more open side of me that had come to light in recent weeks felt as if it were the right thing to do. She certainly was owed as much, given everything I'd made her go through. I'm sure it would be a good time, too. I had also been accumulating a decent amount of wealth since working at the Angel Ladder, and it was reaching a point where I was starting to not know what to do with it. A bit of splurging wouldn't hurt, right?
God, a date. The me from a year ago would kill me. Hell, the me from four months ago would kill me. This wasn't at all in the meticulous life plan I'd set for myself upon entering high school.
I'd leave that line of thinking for a later date. For now, sleep was beckoning me into her bosom, and I would not deny my mistress. With a final, contented heave, I felt my eyes droop and my brain shut off, allowing my consciousness to drift into the wonderful haven that was—
I heard my door creak open.
Freezing, my body went rigid. My first thought went to a potential burglar, but I quickly extinguished that line of thinking. Who would try to break and enter someone's house in the middle of a storm, especially when most people were inside anyway to stay safe? No one could seriously be that stupid. A brief series of thoughts dismissed every other potential crime-related scenario.
Which mean that someone already in the house had come into the room.
I quickly expelled the notion of any Kawasaki siblings entering. Were I to go by my coworker's account, most of them were already asleep, and that was operating under the guise that Keika was, for whatever reason, the only one still awake, which I seriously doubted considering how late it was. In reality, they were all probably asleep by now. Kawasaki had also mentioned Taishi being at a friend's place tonight, and like with the criminal theory, I doubt he had wanted to brave the storm to come home for some ungodly reason. Kawasaki herself was a possibility, but I saw how tired she looked, so the possibility seemed pretty low.
What concerned me more was the thought that Kawasaki's parents had come home, despite the weather. I feel like I would have heard them enter the house, but I'd been lost in my own thoughts and could have very well missed them coming in. Man, how awkward this would be to try and explain why I was alone in the house with their eldest daughter, wearing her dad's clothes, and sleeping in their bed. Next I'd probably tell them that their porridge was too hot and that their bed was too big (which was a lie).
I was about to scheme of ways to profusely apologize and beg for forgiveness when I heard a familiar voice call out to me. "Hachiman?"
Acting like I'd just woken up (ability number 63 of my Loner Skills), I turned and gave a groggy look in the direction of my present company, I was startled to see not Kawasaki's parents, but the girl herself. She was wearing the same garb she'd been wearing earlier, but her hair was down and looked damp. She'd probably just taken a shower. I discarded the mental image quickly.
"Kawasaki?" I spoke, surprised. Which I honestly was. "What are you doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep," she answered bluntly. Her face looked a little sheepish. "I'm sorry for waking you up. Is... is this a bad time? I can leave you alone."
"No, it's fine," I quickly made to reassure her. I was already awake now, no point trying to pretend otherwise. It wasn't like I had anywhere to be tomorrow anyways. Taking my word as a cue, Kawasaki quietly shuffled over to the edge of the bed and took a seat, facing me.
It was quiet for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity to me. I take it back—this was much more awkward than potentially dealing with Kawasaki's parents. For as my quiet classmate seemed to know me, she seemed to forget in this moment that I was still a seasoned loner with precious few conversational skills at heart. I did not initiate conversation; rather, I made it a point to avoid it whenever possible.
"So..." she began, voice low. "How have you been?"
A painfully cliche conversation starter, but it would have to do. I certainly couldn't think of anything better. "Fine, I guess." I sat for a moment before remembering that it was proper etiquette to ask the question back as a form of courtesy. "How about you?"
The girl across me thought for a moment, before shrugging. "Been alright. Hina and I went shopping the other day. It was... cool, I guess."
That would explain the change in wardrobe. Leave it to Hina to get Kawasaki to open up more. Honestly, she was a much better influence on the former delinquent than I was. She seemed like a good person to befriend, despite her... peculiar interests in the opposite sex.
It also pleased me to see her interacting with other people. As much as I enjoyed our interactions together, she deserved more than just the cynical loner everyone at school hated. As superficial as high school bonds tended to be, it was a better alternative than isolating yourself for three years. Most of the time, at least. I like to believe I am the exception to that rule.
"What about you?" Kawasaki turned to question back to me. "Any recent excursions you wanna talk about?"
"You're asking me if I've gone out anywhere?" I asked, slightly incredulous. "You do know who I am, right?"
"Oh, shut up," Kawasaki frowned at my dismissal of her question. "Surely you've done something over the past week or so."
"And if I told you that I haven't?"
Kawasaki turned to face me more. "Then I'd be pretty disappointed, Hachiman."
I thought it odd that she kept using my first name when addressing me, but I found that I didn't particularly mind. I didn't think I was ready to start calling her Saki, but I wasn't as averse to the thought as I might have been previously. In time, perhaps; currently I had to convince the girl that my lifestyle was a justified and fulfilling one.
"The world's a pretty big place, Hachiman. There are plenty of things out there worth experiencing, and I'd hate for you to miss out."
I also thought it was ironic that she of all people was lecturing me on this. I understood this kind of talk coming from someone like Yuigahama, but not from her. "And you would know?"
"No, honestly. I wouldn't." She was willing to admit that much, at least. "But I'm willing to give it a try. We're only young for so long."
True, to an extent. I was well aware that I was not living my youth to the fullest. But what exactly did that entail? If it was anything akin to what people like Hayama had to deal with—the girls, the popularity, the parties—I was content with remaining as I was. Such a trivial and frivolous existence did nothing for you in the grand scheme of things.
I made as much known to Kawasaki. "What do you suppose I do, then? Join the tennis club? Dye my hair blonde? There's more to life than high school, Kawasaki."
"That's exactly the point." The girl countered. "Think about everything you're missing out on. Fun outings with friends. Achieving longstanding goals of yours. Time..." she faltered slightly. "... time spent with a significant other. Don't you want that, Hachiman? Aren't you tired of pretending that everything is fine the way it is?"
Of course I was. That was why I had told the service club what I did. Why I told Kawasaki what I did. Because I wanted things to change, but I didn't have a clue of where to start. Change was slow, and gradual, and most of all, hard.
As open as I was to change, old habits died hard. I wasn't going to be able to just jump into new things simply because I had a change of heart. It would take time to open up, reveal myself to the world around me. I was, in a weird way, already accustomed to it, but not in the way Kawasaki thought was appropriate. I formerly opened myself up for the sake of others; to take the fall for mistakes and blunders and drama-fueled angst brought about by outside parties. I had never opened up for the sake of myself. For wanting to find peace and happiness in a world I had been rejecting for a good chunk of my young life.
I had opened up twice in high school. One had been to help a friend and coworker of mine. The other had resulted in me crying pathetically, a memory I did not look back on fondly. Maybe that was why I was so hesitant to do it again. I didn't want to ruin this cynical, analytical persona I had been meticulously building since I was in middle school. It had become a part of who I was, ingrained in my very soul, it felt like.
I had been pretending for so, so long. How was I supposed to just up and stop?
"Happiness comes in multiple forms, might I remind you," I replied calmly. "Not all of them need to be fulfilled by social practices. Finding contentment within myself is more than a reasonable means of achieving peace; I believe I've done that."
Kawasaki's eyes narrowed. "But you so obviously aren't at peace with yourself."
"And what gives you the right to determine that?"
"Because I know what I saw, Hachiman." Her voice rose slightly, and it jarred me enough to stop my line of thought. She took this as a sign to keep going. "When you came to me after the party, and told me that you were sorry, I saw more than that fake apathy you try to convince others with. You feel things, Hachiman. Maybe on a more profound level than anyone else I know. Seeing someone as emotionally complex as you have to bottle everything up and act like you care so little isn't healthy."
Maybe not, but for now, it was still who I was. "You don't know that."
"I do know that, because until I met you, that was me." She gestured to herself, before returning to me. "You're fighting something you inherently desire just because you want to be right, Hachiman." Her eyes bored into me, and while I wasn't nervous, I felt a tiny sense of trepidation build within me. "You already told me that you want to figure out what it is that you're feeling. Do you honestly think that you can find whatever it is you're looking for by acting like everything is fine the way it is?"
I didn't have an answer for that. Again, I had barely scratched the surface on how I was supposed to change the way I lived my life. I certainly didn't expect to be interrogated about it tonight, stuffed in a coworker's house while the coworker herself lambasted me with philosophy and her own sense of reason. Maybe I should have braved that storm after all.
In all honestly, I hated fighting with Kawasaki. Not because of how much I disliked getting angry with her (though, that was also true), but because of how easily she was able to bat aside my counterpoints and retorts. Even if she wasn't right, she spoke and argued with a tenacity that was to be feared. To me, she seemed like one part the analytical mind of Yukinoshita, another part the emotional savvy of Yuigahama, and a third part the stern but friendly demeanor of Hiratsuka. A horrid amalgamation of all things I feared within a woman. And she was pretty, to boot.
"If it isn't obvious by now, I want to help you." Kawasaki scooted closer to me, her voice returning to normal levels. "You recognize that you want to change, and I'm proud of you for that. Now you have to actively take steps toward it."
The dumb question slipped from my tongue before I had the common sense not to ask it. "Why do you care?"
Kawasaki Saki tilted her head, in that cute way she did when someone asked her something that she either thought was incoherent or stupid. Sometimes both. "I thought you already knew."
"Well, I don't." In retrospect, I probably should have known. Deep down, I probably already did. Like most things, I was just too blind or scared to accept it.
"You're an idiot," she muttered, before returning her gaze to me and speaking the words that all but sealed my fate.
"It's because I love you."
My brain, for all intents and purposes, shut down. It was certainly a weird experience—on one hand, with the way things were going between Kawasaki and I, I had a tiny, microscopic idea that she maybe might have been looking to confess to me. Technically, she already had. I was just going to make her do it again. Unfair, yes, but my virgin soul needed the confirmation.
But still, hearing her say the dreaded words out loud ushered a host of emotions that came flooding into my mind and body all at once. I was, for all intents and purposes, rendered motionless by a few affectionate words from my really attractive coworker.
Kawasaki, for as bold as her proclamation was, didn't look to be at all frazzled. "What, did you think it was something else?"
"I-I mean... maybe?" I was staggering my way through this conversation while on mental life support. What the hell else was I supposed to say?
In typically Kawasaki fashion, she scoffed. "Yeah, right. As if I'd be putting in this much effort for a guy I didn't like. I'm a pretty busy person, if you haven't already guessed. I only make time for important things—or people, in your case."
Her nonchalance was nerve-racking. Just how was she so calm about this? Hadn't she been barely able to do this more than a month ago at the dance?
As if reading my mind, she made to address my inner thoughts. "You know, I was always pretty nervous before about the whole thing. I already kinda knew I liked you, but how was I supposed to tell you? I had no idea how you would react. Plus, you're surrounded by other pretty girls nearly 24/7. Like your personal defense harem, or something. How was I going to fit in between all that?"
"Personal defense what now?"
"You already know how scared I was at the dance, and suffice to say, that quiet approach didn't really work. But it almost did. So when we made up, I thought to myself, 'why not just go for it?' And honestly, I like this approach much better." Her gaze hardened, and I was entranced by the dead serious nature of her tone. "From here on out, I'm not holding anything back. I'm going to get you to love your life and get you to love me, Hikigaya Hachiman. That I can promise you."
This change in approach was way too sudden. "How are you so indifferent about all of this? Aren't you at all scared or nervous?"
"Oh, I'm absolutely nervous. I'm shaking pretty bad right now." Sure enough, upon further inspection, her hands were gripping the blankets tightly and trembling rather violently. Her growing blush was also starting to betray the level tone in her voice as well. "But that's just how serious I am about you. That's how serious I've always been about you. I'm willing to face my nerves and fear of rejection for even the chance to be with you. Is there anyone else willing to go that far?"
I honestly didn't know. There wasn't much I could really say in the moment, even though there should have been. "That's... uh... was this always your plan for tonight?"
"Well, not really. It was pretty convenient that the storm managed to trap you here, but who am I to question it? So," Kawasaki took a momentary breath, settling herself before continuing. The blush refused to leave, however. "What do you say?"
"You want me to give you an answer?!" I replied, maybe a bit too loudly. It would be pretty embarrassing if I woke everyone up because of how shocked I was in response to being confessed to.
"Well, yeah. I was kinda hoping you would."
"Do you honestly think I'm in the right headspace to make a decision on this right now?" I asked, incredulous. "You said it yourself! I don't know what I feel!"
"Which I understand," she admitted. "But neither did I, until awhile ago. Beyond my obvious affection for you, there wasn't much I really understood about what it was that I was feeling. I just knew that I wanted to be around you more. Hell, I still don't really get what it is I'm feeling." She allowed the smallest of nervous smiles to reveal itself. "But I do know that I wanna figure this whole thing out with you. And I would hope that you feel the same."
That... was a valid point. She was the entire reason I was in this mess to begin with. Would it not be poetic justice to resolve this mess with her as well? For as much as my rom-com mischief senses were tingling—they'd been doing that ever since I'd stepped foot inside the Kawasaki home—the offer was enticing, and hardly unfair. Hell, I probably owed her as much.
But still, I was cautious. "And what if... and this is purely a hypothetical..." I was sure to make this known to her. "... I said no?"
Her face fell slightly, and I immediately felt bad for even bothering to ask. "Well... I'd be pretty sad. I'd naturally still want to be friends with you, but it would hurt. Probably a lot."
Yeah, that checked out. "Well... I just..." man, was I smooth. "Are you sure?"
"That I love you?"
My face immediately flushed again. I didn't think I would ever get used to that. "Yeah... that."
"One-hundred percent sure," she replied. "I told you, I've always kind of been feeling this, it just took awhile for me to acknowledge it." Then, of all things, a smirk. "What? Does that make you uncomfortable?"
Gee, what gave it away? "N-no."
She leaned in closer to me, less than a foot from our noses touching. "Hachiman, I love you."
"... so I've heard."
"I love you, very much."
"I think I get it, Kawasaki..."
"I adore everything about you. From the way that you talk, to the way that you work, even that funny way you walk with that slouch of yours. I love it all, Hachiman, and most importantly, I love you."
How open I was to dying at this very moment. Hell had never seemed so enticing before. An eternity of suffering and pain would be much preferable to the constant verbal proclamations of love from a girl in my class.
I could tell that Kawasaki was very much enjoying herself. Enjoying how freely she was able to express herself without any kind of hesitation. She was laughing now—that soft, harmonious sound that resonated within the walls of the room. She tried to cover her mouth to at least preserve some semblance of authority, but it was a failed effort.
What's worse was how infectious it was. I was actively fighting a smile of my own from showing. If she saw that, then it would really be all over for me. Thus, utilizing trusty skill number 87 of my Loner Skill series, I masked myself under the guise of sudden fatigue and shimmied myself back into bed. "Well, I'm glad you feel that way about me. If you'll excuse me, I'm tired, and I think I'm gonna go to sleep."
It seemed effective, because not only did Kawasaki stop, she seemed to also forget that I still owed her an answer to her previous confession, which I was vastly underprepared for. That would have to come another time, though I didn't know when. With how unpredictable and somewhat forceful Kawasaki was now being, that could have either meant next month or tomorrow.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Kawasaki thankfully agreed with me, taking a leisurely glance at the clock resting on the bedside counter. "It is getting kind of late." Taking that as a sign of the end of our interaction, I finally allowed my body to relax, and settled comfortably into the blankets, very much glad this whole ordeal was over.
Kawasaki, however, made no move to exit the room. "Hey, scoot over, your hogging all the space."
I looked up at her from my spot on the bed, "Huh? Why?"
"Isn't it obvious? I'm gonna be sleeping with you."
The double meaning of that sentence was not lost on me. Before I could even process what it was that she was insinuating, she had already forcefully relocated me to the left side of the bed, before nestling her way into the right side. She had managed to angle herself in my direction to look at me before I remembered that I had indeed been blessed with a fully functional voice box since birth.
"Why on earth do you want to share a bed with me?" I was expecting her just to just shrug and answer with a matter-of-fact "Because I love you," though I was proven wrong when she said something entirely different, yet in the same line of thinking.
"Because you're in my house, we're alone, and I very much want to," she explained, as if she were reading off a grocery list. "How often do I get you all to myself, inside and away from the public? I am absolutely taking full advantage of this, Hachiman."
"Do I get a say in this?" I groaned. How was I already whipped in a relationship I wasn't even a part of?
"You're in my house, so no." She smiled sweetly at me. "Now shut up and spoon me."
That was where I drew the line. "Absolutely not."
"Fair," she conceded. "I guess I'll just wait until you fall asleep before cuddling you on my own terms."
Lines were meant to be broken, it seemed. "You have a horrible way of getting everything you want, you know that?"
Kawasaki's smile only grew. "Not everything. But I'm hoping that will soon change."
And so, for the first time in my life, I wrapped my arms around a member of the opposite sex in a manner that was meant to be affectionate. It wasn't as much of an awkward fit as I thought it would be—she wasn't short enough to make me feel like I was doing anything illegal, or tall enough to make the positions we were in feel wrong. It was foreign and natural all at once, which was a disconcerting thought.
I could tell from Kawasaki's increased heartbeat that she was happy. Which at least brought some modicum of relief to my tortured soul. If she was enjoying herself, than I could deal with this. Probably.
"Thank you for doing this," she spoke softly, facing away from me. "I know this is a lot for you, and that you have a lot to think about, but this means a lot for me. Really."
It did mean a lot for her, didn't it? Those weren't empty lies she was telling me earlier. She honestly loved me, and for me to do this with her must have made her feel over the moon. The way she smiled at me earlier told me all I needed to know about how real those emotions she felt were.
The idea that I could bring one person so much happiness was weird. But as weird as it was, I felt like it was equal amounts... good. That seemed appropriate. I didn't dislike the feeling, I decided. Maybe that was a step in the right direction. Another mystery solved in understanding what it was I supposed to be feeling in a time like this, with these strange new emotions of mine.
I'd also be lying if I said I didn't enjoy this one bit. She was soft against my body, and her hair smelt faintly of pomegranate. Those long, pale legs of hers I had been staring at earlier were now intertwined with my own. Her hands, small and smooth yet sturdy all the same, rested comfortably on my own, which were pressing slightly against her stomach. Not enough to make Kawasaki uncomfortable, but enough to let her know that I was there. Enough to let her know that in this very moment, in the waning hours of the night, in this comfortable bed we shared, she and I shared an intimacy that went beyond the flesh.
"It's fine," I finally answered. Because it was. This was decidedly and ultimately fine. I wonder if she could have felt how nervous and red my face was? "You'll have to forgive any tossing and turning on my part."
"I don't mind. It reminds me that you're here with me." That didn't do anything to mitigate my growing blush. How was she so good at this?
"Also," she whispered softly. "You smell nice."
"It was your parents stuff I used, so you technically just said that your parents smell nice."
She paused. "I take that back." Score one for Hachiman. Only a million to go.
"This has all been fantastic, but I'm pretty drained," Kawasaki yawned, and I fought the urge to do the same. "I'm gonna call it a night. Sweet dreams, Hachiman."
That sounded good to me. "Goodnight, Saki."
Before I could register my colossal mistake, I felt her desperately fighting the urge to writhe excitedly against me, while also trying to downplay the zeal in her voice. "My name sounds a whole lot better when you say it."
"... shut up."
One last chuckle, before she angled herself even closer to my person, and fell into a series of soft, rhythmic breaths. She fell asleep almost instantly. I wish I had the power to do that.
I wish there were a lot of things I had the power to do. The power to understand the extent of my feelings for the girl before me. The power to give her a concrete answer to the question she'd been apparently dying to ask me for months now. The power to learn what it was that composed these unknown emotions of mine, and how they were supposed to play a part in my future. How they would contribute to the being that was Hikigaya Hachiman, acclaimed loner and staunch cynic.
But, that would have to be another time. For now, I had to concern myself with how I was supposed to fall asleep with a gorgeous young woman burrowed comfortably in my arms. It was all I could do not to freak about how close she was to me, and how her... backside was agonizingly pressed firmly against me. I didn't know how I was going to get even a wink of sleep. I was mentally already resigning to the fact that I would be giving up any semblance of rest this night.
And yet, life has shown me that time and time again to expect the unexpected. And what I found was that it was much easier to fall asleep than I thought it would be.
So. A lot's happened since my last update.
I want to start by saying that I hope you're all doing well. Things are kinda crazy right now, & I understand it's been a tough adjustment for most of us. It's certainly been for me, anyway.
Which is why, in the spirit of OreGairu's third season dropping in less than a week, I decided to finally use this sudden free time to get off my lazy ass and update this story! It's not gonna solve worldwide pandemics, but it will at least make the kind folks who've been waiting months for an update feel somewhat happy and normal again, I hope. That's all I really set out to do with this story, anyway. To make people like myself who are fans of this obscure ship happy.
Content wise, not much longer to go. I've been crunching the numbers and the plot length, and I can definitively say that there are two chapters left in this story after this one. We're reaching the end, boys and girls. I hope you're ready.
In all seriousness, stay safe. Read more fanfiction. Find a good show to watch. Read long books. Get good at obscure backyard sports like Cornhole. That's what I've been doing, anyway.
Enjoy yourselves, and don't eat bat soup.
~Slalem